c'est la vie...

Life must be understood backward. But it must be lived forward.
- Kierkegaard

when i think about these words of wisdom, i am struck by the fact that Kierkegaard was himself a Christian existentialist. a seemingly oxymoronic place to be, and yet he validated himself through God, with a faith that was built on a philosophy of life.

after all, he reasoned. what was life but a series of choices? and these choices rested cleary in our own hands. our faith was ultimately based on our own decisions in life, regardless of how much help we could get from above.

the pressure seems rather large. evangelical christianity today is often misleading, perhaps inclined to think that everything we do can be done only by God (or converesely, blamed on God).

so often, i think we forget about the part where God works with us -- and focus too much on the idea that God can only work in us. God as an external factor, as opposed to a living God, transforming us through our own decisions and guiding us on our paths, instead of merely shoving us down a waterslide.

life is full of regrets, missed opportunities, and life altering decisions. one fork in the road is enough to alter your entire course.

to live forward than -- to recognize all these regrets and mistakes and not dwell on them...to have the courage to make your next choice without fearing another mistake -- that's life. that's living forward.

what's more, living forward is simply another word for faith. believing your decisions -- discernment included -- are the right ones, even if they initially feel impossible. believing you can overcome even when you think you can't. believing God is real based on your past, even when it doesn't seem like it right now.

sometimes you just have to stop moping, and just grind it out.

sometimes you just gotta have a little bit of faith.

here comes the airport scene. do they make it?

i am not an artist.

well, i suppose that's not entirely true. in our post-modern world, everyone's an artist, and everyone's a critic.

what i mean is -- in the classical sense -- i'm not an artist. i don't take art. i don't study art. i can't fully appreciate all the subtle nuances of a painters strokes, or the careful shaping of marble under a master sculpters chisel.

granted, i know a bit. i've been around, i have my opinions. but when it comes to expertise and art i'm pretty much an everyday shmuck.

strangely though, deep down -- all us non artists -- we all seem to derive a great deal of vitality from art regardless of our ignorance. we're not artists. but we love to pretend we are.

we love to write songs, write poems, write stories. we take pictures, draw sketches, frame landscapes. we all like to create art.
it's been said that great art can only come through the process of suffering.

i can't say i'd disagree with that. but why?

why does art always seem to best come from our darkest moments? when we're dying instead of living? lost instead of found? what element of humanity do we so appreciate, so empathize with in others, that we consider "great". why are artists always better when they're dead? why are their lives always greatest when filled with tragedy?

why aren't there any happy go lucky, sunshine and lollipops artists who have gone down in history as equals to the solemn, brooding and reclusive enigmatics?

i think it's no one likes to relate to happy people. we're all too self-absorbed when we're happy ourselves to care about whether or not other people are happy.

when we feel like crap though, all we care about is making everyone else feel like crap too. we're aiming to take down those smiling bastards with our arrows of jaded cynicism.

so what is art?

art, i believe in the interpretation our society has thusfar historically practised, is nothing more than an excuse to make other people feel bad.

if you're happy, you're rubbing it in with art.
if you're crappy, you're dragging others down with art.

so i guess that leaves us with two options:
a. art is evil.
b. humans are masochists.

personally, i'm going to go with option b.
we all SAY we like to be happy. but deep...deep down.....i think we all sort of get a sense of pleasure from being down. it's easy, it's thoughtless, and it's less work than staying happy.

we apparently love being depressed. as a society, it's the cool thing to do.

how odd.

more please.

saw before sunset tonight, the (anticipated?) sequel to before sunrise. i must say that, truly, this movie is just as good as the first. although it isn't quite as lovey-dovey, it still manages to capture the essence of their situation -- particularly in context as a sequel -- in a dramatic, realistic, and beautiful fashion. simply amazing piece of work.

one of the trailers shown before the film was for zach braff's upcoming film Garden State. most of us will recognize him as Dr. JD of scrubs fame. the film is his his first stab at both writing and directing, and it opens in limited release here in toronto i think at the end of july.

even more exciting than watching braff make us laugh for 2 hours straight, is that it also looks like a pretty darn good movie, with some interesting characters. on top of everything this film has a KILLLLLLLER soundtrack, which is going to be released i think by sony.

for those of you wondering, the song on the official site is called "let go" , by frou frou.

and to you-know-who.....thats one year and counting. thank you.

i liked your memo.

SI.com - Cavaliers, Paxson pay price for doing right

it's enough to bring a guy to the brink of a jerry maguire breakdown.

shut up......just....shut up....
you had me at UNGRATEFUL BASTARD.

boozer may have been one of my proudest sleeper gems from my fantasy pool last year -- and he had earned my respect as a hard worker and up-and-coming star. but this.....this is just wrong.

if i were on the cavs, i would circle the first game we have against utah, and work towards it for the next few hundred days.

and if i were a utah player? honestly, i'd be disgusted to have this kind of character in my locker room. and i'd make sure he knew it.

what a scum bag, yeesh.

i for one welcome our new liberal overlords...

CBC - Canada Votes 2004

and in the end, canada once again shows that we our a nation that strives to make forward steps towards life. embracing our role as a modern and caring society, suited to adapt in order to best serve our people and our global community.

naturally, we decided the best way to do this is to change absolutely nothing.

how delightfully canadian.

hm....

not to steal the thunder from my last post 10 minutes ago (which is still hurting my head), but was talkin while a round of golf today and something brought a thought to my head.

is parental stamp of approval a sort of sub-concious scarlet letter for most people?

when your parents say "so-and-so would be great for you", do you actually consider it? or without even knowing who "so-and-so" is, just automatically dismiss them by proxy of your parents approving them?

i'm particularly curious about the female perspective, since it seems many a gal prefers the rebel-without-a-cause type of guy instead of the bring-home-to-mom kind of guy.

i dunno, just a thought. i suppose it depends on your relationship to your parents. for some, i'm positive that parental approval is a huge necessity, and highly regarded as a priority.

but is that out of obligation? or actually out of your own feelings?

i got bored.

surely most of you have seen these before, but just for fun....


1) Suppose you're on a game show and you're given the choice of three doors: Behind one door is a car; behind the others, goats. You pick a door, say No. 1, and the host, who knows what's behind the doors, and always opens a losing door after you make a pick, opens another door, say No. 3, which has a goat. He then says to you, "Do you want to pick door No. 2?" Is it to your advantage to switch your choice?

2) take all families with two children, at least one of which is a boy. If you pick one of these at random, what's the chance that BOTH children will be male. (assuming of course the genetic odds of having either a girl or boy are an even 50/50)

3) Suppose we have a lottery with 10,000 "scratch-off-the-dot" tickets. The prize: a car. Ten thousand people buy the tickets, including you. 9,998 scratch off the dots on their tickets and find the message YOU LOSE. Should you offer big money to the remaining ticketholder to exchange tickets with you?


annnnnnd now i'm officially just trying to get comments.
i'm so sad......

blog stalking

whoa. trippy.

it's Rivers Cuomo's blog.

here we go again.....

TheStar.com - Bertuzzi charged with assault

i suppose we all saw this coming, but is it really necessary?

not to drag up an old dead cat, but how come when someone gets slashed and has their leg or hand broken, it's a suspension, but not ever considered legally as criminal assault?

is there some sort of law that says hockey injuries to the head or neck area must be criminal, while body and limb injuries are just part of the game?

what about crosschecks that cause concussions? how come that isn't criminal assault? aren't the ramifications of concussion injuries equal to -- or possibly even greater than -- steve moore's current health status?

personally, my view is......this is retarded, and entirely overkill.

lets see some consistancy here.

an early movie preview

Unfairenheit 9/11 - The lies of Michael Moore. By Christopher Hitchens

i'm still going to watch this film -- but the article above is simply a wonderfully written and articulated piece. i will draw my own conclusion and interpretations. however, it's nice to see someone rail on michael moore for intelligent and worthy reasons, instead of someone calling him a fat-ass, followed by a hippie retalliating at that dude for being a baby killing nazi.

intellectual discourse -- what a concept.

anti-terrorism terrorism

so....the theme of the day over in iraq seems to be: beheadings!

not to seem callous or insensitive to the families and victims of these murders, does anyone else seem a little perplexed by the logic of these terrorist acts?

i mean....ok. fly a plane into the WTC. we get your point -- you're mad as hell and you're not gonna take it anymore. [you know you're in MIT wheeeen.....]

at least bombings and attacks have an effect. i mean, simply mention the word "terrorist" or "brown foreign guy" in front of a group of americans and half of them wet their pants and run. to be honest, i think the terrorists did a pretty good job of....uh....terrorising.

but this beheading thing.....wha? do they really....really think that a country is going to pull all their troops out of iraq to save one persons life? especially when basically every government in the world has strict policies to not appease terrorist demands?

they can't be that naive can they? ignorant, idealistic terrorists -- fresh out of terrorist school and yet to be crushed by the reality of their underdog situation. hoping against hope for an islamic utopia that they can help kickstart.

well, sorry boys. welcome to r-e-a-l. l-i-f-e.

it seems all this chopping off heads does is get people from countries that were originally lukewarm about trying to bomb you to smithereens, and unite them in their seething hatred towards you and your cause.

so....really.....you're terrorists who succeed only in bringing terror attacks on....yourself. because really....no one's listening to what you have to say, but even the most leftist liberal is probably liable to kick your ass without even thinking about a civil conversation first.

conspiricy theorists would go so far as to think these beheading are staged just to unite divided opinions into a coherent front for this war.

but me? naaaah.

i just think they're idiots.

a ah ah ah ah, you know this, love is true....

so i was wondering about the meaning behind some of the psalms in the bible.

there are some psalms where the general theme seems to be: "God will smite my enemies"

but at the same time in the old testament, there's the book of Job, where we learn that loving God simply doesn't hinge on what he does for us, but on the fact that he's worthy of worship -- that he is God.

then finally, we get to the new testament, and jesus shows us that a lot of the stuff from the old testament about smiting our enemies is old and busted -- loving and praying for those who persecute you is the new hotness.

soo.....i wonder.....jesus says that the laws are still important, and that makes sense. the 10 commandments are an absolute for staying fresh with God. but, where does the relevence of all the passages in the old testament about smiting enemies go?

are they obsolete? what's the use of them now that jesus says cool kids don't smite?

hm.....interesting questions all.

so, the nun says to the barkeeper.....

Detroit Pistons - 2004 NBA Champions

before the playoff's started, i reaaaaally didn't see this actually happening.
it's kind of amazing for the owner, because he also owns the tampa bay lightning. pro sports championship sweep for that guys teams. pretty sweet.

in other news, yahoo mail has upgraded all it's accounts to 100 megs of space and 10 meg sending limit. the premium members now get 2GIGS of space and no ads.

wow.

100 megs, weeheehee.

i have my beta gmail account which i have yet to use at all, but it doesn't let you send mp3s. i wonder if yahoo does...

mornings -- why they suck,

was talking to v about some skanky girls at the club last night, and she was mentioning how disturbing it was that there were just a bunch of guys just standing around watching them.

what i find even more disturbing is the fact they weren't even attractive.

where do most guys draw the line between slutty amusement and their standards for decency? and by decency, i mean not oggling scary looking hoochie mammas.

it's so funny the power of lesbianism.

if two ugly guys were dancing together, i don't think anyone in the world would give a crap. hell, they'd probably be asked to stop.

but.....ohhhh, two ugly girls. something about two girls being slutty gives them a free pass to be unattractive apparently.

well, not in my book ladies.

$50 bucks, ivan. not a penny less.

life's simple pleasures.

so, i've heard it said that the key to enjoying life is to appreciate the little things -- to stop and smells the roses.

although i personally could care less about roses and the surely thousands of possible allergens that exist within them, i do still have my own personal little wrinkles in my daily adventures that never fail to bring a smile to my face.

one of my favourite, is when i walk into any establishments public washroom and anxiously peek at the urinals to see what they contain. usually, it's urinals cakes in their various forms -- disc, balls, cubes, etc.

but sometimes....ohhh, once in a happy blue moon, there will be the bestest type of urinal of all. the ones filled with.....

ice cubes.

yes, i think most men will agree, there is nothing that makes a trip to the trough any more enjoyable than being able to turn your bodily functions into a competitive sport.

how many cubes can you melt before you're spent?

yes, life's little pleasures.

Tontie

this game....is so....addictive....

adventures with seniors.

so, part of my new job involves me standing around in front of supermarkets.

ok, i lied. standing in front of supermarkets is actually all my job requires. but anyways, it provides an interesting opportunity to meet all sorts of different people, and i'm usually in parts of town i never have a reason to visit.

so i was standing at my little booth today, and an old lady walked up to me and we got to chatting. seems she was a school teacher back in her youth, and she left me with some words of wisdom:

"before you can be old and wise, you have to be young and stupid"

interesting.....interesting indeed.....

old people are cool.

in other news, yay for tax returns and having some pocket money with which to feed myself once in a while. double yay for actually making decent money at this job, even though it's really boring and pointless. triple yay for having awesome hours, hehheh....

and on that note, farewell.

this is kind of neat.....and it might be useful!

MilkandCookies - Shirt Folding Technique

for those of you who want an edge on those retail positions i guess, hahaha

increase in male breast cancer linked to obesity

TheStar.com

that could be the most obvious headline i've ever seen.....

so i finished watching scrubs....

"you always want what you can't have"

is this true about men?

yes.

do women actually know this?

god i hope not.....

large bags, knapsacks and or coolers will not be permitted

i've heard it said that there are two things friends should never talk about: religion, and politics.

for those who don't quite get it, the implied meaning is that nobody can ever discuss those topics without getting into a disagreement.

obviously, i think this isn't true. it's merely a saying, and should be taken with about as much a grain of salt as anything that starts with "confucious says....."

however, i can't deny that religion and politics are also inherently difficult to address when civil discussion is not a given. at any given moment, and perhaps now more than ever, the two have become an undeniable schism in society.

isreal palestine is perhaps the problem incarnate.

liberals vs. conservatives. has the divide ever been greater, and filled with such hatred? there's no longer such thing as middle political ground, and i don't think there's ever been such unwillingness to compromise. ever hear two people arguing about george bush and the war in iraq? it isn't pretty. i've never seen a president or political issue cause such heated and emotional divisions among people -- not to mention irrationale stupidity on both sides.

so.....obviously, religion and politics are both loaded subjects, often broached only with a great deal of tact. why is that?

what is it about these things that strike such a chord?

why don't we argue this much about....say....pepsi or coke? which basketball team is going to win it all? the greatest baseball player of all time? the funniest tv show ever? which country has the greatest artistic history? which era of architecture was the most influential?

all interesting conversations.

but religion or politics? those so easily degrade into editorial rantings.

why? i don't know. but it's something to ponder i guess.

the leafs suck.

GO CALGARY GO!

age is a mindset

guess peoples age

i'm like, not very good at this.

be it ever so humble.....

ah, home at last. as much as it was nice to spend 7 straight days in the sun, it's nice to come home to some real weather, where you can actually tell it's another day because they sky looks a little different. that sun and fun stuff may be nice for some people, but i'll take four seasons in my year every time.

cruise was....fun. i don't think i gained any weight to be perfectly honest. goal accomplished. i am however, burned to kingdom come. i look like someone tried to microwave me for dinner.

oh well. i'm also a bit stuffed up, and even though i'm home, i still sort of feel dizzy -- as if i'm still walking on a boat. i suppose this might be what they mean when they talk about getting back your land legs after getting used to sea legs.

in OTHER news, it's official.

Gwyneth Paltrow is actually a fob.

in the bahamas

goodness it's hot.

once we have money, i definitely need to come back with friends. i can imagine it being like, just as fun. except like, 100 times moreso.

it's pretty good right now, and i'm with my family. so it MUST be good.

one fish two fish red fish blue fish

...Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo...

so, i will be spending most of next week floating around HERE, in a giant white symbol of western imperialism and capitalist glut.

not that i'm complaining.

my goal is simply to avoid boredom at all costs. i don't care what i have to do -- play shuffleboard with the old folks or scare the little children by being suspiciously friendly. also, i plan not to gain any weight on this cruise, as i've been told that what awaits me is essentially a hugenormous buffet that just so happens to be sea worthy.

tempting as it may be to eat and sleep all week, i refuse to let it happen. it'll be nice to catch up on reading though, so all in all, it'll be good times. hopefully they have free gym facilities open....i don't know, i'm too lazy to read about my ship.

it's called "the navigator of the sea"

what's up with that eh? here are some of the other ships in the royal caribbean fleet:

- the radiance of the sea
- the majesty of the sea
- the jewel of the sea
- the legend of the sea
- the empress of the sea

hmmmm.....ok.....

and so, instead of these things, we're on a ship called...."the navigator". that's cool. i guess.

i can't help but feel a little like perceptor from transformers.

everyone else was like, a helicopter, or a truck, or a race car, or a space ship, or a dinosaur.

what was perceptor? he turned into a microscope.

can you imagine when they drew lots and he got....microscope?

i imagine it went something like this:

"oook, perceptor....you're.....a microscope. next!"

"whoa whoa, wait a sec....a microscope? why would i be a microscope? what good would it possibly be for me to transform into a giant microscope? i suppose the irony of me being larger than a car isn't lost on you"

"everything else is taken"

"everything?!"

"well....i guess you could be the can opener"

"an electric can opener?"

"lemme check.....um....no,no...just a normal can opener."

"oh.....well in that case, i guess i'll stick with the microscope"

"sounds like a plan"

"..."

".....soo....you going to the bar later"

"yea, i hear it's ultra magnus' birthday"

"ohhhh yea.....damn. you wanna go halvsies on a gift?"

"i dunno....i think blur mentioned something about an ice cream maker....."

"did you say you'd chip in"

"yeaa....but i'm not sure if he actually bought it..."

"you could always ask him"

"yea, i could.....do you have his number?"

"here, wait....it's on my cell phone..."






aaaaaaand i'll spare you rest of the tedious details.

kris kros'll make ya, jump jump....

i am officially unshackled from the chains of educational conformation yet again for the summer.

may the fun begin.

sufjan stevens - for the windows in paradise

i have called you children
i have called you son
what is there to answer
if i'm the only one

morning comes in paradise
morning comes in light
still i must obey, still i must invite

if theres anything to say
if theres anything to do
if theres any other way
i'll do anything for you

i was dressed embarrassment
i was dressed in white
if you had a part of me
will you take your time

even if i come back
even if i die
is there some idea
to replace my life

like a father to impress
like a mother's morning dress
if i ever make a mess
i'll do anything for you

i have called you creature,
i have called you son
if you have a father, or if,
you haven't one

i'll do anything for you
i'll do anything for you
i did everything for you
i did everything for you

this song consists of only a banjo, a piano, and an organ, accompanying one of the best songwriters i've heard in a long long time.

it's so good it makes me want to start a band.

oh wait....

stupid sozzled....

container may explode if heated

so, although i have two exams remaining, i feel as though i'm already done.

one of them consists of 40 MC questions. it's going to be tricky, but at the same time i know i'll be done in about half an hour.

the other one is a polisci exam consisting of two essay questions. these polisci exams are starting to become old-hat, and i feel like i could get a mid 60 without even studying.

knock on wood.

regardless, i can't help but daydream instead of study as i look forward to that moment on thursday night.....at around 9pm, when i can truely say that i'm free of school work for the next 4 months +

i'm sure going to be playing a lot of sports this summer. and i also hope to find employment of some sort or another. mmm.....yes....this will be a good summer....

allez cuisine!

ahhh, dinner break. time to stop studying and watch another episode of the food network special that aired this past weekend, Iron Chef America.

i've watched the first two battles now, and i can't wait to download the third one, as well as the final tag team battle -- whatever it is, it sounds fun.

i haven't watched the puck vs. morimoto battle yet, so no one ruin it for me if you've seen it!

my thoughts thusfar are that i feel the iron chefs are at a disadvantage because they're being judged by american judges.

not to say that american's aren't as cultured in terms of their food knowledge....but.....ok, i take that back. that's exactly what i'm saying actually.

the lady from the OC was one of the judges for goodness sake, and she clearly had no idea how to appreciate traditional japanese cooking techniques. the iron chefs are getting killed in the "taste" catagory, which indicates to me a predilection for the judges towards the more familiar flavours, not necessarly the better ones. perhaps if they had judges that were equally knowledgeable of both both abroad and in north american, it would make for a better show.

however, i do think that morimoto had a subpar performance against the malto mario guy, so i can live with that outcome.

the sakai vs flay battle however......

all i can say is, the judges gave bobby flay better presentation marks than sakai.

unbelievable! that right there tells me the judges are on CRACK.

as it is, the fact that the judging is so obviously incompetent and biased, i am rather disapointed by this special -- although i do think that mr. brown makes an excellent iron chef commentator.

the second major thing i noticed?

morimoto's glasses look EXACTLY like mine, hehheh.

oob-la-di-oob-la-da - life goes on....

you know what really sucks? trying to re-adjust your sleeping patterns back to normal in the middle of exam period.

but i won't complain about being unable to sleep at 6:30 in the morning. no, instead i'm going to remain productive at this time by entertaining and amusing the masses.

so here's what's been floating around in my head while i lay in bed trying to fall asleep.

the family circus.

yes yes, i know, it's a horse already beaten to death. everybody hates it, everybody curses it as the bane of comic existence. it's the strip everyone loves to hate.

with that in mind, it suddenly dawned on me the obvious parallel:

the family circus is the nickelback of the sunday funnies.

enh? enh?

think about it.

darkwing duck was a great cartoon.

how to become a ninja

"as a ninja, you obtain certain responsibilities such as kicking asses and looking cool and tough"

bring on philly.

woohoo!

not to be redundant...

they added extra footage to the dodgeball trailor!

more hitting of the crotch! woohoo!

i can't wait to see this movie......i die laughing everytime i watch this thing.

i'll procrastinate later.....

.....so are the words of a wise cat, hanging in a goose's bathroom.

heading down the home stretch of my last assignment for the year. once this is done, no exams until the 27th! an entire week of exam studying, which as i've explained in the past, is a-ok by me.

hm....so surfing around blogs just now (i seem to have made the circuit just after steph, if comments indicate anything) it seems everyone's thoughts are beginning to waft towards summer. particularly with the weather being so warm recently.

who am i to argue? i've been preoccupied myself with thoughts wandering to how i'm going to fill the next four months.

one thing i wanna do this summer? make a short film.

here are a few concepts that have been floating around in my head for a while...

- follow the lives of several people who take the same bus every day. focus narrative from the POV of a young-male protagonist who everyday observes the same people around him, trying to guess where they're going and where they're coming from. camera follows a different person every day of the week, so each person is a short story in and of itself. they'll be chapters, sort of like in a guy richie film. at the very end, you're lead to think the stories are all intertwined, but ultimately they are not. this is in order to attempt to create an antithesis to the "how small and coincidental the world is" kind of endings that are so popular nowadays. it will instead be a "how unrelated and huge the world is" ending. details to be worked out later, but suffice to day every chapter begins with the same scene of the protagonist waking up and boarding the bus, but every chapter we follow a different character getting off at a different stop.

OR

- a parody of chinese pop movies. difficult to pull off i would think, because chinese pop movies are largely parodies themselves, but perhaps with a more cbc twist. i believe this is the concept originally bandied around in high school, where my friends all named each other after various dim sum dishes. if i recall, steph was "chicken feet".....but if she really wants, she can be "miss hong kong china number one" or whatever it is she calls herself.

and FINALLY

- "fat woman trying to fit into toilet stall". ultimately, i would like this work to be my final (and first. and only.) legacy to cinema. the one piece that establishes me as not only a director and writer, but truly an auteur. i am unsure if my friends are up to the rigours of filming such a demanding work of art. time will tell.

avoid installing or leaving the unit near subject to high temperatures.

soooo......i should be sleeping, and i have literally 2 hours to sleep. spent the night working on my paper, but took some time to procrastinate when i found out the canucks/flames game was in O.T.......then double O.T.......then finally triple O.T.

thankfully it ended there, and i got back to work, but now i'm all tired and sleepy. anyways, while flipping channels during the game, i came across a documentary on life network about strippers.

ok, i know what you're thinking, so let me set it straight first....i stopped on the channel because i saw some huge-bossomed (some might say....buxom?) woman wearing a snow-white costume and was admitedly curious. can you fault me? s.n.o.w. w.h.i.t.e, dammit -- it was one helluva costume.....

but anyhow, to be specific, it was about ONE stripper, and it followed her around as she tried to hide her job from her family and friends. she literally had to work outside the province on secret road trips because her family had found out once that she danced, and forgave her, but she decided to go back into it for the money. the whole "not-being-able-to-leave-the-money-and-lifestyle" thing, but she's also young, so she was saying the normal "it's only temporary" thing as well.

anyways, it was really about her life outside of her job, and provided context for a world we have so many presumptions about. there was one scene where she finally broke down after months of hiding her dancing and she told her brother the truth, and instead of berating her, he simply said....."oh....well.....interesting......" then moved on.

when pressed for an elaboration, his reply was simple:

"well, you know. unconditional love. you're my sister, y'know? we're all different. whatever you do, you're still my sister"

and at that, the main character of the documentary just started to cry.

and i thought.....wow. it's pretty nuts how powerful honesty can be. it just brought a realization of, first of all, how dangerous lying is. this girl had built a MOUNTAIN of lies, piled up upon each other, and it took so much for her to finally tell the truth. but when she did, there was so much relief. so often we carry around these lies, and why do we do it? small lies turn into big lies, and we start to depend on them, we start to assume the worst about the truth, imagining it to be so much greater an evil than the lies we cling near to. but why? lies only breed fear, and self-loathing. honesty is an increasingly missing attribute in society it seems, as lying becomes just another skill to get ahead.

but equally important was the brother's reaction. all the main girl wanted to hear was that she was loved. accepted. regardless of her mistakes, her choices. and when she knew her brother loved her, she was absolutely freed from her dillema. she was able to go on and tell her parents, an even more difficult step she probably would never have done had her brother disowned her.

i dunno. i don't even know if i have a point, it might just be late night rambling. but i guess i just thought if we could think about the things we keep inside us. the lies we build, the ideas we fabricate to placate and rationalize our fears.....if we examine ourselves and why we do the things we do, well, i dunno what happens for you.

but i know we should each do it. or we're just lying to ourselves some more.

what are you afraid of?

we're the chipmunks, we ain't going out like punks....

the chipmunks: behind the music

so amusing. yet so very wrong.

the rock gods are smiling.....

Jay-Zeezer

funny. but also actually pretty catchy.

and i finally got around to downloading the video clips from the recent rivers/matt reunion acoustic mini-gig....they mention the idea of recording a new album together.

be still my beating heart.

How Deep the Father’s Love for Us

How deep the Father’s Love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross
My guilt upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no powr's, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

- s.t.

i'm sure this weekend everyone will be reading a lot of stuff about easter. stories about Jesus. the stations of the cross. the movie about his death. bible verses. song lyrics. poems. hymns. i think it's wierd how when you mention easter to someone, the first thought is generally "easter bunny". then quickly after that, is "Jesus' death". which is all well and good.

but easter, much like Jesus' death itself, is not about dying.

i think i wouldn't be a Christian if i was called to die (metaphorically, in this case) for God. and as much as people talk of sacrificing their lives for God, and dying to sin, and all this stuff, it all seems like negative language to me. it's fine, it's dandy. but Jesus didn't save me so i could die. he saved me so i could live. at first some might think it's the same thing. but it's not. it's entirely different.

if i've learned anything, you can try all you want to die for God. it's not a bad thing, dying to sin, giving up our lives for God. but that isn't the purpose. so often we try so hard to overcome sin, to overcome ourselves, to win our battles, we're so swept up with humbling ourselves and submitting our lives that we lose the end within our own means.

we are called to live -- and in doing so, we die to sin.

if we're trying too hard to die, we aren't really living at all, are we?

here comes the home stretch....

it's that time of year where you're running purely on thoughts of summer, and getting by studying 20 hours a day just on the thought of sleeping 24 hours the next day. i love exam time.

i think i live for this kind of chaotic scheduling. the rigours of a predictable daily schedule often gets tedious really quickly. when i can determine what time i wake up, what time i do work, what time i eat, play, sleep. i think i'm much more suited to that kind of day. structure does not mix well with me.

anyways, some more things i enjoy about exams:

- ice cream is considered a decent meal.

- i have more reasons to buy timbits.

- the gym is open for basketball until 12am.

- no guilt about skipping class

- studying makes me feel productive. as if i'm actually learning!

- there's no procrastinating like EXAM procrastinating. some of the best downloads, blog posts, stupid memories, and spontaneous events, all take place during exams. and because everyone is in it at the same time, my amusement is multiplied by sharing in other peoples procrastination. does it get any better?

- it means school is almost over.

- i get to take naps.

and the absolute number one reason i love exams...

- playoffs! first term its baseball and football, both classic diversions. but summer term sees us saying hello to a new baseball season, and the winding down of the hockey and basketball seasons. my personal favourite sports to watch.

yup. NHL/NBA all week, interspersed with naps, leisurely studying, basketball and eating cereal.

yay exams!

timbits snack pack - 20 per pack

Dear [insert your name],

Right now, there is a sense of urgency among health workers and the Canadian Blood Services concerning the increasing demand for blood in Canada. Simply put, we do not have enough blood.

Despite 94% of Canadians surveyed agreeing that donating blood is a great thing, only 3.5% of the population has taken the time to donate blood. Why this discrepancy? Numbers show a spike in donations immediately following a major disaster (such as the tragedy of 9/11), but the public does not seem to have the same urgency about the need for blood in Canada on a regular basis. Here are the facts:

- In Canada, roughly 137,000 people are diagnosed with cancer every year.
- The number of transplants has increased steadily from 16 per one million Canadians in 1981 to 59 per one million Canadians in 2000
- The number of total hip replacements done in Canada during the same period increased by just under 20 per cent.

Each and every one of these individuals requires blood to ensure their health and well-being. These numbers represent your fellow Canadians. They are the people around you every single day, and the odds are likely that you, or someone you know, will need blood in the future. You have the ability to save a life now.

Canadian Bloods Services has assumed the responsibility of supplying blood to Canadians who need it, but we cannot do it without you! If the number of regular donations does not increase immediately, we project that by 2005 there will be a critical shortage of blood. One person can make a difference, and that person could be you.

It only takes several minutes to donate blood. Simply visit your local Canadian Blood Services clinic. To find out more information about why a fellow Canadian needs your blood right now, or how to help, please visit www.bloodservices.ca.

Please, donate blood today. For those who need it, there may be no tomorrow.

tapes must be returned to location rented.

as some of you may know, i've recently become interested in the field of religious journalism.

now.....some may wonder exactly what this is. i present exhibit "a"

reading the star article from above, it seems fairly clear that the writer knows pretty much nothing (short of what he's seen on tv) about the Christian faith. and it's not just Christianity. The media is often equally -- if not more -- ignorant when it comes to other organized religions.

wouldn't it be nice if the piece above actually contained content that not only covered the cultural semiotics of Jesus, but the context from which this "icon" is coming from?

wouldn't it be nice if someone who didn't know about Christianity could read an article like this and actually learn something from it? our newspapers are being filled with this kind of filler-fluff writing that is painful as much for its banality as it for its inability to engage the reader.

i know i'm being pretty harsh, and the piece is suppose to be a lighthearted romp. but i have to tell you, if we keep letting ourselves be content with the media equivalent of junk food, we'll forget how important real food is, and how great it can be. entertaining and informative are not mutually exclusive concepts.

the media has the potential to promote cultural diversity, learning, understanding, and acceptance.

why should we ever settle for anything less?

please rewind after viewing

CBC News:Online music swapping legal: court

so....my moral stand has officially been usurped by our hippy copyright laws.

enh. i guess if you can't beat 'em.....

if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball

in light of LCAC gym night, i think everyone needs to watch this movie when it comes out....

beat the house

i've given up, scratching these stupid cards
the counter clerks, and their asanine remarks
the observations of the eye in the sky
and the fat kid in the corner with his hands on the prize

would it be so bad if you were right?

like the milk maids digging through all the bags
we just refuse to live our lives given what we have
they say odds are better that i'm hit by lightning
well then, pack up my kite and key, cuz i ain't no ben franklin

would it be so bad if you were right?

sunshine and rainbows and glasses half-full
me and you, all the way, cut the fat, no more bull
you say you'll give me a whole new perspective
and if i get lost i swear i'll ask for directions

would it be so bad if you were right?

the porno mags are always somehow open to see
so teenage kids can get their daily fix for free
who's so bored that they would climb up the rack
just to piss off the world, while they sit back and laugh?

it's just not worth it coming in every day
and seeing all the crap around me while i line up to play
to have my numbers randomly appear on some machine, so i can
get the hell away as if this place were a crime scene

would it be so bad if you were right?

- anonymous



yes. these lyrics are a social commentary. analyze at your own discretion.

link from fark to news article concerning hamas leaders:

Israel says all militant leaders Marked for Death, no one is Above the Law. Israelis are Out For Justice, Militant Leaders are Hard to Kill. Arafat still Under Siege, Palestinians Under Siege 2. All of Middle East is On Deadly Ground

absolutely.

brilliant.

Plant owner bent on world domination was just a regular guy. Sort of.

Charles Montgomery Burns, eccentric, billionaire owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, died yesterday in his mansion estate. His body will be cryogenically frozen until a cure can be found for seventeen stab wounds to the back. He was 104.
Notorious almost as much for his turn-of-the-century antiquated charm as he was for his insatiable greed, Monty, as his friends knew him, was the epitome of the American dream.
Adopted out of a poor rural family by the owner of an atom-splitting factory, he built his inherited fortune into an energy monopoly, rising from obscurity to become the most powerful man in Springfield.
He lived a solitary life of lavish pleasures in his enormous estate, with few friends asides from his loyal assistant Waylon Smithers. Mr. Burn’s was frugal and efficient in his habits, diversifying his fortune and wealth shrewdly. Always willing to spend money to make money, Monty was cut from the industrialist fabric of old, invoking parallels to giants such as John D. Rockefeller, and Hank Rearden. Monty was also willing to earn every penny he made, not shying away from the likes of children or the elderly, who often stood in his way. His exploits included once kidnapping Tom Jones for a free personal performance, opening a successful casino as a side business, as well as attempting to block out the entire sun from the sky. These types of idiosyncratically endearing, but oft misunderstood ploys, exemplified Mr. Burn’s life. He was a playboy, a billionaire, a super villain, and a spry old man with a twinkle in his eyes: these were the faces of C. Montgomery Burns.
He lived his life with the same patriotic and pragmatic sense of self-achievement that helped him amass his wealth, believing that “if you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it”. He was famous for his relentlessly dogged business practices and his love of democracy, as was exhibited in his failed tryst to democratize Cuba.
For all his ostensibly capitalist fervor however, Monty was often referred to by local townspeople with witty barbs and names, such as “Lucifer”, and “The Evilest Man Alive”. His relationship with Springfield and its inhabitants was one of distance, yet consistency -- never getting too close to the town, but ever seeking an opportunity to further extend his sphere of influence.
Despite his billion-dollar sheen and calculated profiteering however, Mr. Burn’s still found time to contribute to the community around him, revealing a more sensitive side that some might describe as “human”. He founded the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, as well as repeatedly managed to subtly yet extraordinarily excel at almost every task he undertook: He won a bowling championship with his community team “The Pin Pals”, was an experienced pilot, and even managed an underdog softball team that boasted the likes of Ozzie Smith, Wade Boggs, and Homer Simpson, to the league championship.
As successful as he was in life however, Mr. Burn’s often found himself tragically fruitless in love. He was left at the alter by distinguished socialite Jackie Bouvier -- his one and only attempt at marriage -- and he had a son Larry out of wedlock, whom he knew for only a matter of days. Indeed, all the money in the world didn’t seem to comfort him at night, and he even offered to mortgage several of his tropical islands just to recover the only love he ever truly had – his boyhood teddy bear Bobo.
As much as he had a reputation for caring only about his fortune, Mr. Burns once conceded “what good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?” This willingness to see more to life than dollars and cents separated Mr. Burn’s from other billionaires who were typically content with their houses, cars, and small third-world countries. His fragile demeanor and unimposing physical stature bellied a man of great ambition and pride. Often clinging to relics of the past such as his stock ticker, his old-world hobbies, and his memories of beaten Irishmen, in many ways, Mr.Burns was truly a relic of the past himself.
*****************************************

sometimes....just SOMETIMES....school isn't so bad. =)

also, i stole a cd from rosey of a monopoly computer game that came with her box of cereal. it's..highly addictive. yay cheerios.

wonderfully exciting news

i got my headphones fixed! i am no longer in a pressing need to purchase a new pair. thank goodness, because not only was it free to fix, but i really love my headphones. they may look ugly, but they're really awesome cans. old-skool sennheiser hd435's.

unfortunately, they were rather difficult to fix, so they're currently held together with electrical tape. but still. woohoo!

whole indian cashews

i've been thinking about what i'm good at. i guess the majority of us are really going through life (and school) just trying to figure out that question. i've always been the type to suffer from a lack-of-all trades syndrome -- the idea that i'm average at everything and exceptional at nothing. it's not surprising than that sometimes i dwell on the fact that i'm not a prodigy or anything, and i don't particularly stand out in any field.

i suppose the first clue is examining what you really like to do. more often then not, that's going to be where your talents lie. still however, i've always considered myself rather mediocre at the things i love. be it music, or writing, or thinking, or any sort of amalgam of all three, i've always thought i was ok, but never good enough to amount to anything. after all, there were certainly a ton of people much much better than i at any particular interest, even the things i actually prided myself a little bit on.

i've been starting to realize the futility of comparing myself to others though. i'm starting to really understand how necessary it is to stand next to someone who's infinitely better than me at EVERYTHING and think "who cares about them", and go about doing my own thing. it's just so darn self defeating to have to measure up to anyone but myself, and though we hear it over and over, most of us can't help but do it anyways. and it does nothing but keep us from learning, and growing.

maybe it's a Chinese cultural thing, but there is a serious lack of self-esteem that's evident in a lot of people i know. i wonder why that is. i know a lot of amazing people, but their attitude is always that they really aren't very special and that they really aren't very amazing. modesty is one thing, but depreciating yourself is another entirely. it's not healthy to think that you're not special over and over, because eventually you'll start to believe it.

i'm thankful that i'm surrounded by extraordinary people, and i really hope that they recognize that.

take yourselves seriously. to do otherwise should be a crime.

ready....set....SPEND!

off we go at this unrighteous hour for a 2.5hr drive to the states. with a fistful of andrew jackson's in hand, we venture to the outlets with dreams of dirt cheap clothing -- fully expecting to find that one, satisfying steal of a bargain that will validate our long journey. bravely and determinedly we trek south this bitter and snowy morning, undetered from our goal. God speed! you stingy asians, and may your taxes be few.

oh crap! i have to return an overdue movie.

ahhhhh goodbye.

more special olympics.

TheStar.com - Voices: Suspend Bertuzzi?

i think it's abundantly clear that most of the MOST angry and enraged opinions come from people who are only casual hockey fans and probably never heard of steve moore until they saw this unfortunate accident all over the 6pm news on every tv station in the country, making bert look like satan's spawn or something.

it's pretty obvious reading the opinions that true hockey fans can live with what happened as an accident, and that a lengthy suspension and possibly a large fine is a no brainer.

but who are these idiots calling for LIFE expulsion from the NHL? there's absolutely no precedence for that kind of punishment! and for criminal charges?

i mean, when mcsorley was charged, he used the stick as a weapon, clearly it was NO accident. but what happened with moore was an entirely different incident.

this just goes to show how irresponsible the media is in sensationalising the news in order to garner ratings and invoke entertainment value -- painting and shading the truth for ratings, even if it means potentially further ruining a talented and honest hockey players already fragile psyche after a tragic accident.

we all make mistakes. comparing hockey to real life is apples to oranges. violence is part of the game. fighting is a 5 major penalty in this sport, nothing more. just cuz moore happened to be seriously injured, does justify this kind of scapegoating.

in theory, every boarding penalty or hitting from behind penalty should rationally carry equal punishment to what happened in this case. the extent of the injury shouldn't dictate the punishment.

Psalm 40

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
2He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
3He has put a new song in my mouth--
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the LORD.


4Blessed is that man who makes the LORD his trust,
And does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.
5Many, O LORD my God, are Your wonderful works
Which You have done;
And Your thoughts toward us
Cannot be recounted to You in order;
If I would declare and speak of them,
They are more than can be numbered.


6Sacrifice and offering You did not desire;
My ears You have opened.
Burnt offering and sin offering You did not require.
7Then I said, "Behold, I come;
In the scroll of the book it is written of me.
8I delight to do Your will, O my God,
And Your law is within my heart."


9I have proclaimed the good news of righteousness
In the great assembly;
Indeed, I do not restrain my lips,
O LORD, You Yourself know.
10I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart;
I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation;
I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth
From the great assembly.


11Do not withhold Your tender mercies from me, O LORD;
Let Your lovingkindness and Your truth continually preserve me.

this passport contains 24 pages

analyze what you find physically atrractive

couldn't really sleep. was surfing around and stumbled upon this test that provides a tediously detailed analysis of the physical traits that you find attractive and those you find unattractive. i will reveal a small section of my results:

"Very Picky: It's official: You're "picky." The fact is you are drawn to the most beautiful of the beautiful. You know what you like in women and are more selective than most men your age. Your tastes seem instinctual. You'd make a great casting agent, because you have a good eye for women who have "star quality." In real life, your high standards may be an obstacle for you. It's hard to find a woman with the strong features you like, who's also well-rounded in other ways. Still, you know the importance of a real physical "spark" in a relationship, and aren't willing (or able) to settle for less. The challenge is finding a woman who really wows you physically, even if she's not the most attractive woman in the room."

are they telling me to lower my standards???

well nuts to them, i already AM happy! MWAHA!

oh well. it's funny, they have all these graphs and charts and facts and figures and stuff. i dunno where it's all from, but it sure sounds convincing, haha

either way. it's pretty pointless, but i must say very amusing. i'm willing to bet a bunch of guys will end up with the same "ideal girl", hahaha

why aren't i asleep?

The Onion | Jesus Demands Creative Control Over Next Movie

that Jesus -- he runs a tight ship.

scale length used for tension measurements

watch mario aspire to be a dramatic actor. (part 2) (part 3)

what else can i say? 8-bit cinema at its finest.

in totally unrelated news, things have been going along smoothly as of late. been laying low and doing the whole school thing.

i wonder if life was actually simpler back when i was 10, or was i just protected by the great armour we call ignorance. i guess it could be a bit of both, but man. i'd give anything if school still consisted of a eating a cookie and chugging some apple juice.

in seeing kids now, it seems like they're in a bigger rush to grow up than even we were. what's up with that? is that our fault as society? is it merely the inevitable progression of our culture -- the ebb and tide of a sociological upbringing that we ourselves may not even realize we're imparting? is it even a bad thing?

i dunno, maybe i'm old fashioned. but it seems childrens culture has so many pros and cons. i'm so torn about how i feel our young'ins are growing up. take for example this difficult conflict.

little girls dressed as hoochies = old and busted
the return to prominence of transformers and my little pony = new hotness

i guess you win some, you lose some huh? enh. as long as i never have to see another cartoon based on a card game ever again.

then again, i remeber we had some pretty sad fads.

no matter what anyone says.....pog? not cool.
niether was the skip-it. that thing was a death trap.

surely they're using it in some third world country as a form of torture.

"you! see how many times you can jump over this ball and chain attatched to your ankle! repeat this tediousness until you eventually trip yourself and fall down some stairs!"

"nooooooooo"

"then when you're DONE, take this little thing with two plastic balls and clack them together until your wrist develops arthritis!"

"NOOOOOOO"

yes, i've gone mad.
as you can tell, i should be studying right now.

enh, off i go.

the NEW new fad...

so i believe the topic of "amusement derived from perusing people's blogs as an interesting way to kill time" (don't deny, everyone does it. it's like reading a harry potter book) has been pretty much beaten to death. yea, it's fun because it gives you perspective, and access to facets of people that otherwise would never have been available. it also has a wierd, voyeuristic, reality-televisionesque appeal to it as well as the whole relate and experience life vicariously through other people thing.

but you know what i've been finding even more interesting lately? sifting through peoples blog archives. granted, maybe i'm arriving late to this party and -- the nosy bastards that you are -- everyone already does this but me. nonetheless, i've been finding that it really fills out the weblog experience.

simply going through my own archives truly gives me a fairly accurate representation of how my life has been, and that's kind of scary, because i've always made a note of keeping personal details out of this blog. sure, it's inevitable that personal, emotional and spiritual colous, are going to tinge every post regardless of how vague or lacking in details they may be. but i had no idea until i really went through my archives of how revealing this thing is about how i'm actually looking at my life, and life in general.

i suppose going through past blog posts should be nothing short of a series of personal revelation if your archives go back enough, and you invest enough of yourself into the site.

and frankly....thats fascinating. that this intimate human progression is on the internet, for the world to see. that i -- that everyone around me -- is changing not just literally before our very eyes....but that there is a record of these changes, available to study, relive and analyze, at the mere click of a mouse.

it's easy to think that we're the same as we were a few years ago, or at the very least marginally different. but i think it wouldn't be a reach to say every 5 or so years, you are going to be a fundementally different person. looking ahead to this summer it's hard to believe in 5 months some of us aren't going to be entirely different people. going through my archives sort of has the same effect on me as watching film of my life go by in time-lapse speed. blurs of images intermingle with poignant, unmistakable memories and mile stones.

something about going through old things....old journal entries, old photo albums. it's the same feeling you get. and when you go through someone's entire archives in one sitting, you end up with a pretty clear impression of them. i think it's kind of neat.

and scary.

blogging just might be the future for preserving cultural history.

or in tandem with mapquest, it might just be the ultimate stalking tool.

or i guess it could be both. now that's impressive.

The Christian Left?

religion and politics. there are those who believe they should never mix, and there are those who say its inevitable. i think i stand firmly in between. i guess i'm just particularly annoyed by the image of Christianity that the conservative right, Christian Coalition wing of pundits is giving us. i mean....if the entire purpose of your group is political, i really have to start questioning where the religious part of their group is. you simply can't have goals that are earthly and spiritual at the same time unless you really believe that its God's will. but looking at the track record of the Christian Right to influence politics in any meaningful way reveals a staggering amount of failure and irrelevance from the group other than making a lot of noise in the media. and correct me if i'm wrong, but when God makes a plan, it usually doesn't fail.

now, i'm not judging these folks, but i'm seriously just challenging where they stand on things. i don't understand how someone could say they're a Christian, then vote for president bush because HE'S a Christian, then call it a day.

hello? lets see......if president bush is truly concerned with his faith, how does he rationalize executing more prisoners than any other governer in texas EVER? how does he rationalize sending troops to war in a strategy of "pre-emptive attacks?" how does he justify having those troops occupy a nation that is willing to kill themselves just to kill them, all for the sake of....OIL?? i certainly hope he knows murder is wrong. how does he rationalize being the focalpoint -- while president, no less -- for not just one, but SEVERAL of the greatest corporate scandals in history that have cost hard working americans BILLIONS of dollars while the rich get richer.

and why do the Christian Right insist on supporting the republicans and their war-mongering-oil-swindling-corporate-scandaling candidates? becaaaause.....they say they won't let gay's marry and that abortions are bad.

hm....well.....i've already mentioned on this blog that i have nothing against gay marriages, although abortions are a different matter. that's for another day though.

i guess my point is....it bugs me that the Christian Right portrays the faith in such a shoddy manner. i'm not surprised at all that people like michael moore are offended by, and parody the hypocrisy and idiocy of the "Christian" point of view with scathing insightfulness. that kind of reflection on Christiananity makes me angry.

the Christian Coalition doesn't speak for all Christians. And i wonder why the Christian "Left" hasn't been a more visible presence in washington. Liberal radio is really starting to take off with the continuning rise of the internet and college radio's, as well as the trend towards independent stations for smaller communities (unless Clear Channel has their way...). i think it's important that Christians defend themselves from bad reps. and i'm curious to see if this is going to occur, particularly with the much debated release of Mel Gibson's, The Passian of The Christ, and the discussion this film is raising.

i dunno, just my thoughts for the moment.

grey tuesday

so, today is "grey tuesday" as declared by musically inclined social activists around the world. hosted and supported by Downhill Battle - music activism, the grey album is a record by dj danger mouse that remixes and samples the entire contents of jay-z's black album with the beatles' white album.

go ahead.

stick it to corporate radio and the media conglomerates.

it'll feel nice.

plus the album's pretty good to be honest. it pays homage to both artists, and DJDM does an awesome job of making jay-z flow better than he actually sounds with some very tight production values. as for the finished product....it's pretty much what you might imagine it sounds like. it's a cutting edge sound and direction for hip-hop, blending rock and rap flawlessly in the sense it should always have been. this is rap-rock, not rock-rap.....nu-metal should hang its head in shame.

(note: i'm still against downloading mp3's illegally. but everyone loves an organized protest here or there. wheeeeee)

avoid spraying in eyes and excessive inhalation

ah, so reading week begins. i look forward to just taking it easy and catching up on sleep.

wrote a couple of midterms this morning. that's always a humbling experience. we'll discuss those another time...

i've been pondering the idea of healthy discussion lately. it seems a lot of times when i interject my opinion into conversations or just in general throw out my thoughts about situations to people, they get awful defensive. at first, i thought it was just the way i said things, since i'm a pretty stubborn person and i can understand how it may seem a lot like i'm pushing my opinions onto others.

i can't help but wonder if lots of people just don't know how to listen though. i mean, honestly.....if we'd just stop being so self-centered once in a while, we'd realize that everyone is entitled to their own thoughts, and if they conflict with yours, then so be it. this doesn't mean however that every frank discussion that involves different opinions has to be some sort of winner take all battle royale. it means that its an opportunity to hear someone out and take their thoughts to heart.

so everyone....learn to shutup once in a while. it's too easy to make everything about ourselves. try to purposely avoid doing that just once this week. tell me it doesn't feel nice.

at least that's my two cents....

non-carbonated, sodium-free

i remember at the end of grade ten, i handed wendy my yearbook and she returned it with something along these lines written on the back page:

"hey simon! i don't really know you, but you seem like a nice guy! hope you had a good year!" - wendy

then she drew some hideous hedgehog like creature with clown feet.

now, i'm not telling this story because i'm bitter, or to imply that wendy is a bad yearbook-signer-person. she's not. no, my anecdote is actually a lame attempt to illustrate the unpredictable nature of friendships.

i had no idea that after she butchere....uh....graciously signed, my yearbook, that we'd end up hanging out together all summer, then all through high school, and now....still...well....all the time. nor did i know that we'd be keeping up pretty good contact with each other three and a half years into university, secure in the knowledge that we'll see each other again soon enough, with no fear of drifting away to the point of awkward small talk.

everyone knows that friends come in phases. but i've been thinking if there's any way to know which friends are here to stay, and which ones are destined to move out of your life.

we're living in a phase of our lives where transitions are nearing, changes are coming up and questions run as rampant as the doubt and worry. friends i thought i'd never lose touch with are starting to slip away. friends i never expected to make, i'm starting to build real relationships with. it's a strange thing. but it's not a bad thing. i mean, life goes on.

i figure now is the best time to make memories. things to wax nostalgic about when we're old and grey, getting together once in a blue moon to shoot the breeze about old times and the problem with youths. no point in worrying about who's going to be around tomorrow, just spend more time on today.

i used to think of friends as anchors. but they aren't. they can't be. there's only one anchor in this world, and it's God. outside of Him, there's no such thing as a constant -- an absolute. knowing that gives me perspective i guess. not to take my relationships for granted or appreciate them less, but to want to milk every last drop of goodness out of every second i can spend.

they might not be there tomorrow.


p.s.

wendy eventually wrote some of the sweeter yearbook comments in future years. don't get the wrong impression of her. throughout and beyond her incessant mewing lays a heart of gold.

MEW!

Stewie Griffin (Family Guy) Soundboard

Stewie Griffin Soundboard

i know....i know.....i'm on a link posting rampage. but....this was too good not to share with you guys.

may the crank calling of the girls begin.

Punk-O-Matic - Presented by Flash Player

Punk-O-Matic

waste even MORE time! hehheh....i think this is particularly fun. if only there was a vocal track

amusing wastes of time

Escape!
Penguin Bashing

my current record for the penguin game is 566.7, but what's more impressive is that i did it on like, my 20th try, so i haven't spent TOO much time on it.

but i could. which is bad. so to sleep i go.


....oh, and 28.325 seconds on the block one. that one took considerably longer.......

SPAM mail

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Avoid the embarrassment of waiting in doctor's office

....ok...so...only whenever you want or need them.....but the effects last 36 hours? i'm terribly afraid to ponder who really needs or wants a 36 hour erection.

and it's called "the weekend pill"? do they mean that literally? so i suppose going to church that weekend is out of the question....?

well...i guess you couuuld. but.....

*shudder*

on the bright side, at least you save yourself the embarrassment of waiting in a doctors office. i know I for one have on more than one occasion been asked what i was doing at the doctors, and sheepishly shrugged as i revealed my secret problem:

"a mild fever"

you have no idea how deeply it hurts me everytime i get a dirty look in return.
i'm only a red blooded human male dammit!! if you prick me, do i not bleed?!

hehhehheh....prick.....

yeaaa.....so if you never hear from me again, God probably struck me down.

enh. i had a good run.

IFILM Super Bowl Ads

everybody's favourite: Super Bowl Ads

hm....

so.....apparently, my lecture room has wireless internet.

this is a most exciting discovery....

Yahoo! News - 'Black Widow' Wins Wing Eating Contest

Yahoo! News - 'Black Widow' Wins Wing Eating Contest

i....am speechless.....

there aren't enough hours in the day...

hm....i'll get around to adding more of your pages later, i just threw one up there to see if it would be in the right place. and it is. so woohoo.

one of the main reasons i switched to this new format was to give the page a new focus on my actual blog....it being the centre of the site and all. i figure i write these long winded rants as the purpose of the page, so i might as well give it more of a focused site.

that asides, i have a lot to say....but i guess if you're going to be too lazy to read all this, i will sum it up in two small phrases.

God is real.
God is really good.

these have been two things that i've really been learning more and more lately....and just when i think i'm ready to write him off, he shows me so....incredibly poignantly why he is worthy to be praised. why he's not merely an abstract idea and theological/sociological concept, but a God who loves us. who loves you (yes, YOU), and who loves me, and will stop at nothing until he shows us beyond a shadow of a doubt how infinitely that love reaches.

so often it gets easy to let pride slip into our lives...and we start to think...."why isn't God working for me? why hasn't he answered my prayers yet, and set my life onto happy trails as it all should be when i trust in him?" and we start to wonder if his plan is really going anywhere. we start to doubt if he even HAS a plan.

we pay lip service in prayer. we say we pray for hope and trust, but deep down we are filled with cynicism and fear. we say we trust, but we're really just fooling ourselves. we're trusting but refusing to let go of our fears? that's not trust. that's hypocrisy.

yet.....again....and again, God reveals his nature. and part of his nature is his faithfulness, and his willingless to remind us of it through his patience and grace over and over again when we forget it.

it's so easy to give up hope in God. to lose faith. but that's the easy way out - to give up. to keep saying you'll let him lead you, but in the back of your mind not really trusting where you're going. but always...in the end, God provides exactly what we need - not what we think we need. in His time. not according to our time.

lessons learned. forgotten. relearned. and patience unending.

this is what my relationship with God is like. and it blows me away more and more each day.

shucks

new format.

if the pictures on the right are cut off.....well....increase your resolution, haha

links will be up later, it's bedtime for me.

i can't believe it's not butter

so i had a productive chinese new years weekend. had TWO great dinners, as well as some time to hang out with all my friends and stuff. happy birthday to dora again btw. your lunchbox is in the mail.

on top of all that, i managed to bring back a ton of stuff i had been wanting or needing to have here in london, and as a result i've finally got my room nice and organized as well as being on top of all my gizmo's and gadgets and computer stuff. it's nice to be in order. the weeks been interesting thusfar. a ton of snow but most classes attended nonetheless.

current random thoughts and observations:

- it's really funny watching people pk into snow banks
- it's funnier when they can't get up
- people who talk on their cell phone in class should be shot
- i don't understand the obsession with celebrities. they're just people.
- i STILL can't believe how many blondes there are here at UWO.
- i'm guessing roughly 35% of them aren't natural blondes
- bummy track pants are suddenly cool again. does that mean i can break out my velcro shoes?

i'm going to stop on this point for a second.
VELCRO SHOES!

what's with the stigma over velcro shoes? why are boys told to drop them once they learn how to tie shoes? does it ever occur to parents that maybe we LIKE velcro shoes? that maybe bigboys don't HAVE to wear laces? i'm starting a fad, going to payless and buying myself the spiffiest pair of velcro runners i can find. all those with me, say aye!

i love walkthroughs...

ever played the IKEA RPG?

well, here's a great walkthrough for it.

redeem your reward points today!

small updates at a time. happy new years everyone, hope you all have plenty of gigantic feasts and time well spent. goooo monkey!

moving on...i guess i'll just do the thing where i discuss one small thing out of a hectic period of time instead of trying to touch on everything that's been going on so far this term and capture none of its essence.

so we went away for ACF retreat this past weekend and it was a most interesting experience. it was insane watching how God just really showed his love to people there, and it brought me to the verge of tears of joy as i witnessed the power of God's grace and mercy as it overcame and pushed the darkness out of so many hearts and minds, including mine.

i think i've been pondering the question lately of what it means to be happy. i read over my own testimoney and was thinking back to just a year ago, and how unhappy i truly honestly was. and i remember i had the option of being content with the bitterness and cynical nature i was developing towards life, or i could not give up and pursue all possible avenues towards the hope that my idealistic flights of fancy concerning true happiness and joy in life might actually be possible.

i remember how i felt like i had no friends, and i can't help but feel the utmost of regret for ever allowing such a thought to perverse my mind. such a slap in the face to the many awesome relationships i've built and continue to build in my 21 odd years here.

i really love my friends. it's wierd how there are just some people you can not talk to for an entire year. you can have no idea what's going on with their lives, no idea with how they're doing, what they've been up to, yadda yadda yadda.....yet there's still no awkwardness when you finally get together and fill each other in on all the missing blanks. i love how you can always understand and sometimes predict the twists and turns of a story because you know someone so well. i love the feeling of true empathy for a friend, not just sympathy. and i love when i can honestly know with no superficiality or pity that someone i'm talking to understands exactly how i feel as well.

there is a bond between close friends that brings a smile to my face just thinking about it. the mutual respect, caring for each other, openess, watching out for each other, excitement and encouraging....all the attributes of a fulfilling and satisfying friendship are awesome just to reflect upon and wax nostalgic about, leaving one with a sense of gratefulness and strange cosmic unworthiness.

but knowing all this, i can also understand how one might overlook all these things - how all the light in the world could be overshadowed when life seems meaningless as a whole. what's the point of being happy when living at all is pointless right?

i guess my long winded point is just.....there is a meaning to life. you can be happy. you can find persistant joy. you just have to figure out what you want in life, then go for it.

what gives you joy?

you want a house and family? work hard. look for a mate. have some kids. be dilligent towards your career.

you want respect and renown? be yourself. pursue your goals. think outside the box and don't ever limit your dreams.

you want meaning and value in life? you want validation and peace? well....if this last one is what you think you're looking for, in my opinion you're probably not gonna find it at bestbuy....look a bit harder....

examine and analyze every facet of yourself critically about what you want. what you need. THEN chase after it.

don't chase after happiness as some vague abstract goal, because that ultimately will have you running around in circles like spiralgraph on crack. and i'm not saying you have to figure out where you're going in life right away, or what job you want, or what career, or anything like that. but consider what you want out of life in the bigger picture. what gives you peace? what makes you content? sort throught the past, have you ever been joyful? think practically.

and if you can't think of anything? well....i would say pursue every option. leave no rock unturned, leave no door unopened. it's your life, and it's in your hands. i think being content with being content is the saddest thing we can do in life. to me, that means a fear of progress. a fear of the unknown. a fear to forge ahead. it's giving in to apathy and letting the world get the better of you. it's nothing more than simply giving up. because lets be honest, if you're hoping for better, holding out hope against hope, faith unshakable and patience unlimited.....you must inherently know it's out there, or else what are you doing?? but where? probably somewhere you haven't looked is my guess if your search has been exhaustive. so don't go searching where you know the answer isn't. go searching where you have no clue what the answer is.

just my thoughts.....seems many around me have been strangely pensive as of late....if you've made it this far, i hope my rantings have been something to reflect on and help you procrastinate.

i bid you farewell.

for now.

i live.

i know...i know....it's been a while. i think the problem has been more i've had so much on my mind recently that to post it all at once would seem nuts. but i might as well do it bit by bit, or i'm never going to update again.

following in ivan's footsteps, i'll leave you all some teaser material to keep you coming back.

- slowly uploading some pictures from over the break, ACF retreat, and last term dumbness, to imagestation. view at your leisure.
- thoughts and reflections on ACF retreat
- i have the best girlfriend in the world
- the weather lately
- school
- friends
- my life as of late and the lives around me

as for now, i've gotten a few requests, so even though it's extremely overdue, i'm gonna throw my exceedingly wordy testimony up from my baptism over the christmas break.

further updates to come more frequently.

***********************************

I think this has been a long time coming. I’m just…..so thankful that I can be here right now, doing what I’m doing, and about to do…..

I’ve been coming here a long time. I was really involved at one point, didomi and choir and stuff…. but I eventually backed away and after a while just disassociated myself with the church, asides from coming here to eat lunch after service with my friends. It was really just the social draw and the habitualness of my parents yelling at me when I slept in that kept me coming here all the years towards the end of high school and the first year and a half or so of university.

I really seemed to wander away from God during this time. I think it was in part a conscious decision, but really I didn’t feel like I needed God. I was really happy without going to church, without doing all this stuff and having to depend on God for anything. I was doing just fine in my life, and was proud of it.

Particularly, high school was probably some of the best times I’ve ever had. I mean….it was a quarter of my entire life, and it’s a bunch of years I’ll never ever forget. I had great friends, I had a family that loved me, provided for me, and supported me in all my decisions. I went away to school after OAC looking towards a fresh change in scenery, meeting new people, all that good stuff. And you know, it exceeded all my expectations. I had a great time my first year, I made lots of great friends, lived on the best floor on campus, and I have memories from that year that I’m never going to forget. I spent more than half the year sleeping, and I still managed to scrape by with an acceptable average. In theory, you know, I really had things going pretty well. It didn’t last though…..i remember that all through this time though, every once in a while I would start to wonder about things. Like….i would just stop, and analyze me life, and I really wouldn’t end up very happy. And I think after I moved away…..it was FUN….. But these pensive moments started to get more frequent, and I started to grow increasingly frustrated.

And…ok…..you know, it sounds SO amazingly cliché, but the thing is….after a while….i just….started to flat out, hate my life. Through a lot of first year and my second year, I would spend an AWFUL lot of time just sitting around, alone, being really depressed about my life.

I really really REALLY hated school. You know, I don’t know what exactly the reason was, but the fact of the matter is, I had no interest in what I was learning. really, just absolutely none. And more than that….. I really hated my life. I hated MYSELF.
I would just sit there, or lie there, and do nothing but think about how crappy my life was. I had friends, great, all well and dandy. But for some reason, I felt like none of them really knew me at all. Like….that none of them really cared about me, or understood who the REAL me was. I can’t even count the times I’d just be really pathetic, and wish I would just disappear. i’d think about how badly I wanted to talk to someone, and just tell them how lonely I was, and how I felt like the world could care less about whether I existed or not. I really think I reveled in my own self pity. And it really sort of just spirals down, and snowballs from there, it’s so easy to just end up having thoughts of throwing yourself in front of subway trains, or driving your car into oncoming traffic or something like that. Partly because you hate yourself. Partly because you’re curious about who would care…..

And you know, I really just COULDN’T FIGURE IT OUT. I was just like….what the heck is WRONG with me? I thought I was like, a manic depressive or something, because no matter WHAT I did, I just couldn’t get OVER myself. i had a pretty darn good life. But I HATED it! I just felt so overwhelmingly empty sometimes. Like it was all futile, and pointless. All the things that I was proud of in my life before, my friends, my relationships, my stuff, my family…..it all meant nothing to me. They were totally meaningless.

I think after a long period of trying to think things through, to try and change myself, better myself, grow up and get better, I just gave up. I was just like….ok….you know what? I’ve tried EVERYTHING. But I’m still just this big, pool of blah wallowing in my own self pity. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t stop feeling sorry for myself.

…..I just wanted it to go away. More than anything in the world, I just wanted to feel…..right. And strangely enough, in the back of my mind, through all my wallowing, through all my self-loathing, I had consistently had thoughts about God. I was always open to entertaining questions of my faith, my beliefs from when I was younger and stuff like that, but even when I paused to think about God, I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself practically.

So basically….i started to take a kind of new found interest in my faith. I started going to fellowship a little more often….going back to church, started talking to people, asking questions. I didn’t know why….but I think the fact is, I had pretty much hit rock bottom around then….. I was just so ridiculously and inexplicably miserable that I figured I had nothing to lose by giving God a chance to turn things around for me. So I remember talking to a friend of mine one day, and she told me that even though I felt really stupid praying, I should just get over myself and do it. Even if I didn’t FEEL like I was doing anything, or talking to anybody, that I should just pray for God to take over, and that I wanted to give control of my life to Him.

Soo…..i did. And it was interesting, because….really, I don’t think anything really happened. Nothing miraculous, no sudden change in perspective, no total 180 degree turn around or whatever. But I remained curious. And gradually, over the course of weeks, months, countless discussions, encouragements, fellowships and bible studies, through friends, through reading the bible, through prayer….. I started learning more. Here and there, I would learn tiny lessons about God, about his character, and about the reality of the Cross. God really just…blessed me so much with an environment and group in London that spurred me on to grow more, and learn more. And not just learn more about God….but more about myself.

I think sometimes I’d like to have had a really gripping, dramatic tale about how God came down and instantly changed my life…..but the fact is, God hasn’t worked like that for me. He’s done things at his own pace, by his own time. No burning bush talking to me, no angels coming to me in my dreams…. Even though so many times in my life I’ve wished he WOULD just come down, and make things easy for me. but he hasn’t.
There has been no defining moment. And I think really, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I think there’s a reason God’s plan was so gradual for me, and that reason is this: I’ve always wanted God to be there for me, but I’ve been too scared to count the costs.

Someone once told me that we should worship God for who He is, and not for what he does. And I think that was strange for me. Up to that point, I had totally measured God’s relevance in my life by what he had done for me lately. For a long time, I wanted him to change me, but I wanted it to be a change on my own terms. I wanted God to fill the void in my heart, replace the emptiness and validate my life, but I wanted at the same time to remain in control of things. I was scared I think……I was scared of changing myself in ways I felt secure and comfortable in. I was scared of God asking me to give up things I loved, and things I cherished, because I didn’t think I could commit like that. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to commit myself to him like that.

The fact is, I’ve been running scared from God for my entire life. I always knew he was there, but I didn’t want to believe in him. I didn’t want to trust him. Every time he’s spoken to me, I’ve pushed him away because I didn’t want to listen. I’ve been so full of fear, so full of doubt, so unwilling to trust him, that it’s taken me years of him proving himself faithful to me in order for any of this to actually hit home. It’s sad….i know….and I wish that I could say I was strong enough to believe in Him after he showed me his grace once. But…..i just wasn’t.

And I’m glad he hasn’t been faithful in the sense of just one big gigantic moment that I probably could have rationalized away and forgotten about after a few months….and not faithful in the fleeting emotional sense that I know I would have been inclined to just chalk up to circumstance and walked away from…..but faithful in the sense that….looking back on my walk, and my entire life, God has been consistently faithful to me every single step of the way.

Each small revelation, or realization…… every time I’ve willingly and honestly sought to please God and know him more….God has provided for me exactly what I needed. At campus challenge last summer, I went in excited about the prospect of, and expecting to be built up, and instead God just totally broke me down. I’ve been learning that regardless of what I think is best for my life in order to be happy, and how I think I may best please him and grow, God knows so incomprehensibly better than we do. And if believing that fact means obeying him regardless of every fibre in my body wanting to hold on to my own dreams and desires, then so be it. For when I have, God has brought me through the darkest valleys of sorrow, reminding me time and time again of the Joy that comes from honoring Him, and clinging on to nothing but Christ alone.

Every time I’ve placed my trust in God, He’s come through a thousand times more than I could ever imagine. Through this process of waiting on God to guide me, instead of just me trying to presume that I know what’s best for my own life, he’s molded me, and taught me to have a faith in him that is real instead of based on stipulations. about a year ago today, I prayed into what I thought was thin air, for God to fully take control of my life. Lo and behold, here I am…..about to hand it over to him symbolically in baptism. It’s been a long, hard road, full of struggles, difficulties and moments where I just didn’t understand what God was doing. But as usual, things have a funny way of working out with God. I was actually considering getting baptized over the summer, than again in October, but ultimately God has shown me so much in the time since then, and I realize that there is a reason I’m here today, and not 2 months ago. It would take much more than my allotted time to share all the lessons I’ve learned over this past year, and how many times in my life God has amazed me, and reminded me of his sacrifice, and the cost that this joy comes at.…..but I guess long story short…..

For a really long time, i thought I was chasing after God, but it seems pretty clear to me now that it was really him who was chasing after me. being a yau, eventually I gave up and just let him catch me.
It beats running.

Bush in 30 Seconds

ahhh...no night is complete without a proper lefty diatribe against bush. i love how the fact is the right could never do anything as clever, witty or cool as this stuff because frankly, old rich guys aren't as handy with macs. silly bastards.

personal favourites include "what are we teaching our children?" and "al keyda", although i suppose as an actual political ad, the overall winner clearly deserved it.

makes me want to start making short clips.

it's snowing.

mmm..snow.....so much cocaine.

i mean snow.
snow....yes....

greetings...

sorry for the long hiatus, i've been sick for the last little bit and looking at the screen made my head hurt.

so annnyways, the break was great, but it's back to school now. and i've already managed to miss a bunch of classes due to my stupid fever. so next week is my REAL first week of school....

also, my brother stole my desktop, so it's going to be a while before i update the background since all my pictures are on it. darn brothers.

happy new years!

happy new years everyone!

i'll be posting a major picture upload within the next week, so keep your eyes peeled for pics from the 1st school term, random misc pics, new years/christmas get together and various other assortments of crap that i've accumulated.

so tonight was our ever so anticipated talentshow to go with our usualy christmas and new years festivities. it was probably one of the more.....uh....amusing and unique ideas we've had to pass the time. will be remembered, that much i can say with certainty.

have a good post-new years recovery day everyone! sleep in good!