i'm free! allllll freeeee!
now to go home and do manual labour for my parents this weekend as we move into our new house.
hm....i think i'm developing a sudden hernia......
in other news....I'M FREE!
Dec 10, 2003
Dec 8, 2003
Vita! Boisson A La Mangue!
no more due dates for the year. i am rather relieved.
this term really flew by.
i wonder how we each tend to judge the relative value of each term of our lives? by academic performance? social satisfaction? good balance in all areas of our lives?
if anything, i think i've been pleased by my non....apathy, this term. i've still hated school, but i've trudged to class more often, submitted more assignments on time, and studied a little bit harder than i would care to admit sometimes. on top of everything, i had a good time this term. lots of fun, lots of memories, lots of lessons learned......although i realize my school efforts have improved, they still leave much to be desired. but enh. everyone's gotta have goals, no?
upwards and onwards.
classes missed this term: ~20
days spent sleeping past noon: ~40
assignments submited on time: 8
assignments submited late: 3
litres of pop consumed: ~50
albums purchased: 5
meals missed: ~120
hats purchased off ebay: ~260
hats sold after ebay purchase: 0
trips back to toronto: 6
mice killed: 0
courses dropped: 0
classes failed: 0
i love my mouse free home.
this term really flew by.
i wonder how we each tend to judge the relative value of each term of our lives? by academic performance? social satisfaction? good balance in all areas of our lives?
if anything, i think i've been pleased by my non....apathy, this term. i've still hated school, but i've trudged to class more often, submitted more assignments on time, and studied a little bit harder than i would care to admit sometimes. on top of everything, i had a good time this term. lots of fun, lots of memories, lots of lessons learned......although i realize my school efforts have improved, they still leave much to be desired. but enh. everyone's gotta have goals, no?
upwards and onwards.
classes missed this term: ~20
days spent sleeping past noon: ~40
assignments submited on time: 8
assignments submited late: 3
litres of pop consumed: ~50
albums purchased: 5
meals missed: ~120
hats purchased off ebay: ~260
hats sold after ebay purchase: 0
trips back to toronto: 6
mice killed: 0
courses dropped: 0
classes failed: 0
i love my mouse free home.
Dec 6, 2003
Philosophy Games
this site is just a bunch of interactive games concerning philosophy, religion, rational thinking and the like. it sounds boring, but if you're into philosophy or even just pure intellectual stimulation via rational thinking process', you might find this amusing. i sure did.
my personal favourite is "battlegroundGod".
i took one hit and bit no bullets. yay.
my personal favourite is "battlegroundGod".
i took one hit and bit no bullets. yay.
Dec 5, 2003
Broken Social Scene - Dec. 4th, 2003
twofold update - removed picture of tina so she won't kill me.
also, so i can show off my spiffy pictures from the BSS concert. it was an absolutely amazing show. first some context - this show is actually the second of a back-to-back; they played yesterday night as well. it's all in an effort to raise money for a charity called the george herman house, for women in toronto who are in transitional periods of their lives. so not only was it a great show, but it was for a great cause.
metric opened, a band fronted by Emily Haines (the female vocals on the BSS track 'Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl'). they're not bad.....but i found her voice to actually get a bit annoying after a while. the band really shines musically when she focuses on playing the synths and they really just jam in the typical prog-indie rock climax attaining swell that is all the rage now-a-days. less is definitely more in this situation.
broken social scene were......AMAZING. production values, energy levels, enthusiasm and overall professionalism were all evident, and the crowd was extremely hyped and intelligent. all factors combined to make for an amazing 2 hour set, including every song off of their LP 'you forgot it in people' ending in an absolutely blow-your-mind performance of the aforementioned "anthems...." that featured pretty much everyone and their little dogs crowding the stage with 6 guitarists, 2 female vocals, an 8 piece brass section, and various other guests here and there. it was......near sonic perfection.
to cap it all off, returning for their encore, they were accompanied by special guest, Hayden who proceeded to perform.....some song....that frankly i'm unsure of the origins of. oh well, it was good.
and...as you can see by the picture.....the disco ball and stars were a very nice touch to the ambiance. all in all, one of the better shows i've been to this year. naturally, ranking behind bjork, but well ahead of even the death cab show several weeks back. very much worth the 20 bucks and wait in the cold weather. i'm not sure when these guys are gonna have the time to get together and play another toronto show, but if they do, i highly highly HIGHLY suggest you make it out to catch them. i promise you won't regret it.
also, so i can show off my spiffy pictures from the BSS concert. it was an absolutely amazing show. first some context - this show is actually the second of a back-to-back; they played yesterday night as well. it's all in an effort to raise money for a charity called the george herman house, for women in toronto who are in transitional periods of their lives. so not only was it a great show, but it was for a great cause.
metric opened, a band fronted by Emily Haines (the female vocals on the BSS track 'Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl'). they're not bad.....but i found her voice to actually get a bit annoying after a while. the band really shines musically when she focuses on playing the synths and they really just jam in the typical prog-indie rock climax attaining swell that is all the rage now-a-days. less is definitely more in this situation.
broken social scene were......AMAZING. production values, energy levels, enthusiasm and overall professionalism were all evident, and the crowd was extremely hyped and intelligent. all factors combined to make for an amazing 2 hour set, including every song off of their LP 'you forgot it in people' ending in an absolutely blow-your-mind performance of the aforementioned "anthems...." that featured pretty much everyone and their little dogs crowding the stage with 6 guitarists, 2 female vocals, an 8 piece brass section, and various other guests here and there. it was......near sonic perfection.
to cap it all off, returning for their encore, they were accompanied by special guest, Hayden who proceeded to perform.....some song....that frankly i'm unsure of the origins of. oh well, it was good.
and...as you can see by the picture.....the disco ball and stars were a very nice touch to the ambiance. all in all, one of the better shows i've been to this year. naturally, ranking behind bjork, but well ahead of even the death cab show several weeks back. very much worth the 20 bucks and wait in the cold weather. i'm not sure when these guys are gonna have the time to get together and play another toronto show, but if they do, i highly highly HIGHLY suggest you make it out to catch them. i promise you won't regret it.
Dec 3, 2003
TheStar.com - Jays sign Taiwanese pitcher
i didn't know people even played baseball in taiwan. oh well. it'd be awful cool if he eventually made it up to the big show for a few innings next year. it would probably double the crowds at the skydome.
can you imagine if he's good looking? girls from all over the city would take a sudden interest in the jays.......
i didn't know people even played baseball in taiwan. oh well. it'd be awful cool if he eventually made it up to the big show for a few innings next year. it would probably double the crowds at the skydome.
can you imagine if he's good looking? girls from all over the city would take a sudden interest in the jays.......
Dec 2, 2003
CBC News: Deadline Iraq - Uncensored Stories of the War - Resources
i saw this documentary on CBC:Newsworld last week, and i highly suggest that if anyone get the chance to sit down and watch it that they do so.
it details the stories of journalists and cameramen working in Iraq during the war last year, and it really shows the side of war that you never see. not from the opinion of a soldier, or some sort of biased view, but through the relatively objective eyes of the news.
they talk about all the stuff the army wouldn't let them say during the war, and they tell the real stories of what war is like reporting from the very midst of it. stories of innocent lives killed, civilians injured and the ramifications and consequences to the country that are never given a second thought here in the comfort of north america.
i saw this documentary on CBC:Newsworld last week, and i highly suggest that if anyone get the chance to sit down and watch it that they do so.
it details the stories of journalists and cameramen working in Iraq during the war last year, and it really shows the side of war that you never see. not from the opinion of a soldier, or some sort of biased view, but through the relatively objective eyes of the news.
they talk about all the stuff the army wouldn't let them say during the war, and they tell the real stories of what war is like reporting from the very midst of it. stories of innocent lives killed, civilians injured and the ramifications and consequences to the country that are never given a second thought here in the comfort of north america.
Dec 1, 2003
Psalm 19
"14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."
May the words of my mouth,
And the meditations of my heart,
Be pleasing to You,
Pleasing to You.
May the words of my mouth,
And the meditations of my heart,
Be pleasing to You, my God.
You're my Rock and my Redeemer,
You're the reason that I sing.
I desire to be a blessing,
In Your eyes,
Every hour, every moment,
Lord I want to be your servant,
I desire to be a blessing,
In Your eyes,
In Your eyes.
i've been posting a lot of song lyrics lately...i think the best part about songs is the knowledge and comfort that you're sharing in the same experience as someone else.
i've had this song in my mind all week....no particular reason why, i haven't sung it anywhere in a while but it's just been constantly popping into my head. the peace of God's mercy is overwhelming joy. it's like.....
yum.
be pleasing in your sight,
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."
May the words of my mouth,
And the meditations of my heart,
Be pleasing to You,
Pleasing to You.
May the words of my mouth,
And the meditations of my heart,
Be pleasing to You, my God.
You're my Rock and my Redeemer,
You're the reason that I sing.
I desire to be a blessing,
In Your eyes,
Every hour, every moment,
Lord I want to be your servant,
I desire to be a blessing,
In Your eyes,
In Your eyes.
i've been posting a lot of song lyrics lately...i think the best part about songs is the knowledge and comfort that you're sharing in the same experience as someone else.
i've had this song in my mind all week....no particular reason why, i haven't sung it anywhere in a while but it's just been constantly popping into my head. the peace of God's mercy is overwhelming joy. it's like.....
yum.
Nov 30, 2003
"I Am Jack's Younger Self"
i don't think i know anyone who isn't a fan of calvin and hobbes (strangely enough whom i referenced in my previous, more romanticized post). with that in mind, i now present to you a brilliant piece of work by one Mr. Galvin B. Chow that analyzes and explains the relationship between Calvin and Hobbes, and the movie Fight Club; irrefutably coming to the conclusion that indeed, Edward Norton plays none other than a grown up and jaded Calvin, while the imaginary Tyler Durden is the ravaged yet still influential remains of Hobbes in the darker recesses of Calvin's twisted adult mind.
enjoy.
The Secret Connections between "Fight Club" and "Calvin and Hobbes" REVEALED!
enjoy.
The Secret Connections between "Fight Club" and "Calvin and Hobbes" REVEALED!
i should be working...
i love it when the world is covered by the pure serenity of a blanket of fresh, powdered snow. not the heavy stuff that just turns into grey slush and dirty snowbanks, but the gentle confectioners sugar type of snow that just manages to cover the final hint of green on the ground, and transforms the outside from dull and drab to bright and new. greeting us in the morning as a simple reminder of how awesome it is to wake up everyday to a fresh start - a new day - and a world of possibilities and opportunities (c&h?). mistakes are forgotten, and replaced by the pureness of hope. blank slates, empty canvas' and white mornings of snow. all exciting for the same reason.
there's nothing quite as peaceful as lying alone in a snowy field.
that is - until someone runs over you with a snowblower.
then its personal.
also, ever notice that when people are cold, they tend to walk faster? it makes you wonder why there are so many fat people in cold climates huh? santa should be the fittest guy in the whole world. maybe it's all the milk and cookies he eats.
countdown until hats arrive: t-minus 2 weeks approx.
there's nothing quite as peaceful as lying alone in a snowy field.
that is - until someone runs over you with a snowblower.
then its personal.
also, ever notice that when people are cold, they tend to walk faster? it makes you wonder why there are so many fat people in cold climates huh? santa should be the fittest guy in the whole world. maybe it's all the milk and cookies he eats.
countdown until hats arrive: t-minus 2 weeks approx.
Nov 28, 2003
Nov 26, 2003
Nov 25, 2003
just another manic monday......
yes, i realize today is tuesday.
but yesterday was monday. and now that today is tuesday, it marks the end of possibly the absolutely most surreal week of my life.
i can't even begin to describe all that's happened over the last week, and what all of it has meant to me, and to those around me. there's so much about myself that i'm growing to understand, and so much more being revealed to me that i know i have to look closer at, and examine harder in order to finish the work that has been started in me.
at the same time, it seems like everyone around me has been equally contributing to the wonderment of the past seven days. friends have been amazing, the oddest most strange and yet pleasantly surprising things have just.....happened with friends, or between me and others. it's been a week where i've not just been blown away on the inside, but that everything around me seems to have been having interesting experiences too, seemingly unrelated to my own yet strangely connected in the greater scheme of things.
you know, sometimes you hear people say God is good. or God is faithful. and you think - well, alright. Because in your mind, that's not even a possibility, for "God" is an abstract. something you don't know, can't comprehend, or don't care to or need to.
but like.....when you finally experience how powerful His love for us can be. it's crazy. because for the longest time in the back of my mind, i thought maybe i was crazy for believing in Him, for trusting Him, and i second guessed myself every once in a while. but i kept plugging away. and i tried to find God. and now...at this point.....i can honestly say that i think i'd be crazy not to trust Him. He found me. and He's undeniable in my mind, in my heart. and that feels like.....no words can describe.
i read my post from one week ago exactly. on November 17th, and the context in which i wrote that post, and the events that have transpired in the week since then....even that very night...and wow. just....wow.
and i know that really, these past 7 days aren't symbolic of an end.
but merely a beginning.
but yesterday was monday. and now that today is tuesday, it marks the end of possibly the absolutely most surreal week of my life.
i can't even begin to describe all that's happened over the last week, and what all of it has meant to me, and to those around me. there's so much about myself that i'm growing to understand, and so much more being revealed to me that i know i have to look closer at, and examine harder in order to finish the work that has been started in me.
at the same time, it seems like everyone around me has been equally contributing to the wonderment of the past seven days. friends have been amazing, the oddest most strange and yet pleasantly surprising things have just.....happened with friends, or between me and others. it's been a week where i've not just been blown away on the inside, but that everything around me seems to have been having interesting experiences too, seemingly unrelated to my own yet strangely connected in the greater scheme of things.
you know, sometimes you hear people say God is good. or God is faithful. and you think - well, alright. Because in your mind, that's not even a possibility, for "God" is an abstract. something you don't know, can't comprehend, or don't care to or need to.
but like.....when you finally experience how powerful His love for us can be. it's crazy. because for the longest time in the back of my mind, i thought maybe i was crazy for believing in Him, for trusting Him, and i second guessed myself every once in a while. but i kept plugging away. and i tried to find God. and now...at this point.....i can honestly say that i think i'd be crazy not to trust Him. He found me. and He's undeniable in my mind, in my heart. and that feels like.....no words can describe.
i read my post from one week ago exactly. on November 17th, and the context in which i wrote that post, and the events that have transpired in the week since then....even that very night...and wow. just....wow.
and i know that really, these past 7 days aren't symbolic of an end.
but merely a beginning.
Nov 23, 2003
Quite Possibly, The Worst Disguise Ever
this news story is hillarious.
i mean. there's desperate people. then there's just stupid people.
this guy is just stupid.
on an unrelated note, does anyone else find stereotypes, be they racial, ethnic, religious, asthetic.....all hillarious? i don't know why we try so hard to avoid them, they're the source of all our best jokes.
i think i'd be perfectly fine and dandy if instead of avoiding stereotypes we just embraced them as humourous aspects of our daily lives.
like....a job interview with a black guy hoping to get a job and a white guy holding the interview would lose all its poltical weight and stress.
instead of worrying about offending the guy, the white guy could just be like.....i was gonna hire you. but then those women over in that corner of the office are scared of you because they think you're a criminal. then the black guy could all be like - yea? well i'm gonna sue you for racial discrimination. then the white guy could all be like, haha, that's jokes dawg. don't be trippin. cole me down on the patti side. and the black guy would be like, word.
or say i'm in a restaurant, and my waiter comes up to take my order and says, oh, by the way! don't tip like a cheap bastard! and i could all be like, hahahahaha, alright, just as long as you remember you're serving ME and that's the way it will be when my 1.2 billion bredren take over the world! then we'd all get a good laugh and probably share a few drinks once he gets off work.
see? no trepidation, no side-stepping, just let it all hang out.
wouldn't that be great? cuz i mean, in the end, aren't we all the same on the inside?
please don't think i'm racist. i'm just totally insensitive to the politically correct. there's a fine line. i like to think i straddle it well.
heh....heh....i said straddle.....
i mean. there's desperate people. then there's just stupid people.
this guy is just stupid.
on an unrelated note, does anyone else find stereotypes, be they racial, ethnic, religious, asthetic.....all hillarious? i don't know why we try so hard to avoid them, they're the source of all our best jokes.
i think i'd be perfectly fine and dandy if instead of avoiding stereotypes we just embraced them as humourous aspects of our daily lives.
like....a job interview with a black guy hoping to get a job and a white guy holding the interview would lose all its poltical weight and stress.
instead of worrying about offending the guy, the white guy could just be like.....i was gonna hire you. but then those women over in that corner of the office are scared of you because they think you're a criminal. then the black guy could all be like - yea? well i'm gonna sue you for racial discrimination. then the white guy could all be like, haha, that's jokes dawg. don't be trippin. cole me down on the patti side. and the black guy would be like, word.
or say i'm in a restaurant, and my waiter comes up to take my order and says, oh, by the way! don't tip like a cheap bastard! and i could all be like, hahahahaha, alright, just as long as you remember you're serving ME and that's the way it will be when my 1.2 billion bredren take over the world! then we'd all get a good laugh and probably share a few drinks once he gets off work.
see? no trepidation, no side-stepping, just let it all hang out.
wouldn't that be great? cuz i mean, in the end, aren't we all the same on the inside?
please don't think i'm racist. i'm just totally insensitive to the politically correct. there's a fine line. i like to think i straddle it well.
heh....heh....i said straddle.....
i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts....
i'm having a good day.
bought a bunch of cd's yesterday for 10 bucks each. relative steals...a used copy of p5's 'the fifth album from Matador', a brand-new copy of rufus wainwrights 'want one' and a used copy of dj shadow's 'endtroducing'. i've been looking to buy back endtroducing for months and months now, to find it for 10 bucks is awesome! not to mention the brand new rufus cd. it's on SALE for 13 bucks at futureshop, regularly 18 bucks.
cd's make me happy.
ALSO, i finally got a reply from the guy who i bought all those stupid hats from. EXTRA happy. 250 caps here i come baby!
then i spent all night today hanging out with the HYPE kids at lcac, and got to actually learn some of their names. it's kind of cool. i've been at lcac a while now, and probably will be for another 2 years or so at least. it's about time i got to know some of the kids i think.
overall a pretty long and tiring few days. but i'm feeling strangely full of energy.
bought a bunch of cd's yesterday for 10 bucks each. relative steals...a used copy of p5's 'the fifth album from Matador', a brand-new copy of rufus wainwrights 'want one' and a used copy of dj shadow's 'endtroducing'. i've been looking to buy back endtroducing for months and months now, to find it for 10 bucks is awesome! not to mention the brand new rufus cd. it's on SALE for 13 bucks at futureshop, regularly 18 bucks.
cd's make me happy.
ALSO, i finally got a reply from the guy who i bought all those stupid hats from. EXTRA happy. 250 caps here i come baby!
then i spent all night today hanging out with the HYPE kids at lcac, and got to actually learn some of their names. it's kind of cool. i've been at lcac a while now, and probably will be for another 2 years or so at least. it's about time i got to know some of the kids i think.
overall a pretty long and tiring few days. but i'm feeling strangely full of energy.
Nov 21, 2003
my little coil notebook.
inconspicuous in nature
you sit by my bed
waiting for me to fill your pages
with joy, with grief, with fears and hopes
you know me well
you've been my shoulder so often
more than i'd care to admit
oh my little coil notebook
you're running out of pages
i'll be sad to see you go
but take heart
your severance package is
surprisingly good
you sit by my bed
waiting for me to fill your pages
with joy, with grief, with fears and hopes
you know me well
you've been my shoulder so often
more than i'd care to admit
oh my little coil notebook
you're running out of pages
i'll be sad to see you go
but take heart
your severance package is
surprisingly good
Nov 20, 2003
you have led me to the sadness
i have carried this pain
on a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to You
i will sing of your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorry
to rivers of joy
when death like a gypsy
comes to steal what i love
i will still look to the heavens
i will still seek your face
but i fear you aren't listening
because there are no words
just the stillness and the hunger
for a faith that assures
alleluia, alleluia, alleluia, alleluia
while we wait for rescue
with our eyes tightly shut
face to the ground using our hands
to cover the fatal cut
though the pain is an ocean
tossing us around, around, around
you have calmed greater waters
higher mountains have come down
i have carried this pain
on a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to You
i will sing of your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorry
to rivers of joy
when death like a gypsy
comes to steal what i love
i will still look to the heavens
i will still seek your face
but i fear you aren't listening
because there are no words
just the stillness and the hunger
for a faith that assures
alleluia, alleluia, alleluia, alleluia
while we wait for rescue
with our eyes tightly shut
face to the ground using our hands
to cover the fatal cut
though the pain is an ocean
tossing us around, around, around
you have calmed greater waters
higher mountains have come down
Nov 19, 2003
Sometimes you are in a cave, and no human action is able to get you out. There is something you can't fix, can't heal, or cna't escape, and all you can do is trust God. Finding ultimate refuge in God means you become so immersed in his presence, so convinced of his goodness, so devoted to his lordship that you find even the cave is a perfectly safe place to be because he is there with you...Sooner or later, everybody logs some time in the cave. So when your time comes, just remember one thing: God does some of his best work in caves
- John Ortberg
There is a hope that is real. Painful as it is, difficult to comprehend as it is, there is joy in taking up our crosses and following Jesus. The pain is washed away by the knowledge that God is here, and He acknowledges that we have come to worship him.
- John Ortberg
There is a hope that is real. Painful as it is, difficult to comprehend as it is, there is joy in taking up our crosses and following Jesus. The pain is washed away by the knowledge that God is here, and He acknowledges that we have come to worship him.
Nov 18, 2003
Worlds Apart - Jars of Clay
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
To give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
More deeply than the oceans,
More abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache
Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees
All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me
Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin - soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
To give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
More deeply than the oceans,
More abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache
Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees
All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me
Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin - soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart
Nov 17, 2003
there is frustration involved in many aspects of life.
something i've been thinking about recently is the frustration of faith.
trusting God...IN God, has never come easily for me. it has been a struggle against my own logic, my own rationale, my fear, my pride. but never....never has God given up on me. without fail, everytime i've thrown my hands up in defeat, in indifference and disgust, God has come along on His own time - by His own means - and reeled my back in. i've constantly struggled with having to seek God...forcing His hand, test Him and baiting Him.
i still struggle with it. i find myself extraordinarily inadequate, and i see my own inequities as insurmountable. it's frustrating. it's frustrating spending so much time wanting, needing, praying to know God, and when you know God, feeling so insincere because you can't live up to what it demands.
I feel like i can't do it sometimes. that every time i screw up, every turn i turn my back from God it loses it's meaning. i've been here before, messed up before, asked for forgiveness before.
and i know all the cliche's. i know that not trusting him is bad, obviously. but i've also realized that if it were easy, it probably would mean nothing to me. If God had revealed himself to me without my arduous soul searching, if God had given me everything i sought of Him on a silver platter, i would probably have no respect for Him.
it's the humbleness that sometimes i overlook, the importance of just shutting up and listening. of recognizing when God's talking to me and letting Him talk instead of drowning Him out with my own whining and self-loathing and self-pity.
yea. it's frustrating. and i find myself apologizing a lot. saying sorry for a lot of the things i do, or fail to do.
but i'm learning. my expectations were for God to transform me into a perfect person overnight. My standards are high.....my expectations are high, but maybe i shouldn't be surprised when i fail i guess. it's not my job to be succesful in changing me. that's up to God. my role is just in staying faithful enough to let him do it. and for this i'm thankful.
i've said a lot of things to a lot of people, but ultimately when it comes to relating it to my own life, i feel i always forget my own words. things i've said, things that have been said through me by Him to others. i really shouldn't. sometimes they're good words.
anyways, this has been awfully personal and revealing. i guess what i'm trying to say, is that i'm going to be getting baptized on december 14th at Scarborough Chinese Alliance Church. i'd be extremely pleased if you would all join me. (even if i don't know you, i'd love to meet you there)
outy.
something i've been thinking about recently is the frustration of faith.
trusting God...IN God, has never come easily for me. it has been a struggle against my own logic, my own rationale, my fear, my pride. but never....never has God given up on me. without fail, everytime i've thrown my hands up in defeat, in indifference and disgust, God has come along on His own time - by His own means - and reeled my back in. i've constantly struggled with having to seek God...forcing His hand, test Him and baiting Him.
i still struggle with it. i find myself extraordinarily inadequate, and i see my own inequities as insurmountable. it's frustrating. it's frustrating spending so much time wanting, needing, praying to know God, and when you know God, feeling so insincere because you can't live up to what it demands.
I feel like i can't do it sometimes. that every time i screw up, every turn i turn my back from God it loses it's meaning. i've been here before, messed up before, asked for forgiveness before.
and i know all the cliche's. i know that not trusting him is bad, obviously. but i've also realized that if it were easy, it probably would mean nothing to me. If God had revealed himself to me without my arduous soul searching, if God had given me everything i sought of Him on a silver platter, i would probably have no respect for Him.
it's the humbleness that sometimes i overlook, the importance of just shutting up and listening. of recognizing when God's talking to me and letting Him talk instead of drowning Him out with my own whining and self-loathing and self-pity.
yea. it's frustrating. and i find myself apologizing a lot. saying sorry for a lot of the things i do, or fail to do.
but i'm learning. my expectations were for God to transform me into a perfect person overnight. My standards are high.....my expectations are high, but maybe i shouldn't be surprised when i fail i guess. it's not my job to be succesful in changing me. that's up to God. my role is just in staying faithful enough to let him do it. and for this i'm thankful.
i've said a lot of things to a lot of people, but ultimately when it comes to relating it to my own life, i feel i always forget my own words. things i've said, things that have been said through me by Him to others. i really shouldn't. sometimes they're good words.
anyways, this has been awfully personal and revealing. i guess what i'm trying to say, is that i'm going to be getting baptized on december 14th at Scarborough Chinese Alliance Church. i'd be extremely pleased if you would all join me. (even if i don't know you, i'd love to meet you there)
outy.
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