ZUNEGATE

The omnipresence of the president-elect is astounding.

No matter what website I visit, there's an article about Obama. It doesn't even matter the type of website it is, somehow it all ties in.

Obama plays basketball. He (might) have been spotted using a Zune instead of an Ipod. He doesn't like small yappy dogs. 

Good grief, he's become the kind of cultural icon that I don't think our society has had... frankly, ever, in my memory at least. Has anyone ever been as famous as this guy is right now?

Happiness is... contagious??

That seems like a strange word. This story is floating around today (here's the Globe column) that describes happiness as having a viral like impact on social networks. Personally I like the idea that one happy person could make a positive impact on people three or four degrees separated. The how part still has me puzzled (are they inferring it's by diffused proxy?) but I particularly like the use of the words contagious and virus. 

It's as if you have no choice, that you catch happiness without knowing or necessarily even wanting it. Does that actually happen? I'd like to track my own emotional state for some period of time just to analyze the social subtext and see what patterns emerge. 

If happiness is indeed contagious, does that then mean that if you are part of a stable and regular social group, any person who you decide to date must be approved by the majority of the group? Meaning, if your friends aren't happy with your relationship, does that actually mean that despite what you think, you really aren't happy with your relationship? 

That'd a scary thought frankly, I don't think I'd trust any of you to play matchmaker for me.

In another interesting story, apparently science is helping mute people speak. The gist of it is that by implanting a chip into this mute man's brain, when he thinks of a vowel sound the system outputs the appropriate sound electronically. 

Does anyone else see the obvious flaws with this system? You can't have something that says everything a man is thinking. He'd be arrested for sexual harassment within two hours of being released from his implant surgery. 

I actually think I've had nightmares where this exact thing happens to me. It's like "what women want" ... in reverse. 

Proroguepalooza 2008

*update* 

Prorogued! I just like saying that word. If there was an award for word of the year, no doubt it wins. If you had asked anybody in this country what "prorogued" meant 5 days ago you'd probably get punched in the face. Now it's on everyone's lips. The CBC is the new sesame street.

For all I mock this situation, I must say it's at least brought a modicum of entertainment value to Canadian politics that so often is lacking. Of course, it's entertainment more along the lines of TMZ than The Wire, so take from that what you will.

Seriously though, I haven't watched CBC Newsworld like this... ever. It's been my CNN this week, and I think at the very least it's getting Canadians more involved and opinionated about what's going on in Ottawa. Frankly, if you didn't vote, you have no right to complain. 

For the last hour and a half they've done nothing but show a shot of A DOOR. just that damn door at government house, for over an hour. Nobody walking through, nobody at the door. JUST A SHOT OF THE DOOR. Man. And this is considered exciting here in Canada. We are so awesome.

Justin Trudeau was also on earlier, and despite the wish that he might be our Obama, he definitely has a long ways to go. His oratory skills and media composure are nowhere near the president-elects (to be fair, few are), but the young Trudeau just needs to grow up a little more before he could be considered a leader of anything at all. 

As for my own take, they should just get this done with and kick the Conservatives out of government. They've done nothing productive. Let's get on with life. We can't afford to simply take a three week break in the middle of an economic crisis.

The opposite of narcolepsy

I suppose technically it would be insomnia, but that implies to me that narcolepsy is just that you sleep all the time. I was under the impression narcoleptics were equally categorized due to the fact that they can't control when thy fall asleep either, so technically insomnia's bizzarro doppelganger should be like, uncontrollable prolonged hibernation, or a mini-coma or something no? 

The reason I wonder is because I think I have whatever the opposite of narcolepsy is. I keep waking up for no reason, regardless of what time I sleep. The last few nights I've gone to bed at myriad times: 11pm, 12am, 3am, 2am and I always wake up naturally sometime between 5-7am. 

I haven't woken up to sunlight in over a week. I don't know why my body is doing this to me, sleeping is one of my special powers. This is like if Superman woke up one day and fell off a building trying to fly, or Oprah woke up and wasn't hungry -- it's unthinkable. 

Now, I realize this isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's no coincidence I suppose that I've been more productive in regards to job searching and freelance work in the last week than I have in the entire month prior. Being awake before noon afford me all sorts of time to do work and still have my fun at night -- what a concept! 

I'm just curious why all of a sudden this would happen though? It's like my body is trying to tell me something, probably along the lines of "Hey dumbass, I'm sore from lying here." 

Fortunately, I often go to McDonalds for breakfast these days, so I suppose I still have the last laugh on my being. Take THAT colon. 

Common sense news

The CBC morning reporter is on location to get opinions about a possible coalition government. 

"It's pretty overwhelming negative," she concluded. Of course, she was standing in front of a Tim Hortons at 7am in the morning. 

I'm guessing if she was at a Starbucks there might have been a different conclusion drawn. 

Little things like that bother me about newscasts. Why are you so lazy? Go to a subway station or something. 

MP phone home

Down south, President-Elect Obama officially announced the worst kept secret in Washington today when he nominated Hillary Clinton to be the nations next Secretary of State. 

Meanwhile, over in Ottawa, instead of doing things like... ohhhh, running a country, basically everybody is completely engrossed in nothing more than a glorified popularity contest. 

Do I think Stephen Harper is a moron? Sure. Do I think there will be a marked difference in policy if the Liberals are in power, or the NDP, or as it would seem is soon to happen, a Liberal Democrat leftist amalgam? Frankly, no. 

Nobody DOES anything in Ottawa. All they do is bicker over who gets to sit in the nicer chair, and meanwhile Canada continues to lack vision and leadership, particularly in trying times.

I don't care who the prime minister is so long as we see results. 

Given our current leadership options (and I use that term extremely loosely), I am skeptical. 

At best. 

Nobody outside of the 613 (or off the hill, for that matter) cares about Ottawa. That should be what they're talking about instead of who gets to rule an indifferent kingdom.

Couplesyncrisies, part 1

Why is it that once someone is in a serious relationship, or engaged, or married, all trace of unique individual presence online is sacrificed for the sake of a combined couple-presence for all communique? 

Emails? Lets just share one. Or perhaps one person will send or receive from the other half's address, but speak for both individuals. Evite? Plus one please, "me and [blank] will be there". 

I've never gotten to this stage, so I must say I am curious; is there some sort of conscious decision to just stop checking your own email at some point? 

I understand this occurrence in the situation where it's some sort of email planning chain, in which case you probably had to confirm if your significant other was coming before you replied, in which case yes it is probably more convenient to reply for them at that point. But that's only if you are replying from your own account. 

Often people reply from their significant other's account. This confuses me. If my girlfriend was sending emails from my account, I would probably punch her in the ovaries. Even if my girlfriend was just reading my emails I'd probably suspect she was turning into Kathy Bates from Misery (Ah, Kanye).

I find shared emails even odder. Why would anyone want to share an email? That's just disorganized. They're free. You probably had one of your own to begin with. Why on earth would you go through all the trouble of telling everyone you know to change their routine and switch to a new account where half the content is going to be irrelevant to you? Plus, you can't even use it professionally. What gives? 

And Evite? C'moonnnnnn, somebody bothered to include you both on a list. Just click the button, how hard is that?

What's next? Shared facebook profiles? I bet people would if they could. And that frightens me.

Bottled Goodness

I woke up this morning to a dog licking me in the face. 

Unbeknownst to me, the brother dropped off the four-legged baby for some dog sitting action. Walking  a dog is not nearly as amusing during minus degree weather as it is when it's sunny and warm outside. 

As much as I like dogs (I also like cats, though admittedly not as much) I've never understood how some people can love them like people. I guess I think it's just because we're all lonely, and we know that pets are the closest thing to unconditional companionship we have. They don't judge you, and you can talk all you want and get nothing but affection in return. 

Also, unlike actual kids, there are no consequences. If you have a misbehaving dog, nobody thinks you're a bad human being. Except judgmental fellow pet owners. But that type of person is probably a douche, so what do you care anyways. 

Did you hear about the gunfight at a Toys 'R' Us during Black Friday?

If only gang fights could be fought with Nerf weapons, the world would be a safer place. 

When did this blog jump the shark?

You know, reading posts from a few years ago (back when my blog titles were all song titles -- how original!), I realized that it was actually pretty entertaining. I mean, if I worked in an office all day, I can see how one might get excited to see what the old chap had thrown up there too.

Not to toot my own horn or anything. But y'know. There was some good, clever, insightful commentary back in those days. 

But now... well, I don't know how or when, but I just stopped posting regularly, and even when I do, it's usually vaguely philosophical or vaguely snarky. Vaguely being the operative word, while I would generally not use entertaining or insightful about any of it. 

This realization is saddening.

So with that in mind, the blog is making a comeback baby. Regular updates. Well thought out posts. Editing. The whole nine yards. Maybe even multiple posts a day. Oooohhhh....

Hell, we all know I have nothing else to do anyways, I mean it's nearly 8am and I frankly have no intention of sleeping still. I think I'll go for McDonald's breakfast, I haven't had that in a long time. 

My parents are also back from their three-month world romp. It's strange having noises in the house again that aren't emanating from me. I even pinched a load and took a shower last night without realizing I left the door wide open until I stepped out of the shower. Good thing it was like, 5am. 

You know why I can't sleep? I'm actually pretty hyper, but I started reading a book at around midnight and I read the whole damn thing through in one sitting. It's one of those contemporary novels with subtext and social commentary about our modern society and the average everyday lives we lead, and how we're all complicated lives, and yadda yadda. 

The thing I mostly got out of it -- which is true -- was how much lying we do in a day. Or at least like, pretending. I mean, it's super cliche but I can't even begin to describe how fake I am in at least 75% of my social interaction. Does this mean that three out of every four conversations you've had with me is a fraud? No, not necessarily. But that probably means we've had conversations where everything I say is dictated by the status quo rather than my own personality. 

But c'mon. Like you don't do it too. 

Poor guy hires little guy to pretend to be poor guy to help poor guy find job

TORONTO - For many people, just looking for a new job can often seem like a full-time job itself. 

Local unemployed man Simon Yau agreed, and decided that in order to maximize the efficiency of his continuing job search, it only made proper business sense to outsource the task to a special consultant. 

"It's been working out great," said Yau, who recently hired eight year old neighbour Josh Sanders on a contract position. Sanders was tasked with applying to jobs and making cold calls on behalf of the 26 year old Yau. 

"I'm a writer, not a salesperson, you know?" explained Yau, "Athletes get agents and lawyers because those aren't their strong suits -- so it just made sense to bring Josh aboard. He sold me a box of chocolate almonds for school earlier this year and you could just tell he was talented. I mean, he really sold those almonds. I bought two boxes." 

A recent statscan survey revealed that small businesses accounted for 74% of all new jobs in 2008, and experts agree that the best way to climb out of the current economic downturn is to loosen some wary purse strings.

Other well-intentioned unemployed people have shown interest in Yau's unorthodox approach, many of whom laud the cash-strapped writers creativity.

"Not only will it help him find a job, but he's also helping to create jobs in a sagging economy," said Eric Sanders, a professional carpenter and father of Josh. "I think more people should follow [Mr. Yau's] lead, Josh comes home every night exhausted but it's cheaper than paying for after school daycare."

"I originally was going to hire someone with a longer resume," conceded Yau, "but honestly, it's just hard to find good help these days. I mean, you trawl through all the applications you get from these websites and really, many of them are just garbage." 

Yau is currently still unemployed as of the time of this story, but has expressed a strong trust in his new hire's ability to get the job done.

"Josh will find me something," said the writer. "He just learned how to use comma's this week, so that'll help immensely I believe."

"I'm learning," agreed the young Sanders, before adding "but work like, sucks."

conversation fodder

You know, a lot of cliches get laughed at as small talk conversation fodder. Things like the weather, or the local sports teams. But you know what? Those topics work every time in breaking the ice and making conversations a little less informal.

I'm slowly developing a philosophy where all my life decisions will be mandated by social cliches and stereotypes. It's foolproof! 

1.20.2009

“Rosa [Parks] sat so Martin [Luther King] could walk. Martin walked so Obama could run. Obama ran so our children could fly,” Mr. Victor said, attributing the poetic phrase to a wise man." The Globe and Mail, November 5, 2008

There's a lot to be said about this night that most people implicitly understood. The gravitas of the moment was communicated even on Fox News, where commentator Juan Williams said, “I don’t care how you feel about him politically, you have to say, this is America at its grandest.”

As a proud Canadian, there is a ready list of reasons why I often find myself looking down on our neighbours to the South (not just geographically, har har). 

But on this night, America's Spirit cannot be doubted. It appears in glimpses, in times of trial and perhaps momentarily during the Olympics. But for the first time in my life, I recognized it  clearly during the most democratic of events; an election for the head of state. 

It is humbling not only to witness such a wonderful moment in history, but to consider contextually the fact that this U.S. election saw a record voter turnout in the same year Canada's participation levels dropped to an all time low. 

It has been an incredibly long time since the world has admired the United States of America. We sympathized with her on September 11, 2001. We supported her when Afghanistan was invaded. But true admiration, and viewing the USA as its many cliches demand; a beacon of hope; a land of dreams; land of liberty and democracy, this has in my life never been an option. 

It was tonight. And if anything, it should give our own country something long and deep to consider in terms of who we want to be, and what Canada must do to get there. The hard work we must under go, the complacency that must be ousted and the pride and desire to see Canada become a global leader instead of a follower. 

But these are conversations for tomorrow. Tonight belongs to you, America.

Congratulations, and welcome back.

I am a walking Frasier joke

You know, in retrospect, the most telling experience from this whole wild weekend past was nothing related to weddings, or hilariously sad and simultaneously amusing dancing (and I use that term incredibly loosely) in my basement. Nor, even the fact said house shenanigans involved 83% males. 

No, the experience in hindsight which gave me most reason for introspection was when me and Irene were running around squabbling over a box of Perrier (a match of wits in which I can proudly claim victory; though, rest assured, I will take only a pirates share. The rest will be waiting here for you.)

In my deepest thoughts, I realized that this was a microcosm of my being. Chasing around French Fizzy like a (well-dressed) crack addict.

Awesome. 

crate's of barrels

Walking through Yorkdale today, I noticed that the new Crate and Barrel store had finally opened to the joy of yuppies from Woodbridge to Whitby. 

Now, don't get me wrong. I think it's an interesting store, and even bought a couple things (I am now the proud owner of a pepper mill. Thank you.) but I don't understand why there seemed to be so much excitement about this place in anticipation to its opening. It's like Ikea, mixed with william sonoma. 

Is that all it takes to get people revved up these days? I mean that combination works on paper, except there is no actual originality in what's offered. In fact, I find it takes the worst posslbe traits of its influences. The furniture and products all look exactly like Ikea, but are priced like w&s. What's so great about that? 

Granted, the quality is obviously better, but it'd be nice if those of us choosing to embrace our inner consumer would have some more varied options. I realize the local mall isn't exactly the place to find treasures off the beaten path, but the homogeneity of crate and barrel is a little disconcerting considering how much people seem to love it. 

You know what hypothetical store I'd really like to see? A combination of H&M and Harry Rosen - a more eclectic and varied selection of affordable men's formal wear.

Somebody, take my idea and run with it.

Five thousand meters above sea level

In a pleasant surprise, my room here in Lhasa has a computer with internet access, unlimited usage and free of charge. I am also sharing my room with a mouse, one that roams untethered to the computer and was last seen somewhere between the television and the wall. A fair trade, I'd say.

The train ride here took more than twenty-four hours and stopped only twice. The train twisted through the North Eastern parts of Tibet, through the outskirts of the Himalayan range. The scenery was pretty awesome.

Snow capped mountains as jagged as the Rockies; the worlds highest lake; silt-covered riverbeds framing crystal clear glacier rivers; frozen tundra; rolling plains and foothills as lush as a windows desktop picture... all sandwiched by lots of naps. so, so many naps.

The thin air definitely is getting to some. The conductor lady who was servicing my car had to stand outside at a stop for about thirty-minutes, and when she got back in she was literally a shade of pale blue.

I seem to have suffered no ill-effects thusfar, but I haven't really spent more than ten to fifteen minutes at a time outside. I like to think my superior conditioning has more to do with my imperviousness to human weakness however.

As a bonus, I've managed to read three books so far this trip and am halfway through Naomi Klein's Shock Doctrine. Normally it takes me ages to read Klein's writing, just because I spend half my time re-reading passages to filter out her angry-rhetoric from the actual points of note. I must say that compared to No Logo, her newest book is much less openly antagonistic, it really is a more effective criticism of corporate capitalism. Her research is really impressive, it's much more meaty than simple activist sentiment and doesn't have the pervasive single-mindedness of No Logo.

I'm not done but I highly suggest it to anyone with even a mild interest in cutting to the heart of geo-political matters and what is happening in the world around us, behind the wall of media.

Going to check out The Potala Palace tomorrow morning, it's on a giant hill in the middle of the city, illuminated as the bus drove from the train station to my hotel. It's actually quite similar to how the Parthenon in Athens is visible on the hill from everywhere in the city, it should be an interesting excursion.

Internet one more night as I'll be in Lhasa at least another few days.

a prologue

1:24am. Seven hours forty five minutes remaining. 

This will not be the most exciting vacation I have ever been on. 

Some might dismiss this as a prophesy of the self-fulfilling variety, but I am rather assured that despite the practical and mildly interesting experiences that will come from this month out of country, it will not be four weeks of mindless fun. 

Rather, I see it as an opportunity to wax philosophical about a rather unexpected phase of life wrapping itself up and -- again --  being tossed into the professional wilderness; wondering where the winds will take me next. 

Lazing around with friends, I wondered if this was any way to live a life. 

We discussed the meritocracy of marriage in our social circles, and though I know nothing is wrong with being single, I do ponder the masochism of choosing to self-flagellate oneself through submersion in the world of the betrothed. 

I cannot say however strongly enough -- that is not an indictment. It is merely an honest query about the different paths we choose. 

But I digress. At the very least, I am anticipating a trip that gives my brain an opportunity to again expand. 

If I can do that at the very least, I am excited about my return. 

How was that on a pretentious scale? I'm completely out of practice, having written nothing but basketball news for the past eight months. I've forgotten how to shape the english language I feel, outside of paraphrasing a lede.

The formula of online publishing was truly more stifling than even I realized until I began putting words to screen freely again. 

Do androids dream of electric sheep?

What it's like to be an Olympic diver

Consider me a self-loathing pseudo member of the "media"

This whole issue with listeriosis and sandwich meats has me wondering how journalists are making decisions when it comes to reporting the news. I'd like to meet the editors at CBC....

Actually, I have met some of them. It still boggles my mind, they seem so normal when you shake their hands.

Even worse is when the news show clips of people who are all paranoid of propane tanks exploding everywhere.

By the same logic that people are arguing propane tanks shouldn't be in residential areas, one could also reasonably posit that gas stations shouldn't be in those same areas, or hell, airports for that matter -- look at Air Spain!

...but I am supremely dissapointed in Canada

There are countries I've never even heard of who have a medal in the Olympics.

I think the most disappointing thing about our team isn't the lack of hardware as much as its the lack of actual performance.

Outside of the swimmers, who have consistently set new personal and Canadian records, it's a very rare occurrence for a Canadian Olympian to have the performance of their life at an Olympic games.

That's all I'm really looking for. That these athletes try their best and truly leave it all on the field, as the cliche goes.

Instead, our signature is choking (see Felicien, Perdita, or our synchro mens diving team).

If we step up when it matters most and lose because of talent, that's completely understandable. I can be proud of that.

I'm not a big fan of underachievers and crumpling under pressure. Canadians are supposed to be about heart and grit, but it sure doesn't look it with every Olympic games that pass us by.

I love the Olympics

I am supremely envious of Steph and Gord and Van who get to catch some events and soak in the atmosphere of a Summer Olympic games.

The best part of the Olympics is by far the fact that you get to watch all these sports that otherwise wouldn't be interesting, but are during the Olympics because only the best-of-the-best in the world are present at these competitions.

According to my casual observations, here is a list of things the Chinese gymnastics team have mastered:

- Gymnastics

Here are things they seriously need to work on:

- Giving high-fives

Seriously.

It's like watching Phil Michelson try to dap his caddie. Just so, incredibly awkward.