new years seems to get less and less eventful every year. i suppose as you get older and the years start to pile up, each year passing seems to be less of a deal in retrospect as there's so many already gone by. then again, there's still that sense of nostalgia the comes with new years, and you can't help but think of the year that has just passed. the really crazy part is how quickly it all flew by. I sometimes forget that this past year i was still in first year. since we all count by school years, i guess it's sometimes hard to remember that, but indeed we were merely freshmen and summer was a puny 3, 4 months tops. summer always feels like an eternity until it ends, but we'll leave that for another day.

so yes. new years. when we realize how fleeting life is. and there's those that sulk at this fact, and those that take it as rationale to enjoy life to it's fullest. after all, you only have so many days to have fun. where's the efficiency in moping around?

asides from looking back, i guess looking forward is an equally important aspect of each new years. expectations, anticipation, the mystery of another chapter of our lives, ready to be written. i use to think i could have gut feelings about years. that, hey, this one's gonna be big. but as i've experienced, this is silly; they all end up big, especially when you least expect it. predicting life is like looking ahead at an invisible road. you could guess, and it might even be educated. but you just never know what's gonna happen. when the bottom will drop out, or you'll take a corner too fast. that's the fun i personally think. conversely, i suppose that's the tragic part of life, but if you don't accept both sides of the coin, there isn't much point in living.

anyhow.

resolutions are for idiots i always thought. silly idealists who dream big and have zero ambition. but maybe there's something in a new year after all? some.....intangible appeal about the possibility of a fresh start. to be able to change who you are at the stroke of midnight and take on the world, fresh faced once again and ready to mend past mistakes (or at the very least, leave them behind).

am i one of these people? as i said, apparently i am when it comes to school years. i thought i would be more responsible this term, but that doesn't seem to be the case. and now that i have one term left to drastically determine my future educational paths, i fear i may be unable once again to change.

in a new year however, one can't shake that little nagging voice...annoying as it is:

fresh start!
hope springs eternal. one can only believe it's this voice that makes people such survivors.

you know it's going to be a good day when you wake up with a song in your head, and that song ends up being the first song you hear when you turn on the radio.

and in the end, it was a white christmas after all.
how refreshing!

Merry Christmas boys and girls. have a good one.

man. it's so hard coming home and having to get used to living with parents again.

adapting to a situation where u have to keep thinking of someone elses needs ahead of your own never fails to frustrate me.

i don't think i'm fit for fatherhood.
actually, i don't think i'm fit for any sort of committment of any type whatsoever....hahaha

well, i've been free from captivity for all of 5 days now and i find myself spending much more than my budget allows for this christmas.
thriftyness will certainly need to be a virtue in the upcoming weeks, or i'm fairly sure i'll find myself sitting at home playing counter-strike for the last week of holidays because i can't afford to leave the house...haha

at least i'm keeping busy i suppose. the next week or so seems to be planned fairly loosely, with events here or there, and the whole Christmas thing and all.

i went to an all-asian intervaristy jam earlier tonight and ran into a bunch of people from school. i was mentioning to my friends how being part of all asian events bugged me. Not only because i find all asian events not as fun as multicultural (read: normal) ones, but it seems when you have an entire club of asians gathered for the sake of having fun by segregation of ourselves from the society around us, i can't help but feel like a freak show. I mean, i know if i walked by an entire building full of drunken asians, i can imagine a non-asian person being fairly confused by the situation. i mean, you don't see there being all white nights. or all black nights.

whats with the all asian nights? i just don't get it.

annnnnyhow....

what with all the shopping that goes on this time of year, i've been thinking alot about my personal standards and stuff, and how difficult it is to live a straight faced, non-hypocritical life when society is fighting against you at every turn. it's sort of like being religious the more i think about it....

i mean....i don't WANT to support child labour. i dont' WANT to be some mindless peonic conformist.....but it's so hard because the more someone seperates themselves from society, the more difficult it becomes to be succesful in society. So if i don't BUY anything, what do i wear? home made clothes and thrift shop wear and indie labels are all cool and hip and stuff, but poor-clothes only last so long, and it's really hard to afford most non-major-retail clothing. I mean, pants cost literally a hundred dollars at lots of stores on queen (arguably the mecca of toronto youth counter-culture). why do i have to be poor to make the world a better place? what if Nike makes the best damn basketball shoes? what choice do i have as a basketball fan?

stupid world and its stupid messed up people.
i'll just sit around i guess, and do what i can. i can't expect to change the world, but i guess it's people who least expect to that usually end up doing so.

i mean hell, ghandi just sat there. That chinese student just stood there in tiananmen square (in front of a tank no less). I wonder what they were thinking...the brave, but incredibly stupid, bastards.....

ahhhhh........exams are over, and first term has ended.
i feel funny. but good funny. per usual, i'm running on fumes.....i failed to sleep last night as i was studying for this final exam - and i use the term 'studying' loosely here - so i'm quite weary. and my arm hurts.
three essay exam. i think i have tennis elbow now....goddamn school.

but yes. the freedom leaves a very nice, warm feeling inside me. not to mention excitment about christmas break. my relief is palpable. sort of like taking a leak after drinking tedious amounts of beer. ohhhhh yea...

lets take a retrospective look at first term, shall we?

assignments missed: 1
classes missed: ? (all of them, minus..oh....5)
mice discovered: 1
exams failed: 1 (this number is likely to rise as marks return)
hours spent at computer: (how many hours of missed classes was that?....thats about it....)

MIT courses kicked out of: 0

i'm particularly proud of that last one.

see ya in toronto children.

whoa. so i downloaded this christmas album by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and it is soooo cool....

it's traditional carols and stuff, but a nice refreshing take on them.
look them up.
i must say, if i had to describe it....imagine if styxx and queen got together and made a christmas album, haha

i also got myself the bright eyes christmas album. very cool.

oh my goodness.
if one more raptor gets injured, then it's pretty much our entire team with the exception of morris peterson, chris jeffries and michael bradley are a bunch of gimps.

those three aren't exactly the greatest triple threat in the league....

so i've been having serious problem getting motivated for school.
i'm not sure what it is, but my apathy seems to have reached an all time low. or high. i dunno, i guess both would be technically correct.

but anyways, i really can't focus on doing my work. i just wander around finding things to eat up time instead. and i know this is normal, but it's never been this bad before. i'm even making MYSELF sick i've been so lazy as of late. i'm not sure what's going on. maybe i'm just hitting a wall or something. but that'd be strange, since i'd have to have gotten moving first before i could hit a wall. hm....

maybe it's time i start looking for stuff that i'd actually like to do for a living instead of taking all these classes that bore the hell out of me....

the new maxima is pretty ugly.
it looks like a hyundai or something, cuz it has the "i'm a cheaper rip-off of another car" type look to it.
it's an ugly 2000 passat is what it is. damn...

holy crap i'm busy this week....
4 exams and an essay all in one week.....it's not going to be pretty.
next sunday seems so far away.......but then...it's allll over.....

holy crap i'm busy this week....
4 exams and an essay all in one week.....it's not going to be pretty.
next sunday seems so far away.......but then...it's allll over.....

so we FINALLY got around to playing with the camera.
we did one of those conanish skit/slide show things. i thought it was pretty funny, even though i must say in the end, the artistic integrity of my script was compromised.
damn you du. damn you.

check it out here!

and i thought this picture was pretty funny too. anyone seen the ring? haha....yes. you are special as you understand this picture....

meh. i decided two seperate sections was too much trouble.
i think we're gonna start makign silly movies......once we have free time, that is. even amusement can be hindered by laziness i've learned.

anyhow, the ok go album is just really really catchy. Nothing spectacular, but an album that knows what it's goal is, and it certainly pleases.
really good album, i highly recommend it to anyone.

so me and du were watching this informercial this morning where you tie a baseball to a string and you keep hitting it around a pole (a la tetherball) to improve your hand eye co-ordination and stuff.
and in the background of every scene, there's someone like, clapping and cheering whoever's using the thing on. EVERY scene.
it was funny.

added a new section to the page!
mupic. it's over there on the right. see it? good.

CBC radio 3. The site just launched, and it's really really slick, has good articles and some kick ass tunes. i suggest anyone interested in good, intelligent music check it out. Great site design too.

nope, couldn't make it to class.
mmmm....bed....

haha, man. i suck at this.

YES. i went to morning class today.
my goal this week is perfect class attendence. it may sound stupid, but for me, an accomplishment of this magnitude is.....well, unheard of. making 9am class was the hardest one probably. no i just have to stay awake long enough to go to the rest of them.....my bed is calling me.....must....resist.....

plus i have an assignment due later today i should start. shouldn't be too bad, i'm suppose to interview someone. looks like i'll be making up an imaginary interview subject, as i'm too lazy to actually involve others. besides, that just takes longer, and time wasted is time i could be....well....sleeping.

hopefully i'll get around to taking stupid pictures this week....i've been too lazy to play with that camera until now, but i don't have too too much else to do. yay technology.

dammit, i buy headlights for no more than 2 and a half weeks and one of them totally melts on me. stupid headlight. now i'm back to my dull, yellow, blah-lights. oh well. i still have the car at least.....whew.

almost time for christmas break. i need a job...damn london and it's inability to please me. damn it all to hell.

so i finally got around to checking my exam schedule.
i have 4, with 3 being withing the first few days of exams, and then i have a few days off to study for my last exam which is on the 12th.

STUPID MIT. if it wasn't for that, i'd be done exams on the 9th. argh.
oh well. 12th is pretty good too i suppose. leaves me plenty of time to do some christmas shopping. on my limited budget. hm.....

woohoo dec 12. the countdown begins......not that i go to school anyways, but it's a psychological thing i guess?

the new furnace comes tomorrow at 7am. (about 3 hours from now...)

i'm literally shaking in anticipation. or more so, shivering.

i don't have much to do until exams now.
i couldn't be more pleased to bum around. i feel i actually worked hard for a few days. now if i can just get myself to go to class....

eep. the message board is out of control.

why is it my innocent board has turned into a forum for anarchy?
what did it ever do to you?

well, our furnace is broken.

i would say last nite my bedroom was in the range of 3-5 degrees.
it was cold. it's STILL cold now, but during the day it's just...JUST bareable to check my email and let my fingers out of the sleeve of my hoodie.

it realy puts things in perpective though.
i have a whole new respect. for homeless people.
anyone up for volunteering this christmas?

yea, i'm convinced the japanese version of the ring is waaaay scarier than the american one. it gave my the willies. i haven't been that scared of a movie since like...welllll, ever, i think.

check it out, it's pretty cool. i warn you though, it's not for those with over active imaginations. it took many games of counterstrike before i started to stop picturing the scary scenes.....

man i sound like a fairy.

man, i failed my polisci exam today so incredibly badly.
i didn't study at ALL. literally. i sat down, and for the first time in a while i actually had literally NO clue what to write.

so i made stuff up. in MY mind at least, the reason for the license plate's development of nationalism in Canada is that it instills local pride in your province. You get to say, hey, look, thats guy's from ontario too! look, thats guys from newfoundland. lets ignore him. then the ontario people party it up and don't have to associate with idiots. Thats why they're great. they're status symbols!

yes. that is HONESTLY a sample of one of the essays i wrote. may god help me....i hope whoever's marking it has a little bit of humour, and a helluva lot of mercy.....

i need to like...sleep....

whats the fastest way to defrost meat thats frozen to styrofoam? how discouraging indeed.
the little nuances of life i have yet to grasp.....

sooooo....my entire house is sitting around posting on my message board while at the same time yelling to each other from our rooms.

this is too funny.

tonight shall be stupid photo story night.
further updates as evens warrant.

went to the raps game and came to this conclusion:

the closer you are to the court, the hotter the girls are.

i'm sure there's some sort of mathamatical algorithm to calculate this theory, but i'm not qualified to do it. i'm sure it exists however.

holy, the message board is getting some heavy action.
i seems as though non-haig people are intimidated from posting consistantly.

well, don't be. OR ELSE.

asides from that, american elections were tonight, and the reds had an insane night. dammit. it's so.....distressing, to see democrats falling because they've totally lost sight of what they stand for. this is what happens when you concede, and concede, and don't stand up for your morals. yes, politics is a game, but in the end, people are going to vote for people who believe in themselves. being hollow pawns isn't conviction. i respect some republicans for at least standing by their ideals. sadly, in this sham of a two party system, it seems they're the only party who is willing to do so.

yikes. the exam i wrote this afternoon was absolutely brutal. i hope i got above 70....i'm guessing i'm more likely in the c range though. crap. you'd think i'd learn to study just a little bit more...

herb brought a digital camera up for a while, so i might be throwing some random photos and captions up, just for kicks. nothing to help one procrastinate then our own faces on the computer and a few hours of photoshop....hehheh....

soooo, lets see. i didn't get any studying done today, so i better cram all day tomorrow or my midterm on monday will be an all out asault on my ass.

on a brighter note, i finally saw bowling for columbine tonight, and i must say i was impressed with it. i think it's wonderfully well done, and it gets his message across fairly clearly, although one could argue not clearly enough. there were times i sensed it almost bordered on reverse-racism, but , racism isn't the issue mike is bringing up, so whatever. my only true criticism of the film would be the final scene where charleton heston is interviewed, as president of the NRA. To put it bluntly, the man is senile. the interview seemed to be typical michael moore fare, however, i felt it was fairly aparent charlie wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. he's an old man, and anyone who sees this scene would likely concur he doesn't seem concious enough of his past actions to realise what's happening right in front of him. I'm left to wonder if he doesn't

1) keep guns in his house simply out of habit, as opposed to reason
2) isn't simply a political and media related pawn of the NRA, doing as they wish for lack of better things to do, and lack of ability to think of 100% sound mind

i'm not sure michael moore should have included this scene. sure, it proves a point, but it makes charleton heston look like satan's spawn, spitting on the memory of a 6 year old girl shot at gunpoint. however, i would be loathe to believe, even AS the president of the NRA, that the guy has much if any say in the administration and political agenda of the NRA. sure, mike went after the most obvious, public target, but in this case, i think the wrong one.

other then that, it's an AMAZING film and documentary. i know i sound like a bit of a pawn, hawking all things moore, but he really is a great guy. he's essentially noam chomsky for the layman, which may be pathetic and sad for a few, but in my mind, anyone who is an elitist liberal, indymedia/nologo zombie snob is really everything that michael moore and, really, chomsky and naomi and the nologo ideals stand for: a better world for everyone. it's hypocritical to think getting a positive message across is ever a bad thing, regardless of how "cool" it is to be underground. so go watch this fillm. it'll really get you thinking.

for one, i'm going to try and stop watching tv. altogether. ALL of it, with the exception of sporting events.
wish me luck.

man, i got a lot of crap coming up this next week.
hope i can pull it all off without a scratch.....on the bright side i know when everything's due. argh. hating school all year long only makes it hader to squeak by when everything comes at you at once. mainly because i've done absolutely nothing so far. however, i did make pasta a few days ago, and i'm planning on trying to eat nothing but fruit today. we'll see how that goes.....haha. man.

saw jackass today. i highly recommend it. it's really exactly like the tv show, except on crack. i pretty much pissed my pants laughing.
everyone should see this movie. i order you. NOW.

man. i must have played guitar for a good....hm.....almost 5 hours today? man....it's wierd. i missed classes again even though i woke up at 8:30am. thats crazy. i guess something deep inside me really really REALLY hates this school thing huh? eeks.

we got a router for 50 bucks. oooooooh yea, can you DIG it?
now everyone can surf happily whilest i cart my comp to rob's to play warcraft everynight,mwahahahaha

yes, i know, somewhere, ivan and brian are reading this and laughing.

sick. we lost in the first round of the playoffs.
i think i have a softball curse on me. thats three playoffs in a row i've lost in the first round, not to even get into our pathetic late game melt down against the oracles two years ago. ARGH. maybe it's time i forgo any pride and just sign up to play for a stacked team.....hm......who's looking for a senior third basemen this summer? haha

so heres a typical tale of how small the asian christian world is in ontario:
i'm driving this girl home from ACF last nite, and she tells me she's in first year med. so i'm like, hey, i know someone in first year med, do you know this girl?
she's like, yea, how do you know her? i tell her shes my friend from church back in toronto. and then she says, "scac? i go to scac".
i was like....huh? you do? who are you? apparently she hangs out with my brothers aged people. how very strange indeed.
i'm starting to think i'm LESS then 6 degrees from all other asians in canada. it's more like....2...or something. i mean, when you walk into a place where theres a large group of asians, isn't your first reaction to scan for a familiar face? i mean, even if it's a place you don't EXPECT to know anyone. and usually, you'll FIND someone you do know. it's so wierd.....it really puts things into perspective when you realize that as a culture we've really grown used to and comfortable with the idea of segregating ourselves. i mean, we don't do it on PURPOSE, but i hear all the time people say "they just feel more comfortable around asians. or they relate to asians more". and i think this is just the WIERDEST thing, cuz i mean.....isn't that mostly due to the fact that by this point in our lives, we've already established ourselves and who we are? naturally if we were raised in an asian-centric environment, we'll be used to asian when we go off to university. i mean, i have an unnamed friend who's comment to me when he got to university was "how do you talk to white chicks man??". i dunno. that just....it's really really wierd that something like that is even a real issue. i mean, i can't RELATE per se......but i know what he means. i don't know if i even have a point. except the whole asian pride thing (er....azn pryde?) bugs me. it really does. why does pride have to be paraded about like a stamp on our forhead? can't it be inside us? it's a thin line between telling someone, and rubbing it in their face. especially when theres no reason to.
maybe we have our priorities misplaced as a generation? i mean, it's obvious our parents have asian pride too. most of our mothers are probably afraid of walking by black people? racisit or sterotypical sentiment isn't what we're trying to accomplish though....it's merely to celebrate our uniqueness. to acknowledge the fact that we have a distinct culture, that we're not willing to, and i personally think - are afraid of losing if we totally conform to western culture.

but like i said. maybe we're taking it too far? i don't see us nodding our heads in approval when somone yells black pride. or white pride. or jewish pride.
these people are labelled as racists, zionists (in a derogatory sense), the list goes on. i just don't get it.....

mothertrucker....i hate my computer with a passion. you know that scene in office space where they trash the photocopier? thats gonna be me with my computer.
except infinitely more angy. yes, you read right. angy. on another note, there will be no visitation from friends this weekend. boourns. i'm free this weekend, please have no problems dropping by and bringing food. mmmm...food.....

on top of everything, i haven't downloaded a new album in like.....a week. at LEAST. i'm going crazy here man....although i managed to snag the new foo fighters before
i had to temporarily retire. it's amazing. i suggest it for anyone who's inclined to rock and kickass first, and take names later. SO good....

hm. total amount of time spent on new webpage + board....approx. 1 hour. the last site took my days. i think i like this more.
anyways, theres a john mayer concert in TO coming up pretty soon....if anyone else wants to go, i'm up for it.
it's on a tuesday though, so...time'll be tight. in other breaking news, i need a nap. i've been writing a stupid essay for far too long now, and i'm suppose to actually got to class today. plus the weekend is booked. ivan and steph, u guys are gonna have a wicked time up here. unlike anyone else who was offered a trip up to london this weekend and didn't say yes. you people make me sick. DIE. on that note, have a nice day, i'm off to fall asleep. in class.

i figure this is easier then having a whole REAL webpage. i never updated anyways.
this way i'll just throw my album reviews and stuff up here along with my rants.

message board on the way!

as fun as this page was to make....i'm simply way too lazy to update the content often enough to keep things fresh.
although i have many ideas and well intentions, i'm simply unwilling to put the work in.

soooo.....i'll eventually be throwing something new up here thats much trimmed down, but hopefully still retains
my trademark, idiotic spirit.

and if you're wondering about the messageboard.....NO, the sad disregard paid to it by you fools was not that cause of it's demise.
beseen.com, the host of the site, closed down due to....well....being poor, basically. a new board will likely accompany version
.35018957108965u163709764096032 of the new simon space.

peace

blogger sucks.

maybe it's just me, but it seems the most poetic, elegant words are the words
you never really say. They're in your head, but get lost in the translation when thought becomes reality.

I find this is the case with not just words, but all of life. It's easy to be an optimist, and just as easy to be
a jaded cynical grump. Both ideals are kept perfect in our heads though. They mold the way we see the world.
But when our expectations are transfered into reality, I find i'm always left short changed. It never turns out
like it does in my head, which is BAD. because the way in my head is already planned for 5 steps ahead.
It has contingency plans for its contingency plans. But i never get that far, because a wrench is thrown into
the process right off the bat and my original assumption is blown away. This leads me to draw several conclusions...

Everything i know is wrong. I realise this may be cliche, but a good saying is usually one rooted in wisdom, and this one
certainly is. We like to think we know it all. But we don't. We know nothing, nor will we EVER know anything. Life is the process
of learning to accept and cope with our futile ability to understand what is called existence, and reality. It's not what we can know.
it's what we can accept we CAN'T know, and should stop TRYING to know. With this, maybe we'll be better prepared to live.

I've been told life is surreal. Life is meaningless. Life is beautiful. Life is all things to all people. But the most important i feel, is
that life is fleeting. This is the unshakable truth which i cannot avoid whatever twist and turn my mind makes in trying to philosophise my role in the grand scheme of things. And it makes you question......your life. happiness. purpose. honesty. integrity. morality. spirituality. direction.

analyze away. when you come to an answer.
please let me know.

man.
i need to rethink my site. something easier to update. hm....
maybe i just need to stop being so lazy. i seem to have other hobbies occupying my time nowadays.

i think i need to update more often.

beth orton is so damn cool. went to see her yesterday.
the live version of mount washington absolutely blew my away....one of those songs where after it ends, i just sat there and thought
"holy. that was effin amazing". It has a billion times more energy live then the album version.
i thought about that one song the rest of the nite, although she also did a nice three song encore
with she cries your name and a wicked cool acoustic rendition of concrete sky. She also did this one's gonna bruise, but i never did
really like that song....

either way. time very well spent.

"Every day is a quiet disaster"
- Chris, from dashboard confessional

brilliant words, by a brilliant man.

i've been thinking....
i think television should be revered as an essential component of our society.
without the distracting glare of our little magic box, we'd be left to our own devices, without the aid of
its abilty to keep our minds off of reality. Happiness seems to come from being oblivious in life. Ignorance is bliss, you know? like when u start a new relationship, get a new job, are really into a hobby...whatever.
we're happiest when we're distracted....our thoughts consumed by a singularness that allows us to ignore the issues we would otherwise be pondering - the state of the world, or place in this infinite chess board of life, the meaning of it all. at heart, surely everyone is a philosopher. The idea of a true philosopher being totally happy and content with their life seems to be a logical impossibility. So....maybe we're not MEANT to be happy. wouldn't that be a shot to the status quo.....on the other hand, if we're NOT philosophers, then what can we be? if not oblivious, the only other healthy choice seems to be indifferent. In which case...i'd choose to be the miserable one...

I updated most sections. FINALLY.

so....it's world youth day (week?). kinda neat i guess. asides from the traffic problems it may cause, but tiss a small price to pay to host catholicpalooza 2002. it realy DOES
seem a bit too commercial eh? with all the TTC posters advertising it like it's some hip thing. I didn't realize it was about "being cool"......but anyways....i'm a bit confused about what the big deal about the pope is? i can't, in my very limited memory, recall the last time the pope did something great for the world.....i mean.....to me, at least, he's sort of like the queen. He waves a lot. gives a few speeches. then sits down. The difference is, the queen isn't preaching to us about living godly lives and yadda yadda...
i mean, i guess everyone has their calling, and maybe God's plan for him is to be the voice for catholics to hear on earth. But like....mother teresa....she was down in the trenches. Not just talking the talk, but walking the walk. She didn't GIVE examples of living a godly life. she WAS an example. whats the pope? we barely see the guy....he could be a well constructed robot for all we know. He's extremely private....lives like a king, has a bullet proof car wherever he goes....man. it all seems a little...odd.
not that i don't respect the man. i do. i just don't see what the big deal is about him.....he's a great man. but is he really greater then say....nelson mandella? personally...i don't think he is....so why the big fuss about his visit? i just don't get it.

you know what's kind of confusing?
the whole fiasco about that jewish guy's stabbing death. why is it so important to some Jews to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that
the crime was a racially motivated act? doe sit MATTER? will the label "hate-crime" vindicate the mans death? the dude who probably stabbed him
has already been caught. whats the point of pursuing this further? what does proving the motivation do? he was KILLED. not persecuted, not stoned to
near death, not insulted or discriminated against. the poor man is DEAD. who cares what the reason is? so what if it was a hate crime? are we suppose
to run out and have a city wide sweep for neo-nazi skin heads? what about when a black guy is killed? is that a hate crime? a gay guy? an asian?
this is so ridiculous......some people seriously need to straighten out their priorities.

the weezer/dashboard show was wicked cool....dashboard played a couple of new songs, and a bunch of fan fave's. tight set.
weezer brought the rock HUGE, they played a lot of older songs (the played across the sea! i was going nuts!) and had a suprising amount
of stage energy. only in dreams was effin AMAZING...i think i was most impressed by it just because the flashign =w= symbol which i was
confused at not seeing, rose out of the stage lifting pat with it to hang above everybody like some crazy backstreet boy stunt.
but it was soooooo cool.....

anyways, all in all, a really good setlist made the show great. the encore was sort of anti-climactic, but it still rocked: kickin it old school.
can't wait till the next one....beth orton's in town in august....hm...

so, i realize i'm not quite done. and keeping this page updated is far more work than i'm willing to do.
but hey, i'll try i guess. this blog thing is so nice and conveniant....

anyways, i have an itch to go camping. the weather this week has been amazing. nice and warm, sunny, slight breeze, not TOO hot or TOO sunny.
AMAZING. it should be like this year round, except for christmas and the end of the hockey season.
mmmmm......perfect weather....

if anyone needs a random basketball player to play with, HOLLA! i wanna play more often dammit all...

working would be so much cooler if it didn't involve waking up before 11am.

so i was thinking last night....
non-christian's don't get to go to heaven right? but really, when God expects them to be converted without seeing him, isn't that unfair?
sure, it's easy for someone to become christian if their family member is spared from aids....or they survive a car accident, or they are
the recipient of an act of absolute grace by a christian. but what about all the non believers who are living totally content lives?
like, not necessarily the steretypical material obsessed secular person, who eventually discovers they need God because they've been
living an empty life and all that cliche stuff. i mean GOOD people. people who's lives are maybe more christian than most "christian's"
except they don't believe in God. and all i can ask is....why SHOULD they? they've lived their whole lives without christianity....whats to
make them believe all of a sudden that they need God? that they owe God everything? if God doesn't reveal himself OBVIOUSLY to every
individual, how can they be expected to just fall into line by their own free will? doesn't it seem kind of unfair? i just don't get it....
and i suppose thats where WE come in. as christians. salt of the earth. but what are we suppose to say? "uh...you're doing fine. but all
you've accomplished isn't yours. it's Gods." which is the absolute truth. but unpleasent to hear nonetheless. so many questions....

well, only one section left to go. events....
HOWEVER, i finally got a job today, and i start monday, so i guess i really will have less time to play with
this site than i originally though. oh well, it's for the best.

mmm...money....

hm....the only sections left are the links, book list and upcoming events section, which will include not only events in my life and for my friends, but also concert listings, release dates for movies, books and albums, and birthdays and such. also, the archives are working now, in case u wanted to sift through my past rantings. the button is a little hidden, but it's right under the blogger button on the left. theres also a link beside there that sends u back home.

PLUS, i changed the colour of the scroll bar on the blog. (irene's suggestion). weeee! look at that blue scroll bar scroll!

i guess i got bored a lot faster than i thought i would huh?
the new site is a work in progress....it's about a third done now.
i should be finished somewhat by this wknd. yay.
keep checking back, cuz if you're reading this, you'll probably be
the people who see the NEW site first, haha....i know who you are.
all 3 of you who check this thing, hahahaha

i don't think anyone frequents my site anyways.
even the message board is dried up.

i believe this will be the last post for a long time.....

time to go back to school for a while. i can barely contain my excitment....although it WILL be fun trying to clean our house. eep.
asides from that....i don't see any point in writing because no one is going to read it anyways.
bye bye website. perhaps you will return when i get more bored.

....blogger's messed....

i really can't think of anything to write about...except myself, but i refuse to really delve to much into myself on this stupid blog, cuz i laugh at people like that.
i mean, thats what REAL friends are for - confiding. Whats the point of spilling every nuance of your life out for the world to see.....?
whatever. anyways, i think my official life motto from hence forth shall be "i dunno".
you can say it in response to anything, and in MY life, at least, it's almost always the right answer.
what more could u ask for?
but yea, as i was saying....not much to talk about. for some reason my mind has slowed from being hyperactive to fairly slow (by my standards...) and i just don't have much to say. yea....i know isles fans booed O Canada, but i'm already planning a trip to long island's wal-marts as well, so that will be taken care of in due time.

i guess the only thing really bugging me lately (asides from personal issues. those are perpetual, and so, not worth discussing) has been the weather. whats was up with that gorgeous teaser of a week we had 2 weeks ago? that sucks. i mean, it was ZERO degrees tonite. yeesh. i thought april SHOWERS brought may FLOWERS. i don't see flowers. i see flurries and frozen rain. stupid weather. Normally, i'd be the first to jump on the states about not agreeing to the kyoto accord.....but with this weather, i'm almost rooting for global warming to continue a little bit longer. say...until it's like, 18 and sunny fairly consistantly? then we should all switch to renewable resources. so maybe we'll lose a glacier here or there.....and maybe some wierd fish species up north will dissapear due to the change in water temperature. but hey. i hate fish anyways.

yes, the world DOES revolve around me. why do you even bother asking?

i have an exam tomorrow at 2. and another one the day after. but i've decided to write this instead because i have no intention of studying tonite.
first year is pretty much over, and i feel compelled to share some random thoughts.

i came here expecting to be challenged academically like never before.
didn't happen.
i coasted through the whole year, but i guess in that sense, nothing has changed. i could have done better, and i maybe one day i'll actually care enough to. school....argh.

so i packed all my stuff up this afternoon (only to put it all back up later for a photo session in my room) and i realized how much i've connected with this room, this building, this school. i feel so.....at home, here. I feel more at home here then i do in toronto, and it's gonna be really crappy to have to move out. I've had the most, fun, fresh, memorable, exciting and badly needed experience here, with an entire floor of people that i'm glad i've gotten to know. As a floor, i think mine is more clique-ish than most, but that just means for a group of 60 odd people, we're SO tight, and it's amazing how you get to know people over the course of a year. We don't really NEED the rest of the building, not that we aren't friends with them. We just think we're the best, haha (which we are. we were voted most spirited floor. woohoo.)

but anyways, i also think it was a really good change for me, to move away from home and get out on my own. It's nice to know that, hey - i can take care of myself, and moving out has really given me a better sense of perspective on life, and my relationships. Especially with my parents, i find i'm much more patient, grateful and appreciative of them now that i don't live with them. I feel as though i'm actually an adult now, and it's nice because we act and talk more as equals instead of them just nagging at me. The scary part is i've also discovered half the stuff they nag at me about is actually good advice. spooky.

I just typed to my friend that leaving rez will feel like leaving high school. and i honestly think i feel the same way. I reflect on all the memories i have from the past year and i marvel at the fact that it's over. I think back to the beginning, and i think ahead to the people i'll see, the awesome friends i've made and the ones i might not see as often, but still will be in my head as part of first year.

It hasn't all been good memories this year, nor good experiences. But i can honestly say this has probably been some of the best months of my entire life. Like, high school was amazing, but towards the end, everyone was kind of itching to get out. 5 years is a long time. This was a much needed change of scenery, and it hasn't let me down.
I feel......changed. In a good way. And if thats part of what university is suppose to do, help you grow up, then i guess it's done it's job.

I'm not a kid anymore, and the majority of my friends (you guys), are no longer teenagers. The nostalgia is kicking in full gear this time of year, but also, in a good way.

i'm such a woman. geez, look at me writing about my feelings like a little pansy.... i need a machine that slaps me everytime i get like this.....

first of all, the Raptors sucked in their first playoff game. it was really sad.
i was spazzing out about that alone.

then i go online and read in the papers that the pistons fans BOOED O CANADA???

do they KNOW they just killed four of our boys? injured 8 more? have a little respect you self-absorbed motherf@ckers! we're all the way in that country which - thanks to you - is just a giant crater now, risking our lives because they pissed you off? well guess what? WE DON'T GIVE A FLYING PISS.
stop killing Canadians! stop banning our potatos because inbred idaho folk can't compete with PEI, and STOP PUTTING RIDICULOUS PROTECTIONIST TARRIFS ON OUR LUMBER YOU ASSWIPES. how DARE you push so strongly for free trade when you aren't even willing to comply by it's rules?! F@CK YOU!!

I swear to god, i'm driving down there after my last exam, going into walmart, buying a 12 gauge and firing randomly.
ignorant MORONS.

Thestar.com

i find it pretty apalling that although the US extended condolences and took responsibility for the admitted accident which killed 4 canadians, that they have not - in any statements i have yet to read - issued an apology to our country.

you BOMBED YOUR ALLIES you dipsh!ts. and it's not like there was a huge meelee where confusion would be expected. they were training. TRAINING for godssake.

the least you could do is say sorry to their family and nation.
christ....
this is what happens when you have an army that encourages high school dropouts to join as an alternative to education.....and that goes for Canada as well...

idiots.

does it ever kinda make you sick when u really think about how selfish our world is?

environmental degradation, political strife, quality of life polarization.......all because we're too selfish a society to put global ideology before personal gain.
i mean, i was studying, and for some reason as my mind wandered to ease the dull ache of useless knowledge seeping into my brain, i began to think of
Sept.11 last year.

i realized that, because we don't live in NY and have a constant reminder of it, i've pretty much forgotten about it. it's a distant place, with no immediately visible effect on me, and even the war going on has been placed into the back of my mind because it isn't a hugely significant conflict. It's a bunch of airplanes dropping bombs on caves.
with this in mind, i started to think about the whole situation a little more subjectively, and i thought

"was it really so bad?"
i mean, people die every day. 3000 people? theres been worse. so much worse.
charities raised over a billion dollars for WTC relief. how many people die of the common cold in 3rd world countries each day? treatable/curable diseases kill thousands every day. we won't even take into account aids......

so wheres the billions of dollars for them?
what about building better global infrastructure for helping developing nations deal with economical issues that DOESN'T turn them into near-parasitic dependants?
where is it written just because 3000 americans die, we should grieve more than if 5000 indonesians or africans are massacred in an attempt at ethnic cleansing?
we're enraged at terrorists because they hate the americans? EVERYONE HATES THE AMERICANS.
the states SO had this coming. it was only a matter of time before the under-developed (especially arab) countries acted on their backlash to US powerplays and political manipulation. The united states could be considered a greater "terrorist" threat than any islamic network if you think about it....
we should be enraged at ourselves for letting the values of our society perpetuate the downward spiral of global inequality.

activist propaganda might be getting to me, sure.....but even watching the news makes me sick. just take a second to THINK about what you're watching.
THINK about what CNN is feeding you.

the world is retarded because we accept it. and we accept it because we figure we can't change it. which is retarded.
therefore, we are all retarded people.

how encouraging.

some of my favourite links.
e-mail forwards are only interesting for so long...

Shift Magazine Online
Kicksology.com
NoLogo.org
Car & Driver
Spin Magazine
Ink Blot Magazine
Epitonic Music
Harpers Magazine
New York Times

does my hatred for school and inevitable academic irresponsibility make me an immature person?

i mean, since when does school define how much of a well rounded individual i am?
who's to say school HAS to be high on my priority list, lest i be regarded as incapable of being a sensible adult?

or does school go hand in hand with my level of maturity? does getting over my vicious bitterness towards this retarded institution of brainwashing make me a better person?
is it my societal duty as a middle class, moderately intelligent person, to take full advantage of my opportunity here and learn all i can learn in order to prepare myself for giving back as much to the world as it has given in my creation? to make myself happy by getting good grades, getting a good job and marrying some smart, successful and cute christian girl so everyone can be satisfied (most importantly - my parents) ?

Or does the fact that my simply being here has made me realize how much i despise being here tell me that i don't need school to grow?
doing homework doesn't necessarily make me mature, but it DOES mean i'm capable of subjecting myself to sacrifices and pain and suffering and misery in order to work towards an un-named, unknown goal of success in the future which i have no vision of achieving, but lots of hope and wistful desire of having.

so what am i saying?
i don't do my work, and i skip lots of classes. and i feel bad.
because i'm here to do work, and i'm here to go to classes. so obviously, i'm not doing what i'm suppose to be doing.

so i wonder. is this REALLY what i'm suppose to be doing? or is this train of thought just my internal rational/excuse for being lazy?
maybe my self pity is a defence mechanism for all my acedemic short comings. maybe i just SAY i don't want to be here because i suck at being here.
or maybe. just maybe, i suck at being here because i don't want to be here.

and if by some crazy fluke, that really is the case, and i'm NOT just lying to myself with all this "i hate school" mumbo jumbo (although i doubt i'm lying when i say i hate school, because really. really. i do. with a passion, i might add.) then what AM i suppose to be doing?

i can tell you that right now, i SHOULD be writing an essay. but i'm not. i'm rambling. because i'm better at it. and i'm playing guitar. because i love doing it. and i'm wandering around my building. because i think it's more enjoyable.

i'll stop whining when the world is a perfect place.....until then, u can't stop my bitching because you're reading this and i'm writing it. so there.
i guess i'll get back to my essay now. after i eat breakfast.....

the first time i saw dancer in the dark, i was half asleep. i thought it was good, but kinda slow.
so i watch it again because i'm writing an essay on it, and i fully appreciate how good it is. GREAT film on so many levels.

anyways, on an unrelated note....i've decided getting what u want in life isn't the hard part. it's figuring out exactly what you really want....

like....REALLY want....not what u think u want, or what u're expected to want, or what you're told to want.

what do you REALLY want? i find this question poses a tremendously difficult concept....because i mean "want" not even on a large scale.
even the small things in life, and not necessarily material things. expectations, preconceptions, sometimes u have to throw them all out the window, when you're trying to figure out what you're searching for. and i think figuring this question out is one of the most pressing issues we should be dealing with.....especially at our age.

just my 2 cents.

i don't care what anyone says, chess isn't a sport.
if chess is a sport, then sleeping should be a sport too.
it involves physical training, endurance, and there are actually stratagies and skills to sleep better.
furthermore, there is already an entire market of performance enhancing drugs for sleeping, so it'll fit right in with all
the other olympic sports.

since when is thinking real hard a sport? so can't math be a sport? i'm chinese, i have connections.
i think it's about time i start up the national full-contact calculus league.....everytime u get something wrong, u get your ass kicked.

hm....actually, i think i've just stumbled upon the future of elementary school teaching techniques.....we really should get these kids back to basics. i remember when I was in school, i had to learn all the hard stuff. like.....adding....

top 10 favourite songs to listen to when alone at night:
(in no particular order)

weezer - only in dreams
dashboard confessional - brilliant dance
dashboard confessional - screaming infidilities
something corporate - konstantine
jen wood - imperfect
elliott smith - pitseleh
oasis - wonderwall
jimmy eat world - for me this is heaven
jars of clay - worlds apart
the get up kids - long goodnight

yea, i'm an emo kid trapped in a typical cbc's life.
c'est la vie.

getting dressed up is only fun if you've drank enough to forget you're all dressed up.
furthermore, rumours provide for delightfully awkward situations. weee.

and on a final note: Waterloo is a very ugly campus. hahaha....no, really, it is.

ever watch notting hill?
boy, that movie bugs the hell out of me.

i mean, it's bad enough hollywood mass produces this pop-culture fairytale romance cliche to perpetuate a false sense of reality, only causing further heartache and despair in the ingorant and ever so emotionally needy populas to which this drivil panders, but on top of it all, this movie goes so far as to cross the line to pseudo-post modernism and have us believe "movies can come true" by having it come true in a movie???

do you hear that sound?
it's the sound of society slowly cocking the barrel as it prepares to continue shooting itself in the head.

have a cheery day!

you know whats crazy?
faqs.

there seems to be an FAQ for EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING.
games, for sure, but even retardedly asanine things like......exact facts and tips on building bombs, mixing drinks, poisons, how to commit suicide, how to get rid of corpses, how to french kiss, how to perform oral sex...........the internet is INSANE.

yes, i know this is common knowledge, but i still find it crazy. like, really.....who writes a FAQ for suicide?? don't you have better things to do?? like......DIE?!?!

i want to just go away....

....This is just TOO FUNNY

my random words of advice:

- listening to tracks 3 and 4 of an album will usually tell you if u like the whole thing
- always speak your mind (except when someone has just died or been seriously injured, and a dirty joke is all you can think of.)
- when you can, always try to blame others instead of yourself.
- cynicism is a good thing.
- theres nothing wrong with being an elitist smart-ass if you genuinely know you're good at it.
- sprite tastes good with ribena.
- you can't always do what makes you happy.
- keep yourself mysterious

who's genious brainchild was it to design crazy glue that comes in twist off cap containers?!
i mean, really, people. throw me a frikken bone.

oh, if anyone has any ideas what i should do with my extra web section, i'd love some ideas.

the only restrtiction is......no pictures! i'm too lazy.
anything else is cool.

well. i did it. i made a crappy page.

these blog/various online journal's seem to be all the rage now-a-days. i guess one could say i'm jumping on the fad bandwagon, except i don't plan on recounting any events of my days here. this is probably going to end up being more a random thought posting type thing. if that makes sense. anyways, i've come to some good conclusions recently. All of which confuse me. Sometimes i wish life was more like saved by the bell. or like....the wonder years. that was a great show. but wouldn't it be wicked if like, every so often, you could hit a button that just faded your life to black and scrolled some credits? of course, the soundtrack for everyone's life would be different, so the music would have to be internal. But then again, wouldn't we all go crazy if we all perpetually had music playing in our heads? maybe. maybe not.

either way, wonder years was a great show.
did u know there was a new survivor? yeesh....whats next? survivor:new york subway bathroom?

i WILL make a page this time.
dammit, even if it sucks, i'll post SOMETHING.