Sep 27, 2009

The Star irks me again

Chinatown grocer accused of assault 'a victim': Kenney
In an attempt to curry favour with local Chinese business owners, Kenney vowed to raise with MPs the community's plea to reform a section of the Criminal Code that prevents retailers from apprehending shoplifters outside their store's premises

Oh come on. "IN AN ATTEMPT TO CURRY FAVOUR"??

I know as a publication you're inclined to be critical of the Conservatives, but there are editorial liberties, then there are sentences-that-become-fodder-for-those-Conservatives-and-their-supporters-to-prove-your-publication-is-not-credible.

Also, I am curious if in this case, either lawyer is going to whip out a copy of The Dark Knight in order to argue the myriad angles of citizen vigilanteism?

Sep 15, 2009

Asian people love sales

Before leaving for vacation, my dad bought (and I'm not exaggerating here) nine boxes of Haagen-Dazs popsicles. Naturally, I'm not obligated to eat them all or anything.

But I'll be damned if I'm not trying. If one box is left when they get back I'd be surprised. Someone needs to stop me, I'm out of control.

I also have five boxes of Honey Bunches of Oats in the pantry. Damn these sales.

Sep 10, 2009

Elections shmelections

In recent weeks, U.S. President Barack Obama's fading aura of invulnerability has been as much a story as health care reform itself. People had begun to doubt his lauded communications skills, his affable charm and ability to galvanize public opinion.

What you can't ever deny though is this: the dude can give a speech.

Watching him work his on-camera magic, one portion of the night caught my attention in particular -- and it wasn't the part where he shouted out our Universal Health Care.

Check this, from towards the end of his speech last night:

...when facts and reason are thrown overboard and only timidity passes for wisdom, and we can no longer even engage in a civil conversation with each other over the things that truly matter -- at that point we don't merely lose our capacity to solve big challenges. We lose something essential about ourselves.

Obviously, this was directed at his partisan critics, but has anyone recently so aptly described the state of Canadian politics?

Here at home, we have been so mired in mediocrity that politics has completely lost relevance in daily life. Nobody cares about Ottawa anymore because Ottawa doesn't care about them. It is a self-enclosed universe, further alienating its members from casual society day-by-fucking-day.

Is it any wonder Canadians are deciding not to vote in record numbers? What are they voting for? Following our government is like watching those episodes of Morty Seinfeld running for president of the Boca Raton condominium board. All we need is a scandal over tip calculators.

The current levels of disenfranchisement among intelligent citizens in this country is not only a shame, but a cancer eating away at the potential for growth, innovation, creativity and leadership Canada has to offer the world.

From the looks of it, there will be another election this fall. I'm not pleased, but I'm not averse to this.

All I hope is that somebody, somewhere, runs on a vision of what Canada should be -- and why she or he is the person to make that vision come true. Isn't that what politics is about? Selling us on happiness?

I beg each of us to seek ways to affect change towards this direction. Get involved, volunteer, hell -- run for a seat. Anything to inject new blood and fresh ideas into this sham we call our government.

Canada's a great place, but right now it's like an office where management is all incompetent and nobody knows how they got their jobs. Lets take this bitch over.

Sep 9, 2009

I hate Failblog

HOWEVER,


I cannot believe I did not think of this blog idea first. Dammit all, it's so up my alley. I love shit that looks like other shit!

Diane Simmons from Family Guy Totally Looks Like Dana Scully from X-Files

diane simmons from family guy totally looks like dana scully from x-files
see more Celeb Look-A-Likes

American Teen Totally Looks Like The Breakfast Club

american teen totally looks like the breakfast club
see more Celeb Look-A-Likes

Posh Spice totally looks like Falcor from The Neverending Story

posh spice, falcor
see more Celeb Look-A-Likes
Harriet Tubman Totally Looks Like E.T.

harriet tubman totally looks likeet
see more Celeb Look-A-Likes

Old Tree Totally Looks Like Clint Eastwood

Sep 2, 2009

Wouldn't a putter be more effective?


I recently watched Funny Games, a thriller/horror film directed by artsy fartsy Michael Haneke. It was sufficiently graphic, bordering on tortureporn territory, but the one thing I took away from it was: you should always have a plan.
Meaning, if someone broke into my house, what would my immediate course of action be? Where would I run? Where are my weapons for self-defence?

The characters in the movie were at their cottage, so obviously that's a bit of a disadvantage right away. But for the better part of an hour, they were essentially held hostage by a guy wielding a golf driver.

I mean, come on. I'd like to think with the variety of household items at my disposal (ironically this does not include any golf clubs), I would most certainly be able to fight off an attacker armed with only sports equipment. I do have baseball bats. I'm pretty sure bats beats golfclubs in a fight.

I'd also have a mental triage of sorts in place, knowing at what point it's better to run away for help at the risk of the remaining hostages, or stay and fight thus risking all of us PLUS not capturing the criminals.

The Boyscouts had it right: be prepared.

Good thing there are so many large windows to climb out of in my basement...

Hello reality

So for better or for worse I've basically decided to completely stop looking for a journalism job. Simply put, unless I can get hooked up, it just doesn't seem like anyone wants to take a flyer on a candidate who spent most of his time doing PR.

That said, I'm just going to look for a job that will pay me well, and I'm going to do as much freelancing on the side as humanly possible until maybe one day I end up somewhere I'd rather be working. It just isn't feasible to survive as solely a freelancer right now... you need money to build your portfolio and live a life at the same time.

These are very mutually exclusive options.

Who knows, maybe I'll really enjoy crushing people on the corporate ladder.

Everyone always figures me for a cynic, but I guess deep down I'm actually a hopeless romantic.

Am I like an inside out clown? Is that what's going on here?