"I Am Jack's Younger Self"

i don't think i know anyone who isn't a fan of calvin and hobbes (strangely enough whom i referenced in my previous, more romanticized post). with that in mind, i now present to you a brilliant piece of work by one Mr. Galvin B. Chow that analyzes and explains the relationship between Calvin and Hobbes, and the movie Fight Club; irrefutably coming to the conclusion that indeed, Edward Norton plays none other than a grown up and jaded Calvin, while the imaginary Tyler Durden is the ravaged yet still influential remains of Hobbes in the darker recesses of Calvin's twisted adult mind.

enjoy.

The Secret Connections between "Fight Club" and "Calvin and Hobbes" REVEALED!

i should be working...

i love it when the world is covered by the pure serenity of a blanket of fresh, powdered snow. not the heavy stuff that just turns into grey slush and dirty snowbanks, but the gentle confectioners sugar type of snow that just manages to cover the final hint of green on the ground, and transforms the outside from dull and drab to bright and new. greeting us in the morning as a simple reminder of how awesome it is to wake up everyday to a fresh start - a new day - and a world of possibilities and opportunities (c&h?). mistakes are forgotten, and replaced by the pureness of hope. blank slates, empty canvas' and white mornings of snow. all exciting for the same reason.

there's nothing quite as peaceful as lying alone in a snowy field.

that is - until someone runs over you with a snowblower.

then its personal.

also, ever notice that when people are cold, they tend to walk faster? it makes you wonder why there are so many fat people in cold climates huh? santa should be the fittest guy in the whole world. maybe it's all the milk and cookies he eats.

countdown until hats arrive: t-minus 2 weeks approx.

sometimes, i make myself really quite angry.

just another manic monday......

yes, i realize today is tuesday.

but yesterday was monday. and now that today is tuesday, it marks the end of possibly the absolutely most surreal week of my life.

i can't even begin to describe all that's happened over the last week, and what all of it has meant to me, and to those around me. there's so much about myself that i'm growing to understand, and so much more being revealed to me that i know i have to look closer at, and examine harder in order to finish the work that has been started in me.

at the same time, it seems like everyone around me has been equally contributing to the wonderment of the past seven days. friends have been amazing, the oddest most strange and yet pleasantly surprising things have just.....happened with friends, or between me and others. it's been a week where i've not just been blown away on the inside, but that everything around me seems to have been having interesting experiences too, seemingly unrelated to my own yet strangely connected in the greater scheme of things.

you know, sometimes you hear people say God is good. or God is faithful. and you think - well, alright. Because in your mind, that's not even a possibility, for "God" is an abstract. something you don't know, can't comprehend, or don't care to or need to.

but like.....when you finally experience how powerful His love for us can be. it's crazy. because for the longest time in the back of my mind, i thought maybe i was crazy for believing in Him, for trusting Him, and i second guessed myself every once in a while. but i kept plugging away. and i tried to find God. and now...at this point.....i can honestly say that i think i'd be crazy not to trust Him. He found me. and He's undeniable in my mind, in my heart. and that feels like.....no words can describe.

i read my post from one week ago exactly. on November 17th, and the context in which i wrote that post, and the events that have transpired in the week since then....even that very night...and wow. just....wow.

and i know that really, these past 7 days aren't symbolic of an end.
but merely a beginning.

Quite Possibly, The Worst Disguise Ever

this news story is hillarious.

i mean. there's desperate people. then there's just stupid people.

this guy is just stupid.

on an unrelated note, does anyone else find stereotypes, be they racial, ethnic, religious, asthetic.....all hillarious? i don't know why we try so hard to avoid them, they're the source of all our best jokes.

i think i'd be perfectly fine and dandy if instead of avoiding stereotypes we just embraced them as humourous aspects of our daily lives.

like....a job interview with a black guy hoping to get a job and a white guy holding the interview would lose all its poltical weight and stress.

instead of worrying about offending the guy, the white guy could just be like.....i was gonna hire you. but then those women over in that corner of the office are scared of you because they think you're a criminal. then the black guy could all be like - yea? well i'm gonna sue you for racial discrimination. then the white guy could all be like, haha, that's jokes dawg. don't be trippin. cole me down on the patti side. and the black guy would be like, word.

or say i'm in a restaurant, and my waiter comes up to take my order and says, oh, by the way! don't tip like a cheap bastard! and i could all be like, hahahahaha, alright, just as long as you remember you're serving ME and that's the way it will be when my 1.2 billion bredren take over the world! then we'd all get a good laugh and probably share a few drinks once he gets off work.
see? no trepidation, no side-stepping, just let it all hang out.

wouldn't that be great? cuz i mean, in the end, aren't we all the same on the inside?

please don't think i'm racist. i'm just totally insensitive to the politically correct. there's a fine line. i like to think i straddle it well.

heh....heh....i said straddle.....

i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts....

i'm having a good day.

bought a bunch of cd's yesterday for 10 bucks each. relative steals...a used copy of p5's 'the fifth album from Matador', a brand-new copy of rufus wainwrights 'want one' and a used copy of dj shadow's 'endtroducing'. i've been looking to buy back endtroducing for months and months now, to find it for 10 bucks is awesome! not to mention the brand new rufus cd. it's on SALE for 13 bucks at futureshop, regularly 18 bucks.

cd's make me happy.

ALSO, i finally got a reply from the guy who i bought all those stupid hats from. EXTRA happy. 250 caps here i come baby!

then i spent all night today hanging out with the HYPE kids at lcac, and got to actually learn some of their names. it's kind of cool. i've been at lcac a while now, and probably will be for another 2 years or so at least. it's about time i got to know some of the kids i think.

overall a pretty long and tiring few days. but i'm feeling strangely full of energy.

my little coil notebook.

inconspicuous in nature
you sit by my bed
waiting for me to fill your pages
with joy, with grief, with fears and hopes
you know me well
you've been my shoulder so often
more than i'd care to admit
oh my little coil notebook
you're running out of pages
i'll be sad to see you go
but take heart
your severance package is
surprisingly good

you have led me to the sadness
i have carried this pain
on a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to You

i will sing of your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorry
to rivers of joy

when death like a gypsy
comes to steal what i love
i will still look to the heavens
i will still seek your face

but i fear you aren't listening
because there are no words
just the stillness and the hunger
for a faith that assures

alleluia, alleluia, alleluia, alleluia

while we wait for rescue
with our eyes tightly shut
face to the ground using our hands
to cover the fatal cut

though the pain is an ocean
tossing us around, around, around
you have calmed greater waters
higher mountains have come down

Sometimes you are in a cave, and no human action is able to get you out. There is something you can't fix, can't heal, or cna't escape, and all you can do is trust God. Finding ultimate refuge in God means you become so immersed in his presence, so convinced of his goodness, so devoted to his lordship that you find even the cave is a perfectly safe place to be because he is there with you...Sooner or later, everybody logs some time in the cave. So when your time comes, just remember one thing: God does some of his best work in caves
- John Ortberg

There is a hope that is real. Painful as it is, difficult to comprehend as it is, there is joy in taking up our crosses and following Jesus. The pain is washed away by the knowledge that God is here, and He acknowledges that we have come to worship him.

Worlds Apart - Jars of Clay

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
To give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
More deeply than the oceans,
More abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin - soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart

i've never known what it's meant to give full control of my life over to God.

but i know now.

i have no idea what i'm suppose to do, to feel, to think. all i know, is that i'll be ok if i just depend on Him. and that He knows whats best for us.

there is frustration involved in many aspects of life.
something i've been thinking about recently is the frustration of faith.

trusting God...IN God, has never come easily for me. it has been a struggle against my own logic, my own rationale, my fear, my pride. but never....never has God given up on me. without fail, everytime i've thrown my hands up in defeat, in indifference and disgust, God has come along on His own time - by His own means - and reeled my back in. i've constantly struggled with having to seek God...forcing His hand, test Him and baiting Him.

i still struggle with it. i find myself extraordinarily inadequate, and i see my own inequities as insurmountable. it's frustrating. it's frustrating spending so much time wanting, needing, praying to know God, and when you know God, feeling so insincere because you can't live up to what it demands.

I feel like i can't do it sometimes. that every time i screw up, every turn i turn my back from God it loses it's meaning. i've been here before, messed up before, asked for forgiveness before.

and i know all the cliche's. i know that not trusting him is bad, obviously. but i've also realized that if it were easy, it probably would mean nothing to me. If God had revealed himself to me without my arduous soul searching, if God had given me everything i sought of Him on a silver platter, i would probably have no respect for Him.

it's the humbleness that sometimes i overlook, the importance of just shutting up and listening. of recognizing when God's talking to me and letting Him talk instead of drowning Him out with my own whining and self-loathing and self-pity.

yea. it's frustrating. and i find myself apologizing a lot. saying sorry for a lot of the things i do, or fail to do.

but i'm learning. my expectations were for God to transform me into a perfect person overnight. My standards are high.....my expectations are high, but maybe i shouldn't be surprised when i fail i guess. it's not my job to be succesful in changing me. that's up to God. my role is just in staying faithful enough to let him do it. and for this i'm thankful.

i've said a lot of things to a lot of people, but ultimately when it comes to relating it to my own life, i feel i always forget my own words. things i've said, things that have been said through me by Him to others. i really shouldn't. sometimes they're good words.

anyways, this has been awfully personal and revealing. i guess what i'm trying to say, is that i'm going to be getting baptized on december 14th at Scarborough Chinese Alliance Church. i'd be extremely pleased if you would all join me. (even if i don't know you, i'd love to meet you there)

outy.

i've had a rather interesting night. first of all, i'm ecstatic that i won an ebay auction i really wanted. you can see my amazing find HERE!
if anyone wants to buy a hat, let me know.....i'm buying them to sell them, hahahaha

so me and herb were watching the outdoor life network, and we saw this show where this guy took a leak into a glass, then chugged it. it was.....like watching a car wreck.......

then right after that retarded british show, there was a show called "red light districts". we're not watching it, but any respect i had for OLN is quickly fading away.....apparently the amazing race just isn't cutting it ratings wise

i bought the Jars of Clay double album this weekend, 'Furthermore'. One cd is acoustic studio remixes of old classics and 3 new songs, while the other disc is a live cd.

i think i had really forgotten how much i like Jars. they were one of my absolute favourite bands back in grade 7-10, when i listened to nothing but weezer, jars and nirvana. that's a strange trio now that i think about it, but enh....

i'm starting to get pretty anxious about moving into my new house.

brand spanking new kitchen, here i come....mmmm....

hm....so my essay's a day late, but i'm slowly making progress.

i'm working with my laptop in front of the tv, with my wireless mooching off some poor souls bandwidth in our townhouse complex.

i must say work doesn't seem quite as bad when i'm not cooped up in a hole forcing myself to do it....late or not, i prefer this environment to my typical one. i could get used to this.

as an aside, i find myself watching an awful lot of oprah recently.

this is a disturbing turn of events that i attest to the fact that i'm always home when it's on.

why are cd's still so expensive?

why are the cheap cd's still so crappy?

why is having good taste in music so cost-prohibitive?

all these, and other questions on:

america's most wanted.

i think that shows pretty funny. i wonder if criminals are ever like, watching tv, and all of a sudden they see themeselves on AMW, and get all excited. like, calling up their other criminal buddies going "dude dude! turn to channel 28! - i MADE IT man! i finally made it!"

it's like the major leagues of fugitives.

well, if i was a fugitive, at least that's what i would think.

birthdays are like farts.

they're fun while they last, but the real joy is in the aftermath.

first off....i had such a great weekend. it was full of friends and fun. kind of a departure from my regular birthday routine of lazing around the house (which coincidentally is actually my favourite past-time). i'm totally blessed beyond anything i deserve, and thanks to all u guys that called or icq'd me, i really appreciate it. also, i just want to reitterate to the world that i have the best girlfriend EVAR. so SUCKS FOR YOU rest of the world. booyah.

now that all that mushy stuff is through, lets move on....

i guess the inevitable aspect about birthdays is that you realize you're a year older. or as i like to think - one year closer to dying. yeehaw! i guess in some respects it's a little sad. i'm officially into my twenties. then again, i think it's kind of cool that i'm into my twenties. i think when i was young, like....12.....i wasn't even capable of picturing myself as being a twenty-something. that reality seemed so ridiculous and distant that i never even bothered imagining what it would be like. sort of like how i could never imagine what it's going to be like when i'm 50 now. it's this frame of time that's so far away you don't even bother giving it any serious thought. but hey! look at this. i'm here. i'm 21.

i think the single most shocking thing in hindsight isn't that i'm old....but that it's all happened so fast. it's like that scene in monty python's search for the holy grail where lancelot? whatever. one of them knight people is running across a field, and two soldiers look through a telescope and see him waaaay in the distance running towards them to attack. then when they cut back to the soldiers, he's like, running right into the scene and kills them. that's sort of how i feel. the years keep flying by, and i guess it's not a matter of "oh crap, i'm old" but it's more like "what the hell? when did this happen...?".

is life any different now? well....no. is it ever? i think i'm surprised by how quick, yet at the same time, how gradually life has been moseying along. it seems like in the blink of an eye i'm 21. yet there hasn't been any real dramatic changes....no coming of age stories to tell.....no tales of reckless youth maturing into rugged manhood. i've just sorta been me my whole life, and over the years me has sort of adapted here and there, altered my tastes a bit, gotten a little bit wiser, a little bit more experienced every day. i think that's an interesting concept. that everyday we wake up we are at the cumulitive point of our existence. we literally get better everyday, you know? it's not like life is a book where our existence climaxes when we're 40 and then it's downhill from there. we just keep chugging along, so by the time i'm 40, i should be like TWICE the person i am today. then when i'm 80, i should be 4 times the person i am today. isn't that kind of cool? makes it more fun to wake up at least i think.

i guess the coolest thing of all about this weekend has been that i've been reminded continually of how blessed i am. i mean, this is true of everyday, but i think when you have a birthday you always tend to reflect just a little bit more. it's so amazing how much God has been working around me, and in me....revealing Himself in my life. i think regardless of all the presents in the world, and all the friends, and all the smiles, and my family - everything. regardless of all that, i think i've been thinking about how God never gave up on me. because i look back at the last year of my life, and i recognize that i'm a different person from who i was at this time last year. I'm so thankful that God is so patient, and so faithful, because everything that i have now - everything that i've ever had - is from His hand. and i dunno. i guess i'm just....i'm so thankful i'm in awe. there's no real words to describe how glad i am to have the peace of God's love...to have the promise of his grace. i think back to how my life was before....so full of doubt, so full of hate, so full of self-loathing and pride....and i shudder to think what I would be today if i had ignored God's whisper in my life. If i had dismissed that little voice in my head...in my heart.

hm...i seemed to have returned to the mushy stuff.

enh. i guess some things are inevitable. maybe i'm growing soft in my old age.

the new fad...

does no one else think this background picture is hillarious?
anyone??

fine fine....i'm a dork, i can admit it....