bittersweet

adj 1: tinged with sadness

bittersweet is one of my favourite phrases. there is a certain emotional, and even aesthetic beauty to the word. i personally find it to be the greatest artistic juxtaposition in the english language.

the definition describes it as tinged with sadness. just take a moment to think about that.

tinged with sadness

could there be anything more real -- more appropriate -- to put into words so much of our lives as we grow, learn, and love? for every action there is a reaction. for every decision there is a consequence. for every joy, there is pain.

bittersweet. let the word roll off your tongue, and rest on your heart. say it aloud, and let the weight of the phrase purse your lips and make heavy the air around you, like a dark and lonely memory that you will never ever forget, yet sometimes wish you could.

friendship and love are the bonds that knit our lives together. they define us, they tell our story. there is a certain comfort in having good friends, and having a loving group to support, encourage, and challenge you. learning to move on, learning to let go -- these are staples of our independent journey's, though they may be intertwined.

there is joy in seeing those you care for happy, and to know that they are in a good place. to be able to dwell in the melancholy moment and wax nostalgic, all the while looking towards the future. soak it all in while you can, because you can see things changing beneath your very feet.

it's scary. it's scary to think that all we hold dear right now could tomorrow dissapear. but it's exciting, and amazing to know that replacing it will be something greater. we often take for granted the constants in life -- forgetting that there are no constants except in Him.

as i often have said, joy and happiness are two different things. one can be unhappy -- yet be full of joy inside, with a hope and faith that is real.

refusing to admit someone is leaving replaces closure with apathy. i'd rather see off and someday reunite with my friends than fizzle and fade away from lack of effort and time.

so i will retract what i wrote to you previously, and indeed i will say goodbye after all -- not simply "see you later". take with you what you need, but don't hang on. you're building something new, and we won't be there for it -- as surreal as it is to concede. remember, but don't dwell. keep in touch, but make new friends. this is it -- this is life finally nudging its way in.

what word could there be but...bittersweet?

so be sure when you step
you step with great tact
and remember that life's
a great balancing act

and will you suceed?
yes! you will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

- Dr. Seuss, Oh the Places You'll Go!

have a good one d.
and remember: jesus loves you


cheers.

save the best for last

just when i was about to give up on this summer, i find out that for the last month i have the opportunity to work at RBCI television, volunteering on a new show.

suddenly, i find myself a tech production assistant for g4tech tv on the soon to air show "call for help" -- featuring a returning leo laporte.

i can almost assure myself that none of you have heard of this show, or of leo, haha

regardless, it's been an awesome two days so far of learning all the ins and outs not only of being an I.T monkey (don't tell them i'm not qualified....shhhhhhh) as well as a P.A.

it's been cool enough brainstorming the show segments with the hosts, prepping the sets and computers, getting to know all the staff down at RBCI and networking like mad with everybody i see. and, to top it all off, shooting hasn't even started yet!

so....productive after all. who knew?

bored much?

going away for the weekend. so i leave you all with this:

castlevania

the internet at it's greatest potential, haha

c'est la vie...

Life must be understood backward. But it must be lived forward.
- Kierkegaard

when i think about these words of wisdom, i am struck by the fact that Kierkegaard was himself a Christian existentialist. a seemingly oxymoronic place to be, and yet he validated himself through God, with a faith that was built on a philosophy of life.

after all, he reasoned. what was life but a series of choices? and these choices rested cleary in our own hands. our faith was ultimately based on our own decisions in life, regardless of how much help we could get from above.

the pressure seems rather large. evangelical christianity today is often misleading, perhaps inclined to think that everything we do can be done only by God (or converesely, blamed on God).

so often, i think we forget about the part where God works with us -- and focus too much on the idea that God can only work in us. God as an external factor, as opposed to a living God, transforming us through our own decisions and guiding us on our paths, instead of merely shoving us down a waterslide.

life is full of regrets, missed opportunities, and life altering decisions. one fork in the road is enough to alter your entire course.

to live forward than -- to recognize all these regrets and mistakes and not dwell on them...to have the courage to make your next choice without fearing another mistake -- that's life. that's living forward.

what's more, living forward is simply another word for faith. believing your decisions -- discernment included -- are the right ones, even if they initially feel impossible. believing you can overcome even when you think you can't. believing God is real based on your past, even when it doesn't seem like it right now.

sometimes you just have to stop moping, and just grind it out.

sometimes you just gotta have a little bit of faith.

here comes the airport scene. do they make it?

i am not an artist.

well, i suppose that's not entirely true. in our post-modern world, everyone's an artist, and everyone's a critic.

what i mean is -- in the classical sense -- i'm not an artist. i don't take art. i don't study art. i can't fully appreciate all the subtle nuances of a painters strokes, or the careful shaping of marble under a master sculpters chisel.

granted, i know a bit. i've been around, i have my opinions. but when it comes to expertise and art i'm pretty much an everyday shmuck.

strangely though, deep down -- all us non artists -- we all seem to derive a great deal of vitality from art regardless of our ignorance. we're not artists. but we love to pretend we are.

we love to write songs, write poems, write stories. we take pictures, draw sketches, frame landscapes. we all like to create art.
it's been said that great art can only come through the process of suffering.

i can't say i'd disagree with that. but why?

why does art always seem to best come from our darkest moments? when we're dying instead of living? lost instead of found? what element of humanity do we so appreciate, so empathize with in others, that we consider "great". why are artists always better when they're dead? why are their lives always greatest when filled with tragedy?

why aren't there any happy go lucky, sunshine and lollipops artists who have gone down in history as equals to the solemn, brooding and reclusive enigmatics?

i think it's no one likes to relate to happy people. we're all too self-absorbed when we're happy ourselves to care about whether or not other people are happy.

when we feel like crap though, all we care about is making everyone else feel like crap too. we're aiming to take down those smiling bastards with our arrows of jaded cynicism.

so what is art?

art, i believe in the interpretation our society has thusfar historically practised, is nothing more than an excuse to make other people feel bad.

if you're happy, you're rubbing it in with art.
if you're crappy, you're dragging others down with art.

so i guess that leaves us with two options:
a. art is evil.
b. humans are masochists.

personally, i'm going to go with option b.
we all SAY we like to be happy. but deep...deep down.....i think we all sort of get a sense of pleasure from being down. it's easy, it's thoughtless, and it's less work than staying happy.

we apparently love being depressed. as a society, it's the cool thing to do.

how odd.

more please.

saw before sunset tonight, the (anticipated?) sequel to before sunrise. i must say that, truly, this movie is just as good as the first. although it isn't quite as lovey-dovey, it still manages to capture the essence of their situation -- particularly in context as a sequel -- in a dramatic, realistic, and beautiful fashion. simply amazing piece of work.

one of the trailers shown before the film was for zach braff's upcoming film Garden State. most of us will recognize him as Dr. JD of scrubs fame. the film is his his first stab at both writing and directing, and it opens in limited release here in toronto i think at the end of july.

even more exciting than watching braff make us laugh for 2 hours straight, is that it also looks like a pretty darn good movie, with some interesting characters. on top of everything this film has a KILLLLLLLER soundtrack, which is going to be released i think by sony.

for those of you wondering, the song on the official site is called "let go" , by frou frou.

and to you-know-who.....thats one year and counting. thank you.

i liked your memo.

SI.com - Cavaliers, Paxson pay price for doing right

it's enough to bring a guy to the brink of a jerry maguire breakdown.

shut up......just....shut up....
you had me at UNGRATEFUL BASTARD.

boozer may have been one of my proudest sleeper gems from my fantasy pool last year -- and he had earned my respect as a hard worker and up-and-coming star. but this.....this is just wrong.

if i were on the cavs, i would circle the first game we have against utah, and work towards it for the next few hundred days.

and if i were a utah player? honestly, i'd be disgusted to have this kind of character in my locker room. and i'd make sure he knew it.

what a scum bag, yeesh.