internal dialogues: part une

1) by now, you're surely wondering "why has he posted 3 times already today?". followed closely by "why is he awake before noon?", whereby your keen observation will lead you to then wonder "why was he not asleep at 3:05am?"

ah grasshopper, but they are all related. i decided last night that the only way i would make it to my 9am class would be to not sleep at all (call me pragmatic). i can't say my theory was 100% correct, but at the very least i did attend class this morning, so mission accomplished.

2) the scene: walking home from school tired, and more than a little bit spacey from my lack of sleep, empty stomache, and giant cups of coffee.

man. that guy walks funny. look at the way his head doesn't move but his arms swing unnaturally. he looks like a robot.

hm....i wonder what i look like when i walk. do people think *i* walk funny?? oh gosh...

hey! look at that guy! he looks cool when he walks. he kind of has a relaxed swagger. and he kind of bobs and has good shoulder dipping movement when he walks. yea -- thats the key. the rhythm of movement. so all i gotta do is kinda sway like so...and relax a little bit.....

oh man, i wonder if i look like i'm trying too hard to saunter. i'm really going for more of an ambling vibe. crap, do i look like a retarded bobble-head walking down the road?

unnnnhhhhhhhhhh oh man i'm so self-concious......are my hips moving too much? how's my shoulder movement? i'm swinging my arms weird, i know i am. they feel like they're swinging wrong i swear! whats wrong! WHATS WRONG WITH MY ARMS?!?!!

dammit, stop thinking so hard about the way you walk! just walk! you're walking for goodness sake, who needs to think so much? aw CRAP people probably think you're trying too hard to walk cool. you probably look like a total loser. stop it. stop thinking. stopitstopitstopit...stooop iiiiiiiittttttttt

oh look! there's my house! i'm almost home!....walk faster....wait wait, not too fast, you don't wanna look like you're in a rush, that's not cool.....yeaaa...home sweet home....


oh c'mon. who isn't thinking this when they walk down the street.....

plenty of vitamin z

i don't think a living human being can say the word "boobies" and maintain a straight face.

someone -- please, anyone -- prove me wrong. i know *i* can't do it.

teeheeheeheehee......boobies.

all of the above

how often do we wake up and think hey -- today is going to be a day that shapes the rest of my life.

i dunno, i guess when you're at school you so often see every day as the same, and every week as a reset of the week that happened just prior.

but i'm learning that everyday IS a day that can change the rest of your life. if you let it.

through the looking glass

we really know nothing. nothing at all.

even my faith which i hold fast to and keeps me grounded -- i do not claim to know it as truth. i believe it is true. there is such a poignant difference between the two.

and it's no coincidence. i could never fully believe in what i do if i were seeking to know it -- to know anything. all i have is faith. that's all any of us really have i think.

tadaa

enjoy.

i still can't sleep, so i made some minor aesthetic changes.

we'll see how long this webcam thing sticks -- it stops when i forget it's on and start changing...it's not one of those webcams feeds....

transitional phrases -- to connect one idea to another

so much has been going on in my life lately, with me and with those around me.

part of me is too lazy to update, part of me is too overwhelmed with what i'd have to write to fully bring things up to speed.

so what i will say for now is this:

1) i think it's time for a change of flavour. look for a new page i'll throw up sometimes soon.

2) i can't remember my own imagestation account password

3) no hockey and no girlfriend make simon bored

over and out.

rent is due at the first of each month

"I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgement's on the brink
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
Albums back as your lying there drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zippedstraight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold"

.......

"Oh, you're almost home.
I've been waiting for you to come in.
Dancing around in your old suits going crazy in your room again.
I think I'll go out an embarrass myself by getting drunk and falling down in the street.
You say I choose sadness
that it never once has chosen me.
Maybe you're right..."

.......

"It's early morning
No-one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off
I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes 'til they crash
I imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks
And when it lands
Will my eyes be closed or open?"

......

"thirteen years old in the suburbs of denver
Standing in line for Thanksgiving dinner at the catholic chuch. the servers wore crosses
To shield from the sufferance plauging the others. styrofoam plates, cafateria tables charity reeks of cheap wine and pity
And i'm thinking of you. i do every year
When we count all our blessings
And wonder what we're doing here."

......

"This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable,
yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time."

......

" I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away"

......

" Now and then it seems worse than it is,
but mostly the view is accurate. You see your breath in
the air while you climb up the stairs to that
coffin you call your apartment. And you sink in your
chair, brush the snow from your hair and drink
the cold away. You are not really sure what you
are doing this for but you need something to fill
up the days. A few more hours."

......