remember to breathe

darn. a gorgeous weekend only to be followed up by more of this dreary greyness. whhhhhyyyy? autumn is being ruined!

i blame el nino.

in other breaking news, it's easier to catch up with classes when you're only taking one i find. much love to whoever invented online courses.

this week is going to consist of watching basketball and hopefully going to karaoke one of these nights.

don't let me down irene!

little round mirrors

everything is just so darn simple when you're a kid.

i remember how an autumn morning used to be a brisk walk to school, stepping on dry leaves and twigs to hear them crunch underfoot. or finding piles of neatly raked leaves to destroy with one swift kick.

how lunchtime used to mean forty minutes of alligator, or cops and robbers, handball, redass, doctor, soccer baseball, football, basketball or finding out who was kissing by the portables (or possibly even being that person).

how afternoons weren't spent wasted watching people renovate their houses on television when in reality i could just walk downstairs and see the real thing -- but instead were full of hours playing tag at the park (including its various permutations, such as lava tag, freeze tag, et al) or walking home with friends and observing girls begin to learn the concept of "gossip".

how trick-or-treat actually meant it was the chance to get a crapload of free candy -- not worry about whether or not you bought some to give away.

and i love how you get lots of "first" moments.

first report card.
first sports team.
first science project left undone.
first kiss.

i'm starting to realize life is all about living for firsts. and when you start feeling like it's all been done, is when you should start to take a long hard look at what you're doing. maybe not knowing where things are going, but at the very least that they're going.

i must say it's kind of exciting.

kind of like the first time you ever hit someone in the face with a snowball.

untitled-1

i honestly have to say that, despite being able to sympathize with many of the "CBC" culture clash cliches, i don't feel i can totally empathize with them.

i'm not sure, but whatever the reason, i always kind of just chuckle and say "oh yea, i know what you mean" when someone makes a funny about tofu containers or something. i mean -- i get it -- but i can't relate.

one area where me and my parents really do differ however is the concept of work vs. efficiency.

case in point, is it better to wash dishes right after a meal, or maybe sit for a bit then wash them later? heck, maybe even let a few pile up then throw them all in the dishwasher and save yourself some time and effort?

naturally my parents think it's not just better, but necessary to do everything as soon as possible.

i bring this up because earlier today, my dad wanted me to go down and help him vacuum the basement, even though renovations are still going to continue at least another day or two.

i asked him why he doesn't just wait until they're finished, then clean it all at once. after all, after we clean it now, it's just going to get dirty again tomorrow. and my dad simply said something along the lines of "every speck of dust cleaned helps"

translate that as you will, i'm not even really sure what he said.

anyways, crawling around the basement with a dustbuster (he has dibs on the vacuum of course) i naturally felt like a chinese labour camp prisoner doing some ridiculous sort of work project -- like moving a pile of rocks, then moving them back or something.

but i mean, let the folks be the folks, quirks and all right? so i kept crawling along, dustbuster starting to choke under the rigours of sucking up sawdust (i don't think they're made for that).

in the end, we basically cleaned the basement out. and tomorrow, i am going to watch a bunch of crazy chinese guys in overalls come over and make a mess of it again.

does it make sense to me? not at all. but much like gum flavoured ice cream and pog, it's just another little idiosyncrasy that reminds me life doesn't always have to make sense to be amusing.

transatlanticism

i am going to be uncharacteristically personal.

a lot of times, when someone asks you "hey, how are you doing?", we have a pre-programed answer ready and waiting.

"oh, i'm fine. yourself?"
"aww, same old...same old, y'know? yourself?"
"i've had a bad day. [insert long anecdotes about a work]. how about you?"

but you know those stretches where when someone asks you how you're doing, you actually want to explode? yes, that's pretty much where i am right now. i am the picture of instability and anxiousness, and it is completely not where i am comfortable being.

I never ask a man what his business is, for it never interests me. What I ask him about are his thoughts and dreams.

H.P. Lovecraft, January 1929

i have a billion things to say. in fact i wrote down like, a 15 page blog post. but it really isn't all that coherent at this point.

to paraphrase my midnight manifesto, i basically want to look myself in the mirror and say "screw you".

then i realize that maybe i should be like, learning stuff and growing and crap. then i reconsider cussing myself out. then i'm all confused and thinking myself in circles towards the inevitable brain aneurysm (or more popular 'mug-in-the-head').

and so, in the end, knowing that i will never cease to wrestle with the wrestlyness of existence, i conclude that i am tired and will simply do some light reading and go to sleep.

i keep telling myself i'm going to wake up early and go to the gym someday.

i really hope today's that day.

*i have censored myself.

the new american apathy

it seems like i haven't seen the sun in forever. it's just been....grey...and wet....and cold, for the whole week, and i think it's finally getting to me.

my head feels like it's going to explode. guess that means its time to go for a run. nothing a little sweat can't fix i suppose.

so.....i should probably figure out how to do this whole resume thing huh? who wants to help? i am sooooo lost, haha

day one

so to be totally honest....it's kind of sad how long it took me to throw this new site together. like, almost a full day. and i mean that as 24 hours put into it, not a day of "simon time", which as we all know is closer to 6 hours.

anyways, on the bright side i learned alot about CSS. yay? trying to teach myself things from scratch was much harder then i remember it being. i guess my learning ability is starting to slow down with age.

things i would like to learn before i go senile still include

- time travel
- italian
- grade 12 math

the even sadder part is this page was realy more a personal excercise....i don't even like it that much. hopefully the next one will be....more impressive, haha

only in dreams

i hate when this happens, but i actually.....need...to go shopping.

i wish things were cheaper. stupid....clothes and furniture....

top ten closing tracks

10. the beatles - a day in the life
09. built to spill - broken chairs
08. M83 - lower your eyelids to die with the sun
07. radiohead - street spirit (fade out)
06. explosions in the sky - your hand in mine
05. the mars volta - take the veil cerpin taxt
04. broken social scene - it's all gonna break
03. system of a down - aerials
02. oasis - champagne supernova
01. weezer - only in dreams

is it possible to bottle the feel of something epic? what would that be? epicness?

tea for the tillerman

he would often sit at his desk late into the night, trying to distract himself from the rush of darkness seeping into his mind. webpages, video games, books, music, friendly small talk through instant-messaging. all as a means to try and keep the fear at bay -- the dense fog that inevitably would consume him regardless of how he was feeling that day.

it was as if the night stripped him of his own dellusions, reflecting only the barest realities. truth and secrets that during the day were kept buried deep inside, safe from the sun and anything the sun could touch.

no, the darkness inside him was where the truth would hide. and at night, when the sun went to bed and night spread over the world, the secrets inside would be free to come out. the truth would roam free, weighing down the cold air in his room that he was filling his lungs with.

and like someone caught under an avalanche, he was unable to move, to see, to get up or out from under this incredible weight. he was defenseless.

without even the freedom to breath, every moment of the dark and cold night became a struggle to survive. a fight to live.

he could barely make out the shapes and outlines of his room as the world began to fade away, replaced by guilt, hate, remorse, regret, and all the other emotions that human beings hide away in their darkest places -- as far from the sun as possible.

he put his head in his hands, slumped over with his eyes closed. defeated.

for despite all that he felt, he knew as he was fading away that he was not being taken from the world. instead, he was walking away, by his own conscious will. by his own volition.

he wanted to disappear. and it was himself, not the room around him, that was starting to concede to his own futility.

the outlines were getting more vague as the projection of reality began to recede around him. it was as if he was walking backwards through the history of film.

things were becoming grainy, outlines became blobs became concepts. was this the golden age?

colours drained away, replaced by the soft glow of black and white hues (his own existence glowing a dull grey. how appropriate). perhaps pre-technicolor?

the world began to slow to a stop. it was coming in jilted series now, and fluidity ceased to exist. life became a series of snapshots, and a lone voice permeated what once was the white noise of consciousness. could we now be in the talkies?

then the slideshow began to slow down. gradually, taking excruciatingly longer than it should, the pictures began to grind to a halt, each one starting to stay long enough that he could almost make out the scene...

it was so familiar.

if he could just recognize what he was seeing. it was at the tip of his tounge. he could almost see it in his mind....

it was so familiar.....

so familiar....

so...

....familiar......................................................................
...................................................................................
..........





you ever notice how the more attention you pay to a word, the more wrong it seems to look?

english is funny like that.

none but shining hours

with all the time we spend on the internet, i think i have safely come to the conclusion that our internet bookmarks reveal just as much about us as our clothes and language.

so...outside of email and perhaps your own website (if applicable), what are your top five favourite sites?

for me, it's pretty simple. in order of visits per day my top five websites are:

5) www.Gizmodo.com - it's like cnet. but funny.

4) www.Mocoloco.com - gizmodo's artsy sister.

3) www.stylusmagazine.com - a music site thats not pretentious.

2) www.ESPN.com - essential for breaking news and updates.

1) www.niketalk.com - i check it compulsively. really, it's sick.

naturally, these are not the only sites i visit. but they are my favourites of each genre. various tech sites, design, music, sports and shoes....not to mention cars and real news, and yadda yadda yadda.

of course the sites i visit most are other people pages. blogs, xangas, live journals and all that crap. if quantity is in any way associated with priority, i suppose that means you're all more important to me than the fact that the j.kidds are back and on NikeID no less.

trust me -- that's more special than you know.

mmm...zoom flight fives......

cream and bastards rise

i normally ignore these xanga/blogger disease like chain letter posts, but because its from dora and she never talks to me otherwise (oh snap!) i'll appease her.

rules of the game: post 5 weird and random facts about yourself, then at the end list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this. also leave a post on their xanga/blogspot to let these people know.

1) i'll put on socks even if i'm not going out. i just like wearing socks. they keep my feet warm and clean.

2) when i was younger, i used to hang out with a bunch of girls. and when i mean a group of girls, i mean i have been to parties where i am literally the only dude. it's a mixed experience at best.

3) i once read an entire book while on the toilet. like, a novel. my legs were pretty numb afterwards.

4) i hate eating with my hands if it will be messy. even things like shellfish or chicken wings, i'll use a fork because i don't like getting my hands dirty.

5) i have to squeeze toothpaste from the end. if i find that someone has used it and squeezed from the middle, i will meticulously squeeze it from the end until it is neat and all up at the front again.

now i think i spam five more people. i'm too lazy to actually go toy our sites, so i'm going to choose people who read my blog fairly often.

red rover red rover, i call herb, irene, ivan, dustin and cam over.

it's all gonna break

my car is my fortress of solitude.

i prefer sandwiches with the crusts left on (and cut diagonally of course).

autumn is my favourite season.

don't you love when things come in threes?

in the beginning

The Call of Jeremiah
4 The word of the LORD came to me, saying,

5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew [a] you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

6 "Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child."

7 But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.

9 Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. 10 See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.


no excuses.

just trust.