let the cool goddess rust away

the funny thing with looking forward, is that you can't look back at the same time.

it's hard. it's difficult not to look back in fondness and nostalgia at all that has come to pass. to think about all we've seen along the way, all we've experienced, all that has led us to the here and now. everyone loves a good stroll down memory lane. strolls down future uncertainty are generally a less requested adventure.

and its true that life throws us curveballs here and there. we can't always see them coming, but you sometimes anticipate where they're going to be. and you know what they say -- you can't hit the ball if you don't swing.

the phrase "you can't go back" has so much depth to it. we can't go back to simpler times. we can't go back to correct our mistakes. we can't go back to relive our joys. whats done is done. so many things in life are reversible, while life itself is an immutabe and constant forward progression. time just marches on, whether you're ready or not.

learning to appreciate the past instead of dwelling on it is something that comes with time. it's with seemingly cruel irony that lifes plays on us this reality -- the more memories we make, the more time we spend experiencing life, the more we must learn to live in the present.

not to say we can't always shoot the shit about the good ole' days, or laugh it up about "that time when". but we can't cling on to those memories anymore. the past defines who we are today, but we cannot expect it to define who we will be tomorrow. that's our choice, no one elses.

even if we can't stay in one moment, we can watch the trail we blaze behind us. sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. looking back, we can pause and see just where things changed us, made us, and where we changed those around us. we can gain an understanding and appreciation for what we have seen and heard so far. but instead of longing for what we have tasted, we can desire something greater -- something beyond our wildest expectations.

"you can't go back"

psh.

who wants to?

i'd say make me proud -- but i already am.

here's to you.

take care of yourself.

wintermitts

why does a beautiful august morning feel like the darkest winter day?

i wish so many things......

so many things.

i wish i could sleep.

i wish i could make dreams come true.

Psalm 139

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.


*****

thank you for everything. for more than you know.

drowned men

one of those lazy summer days.

goodness i've waited a long time for one of these.

i find we all have our means of cutting loose. of expressing ourselves.

it's nice to know what keeps you going. then have time to do it.

the lemon of pink

surprises i discovered while packing that i found amusing:

- an OAC calculus test. final mark, %20
- baritone music from grade school band
- a VHS tape of irene and myself doing hockey play-by-play
- the only political science essay i ever enjoyed writing (i was rewarded with a good mark)
- a little plastic gun that shoots suction darts, circa high school montreal trip
- a photograph of my st. tims W5H championship team
- one lobster shaped bottle holder apparently bought by my parents from the east coast.
- a business card for cammie cheng, "korean seductress"

and perhaps one of my favourites, the 1997 didomi directory.

some excerpts:

if i were a box, i'd be....

"a small, easy to lose box, because i want to isolate myself from society" - beverly ng

"a coleman cooler" - lincoln troi

one thing the world should know about me...

"i like airplane food" - dora yiu

"i don't look like gabe sr." - ernest chan

"i laugh by myself" - grace lee sr.

"i shampoor my hair" - kevin lim

"when i was a young kid, my parents found me by the shores of a shaolin temple. being monks themselves, they taught me the deadly art of the caterpillar. now, i protect innocents from the evil dark forces of...." - graham chung

ambitions...

"raise 4 kids and own a recording studio on the side" - emily ng

"to become like steve" - gabe chan sr.

"to be a candycane striper" - gabe chan jr.

"to grow taller" - gloria cheung

advice for the youth of tomorrow

"squeeze paper towels into a ball before throwing in basket, to prevent from flowing over!!!" - ryan ming

classic moments from youth.

remember, if it ain't dido.....

The Chapter In Your Life Entitled San Francisco

you can tell i'm busy because i've blogged twice today. that increases my weekly blogging quota by......i dunno. a lot.

there's this scene in the movie finding forrester (or as i like to call it, black will hunting,) where sean "the rapist for $400" connery insightfully says

"we always sound better in writing than we do out loud"

in the context of blogs, i think this is certainly the case. being an avid blog stalker, i find that often i feel like i can sort of create a mental projection of what somebody is like from reading their blog. then when or if i actually meet them in real life, they are often nothing like i expected.

maybe its just me, but do lots of people flat out talk and think differently on their blogs? i realize it has a lot to do with the medium itself; blogs are often used for specific purposes, such as when people are in good moods, procrastinating moods, depressed ranting moods....etc. they aren't meant to paint broad and accurate strokes of ones personality.

talking to ivan the other day, he said "when people say i'm not what they expected, i wonder....what did they expect?"

i wonder....do most people blog about who they are.....or rather who they want people to think they are? or inversely....do blogs represent who we really are, while in reality we often hide our true personalities and quirks in order to project a more status quo image.....?

mikado

boy i've been neglecting this thing.

moving is such a whirlwind of activity. leave it to the yau's to have everything to do at the last minute.

north york, here we come. back to....er...ryan's neighbourhood.