it vexes me when i have a sore muscle, but do not know how to stretch it. has that ever happened to you? my inner thighs are sore, but i can honestly say i've never felt those muscles sore before. it's a completely new experience, like the first time my butt was sore after a dragonboat practice. in hindsight, it took me an entire month before i figured out how to stretch my butt. i still have time.
the search for a job enters week two after a relaxing and enjoyable weekend on the slopes. i've decided after this weekend to put hot-tubs fairly high on my list of "things that will probably end up getting me killed", right between "fast food" and "chivalry".
i have a long list of bookmarked jobs that i am in the process of applying to systematically. i have ones that i'd prefer to get, but unlike any other job search i've ever conducted, i have to admit that this is probably the least picky i've ever been.
it has been pointed out by some that i (literally) tend to throw money around. and i'll concede that it's true -- i don't have the kind of respect for money that i really should because i've just come by it so easily in my life. be it jobs that i aquired without much effort, or just serendipitous windfalls, money has never been a problem for me.
as a result, i tend to think of it as...not a big deal. i don't follow up very closely when people owe me money, and treat others even when i don't have a steady income. i act like it grows on trees. i haven't decided if this is a bad thing, but i am undoubtedly starting to realize the pragmatic implications of my attitude.
i am....going to be poor. and this is of course by design, as anyone who knows me has probably discovered i have a disdain for being well-heeled. yet....bear no grudge against the well-heeled lifestyle. it's like this conflict, where i don't want to stop treating myself well, but refuse to not feel guilty for it. my hypocrisy makes my head hurt.
maybe the time has come for me to admit that i need to just learn to be thankful for what i have instead of worry about why i have it. maybe i'm not as bad as i think i am. maybe....i should be worrying about more important things?
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