first order of business: compile a list of things to accomplish this summer.
second order of business: accomplish said list.
done and done. man, i'm good at planning stuff.
i have a feeling this summer is going to be pretty eclectic. amongst other things, i'd like to:
- build furniture
- read more
- join hoopdome
- practice writing
- go to new york
- start a t-shirt silk screening business
- supe up my car
- go to more concerts
- write a short film
same old...same old.
Apr 27, 2007
Apr 26, 2007
umbrella
the irony of being sad about leaving school, when all year long i was tired of having to go there.
but hey, it's over, and there's much love about an incredibly tight knit class. parting ways in body, but still united in spirit.
or some shit like that, i dunno. i'm not good at this sentimental stuff.
but hey, it's over, and there's much love about an incredibly tight knit class. parting ways in body, but still united in spirit.
or some shit like that, i dunno. i'm not good at this sentimental stuff.
Apr 25, 2007
knocked up
i really wish i was good at singing. while i'm at it, i guess i'd also like to wish for a new pair of basketball shoes. oh well, one thing at a time.
not sure what to do with myself now that school is pretty much over. i should probably like....be productive. easier said than done.
on the bright side, everyone officially has the ok to make plans any day or night and i will be interested and up for doing something.
in fact, please come hang out with me, hahaha
not sure what to do with myself now that school is pretty much over. i should probably like....be productive. easier said than done.
on the bright side, everyone officially has the ok to make plans any day or night and i will be interested and up for doing something.
in fact, please come hang out with me, hahaha
Apr 21, 2007
mcfearless
guilty pleasure #106: watching 'a league of their own' at 2:40am when i should be writing.
i just really enjoy this movie. every time it's on tv, i always end up watching the entire thing.
i just really enjoy this movie. every time it's on tv, i always end up watching the entire thing.
Apr 20, 2007
for the windows in paradise, for the fatherless in ypsilanti
ah, late night blog posts. the arena of depressing self-reflection and waxing philosophical about retrospectives on life, love, and the open jumper you probably shouldn't have passed up.
man, my body isn't what it used to be. nagging injuries are really starting to pile up: bruised/pulled achilles heel, pinched nerve in shoulder/neck, jammed index finger. my body refuses to fix itself.
i got over my wisdom teeth in one day, and even the most painful injuries i've ever suffered during sports, i've been able to drag myself back into the game a few minutes later and be completely healed no more than a week from then.
but now.....now my crickity bones doth protest the abuse.
you know, everyone is strange in their own way. but it has not escaped my attention that some of us are just stranger than others.
and sometimes....i wonder why?
man, my body isn't what it used to be. nagging injuries are really starting to pile up: bruised/pulled achilles heel, pinched nerve in shoulder/neck, jammed index finger. my body refuses to fix itself.
i got over my wisdom teeth in one day, and even the most painful injuries i've ever suffered during sports, i've been able to drag myself back into the game a few minutes later and be completely healed no more than a week from then.
but now.....now my crickity bones doth protest the abuse.
you know, everyone is strange in their own way. but it has not escaped my attention that some of us are just stranger than others.
and sometimes....i wonder why?
Apr 18, 2007
cosima
ramblins:
1) you know how CNN is always useful DURING breaking news stories, but days later of non-stop 24hr coverage, you begin to be resentful about being forced to watch the same videos and same fear mongering graphics, stats and decks over and over? yea, i'm at that point. it's like if someone forced me to listen to "Say it ain't so" on repeat 800 times straight. amazing song, but it just takes all the poignancy and meaning out of it. you're telling me nothing else is going on in the world now that 33 students died? nothing else newsworthy is happening right now at all?
this is like when Anna Nicole-Smith died. except not as funny.
2) i cannot tell a lie: Gustavo Chacin is the ugliest player in all of major league baseball. this is probably the best photo of him i could find.
and that list of sad-sack mugs includes Randy Johnson when he was still sporting a mullet.
i feel bad taking a shot at Gustavo. what a game he threw against the bosox last night. he's a good kid, but unfortunately, he looks like the lovechild of mr. clean and mr. potato head. just....unfortunate.
3) I like to parallel the final two weeks of school before summer as to the WNBA finals.
nobody cares, nobody wants to be there, and a little bit of frontal nudity would make everything that much more interesting, yet simultaneously, horrific.
2 more weeks.
i think i'm going to make it my goal next year to not fail any classes.
my standards for my education are officially so low, i have to dig up to hit rock bottom.
man, if being self-depreciating was an olympic event, i would so finish like......
actually, i suppose the only way that analogy would make any sense is if i said i'd finish dead last.
i'm blowing my own mind here by zinging myself. i think it's time for bed.....
1) you know how CNN is always useful DURING breaking news stories, but days later of non-stop 24hr coverage, you begin to be resentful about being forced to watch the same videos and same fear mongering graphics, stats and decks over and over? yea, i'm at that point. it's like if someone forced me to listen to "Say it ain't so" on repeat 800 times straight. amazing song, but it just takes all the poignancy and meaning out of it. you're telling me nothing else is going on in the world now that 33 students died? nothing else newsworthy is happening right now at all?
this is like when Anna Nicole-Smith died. except not as funny.
2) i cannot tell a lie: Gustavo Chacin is the ugliest player in all of major league baseball. this is probably the best photo of him i could find.
and that list of sad-sack mugs includes Randy Johnson when he was still sporting a mullet.
i feel bad taking a shot at Gustavo. what a game he threw against the bosox last night. he's a good kid, but unfortunately, he looks like the lovechild of mr. clean and mr. potato head. just....unfortunate.
3) I like to parallel the final two weeks of school before summer as to the WNBA finals.
nobody cares, nobody wants to be there, and a little bit of frontal nudity would make everything that much more interesting, yet simultaneously, horrific.
2 more weeks.
i think i'm going to make it my goal next year to not fail any classes.
my standards for my education are officially so low, i have to dig up to hit rock bottom.
man, if being self-depreciating was an olympic event, i would so finish like......
actually, i suppose the only way that analogy would make any sense is if i said i'd finish dead last.
i'm blowing my own mind here by zinging myself. i think it's time for bed.....
Apr 16, 2007
came to the rescue
Burn your bridges behind you, and stand committed to God by an act of your own will.
bearing witness to history, and appreciating it while it happens, is often difficult. in our generation, we have been both blessed and cursed by incidents of significance: when the berlin wall fell. when nelson mandela was freed. the personal computer. the advent of the internet. sept 11, 2001. and to a lesser extent, virginia tech, 2007.
we've seen a lot of "first ever's", "last ever's" and generally some most auspicious moments in our times.
as a Christian. as a journalist. as a person with a social burden on my heart, reconciling my place in the world is difficult.
as i'm inundated with media coverage of yet another violent tragedy, reading details on the internet, hearing witness accounts on the television, all while having this worship music playing on repeat on my computer, i can't help but feel the sometimes inherent ironies of my identity.
as i read an article in the newest Macleans (which has undergone perhaps one of the greatest transformations in Canadian magazine history in my opinion) that deals with the increasing relevance religion is playing in our world, as i attempt to come to grips with personal issues regarding my life and my career and my future, the prioritizing and identification of my faith continues to leave me at a loss for answers.
the quote i started with is from today's Utmost. how does one stand committed to God by an act of personal will? it seems like a catch22 that the more we are called to obey, and homogenize, and lay down our lives, the more is demanded of us to fight, and struggle, and choose God consciously in every facet.
a lot of people talk to me about Christianity, and how it's an acceptance of doctrine, and that it's just a bunch of rules.
maybe to some people, this is true. but to me, if religion is to have any purpose at all in my life, that definition is -- and must be -- absolute bullshit.
my faith is the driving reason i am trying to be different. because as much as i refuse to settle for the religious status quo, i feel in this world my personal responsibility is meant for more than the standard 9-5.
that's perfect for some.
it's wrong for me.
but wherever i'm meant to be, i feel like all the idiosyncrasies of my faith, my personality, and my professionalism, will serve me well.
acting of my own will is different from talking though.
perhaps that's the most frustrating part of all -- figuring out how to act on all my gut feelings and making them more than mere words.
but where faith leads some blindly, i feel it's leading me purposefully.
so take that for what it's worth, i guess.
Apr 13, 2007
some loud thunder
i like when you're all stressed about stuff, and then things all work out in the end.
actually, i find if you put enough effort into things, this happens more often than not. which would probably explain why it's such a new experience to me. maybe i'll give this "sustained effort" thing some more consideration. well, until i get lazy again.
some things never change.
i've really decided that i enjoy working on magazines. enough that if someone told me i'd be doing that in some capacity for the rest of my life, i think i'd be ok with that, provided it affords me the opportunity to do some of that work and tell some of those stories while traveling around the world. this is essentially my dream, and always has been.....circle the globe, telling stories about the world to people back home. be it in print or online, but at the very least some sort of written form.
every day that passes, i feel more and more like it's less of a pipe dream, and more of a possibility of i were really to want it enough, and be willing to put in the work.
and surprisingly, for once....i really think i am.
look, a happy post!
actually, i find if you put enough effort into things, this happens more often than not. which would probably explain why it's such a new experience to me. maybe i'll give this "sustained effort" thing some more consideration. well, until i get lazy again.
some things never change.
i've really decided that i enjoy working on magazines. enough that if someone told me i'd be doing that in some capacity for the rest of my life, i think i'd be ok with that, provided it affords me the opportunity to do some of that work and tell some of those stories while traveling around the world. this is essentially my dream, and always has been.....circle the globe, telling stories about the world to people back home. be it in print or online, but at the very least some sort of written form.
every day that passes, i feel more and more like it's less of a pipe dream, and more of a possibility of i were really to want it enough, and be willing to put in the work.
and surprisingly, for once....i really think i am.
look, a happy post!
Apr 10, 2007
for agent 13
i'm lacking in coherent thought, but I feel like there's some sort of God post in me trying to get out. i just don't know what to say exactly, so a ranting i will go...
the hardest part for me is always trying to figure out the balance between what i am capable of and/or responsible for, and what i am suppose to depend on God for.
because frankly, I feel like sometimes i don't depend on God for anything. and inevitably, things will fall apart. which is not exactly rocket science -- i mean, perspective on a half-full glass does not validate a religion.
moreover, there are times i feel my religious principles and ideals are actually holding me back. over-complicating my decision making process, and guilt tripping myself more than i necessarily should be about things.
but the truth is, although i have these lapses of doubt....and really, when things don't go the way we like, doubt will always creep in, it's human nature. but when i do have these lapses, i can't deny that despite all the questions, i have found that my personal determination to change things is ultimately a futile course of action.
i have been successful in changing my life in many ways, but this has always only sated the deeper reasons for those changes insofar as i move on to newer, different, and (debateably) greater challenges.
and sure, maybe that's what life's about. challenges. climbing mountains, one after another.
someone told me once they considered any sort of alternative -- to be content in life -- settling. and although at the time, i disagreed, when i think about it, she was probably right.
being content with life really is settling. which is exactly why God implores us not to worry too much about life. we could chase happiness for 100 years, hoping only to be content with our lives when we die, and it would probably still be settling to some extent.
ambition should be prioritized, and for me, that just means trying my hardest to not settle spiritually. all the other stuff...literally, stuff.....it's really starting to just all be the same -- pointless.
frankly, sometimes i see myself as some kind of masochist. so why do i do it? what's keeping me here? why do i stick around and insist on all this faith-in-God bullshit to carry me through?
is it a crutch?
i can't answer that. all i know is the most perfect periods i've ever understood, the most fulfilled i've ever been, the most joyful experiences of my life, have all come when i am most in touch with God.
not necessarily when i'm just struggling, but really, just when i'm being critical of all the other stuff in my life and seeking answers to cliches.
the answers are usually there. you just have to know where to look.
and for me....well...even though i want to believe otherwise, i know where my answers lay. getting to the point where i can recieve them and understand them regularly? well....that's just a whole 'nother story....
the hardest part for me is always trying to figure out the balance between what i am capable of and/or responsible for, and what i am suppose to depend on God for.
because frankly, I feel like sometimes i don't depend on God for anything. and inevitably, things will fall apart. which is not exactly rocket science -- i mean, perspective on a half-full glass does not validate a religion.
moreover, there are times i feel my religious principles and ideals are actually holding me back. over-complicating my decision making process, and guilt tripping myself more than i necessarily should be about things.
but the truth is, although i have these lapses of doubt....and really, when things don't go the way we like, doubt will always creep in, it's human nature. but when i do have these lapses, i can't deny that despite all the questions, i have found that my personal determination to change things is ultimately a futile course of action.
i have been successful in changing my life in many ways, but this has always only sated the deeper reasons for those changes insofar as i move on to newer, different, and (debateably) greater challenges.
and sure, maybe that's what life's about. challenges. climbing mountains, one after another.
someone told me once they considered any sort of alternative -- to be content in life -- settling. and although at the time, i disagreed, when i think about it, she was probably right.
being content with life really is settling. which is exactly why God implores us not to worry too much about life. we could chase happiness for 100 years, hoping only to be content with our lives when we die, and it would probably still be settling to some extent.
ambition should be prioritized, and for me, that just means trying my hardest to not settle spiritually. all the other stuff...literally, stuff.....it's really starting to just all be the same -- pointless.
frankly, sometimes i see myself as some kind of masochist. so why do i do it? what's keeping me here? why do i stick around and insist on all this faith-in-God bullshit to carry me through?
is it a crutch?
i can't answer that. all i know is the most perfect periods i've ever understood, the most fulfilled i've ever been, the most joyful experiences of my life, have all come when i am most in touch with God.
not necessarily when i'm just struggling, but really, just when i'm being critical of all the other stuff in my life and seeking answers to cliches.
the answers are usually there. you just have to know where to look.
and for me....well...even though i want to believe otherwise, i know where my answers lay. getting to the point where i can recieve them and understand them regularly? well....that's just a whole 'nother story....
Apr 9, 2007
this one's gonna bruise
man, i steamed these bbq pork buns, but i left them so long that the paper wrapping thing at the bottom turned all soggy, and i forgot it was even there, and i ate the paper and just realized it now.
you know your day has a high potential for crappiness when....
had myself a pretty interesting easter weekend. lots to figure out still, but trying to trust God with everything i do. whatever that means, because really, i don't know.
there's this thin line where i sometimes worry i'm repeating high school all over again, and i'm going to turn around and walk away from church because i feel like i'm just going through motions.
life is cyclical.
and i really need to understand what it means to learn from my past, and to learn from my mistakes. because frankly, i don't think i'm strong enough to repeat them again.
you know your day has a high potential for crappiness when....
had myself a pretty interesting easter weekend. lots to figure out still, but trying to trust God with everything i do. whatever that means, because really, i don't know.
there's this thin line where i sometimes worry i'm repeating high school all over again, and i'm going to turn around and walk away from church because i feel like i'm just going through motions.
life is cyclical.
and i really need to understand what it means to learn from my past, and to learn from my mistakes. because frankly, i don't think i'm strong enough to repeat them again.
Apr 3, 2007
get innocuous
i won something from tim horton's FINALLY. i had yet to win a donut, or coffee, or anything, until i finally was rewarded during a wonderful 2am conversation the other night.
speaking of which, i'm incredibly grateful to be blessed with understanding and supportive friends. really, thanks guys. i'm trying especially hard not to take anything in my life for granted lately.
things are shaping up to be pretty fun this week. i'm considering quitting work more and more with every passing day....but then i realize that i'd be so very very poor. even moreso than i currently am.
speaking of which, i'm incredibly grateful to be blessed with understanding and supportive friends. really, thanks guys. i'm trying especially hard not to take anything in my life for granted lately.
things are shaping up to be pretty fun this week. i'm considering quitting work more and more with every passing day....but then i realize that i'd be so very very poor. even moreso than i currently am.
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