came to the rescue

Burn your bridges behind you, and stand committed to God by an act of your own will.

bearing witness to history, and appreciating it while it happens, is often difficult. in our generation, we have been both blessed and cursed by incidents of significance: when the berlin wall fell. when nelson mandela was freed. the personal computer. the advent of the internet. sept 11, 2001. and to a lesser extent, virginia tech, 2007.

we've seen a lot of "first ever's", "last ever's" and generally some most auspicious moments in our times.

as a Christian. as a journalist. as a person with a social burden on my heart, reconciling my place in the world is difficult.

as i'm inundated with media coverage of yet another violent tragedy, reading details on the internet, hearing witness accounts on the television, all while having this worship music playing on repeat on my computer, i can't help but feel the sometimes inherent ironies of my identity.

as i read an article in the newest Macleans (which has undergone perhaps one of the greatest transformations in Canadian magazine history in my opinion) that deals with the increasing relevance religion is playing in our world, as i attempt to come to grips with personal issues regarding my life and my career and my future, the prioritizing and identification of my faith continues to leave me at a loss for answers.

the quote i started with is from today's Utmost. how does one stand committed to God by an act of personal will? it seems like a catch22 that the more we are called to obey, and homogenize, and lay down our lives, the more is demanded of us to fight, and struggle, and choose God consciously in every facet.

a lot of people talk to me about Christianity, and how it's an acceptance of doctrine, and that it's just a bunch of rules.

maybe to some people, this is true. but to me, if religion is to have any purpose at all in my life, that definition is -- and must be -- absolute bullshit.

my faith is the driving reason i am trying to be different. because as much as i refuse to settle for the religious status quo, i feel in this world my personal responsibility is meant for more than the standard 9-5.

that's perfect for some.

it's wrong for me.

but wherever i'm meant to be, i feel like all the idiosyncrasies of my faith, my personality, and my professionalism, will serve me well.

acting of my own will is different from talking though.

perhaps that's the most frustrating part of all -- figuring out how to act on all my gut feelings and making them more than mere words.

but where faith leads some blindly, i feel it's leading me purposefully.

so take that for what it's worth, i guess.