well, because the deadline has come and gone, i am sadly relegated to posting my little list here. enjoy it for the 20hours it is still relevant.
TOP FIVE O' OH FIVE
[1] [bloc party - silent alarm]
what do you say when people ask you “what kind of music do you listen to?”. don’t you hate being painted into a corner like that? if you say indie, you seem like a snob. if you say everything, you seem like you have no personality. and if you say rock….well…what does that even mean anymore? rock is nothing if not a fragmented beast right now, but along comes bloc party to answer the bell. they may not be metal, they’re not very heavy — but one listen and it’s all but assured you’ll nod and recognize real rock as ’silent alarm’ comes along and kicks you in the balls. with one of the best rhythm sections around today, clever writing and raw energy are rampant in every song as everyone tries to keep up with the maniacal machine gun drumming. sure, half the lyrics may be indescipherable, but who cares? did you hear that drum solo? did you shred air guitar with that riff? did you scream your lungs out during that bridge?
yea. that’s what i thought.
[2] [the triangles - magic johnson]
i don’t remember where, but i think somewhere in the guidebook to being an indie music snob it mentions the prerequisites for a great album…..
ah, here it is! “must be pretentious and challenging to listen to, and be ahead of the mainstream sound by at least year. defintions of music shall not necessarily be bogged down by things such as melodies and hooks”. ah, yes. you can tell a true indie-snob by how much they hate pitchfork. anyone who likes pitchfork is SUCH a poseur! anyways, who are the triangles you ask? that’s what i asked when i first heard this album. but boy, that question sure seemed irrelevant quickly. this album is easily the sweetest of the year, with classic male/female dueling vocals that drip of meloncholy yet sugary goodness. drawing from their australian surroundings and ragtag frankensteinian instrumentals (think fellow aussie octet architecture in helsinki), the triangles simply write songs that worm their way into your heart. amazing harmonies and some borrowed riffs from old christian hymns come together to create something not necessarily new — but definitely something gorgeous.
[3] [wolf parade - apologies to the queen mary]
“they sound like modest mouse”. that seems to be the general consensus of anyone i’ve played this album for. and of course, they mean that in the best possible way — after all, modest mouse blew up this year (by indie standards) and even made the cut by joining deathcab and the killers as staples on the OC soundtrack. how quickly our little bands grow up *sniff*. but despite some lilting vocals, perhaps the only other thing modest mouse and wolf parade share are the inate ability to write a perfect melody — and even more impressive, wolf parade boasts two guys who can do it, and take turns doing it over and over on this masterpiece. at first it may sound like another cliched canadian indie-pop/rock album, but further listening reveals an album that works together as a whole, with textures and song-writing that will blow you away. if this is a sign of things to come, wolf parade might just end up being bigger than christmukah. and catchier too.
[4] [why - elephant eyes]
it’s hard these days to find music that isn’t “like so-and-so, but with a mix of yadda-yadda”. music that can be considered original, creative, and yet not so challenging that you want to go put your head in a toilet just from trying to listen to it. Rapper Why has accomplished something that not too many other MC’s can lay claim to — he has crafted a brilliant indie-pop album. is it rap? yea, i guess. is it pop? yes. is it jangly folk-rock? you betcha. so what does it sound like? that much i can’t really describe. and all for the best, because with lyrical gems like “i’m fucking cold like a dq blizzard/you act like a slut but you’re really a freezer” half the beauty of this album is discovering every little detail on your own for the first time.
[5] [common - be]
common has always been like the cool friend that you want to hang around with. you know, the one that you would dress like a carebear for if he did it first. his last album being a bit hit-or-miss, common has come back with a vengence on a wave of cross-genre pop magic conjured up by his fellow chicago mc and collaborator/producer Kanye West. Cuts like “the corner” and “go” are literally instant classics, put together with a concious meticulousness to the art of hip-hop. recalling jazzanova rhythms and 70’s beats, “be” is an album even non-hip hop fans can get into — a classic Kanye trademark. Not to say that Kanye is what makes this album great. But when you add two guys as talented as this together, what you end up with is an album that’s greater than the sum of its parts. and that’s pretty darn tough to top.
Dec 31, 2005
Dec 27, 2005
now that i know
boxing day shooting
this is sad on so many levels.
if nothing has made you want to take accountability for your city -- to pray for toronto, to help your neighbour, to pull together for our community -- then this should be it.
this needs to stop. and it starts with each and every one of us.
this is sad on so many levels.
if nothing has made you want to take accountability for your city -- to pray for toronto, to help your neighbour, to pull together for our community -- then this should be it.
this needs to stop. and it starts with each and every one of us.
Dec 23, 2005
the sounds of the office
why do people hate todd bertuzzi?
everyone's up in arms over the fact that he accidently fell on someone. and lets be clear on this -- did he intend to hurt steve moore? probbaly. did he intened to end his career? of course not! he probably didn't even intend for him to miss a single game. that's just how hockey is. you go after people all the time.
i don't understand how someone who claps after a hockey fight can say they don't support todd bertuzzi. and for those who want to ban fighting from hockey.....well....you're stupid. even baseball has fighting every once in a while, and everyone just sees those bench clearing brawls on ESPN every so often and says "hehheh, that's awesome!". hypocrites.
i don't get how a country that doesn't support capital punishment, believes in a reformative system of incarceration, and protects their criminals as citizens and people, can judge one man so harshly for one mistake.
people make mistakes. surprise! the next guy who says "i won't support canada because they selected todd bertuzzi" should look in the mirror. should their friends support them for stabbing them in the back? for not standing up to them? for taking the easy way out? lying to them?
if this were biblical days, bert would have been stoned to death a hundred times over by now. and we all know how jesus felt about stoning.....
everyone's up in arms over the fact that he accidently fell on someone. and lets be clear on this -- did he intend to hurt steve moore? probbaly. did he intened to end his career? of course not! he probably didn't even intend for him to miss a single game. that's just how hockey is. you go after people all the time.
i don't understand how someone who claps after a hockey fight can say they don't support todd bertuzzi. and for those who want to ban fighting from hockey.....well....you're stupid. even baseball has fighting every once in a while, and everyone just sees those bench clearing brawls on ESPN every so often and says "hehheh, that's awesome!". hypocrites.
i don't get how a country that doesn't support capital punishment, believes in a reformative system of incarceration, and protects their criminals as citizens and people, can judge one man so harshly for one mistake.
people make mistakes. surprise! the next guy who says "i won't support canada because they selected todd bertuzzi" should look in the mirror. should their friends support them for stabbing them in the back? for not standing up to them? for taking the easy way out? lying to them?
if this were biblical days, bert would have been stoned to death a hundred times over by now. and we all know how jesus felt about stoning.....
Dec 21, 2005
your grace is enough
blogging at work makes me feel like i'm getting away with slacking.
then i realise that if i'm not blogging, i'm on the message board anyways, so really, there's no tangible difference. so away we go.
i've had some (i wouldn't say hard), but at the very least, thought provoking choices to make of late. i like to believe that i'm making the right decisions, and not trying to cheat the system by martyring myself. i can't fully say i completely believe this is the case, but i'm trying to figure things out as i go.
sad as it seems, i'm still reading jeremiah. i've been reading this book for like, the past 2 months. well, mainly because when i say i've been reading it, i mean i've been reading it once every 6-8 days, hahaha
but anyways, it never fails to amaze me how faithful God has always been. even in the face of an ignorant chosen people, even when his anger is burning and he has come to witts end, he always gives us the option of setting things straight with him.
and that's reassuring, you know? i think one of the hardest parts for me lately hasn't just been trying to do the right thing, but moreso trying not to do the wrong thing. and you just can't live that way. i mean, sometimes you just gotta go with it, and if you screw up, well -- lesson learned.
after a while, i figure i'll have failed enough to be able to see it coming.
or maybe not. maybe this is just the way things are, and growing means learning to live unafraid of our own flawed nature.
but hey -- there's always a choice. everyday is a choice...
then i realise that if i'm not blogging, i'm on the message board anyways, so really, there's no tangible difference. so away we go.
i've had some (i wouldn't say hard), but at the very least, thought provoking choices to make of late. i like to believe that i'm making the right decisions, and not trying to cheat the system by martyring myself. i can't fully say i completely believe this is the case, but i'm trying to figure things out as i go.
sad as it seems, i'm still reading jeremiah. i've been reading this book for like, the past 2 months. well, mainly because when i say i've been reading it, i mean i've been reading it once every 6-8 days, hahaha
but anyways, it never fails to amaze me how faithful God has always been. even in the face of an ignorant chosen people, even when his anger is burning and he has come to witts end, he always gives us the option of setting things straight with him.
and that's reassuring, you know? i think one of the hardest parts for me lately hasn't just been trying to do the right thing, but moreso trying not to do the wrong thing. and you just can't live that way. i mean, sometimes you just gotta go with it, and if you screw up, well -- lesson learned.
after a while, i figure i'll have failed enough to be able to see it coming.
or maybe not. maybe this is just the way things are, and growing means learning to live unafraid of our own flawed nature.
but hey -- there's always a choice. everyday is a choice...
Dec 14, 2005
let us love and sing and wonder
i like the soft fluffy snow. not the wet kind. even when it's coming down like the world is about to end, soft fluffy snow gives me this serene, comfortable feeling.
it's crazy how caught up with shopping people get this time of year. it makes even the strongest people feel weak at the knees with the urge to consume consume consume. all those sales signs, holiday offers, advertisements, the thrill of the bargain hunt -- it's enough to drive a guy into the trees.
i've decided i'm not going to do any boxing day shopping this year. i'm just tired of it. i'm so tired of that feeling of wanting.
luckily, all this snow has me in a festive mood, and i have tomorrow off. precious precious sleep, how i havemissed thee. i like how people are generally more chipper during the holidays. well, when they're not in the mall. once they're in the mall it's every man, woman, and child for themselves.
but at the office and stuff, everyone just seems so excited -- so childlike-- about the whole thing. i guess at heart, everyone has a soft spot for christmas.
except jews.
but that's ok, they actually get the best of both worlds, so i'm sure there's no complaints there. this got real random real fast....
it's crazy how caught up with shopping people get this time of year. it makes even the strongest people feel weak at the knees with the urge to consume consume consume. all those sales signs, holiday offers, advertisements, the thrill of the bargain hunt -- it's enough to drive a guy into the trees.
i've decided i'm not going to do any boxing day shopping this year. i'm just tired of it. i'm so tired of that feeling of wanting.
luckily, all this snow has me in a festive mood, and i have tomorrow off. precious precious sleep, how i havemissed thee. i like how people are generally more chipper during the holidays. well, when they're not in the mall. once they're in the mall it's every man, woman, and child for themselves.
but at the office and stuff, everyone just seems so excited -- so childlike-- about the whole thing. i guess at heart, everyone has a soft spot for christmas.
except jews.
but that's ok, they actually get the best of both worlds, so i'm sure there's no complaints there. this got real random real fast....
Dec 8, 2005
i am your valley
have no fear, i am in fact still alive.
my extended absence from the online has been a product of equal parts apathy and dullness.
working a 9-5 job is....well....not terribly exciting. i mean, i can honestly say it's pretty enjoyable because of the great friends and co-workers there, and i know i'm lucky to be able to say that much.
at the same time, it's nothing to really write home about in terms of how i've been spending my time. i mean, really. i'm just.....working.
i have made a few observations however from my unique vantage point about this whole working experience. it has offered me a glimpse into a world that i previously had no knowledge of, but feared. naturally, my fears have all been confirmed, hahaha
the morning commute is something that truly straddles the line between hillarious and depressing. the morning stares are all around as people on the subway can pretty much all be lumped into 4 groups -- there are the readers (the metro, books, newspapers, whatever they can get their hands on), the sleepers, the morning zombies, and then there are the awkward eye-contact avoiders who are stuck in morning commute limbo -- they have no book, usually can't sleep because they're standing, and will read every ad in the train before trying to find somewhere safe to look at without staring at another person.
also, my cubicle directly faces the washrooms. this provides an entirely different vantage point for the quirkiness of the office envronment.
anyways, more to come. i was spurred to blog by a few people, but i've decided to come out with the light stuff instead of diving into the deeper workings of my brain lately.
almost christmas! i can't wait until they start showing charlie brown on tv. dum di dum dum dum dum dummmm dum, dum di dum dum dum dum dummmmm dum, dummmmm dummmmmmmmMMMMMM!!!!!!
(i'm doing my little peanuts-quick-foot shuffling dance as i type)
my extended absence from the online has been a product of equal parts apathy and dullness.
working a 9-5 job is....well....not terribly exciting. i mean, i can honestly say it's pretty enjoyable because of the great friends and co-workers there, and i know i'm lucky to be able to say that much.
at the same time, it's nothing to really write home about in terms of how i've been spending my time. i mean, really. i'm just.....working.
i have made a few observations however from my unique vantage point about this whole working experience. it has offered me a glimpse into a world that i previously had no knowledge of, but feared. naturally, my fears have all been confirmed, hahaha
the morning commute is something that truly straddles the line between hillarious and depressing. the morning stares are all around as people on the subway can pretty much all be lumped into 4 groups -- there are the readers (the metro, books, newspapers, whatever they can get their hands on), the sleepers, the morning zombies, and then there are the awkward eye-contact avoiders who are stuck in morning commute limbo -- they have no book, usually can't sleep because they're standing, and will read every ad in the train before trying to find somewhere safe to look at without staring at another person.
also, my cubicle directly faces the washrooms. this provides an entirely different vantage point for the quirkiness of the office envronment.
anyways, more to come. i was spurred to blog by a few people, but i've decided to come out with the light stuff instead of diving into the deeper workings of my brain lately.
almost christmas! i can't wait until they start showing charlie brown on tv. dum di dum dum dum dum dummmm dum, dum di dum dum dum dum dummmmm dum, dummmmm dummmmmmmmMMMMMM!!!!!!
(i'm doing my little peanuts-quick-foot shuffling dance as i type)
Nov 25, 2005
yuma az
for some strange and unexplainable reason, my body has been popping up uncomfortably early for an entire week or so now. and by early, i mean around 6:30am. it's quite perplexing.
at the same time however, it's also been quite nice. watching the sunrise in the mornings, getting lots of reading done, enjoying a nice coffee in the morning and brunch while getting all my errands done before late afternoon hits. it's refreshing, this being awake-during-the-day business. i feel more productive.
that may have to do with the fact however that all this time has made me.....well....more productive. i'm whittling down my to-do list quickly every day, and i'm enjoying every morning.
i think i'm officially addicted to coffee. on tuesday i had 4 cups.
before lunch.
i really can't get going without a cup in the morning it seems, and all this waking up early has resulted in a pattern of unavoidable early afternoon naps. i wonder if things will get worse when i actually start having to like.....do stuff....when i wake up. man that sounds tiring. i don't know how people live employed, running a morning routine. it's my darkest nightmare.
the downside of all the pretty snow outside is that as usual, my parents have decided to try and freeze me into submission. living in the basements has it's cons, and having to wear mittins when i watch tv is probably one of the biggest ones.
i feel like a hobo.
except without an oil-drum fire.
i've always wanted to huddle around a flaming oil-drum.
at the same time however, it's also been quite nice. watching the sunrise in the mornings, getting lots of reading done, enjoying a nice coffee in the morning and brunch while getting all my errands done before late afternoon hits. it's refreshing, this being awake-during-the-day business. i feel more productive.
that may have to do with the fact however that all this time has made me.....well....more productive. i'm whittling down my to-do list quickly every day, and i'm enjoying every morning.
i think i'm officially addicted to coffee. on tuesday i had 4 cups.
before lunch.
i really can't get going without a cup in the morning it seems, and all this waking up early has resulted in a pattern of unavoidable early afternoon naps. i wonder if things will get worse when i actually start having to like.....do stuff....when i wake up. man that sounds tiring. i don't know how people live employed, running a morning routine. it's my darkest nightmare.
the downside of all the pretty snow outside is that as usual, my parents have decided to try and freeze me into submission. living in the basements has it's cons, and having to wear mittins when i watch tv is probably one of the biggest ones.
i feel like a hobo.
except without an oil-drum fire.
i've always wanted to huddle around a flaming oil-drum.
Nov 24, 2005
center
it's pretty special waking up in the morning to a world of freshly fallen snow.
it makes the world seem new again. it reminds me of so many things -- christmas, calvin and hobbes, uh....christmas.
sure, the realization that i'm going to have to trek through it at some point slowly dawns on me, and i realize i should probably buy some socks that don't have holes in them now that my feet are going to be cold and wet.
but hey! it's the first (real) snow of winter! who can complain? it's so nice and.....wintery
so many things to be thankful for amidst all the confusion.
sometimes we gotta stop trying to figure out what's going to happen and just trust that things will happen by themselves for the best.
and everyday is a fresh start. free from sin, free from guilt, free from mistakes. we're FREE.
praise the Lord.
it makes the world seem new again. it reminds me of so many things -- christmas, calvin and hobbes, uh....christmas.
sure, the realization that i'm going to have to trek through it at some point slowly dawns on me, and i realize i should probably buy some socks that don't have holes in them now that my feet are going to be cold and wet.
but hey! it's the first (real) snow of winter! who can complain? it's so nice and.....wintery
so many things to be thankful for amidst all the confusion.
sometimes we gotta stop trying to figure out what's going to happen and just trust that things will happen by themselves for the best.
and everyday is a fresh start. free from sin, free from guilt, free from mistakes. we're FREE.
praise the Lord.
Nov 22, 2005
buick to the moon
sometimes i struggle with the idea of grace.
nothing of value comes without being earned
it seems difficult for me at times to reconcile the idea of unconditional love and mercy, with the fact that i can't just rest on my laurels. that i have to earn everything i'm going to get out of life -- except life itself.
it seems like such a catch-22.
if i'm going to run the race -- to put in the hard work, discipline and effort required of me by God, then is it really.....a gift?
i'm having a hard time seeing the bigger picture. accepting the fact that what's going on here -- now -- isn't what's important at all.
sometimes it's hard to trust
and yet faith is all we have. faith in what you have experienced. faith in what you know to be true. faith in what you feel, and what you know.
all we have is faith.
faith in yourself. faith in others. faith in God.
what more is life but a test of faith?
i hope as i continue to grow, i can learn what it really means to be faithful. because it's as exciting as its ever going to be right now. everything i may be going through, i mean.
it's hard.
but it's fair.
nothing of value comes without being earned
it seems difficult for me at times to reconcile the idea of unconditional love and mercy, with the fact that i can't just rest on my laurels. that i have to earn everything i'm going to get out of life -- except life itself.
it seems like such a catch-22.
if i'm going to run the race -- to put in the hard work, discipline and effort required of me by God, then is it really.....a gift?
i'm having a hard time seeing the bigger picture. accepting the fact that what's going on here -- now -- isn't what's important at all.
sometimes it's hard to trust
and yet faith is all we have. faith in what you have experienced. faith in what you know to be true. faith in what you feel, and what you know.
all we have is faith.
faith in yourself. faith in others. faith in God.
what more is life but a test of faith?
i hope as i continue to grow, i can learn what it really means to be faithful. because it's as exciting as its ever going to be right now. everything i may be going through, i mean.
it's hard.
but it's fair.
Nov 16, 2005
in a radio song
.....but wait, there's more!
sometimes i like to stay up late and just watch informercials. it's pretty amazing what people are trying to sell. i assume that the target demographic of insomniacs and stoners are easily parted with money.
like that sauna belt that makes your abs sweaty? are you for real? i could do that by putting a few sweaters on and going for a jog up and down my stairs. i particularly love how in weight loss informercials they always have the before picture magically transform into a thinner after picture. including better hair, makeup and lighting.
amazing!
there are however a few infomercials things that i actually do want, even though i have no use for them. in these cases the product actually seems really cool, only because the show did a good job of selling.
like, a little giant ladder, hahahaha
i saw this thing with herb originally when we were still in school, and i still want one to this day. what do i need a ladder for? nothing really. but boy would it be useful if i ever did need a ladder one day.
i also kind of like the drill doctor. not that dull drill bits is a huge problem for me. but at least i can assure myself that they never will be.
for FOUR EASY PAYMENTS OF 39.99!
sometimes i like to stay up late and just watch informercials. it's pretty amazing what people are trying to sell. i assume that the target demographic of insomniacs and stoners are easily parted with money.
like that sauna belt that makes your abs sweaty? are you for real? i could do that by putting a few sweaters on and going for a jog up and down my stairs. i particularly love how in weight loss informercials they always have the before picture magically transform into a thinner after picture. including better hair, makeup and lighting.
amazing!
there are however a few infomercials things that i actually do want, even though i have no use for them. in these cases the product actually seems really cool, only because the show did a good job of selling.
like, a little giant ladder, hahahaha
i saw this thing with herb originally when we were still in school, and i still want one to this day. what do i need a ladder for? nothing really. but boy would it be useful if i ever did need a ladder one day.
i also kind of like the drill doctor. not that dull drill bits is a huge problem for me. but at least i can assure myself that they never will be.
for FOUR EASY PAYMENTS OF 39.99!
Nov 9, 2005
always
the continuing adventures of sherman and teresa.
so as some of you may or may not know, this entire week has basically been spent getting our house organized after the renovations. essentially we are doing a room a day.
i started with my bedroom, then the living room, dining room, and today my dad wanted to conquer the garage.
this was no small feat, as it was a mess of not just our stuff, but leftover junk from the previous owners, as well as all the crap that the contractors had left behind when they finished renovating.
towards the end, when we had finally organized everything, sorted through it, and thrown out what we didn't want, we were impressed with how much work we got done.
so, he started cleaning the floor. like, as if he was planning to live in the garage.
have you ever seen that episode of tiny toons where hampton is in the woods with a dustbuster trying to vacuum all the dirt from nature?
yea, something like that. he managed to fill a garbage bag purely with dust.
i asked him why he didn't just sweep it all outside, where it'll just blend in with all the other dust in the world.
his reply was to hand me a broom.
so as some of you may or may not know, this entire week has basically been spent getting our house organized after the renovations. essentially we are doing a room a day.
i started with my bedroom, then the living room, dining room, and today my dad wanted to conquer the garage.
this was no small feat, as it was a mess of not just our stuff, but leftover junk from the previous owners, as well as all the crap that the contractors had left behind when they finished renovating.
towards the end, when we had finally organized everything, sorted through it, and thrown out what we didn't want, we were impressed with how much work we got done.
so, he started cleaning the floor. like, as if he was planning to live in the garage.
have you ever seen that episode of tiny toons where hampton is in the woods with a dustbuster trying to vacuum all the dirt from nature?
yea, something like that. he managed to fill a garbage bag purely with dust.
i asked him why he didn't just sweep it all outside, where it'll just blend in with all the other dust in the world.
his reply was to hand me a broom.
Nov 6, 2005
your hand in mine
extreme home makeover makes me feel all warm and fuzzy everytime.
i can't think of another television show that so regularly makes me want to just grab someone and hug them.
if only all television shows could be about helping people in need, we'd all be better off for sharing in people's joy instead of laughing at their misery.
i can't think of another television show that so regularly makes me want to just grab someone and hug them.
if only all television shows could be about helping people in need, we'd all be better off for sharing in people's joy instead of laughing at their misery.
Nov 5, 2005
hunted by a freak
even moving from one room to another in the same house, i find i am confronted by the fact that i'm eventually going to have to throw a lot of stuff away. i just don't have room.
there's a lot of stuff i hold onto for sentimental value, but in reality i know i've got no reason to keep, and that i've (mostly) outgrown.
like my hockey card collection. i don't know why i still have it, but part of me is so hesitant to throw it out. it seems like such a waste.
or my box full of EGM's. like, literally 50 odd editions. i don't know why, but i keep convincing myself to keep them in the corner for camp value. who knows? maybe they'll be a conversation piece one day?
or old books. you know you're a packrat when your copy of hobbes' leviathan is next to a bunch of garfield and family circus collections. hell, i don't even like family circus.
lets have a moment of silence for my marvel cards, coin collection and baseball signed by the 1994 blue jays.
we grow up so fast.
there's a lot of stuff i hold onto for sentimental value, but in reality i know i've got no reason to keep, and that i've (mostly) outgrown.
like my hockey card collection. i don't know why i still have it, but part of me is so hesitant to throw it out. it seems like such a waste.
or my box full of EGM's. like, literally 50 odd editions. i don't know why, but i keep convincing myself to keep them in the corner for camp value. who knows? maybe they'll be a conversation piece one day?
or old books. you know you're a packrat when your copy of hobbes' leviathan is next to a bunch of garfield and family circus collections. hell, i don't even like family circus.
lets have a moment of silence for my marvel cards, coin collection and baseball signed by the 1994 blue jays.
we grow up so fast.
Nov 3, 2005
alive in this moment
i keep telling myself i will be asleep come 4am tomorrow morning.
and yet here i am, awake yet again. this has to stop.
i've been realizing how much i really need to learn how to love.
i feel like i'm generally a pretty good guy, but when it comes to love, its like a foreign concept to me sometimes.
i'll do things because i'm responsible, or obligated, or because it's the right thing to do. i will be a good friend, i will do the right things. but when it gets down to the nitty gritty details, i just don't think i cut it when it comes to relationships with people. i don't show much love in actions, in words...i dunno. it just doesn't seem like something that comes naturally of me.
i can take care of people, but i'm not sure i have the slightest idea what it means to love them.
conversely, i think the hardest thing in the world at the moment is just ltaking care of myself, let alone learning to love myself.
it seems like i'm always kicking myself, or beating myself up for so much of my problems, and the struggles that i'm going through. as if i deserve nothing but the bad, and totally am not worthy of being blessed by God when it happens (and it happens often).
why? why can't i just be grateful, or appreciative, or humbled by love? why must i be so damn cynical? so judgmental?
and i want so bad to be able to give it all up. i wish at the end of every day that i had given more up to God. that i had trusted more, that i had just stopped trying to take things into my own control. to let go of everything i'm holding onto dearly -- to allow myself to be broken.
i want all the benefits without putting in the effort, or the time. and i hate myself for it.
i mean, the truth is, i'm not in a terrible situation. i'm unemployed, but i've had plenty of chances to work. i'm fed, i'm clothed, i have all the creature comforts and doo-dads a guy could ask for. in short, i'm living the life.
but -- and this isn't a recent realization -- this just isn't what i want.
the reason the past little while has been the hardest period i think i've been through since first andsecond year, is because i feel like i did in second year. i feel like i'm disonnected from God.
i can't worship, i can't pray, i can't bring myself to listen or follow or trust or love.
i don't know who i am anymore.
i keep saying the words "it's going to be ok".
and i know that sometimes, we have to go through trials, and He never gives us more than we can handle. but sometimes it feels like i've already reached that point. where'd i want to just concede how much easier and happier i'd be if i wasn't spending my time trying to please a God i can't seem to know, or see, or hear or reach. of trying to satsify these expectations and standards -- or setting this bar for myself that i will never reach.
i want to say it can't be done, and live my life ignoring it because if i could just do that, i'd have money, and friends, and a nice car, and i'd be so much happier.
but i can't. i just can't, because i know the truth. i know i won't feel complete. i know slowly a hole will grow in my heart that will gnaw away at my insides until i feel as if i am completely hollow inside -- devoid of humanity, purpose, meaning or life itself.
and i know where the only place i can turn to fill that hole is.
and despite my failures. despite my struggle, despite the fact that right now there really isn't a light at the end of the tunnel....i just have to keep on going. because i know that it's worth it. i know in that moment when things become clear, and God says "hey -- you did good". and in that moment, i will realize again that i.....am loved. that someone loves me so much more than i deserve, with a love that is so much greater than i can wrap my head around.
and not only that i am loved, but that i am deservedly loved.
and i know i'm not just going to be able to say it, but i'll be able to believe it again -- at some point.
and there will be no dark days, no long nights, no self-doubting moments that can ever overshadow that knowledge.
because despite it's intangible nature, that moment will be more real than the very computer i'm typing this on, or the desk that supports it. and all i can do until i get there, is try to be the best me i can be, even of in the meantime that seems like not a very great person.
but there's a reason. there's a plan.
and my only goal right now is to see that plan through to the end, no matter how hard it is.
and yet here i am, awake yet again. this has to stop.
i've been realizing how much i really need to learn how to love.
i feel like i'm generally a pretty good guy, but when it comes to love, its like a foreign concept to me sometimes.
i'll do things because i'm responsible, or obligated, or because it's the right thing to do. i will be a good friend, i will do the right things. but when it gets down to the nitty gritty details, i just don't think i cut it when it comes to relationships with people. i don't show much love in actions, in words...i dunno. it just doesn't seem like something that comes naturally of me.
i can take care of people, but i'm not sure i have the slightest idea what it means to love them.
conversely, i think the hardest thing in the world at the moment is just ltaking care of myself, let alone learning to love myself.
it seems like i'm always kicking myself, or beating myself up for so much of my problems, and the struggles that i'm going through. as if i deserve nothing but the bad, and totally am not worthy of being blessed by God when it happens (and it happens often).
why? why can't i just be grateful, or appreciative, or humbled by love? why must i be so damn cynical? so judgmental?
and i want so bad to be able to give it all up. i wish at the end of every day that i had given more up to God. that i had trusted more, that i had just stopped trying to take things into my own control. to let go of everything i'm holding onto dearly -- to allow myself to be broken.
i want all the benefits without putting in the effort, or the time. and i hate myself for it.
i mean, the truth is, i'm not in a terrible situation. i'm unemployed, but i've had plenty of chances to work. i'm fed, i'm clothed, i have all the creature comforts and doo-dads a guy could ask for. in short, i'm living the life.
but -- and this isn't a recent realization -- this just isn't what i want.
the reason the past little while has been the hardest period i think i've been through since first andsecond year, is because i feel like i did in second year. i feel like i'm disonnected from God.
i can't worship, i can't pray, i can't bring myself to listen or follow or trust or love.
i don't know who i am anymore.
i keep saying the words "it's going to be ok".
and i know that sometimes, we have to go through trials, and He never gives us more than we can handle. but sometimes it feels like i've already reached that point. where'd i want to just concede how much easier and happier i'd be if i wasn't spending my time trying to please a God i can't seem to know, or see, or hear or reach. of trying to satsify these expectations and standards -- or setting this bar for myself that i will never reach.
i want to say it can't be done, and live my life ignoring it because if i could just do that, i'd have money, and friends, and a nice car, and i'd be so much happier.
but i can't. i just can't, because i know the truth. i know i won't feel complete. i know slowly a hole will grow in my heart that will gnaw away at my insides until i feel as if i am completely hollow inside -- devoid of humanity, purpose, meaning or life itself.
and i know where the only place i can turn to fill that hole is.
and despite my failures. despite my struggle, despite the fact that right now there really isn't a light at the end of the tunnel....i just have to keep on going. because i know that it's worth it. i know in that moment when things become clear, and God says "hey -- you did good". and in that moment, i will realize again that i.....am loved. that someone loves me so much more than i deserve, with a love that is so much greater than i can wrap my head around.
and not only that i am loved, but that i am deservedly loved.
and i know i'm not just going to be able to say it, but i'll be able to believe it again -- at some point.
and there will be no dark days, no long nights, no self-doubting moments that can ever overshadow that knowledge.
because despite it's intangible nature, that moment will be more real than the very computer i'm typing this on, or the desk that supports it. and all i can do until i get there, is try to be the best me i can be, even of in the meantime that seems like not a very great person.
but there's a reason. there's a plan.
and my only goal right now is to see that plan through to the end, no matter how hard it is.
Nov 1, 2005
don't save us from the flames
man, what happened to halloween?
my childhood memories were nothing but good times -- dressing up like a goof, hanging out with friends, lots of free candy -- just a whole night of sugar filled adventure.
it seems there just aren't as many kids out nowadays though, i'm not sure if its just my neighbourhood or what, but trick-or-treating doesn't seem nearly as popular as it used to be. maybe the kids are all inside, playing video games.
on the other hand, i did notice that most of the kids i saw out were being driven from house to house by their parents.
come on.
is that really necessary? are you so lazy that you don't want to walk to your neighbours with your child? you feel the need to idle your car for an hour while you drive a grand total of two clicks? lazy bastards. i vow never to drive my child trick-or-treating unless i live in the boonies or something, and even then i might still just walk with them.
what's with our society's obsession with safety? with sheltering children from reality? safe parks, safe toys, safe foods, safe sports, safe everything.
how are they suppose to learn anything about the world if we just protect them all the time? aren't we just ill-preparing them for a world that (to put it mildly) isn't all that safe and cozy?
let them scrape some knees. let them go exploring their neighbourhood on their own. let them use some imagination to create their own worlds, instead of providing everything for them because we thinks its in their best interest. let kids be kids man.
halloween used to be exciting because it was like a treasure hunt. what candy did i get? who was dressed as what? can we scare people? can we find the house that gives the best loot? which street has the most generous people? who should we egg?
i hate talking about "back when i was a kid", but gosh darn it! it just had to be said.
i'm so glad i wasn't born any later, or i'd have been stuck with crappy plastic parks and healthy granola bar treats for halloween.
ew.
my childhood memories were nothing but good times -- dressing up like a goof, hanging out with friends, lots of free candy -- just a whole night of sugar filled adventure.
it seems there just aren't as many kids out nowadays though, i'm not sure if its just my neighbourhood or what, but trick-or-treating doesn't seem nearly as popular as it used to be. maybe the kids are all inside, playing video games.
on the other hand, i did notice that most of the kids i saw out were being driven from house to house by their parents.
come on.
is that really necessary? are you so lazy that you don't want to walk to your neighbours with your child? you feel the need to idle your car for an hour while you drive a grand total of two clicks? lazy bastards. i vow never to drive my child trick-or-treating unless i live in the boonies or something, and even then i might still just walk with them.
what's with our society's obsession with safety? with sheltering children from reality? safe parks, safe toys, safe foods, safe sports, safe everything.
how are they suppose to learn anything about the world if we just protect them all the time? aren't we just ill-preparing them for a world that (to put it mildly) isn't all that safe and cozy?
let them scrape some knees. let them go exploring their neighbourhood on their own. let them use some imagination to create their own worlds, instead of providing everything for them because we thinks its in their best interest. let kids be kids man.
halloween used to be exciting because it was like a treasure hunt. what candy did i get? who was dressed as what? can we scare people? can we find the house that gives the best loot? which street has the most generous people? who should we egg?
i hate talking about "back when i was a kid", but gosh darn it! it just had to be said.
i'm so glad i wasn't born any later, or i'd have been stuck with crappy plastic parks and healthy granola bar treats for halloween.
ew.
Oct 31, 2005
remember to breathe
darn. a gorgeous weekend only to be followed up by more of this dreary greyness. whhhhhyyyy? autumn is being ruined!
i blame el nino.
in other breaking news, it's easier to catch up with classes when you're only taking one i find. much love to whoever invented online courses.
this week is going to consist of watching basketball and hopefully going to karaoke one of these nights.
don't let me down irene!
i blame el nino.
in other breaking news, it's easier to catch up with classes when you're only taking one i find. much love to whoever invented online courses.
this week is going to consist of watching basketball and hopefully going to karaoke one of these nights.
don't let me down irene!
Oct 28, 2005
little round mirrors
everything is just so darn simple when you're a kid.
i remember how an autumn morning used to be a brisk walk to school, stepping on dry leaves and twigs to hear them crunch underfoot. or finding piles of neatly raked leaves to destroy with one swift kick.
how lunchtime used to mean forty minutes of alligator, or cops and robbers, handball, redass, doctor, soccer baseball, football, basketball or finding out who was kissing by the portables (or possibly even being that person).
how afternoons weren't spent wasted watching people renovate their houses on television when in reality i could just walk downstairs and see the real thing -- but instead were full of hours playing tag at the park (including its various permutations, such as lava tag, freeze tag, et al) or walking home with friends and observing girls begin to learn the concept of "gossip".
how trick-or-treat actually meant it was the chance to get a crapload of free candy -- not worry about whether or not you bought some to give away.
and i love how you get lots of "first" moments.
first report card.
first sports team.
first science project left undone.
first kiss.
i'm starting to realize life is all about living for firsts. and when you start feeling like it's all been done, is when you should start to take a long hard look at what you're doing. maybe not knowing where things are going, but at the very least that they're going.
i must say it's kind of exciting.
kind of like the first time you ever hit someone in the face with a snowball.
i remember how an autumn morning used to be a brisk walk to school, stepping on dry leaves and twigs to hear them crunch underfoot. or finding piles of neatly raked leaves to destroy with one swift kick.
how lunchtime used to mean forty minutes of alligator, or cops and robbers, handball, redass, doctor, soccer baseball, football, basketball or finding out who was kissing by the portables (or possibly even being that person).
how afternoons weren't spent wasted watching people renovate their houses on television when in reality i could just walk downstairs and see the real thing -- but instead were full of hours playing tag at the park (including its various permutations, such as lava tag, freeze tag, et al) or walking home with friends and observing girls begin to learn the concept of "gossip".
how trick-or-treat actually meant it was the chance to get a crapload of free candy -- not worry about whether or not you bought some to give away.
and i love how you get lots of "first" moments.
first report card.
first sports team.
first science project left undone.
first kiss.
i'm starting to realize life is all about living for firsts. and when you start feeling like it's all been done, is when you should start to take a long hard look at what you're doing. maybe not knowing where things are going, but at the very least that they're going.
i must say it's kind of exciting.
kind of like the first time you ever hit someone in the face with a snowball.
Oct 26, 2005
untitled-1
i honestly have to say that, despite being able to sympathize with many of the "CBC" culture clash cliches, i don't feel i can totally empathize with them.
i'm not sure, but whatever the reason, i always kind of just chuckle and say "oh yea, i know what you mean" when someone makes a funny about tofu containers or something. i mean -- i get it -- but i can't relate.
one area where me and my parents really do differ however is the concept of work vs. efficiency.
case in point, is it better to wash dishes right after a meal, or maybe sit for a bit then wash them later? heck, maybe even let a few pile up then throw them all in the dishwasher and save yourself some time and effort?
naturally my parents think it's not just better, but necessary to do everything as soon as possible.
i bring this up because earlier today, my dad wanted me to go down and help him vacuum the basement, even though renovations are still going to continue at least another day or two.
i asked him why he doesn't just wait until they're finished, then clean it all at once. after all, after we clean it now, it's just going to get dirty again tomorrow. and my dad simply said something along the lines of "every speck of dust cleaned helps"
translate that as you will, i'm not even really sure what he said.
anyways, crawling around the basement with a dustbuster (he has dibs on the vacuum of course) i naturally felt like a chinese labour camp prisoner doing some ridiculous sort of work project -- like moving a pile of rocks, then moving them back or something.
but i mean, let the folks be the folks, quirks and all right? so i kept crawling along, dustbuster starting to choke under the rigours of sucking up sawdust (i don't think they're made for that).
in the end, we basically cleaned the basement out. and tomorrow, i am going to watch a bunch of crazy chinese guys in overalls come over and make a mess of it again.
does it make sense to me? not at all. but much like gum flavoured ice cream and pog, it's just another little idiosyncrasy that reminds me life doesn't always have to make sense to be amusing.
i'm not sure, but whatever the reason, i always kind of just chuckle and say "oh yea, i know what you mean" when someone makes a funny about tofu containers or something. i mean -- i get it -- but i can't relate.
one area where me and my parents really do differ however is the concept of work vs. efficiency.
case in point, is it better to wash dishes right after a meal, or maybe sit for a bit then wash them later? heck, maybe even let a few pile up then throw them all in the dishwasher and save yourself some time and effort?
naturally my parents think it's not just better, but necessary to do everything as soon as possible.
i bring this up because earlier today, my dad wanted me to go down and help him vacuum the basement, even though renovations are still going to continue at least another day or two.
i asked him why he doesn't just wait until they're finished, then clean it all at once. after all, after we clean it now, it's just going to get dirty again tomorrow. and my dad simply said something along the lines of "every speck of dust cleaned helps"
translate that as you will, i'm not even really sure what he said.
anyways, crawling around the basement with a dustbuster (he has dibs on the vacuum of course) i naturally felt like a chinese labour camp prisoner doing some ridiculous sort of work project -- like moving a pile of rocks, then moving them back or something.
but i mean, let the folks be the folks, quirks and all right? so i kept crawling along, dustbuster starting to choke under the rigours of sucking up sawdust (i don't think they're made for that).
in the end, we basically cleaned the basement out. and tomorrow, i am going to watch a bunch of crazy chinese guys in overalls come over and make a mess of it again.
does it make sense to me? not at all. but much like gum flavoured ice cream and pog, it's just another little idiosyncrasy that reminds me life doesn't always have to make sense to be amusing.
transatlanticism
i am going to be uncharacteristically personal.
a lot of times, when someone asks you "hey, how are you doing?", we have a pre-programed answer ready and waiting.
"oh, i'm fine. yourself?"
"aww, same old...same old, y'know? yourself?"
"i've had a bad day. [insert long anecdotes about a work]. how about you?"
but you know those stretches where when someone asks you how you're doing, you actually want to explode? yes, that's pretty much where i am right now. i am the picture of instability and anxiousness, and it is completely not where i am comfortable being.
i have a billion things to say. in fact i wrote down like, a 15 page blog post. but it really isn't all that coherent at this point.
to paraphrase my midnight manifesto, i basically want to look myself in the mirror and say "screw you".
then i realize that maybe i should be like, learning stuff and growing and crap. then i reconsider cussing myself out. then i'm all confused and thinking myself in circles towards the inevitable brain aneurysm (or more popular 'mug-in-the-head').
and so, in the end, knowing that i will never cease to wrestle with the wrestlyness of existence, i conclude that i am tired and will simply do some light reading and go to sleep.
i keep telling myself i'm going to wake up early and go to the gym someday.
i really hope today's that day.
*i have censored myself.
a lot of times, when someone asks you "hey, how are you doing?", we have a pre-programed answer ready and waiting.
"oh, i'm fine. yourself?"
"aww, same old...same old, y'know? yourself?"
"i've had a bad day. [insert long anecdotes about a work]. how about you?"
but you know those stretches where when someone asks you how you're doing, you actually want to explode? yes, that's pretty much where i am right now. i am the picture of instability and anxiousness, and it is completely not where i am comfortable being.
I never ask a man what his business is, for it never interests me. What I ask him about are his thoughts and dreams.
H.P. Lovecraft, January 1929
i have a billion things to say. in fact i wrote down like, a 15 page blog post. but it really isn't all that coherent at this point.
to paraphrase my midnight manifesto, i basically want to look myself in the mirror and say "screw you".
then i realize that maybe i should be like, learning stuff and growing and crap. then i reconsider cussing myself out. then i'm all confused and thinking myself in circles towards the inevitable brain aneurysm (or more popular 'mug-in-the-head').
and so, in the end, knowing that i will never cease to wrestle with the wrestlyness of existence, i conclude that i am tired and will simply do some light reading and go to sleep.
i keep telling myself i'm going to wake up early and go to the gym someday.
i really hope today's that day.
*i have censored myself.
Oct 25, 2005
the new american apathy
it seems like i haven't seen the sun in forever. it's just been....grey...and wet....and cold, for the whole week, and i think it's finally getting to me.
my head feels like it's going to explode. guess that means its time to go for a run. nothing a little sweat can't fix i suppose.
so.....i should probably figure out how to do this whole resume thing huh? who wants to help? i am sooooo lost, haha
my head feels like it's going to explode. guess that means its time to go for a run. nothing a little sweat can't fix i suppose.
so.....i should probably figure out how to do this whole resume thing huh? who wants to help? i am sooooo lost, haha
Oct 21, 2005
day one
so to be totally honest....it's kind of sad how long it took me to throw this new site together. like, almost a full day. and i mean that as 24 hours put into it, not a day of "simon time", which as we all know is closer to 6 hours.
anyways, on the bright side i learned alot about CSS. yay? trying to teach myself things from scratch was much harder then i remember it being. i guess my learning ability is starting to slow down with age.
things i would like to learn before i go senile still include
- time travel
- italian
- grade 12 math
the even sadder part is this page was realy more a personal excercise....i don't even like it that much. hopefully the next one will be....more impressive, haha
anyways, on the bright side i learned alot about CSS. yay? trying to teach myself things from scratch was much harder then i remember it being. i guess my learning ability is starting to slow down with age.
things i would like to learn before i go senile still include
- time travel
- italian
- grade 12 math
the even sadder part is this page was realy more a personal excercise....i don't even like it that much. hopefully the next one will be....more impressive, haha
Oct 19, 2005
only in dreams
i hate when this happens, but i actually.....need...to go shopping.
i wish things were cheaper. stupid....clothes and furniture....
top ten closing tracks
10. the beatles - a day in the life
09. built to spill - broken chairs
08. M83 - lower your eyelids to die with the sun
07. radiohead - street spirit (fade out)
06. explosions in the sky - your hand in mine
05. the mars volta - take the veil cerpin taxt
04. broken social scene - it's all gonna break
03. system of a down - aerials
02. oasis - champagne supernova
01. weezer - only in dreams
is it possible to bottle the feel of something epic? what would that be? epicness?
i wish things were cheaper. stupid....clothes and furniture....
top ten closing tracks
10. the beatles - a day in the life
09. built to spill - broken chairs
08. M83 - lower your eyelids to die with the sun
07. radiohead - street spirit (fade out)
06. explosions in the sky - your hand in mine
05. the mars volta - take the veil cerpin taxt
04. broken social scene - it's all gonna break
03. system of a down - aerials
02. oasis - champagne supernova
01. weezer - only in dreams
is it possible to bottle the feel of something epic? what would that be? epicness?
Oct 18, 2005
tea for the tillerman
he would often sit at his desk late into the night, trying to distract himself from the rush of darkness seeping into his mind. webpages, video games, books, music, friendly small talk through instant-messaging. all as a means to try and keep the fear at bay -- the dense fog that inevitably would consume him regardless of how he was feeling that day.
it was as if the night stripped him of his own dellusions, reflecting only the barest realities. truth and secrets that during the day were kept buried deep inside, safe from the sun and anything the sun could touch.
no, the darkness inside him was where the truth would hide. and at night, when the sun went to bed and night spread over the world, the secrets inside would be free to come out. the truth would roam free, weighing down the cold air in his room that he was filling his lungs with.
and like someone caught under an avalanche, he was unable to move, to see, to get up or out from under this incredible weight. he was defenseless.
without even the freedom to breath, every moment of the dark and cold night became a struggle to survive. a fight to live.
he could barely make out the shapes and outlines of his room as the world began to fade away, replaced by guilt, hate, remorse, regret, and all the other emotions that human beings hide away in their darkest places -- as far from the sun as possible.
he put his head in his hands, slumped over with his eyes closed. defeated.
for despite all that he felt, he knew as he was fading away that he was not being taken from the world. instead, he was walking away, by his own conscious will. by his own volition.
he wanted to disappear. and it was himself, not the room around him, that was starting to concede to his own futility.
the outlines were getting more vague as the projection of reality began to recede around him. it was as if he was walking backwards through the history of film.
things were becoming grainy, outlines became blobs became concepts. was this the golden age?
colours drained away, replaced by the soft glow of black and white hues (his own existence glowing a dull grey. how appropriate). perhaps pre-technicolor?
the world began to slow to a stop. it was coming in jilted series now, and fluidity ceased to exist. life became a series of snapshots, and a lone voice permeated what once was the white noise of consciousness. could we now be in the talkies?
then the slideshow began to slow down. gradually, taking excruciatingly longer than it should, the pictures began to grind to a halt, each one starting to stay long enough that he could almost make out the scene...
it was so familiar.
if he could just recognize what he was seeing. it was at the tip of his tounge. he could almost see it in his mind....
it was so familiar.....
so familiar....
so...
....familiar......................................................................
...................................................................................
..........
you ever notice how the more attention you pay to a word, the more wrong it seems to look?
english is funny like that.
it was as if the night stripped him of his own dellusions, reflecting only the barest realities. truth and secrets that during the day were kept buried deep inside, safe from the sun and anything the sun could touch.
no, the darkness inside him was where the truth would hide. and at night, when the sun went to bed and night spread over the world, the secrets inside would be free to come out. the truth would roam free, weighing down the cold air in his room that he was filling his lungs with.
and like someone caught under an avalanche, he was unable to move, to see, to get up or out from under this incredible weight. he was defenseless.
without even the freedom to breath, every moment of the dark and cold night became a struggle to survive. a fight to live.
he could barely make out the shapes and outlines of his room as the world began to fade away, replaced by guilt, hate, remorse, regret, and all the other emotions that human beings hide away in their darkest places -- as far from the sun as possible.
he put his head in his hands, slumped over with his eyes closed. defeated.
for despite all that he felt, he knew as he was fading away that he was not being taken from the world. instead, he was walking away, by his own conscious will. by his own volition.
he wanted to disappear. and it was himself, not the room around him, that was starting to concede to his own futility.
the outlines were getting more vague as the projection of reality began to recede around him. it was as if he was walking backwards through the history of film.
things were becoming grainy, outlines became blobs became concepts. was this the golden age?
colours drained away, replaced by the soft glow of black and white hues (his own existence glowing a dull grey. how appropriate). perhaps pre-technicolor?
the world began to slow to a stop. it was coming in jilted series now, and fluidity ceased to exist. life became a series of snapshots, and a lone voice permeated what once was the white noise of consciousness. could we now be in the talkies?
then the slideshow began to slow down. gradually, taking excruciatingly longer than it should, the pictures began to grind to a halt, each one starting to stay long enough that he could almost make out the scene...
it was so familiar.
if he could just recognize what he was seeing. it was at the tip of his tounge. he could almost see it in his mind....
it was so familiar.....
so familiar....
so...
....familiar......................................................................
...................................................................................
..........
you ever notice how the more attention you pay to a word, the more wrong it seems to look?
english is funny like that.
Oct 14, 2005
none but shining hours
with all the time we spend on the internet, i think i have safely come to the conclusion that our internet bookmarks reveal just as much about us as our clothes and language.
so...outside of email and perhaps your own website (if applicable), what are your top five favourite sites?
for me, it's pretty simple. in order of visits per day my top five websites are:
5) www.Gizmodo.com - it's like cnet. but funny.
4) www.Mocoloco.com - gizmodo's artsy sister.
3) www.stylusmagazine.com - a music site thats not pretentious.
2) www.ESPN.com - essential for breaking news and updates.
1) www.niketalk.com - i check it compulsively. really, it's sick.
naturally, these are not the only sites i visit. but they are my favourites of each genre. various tech sites, design, music, sports and shoes....not to mention cars and real news, and yadda yadda yadda.
of course the sites i visit most are other people pages. blogs, xangas, live journals and all that crap. if quantity is in any way associated with priority, i suppose that means you're all more important to me than the fact that the j.kidds are back and on NikeID no less.
trust me -- that's more special than you know.
mmm...zoom flight fives......
so...outside of email and perhaps your own website (if applicable), what are your top five favourite sites?
for me, it's pretty simple. in order of visits per day my top five websites are:
5) www.Gizmodo.com - it's like cnet. but funny.
4) www.Mocoloco.com - gizmodo's artsy sister.
3) www.stylusmagazine.com - a music site thats not pretentious.
2) www.ESPN.com - essential for breaking news and updates.
1) www.niketalk.com - i check it compulsively. really, it's sick.
naturally, these are not the only sites i visit. but they are my favourites of each genre. various tech sites, design, music, sports and shoes....not to mention cars and real news, and yadda yadda yadda.
of course the sites i visit most are other people pages. blogs, xangas, live journals and all that crap. if quantity is in any way associated with priority, i suppose that means you're all more important to me than the fact that the j.kidds are back and on NikeID no less.
trust me -- that's more special than you know.
mmm...zoom flight fives......
Oct 10, 2005
cream and bastards rise
i normally ignore these xanga/blogger disease like chain letter posts, but because its from dora and she never talks to me otherwise (oh snap!) i'll appease her.
rules of the game: post 5 weird and random facts about yourself, then at the end list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this. also leave a post on their xanga/blogspot to let these people know.
1) i'll put on socks even if i'm not going out. i just like wearing socks. they keep my feet warm and clean.
2) when i was younger, i used to hang out with a bunch of girls. and when i mean a group of girls, i mean i have been to parties where i am literally the only dude. it's a mixed experience at best.
3) i once read an entire book while on the toilet. like, a novel. my legs were pretty numb afterwards.
4) i hate eating with my hands if it will be messy. even things like shellfish or chicken wings, i'll use a fork because i don't like getting my hands dirty.
5) i have to squeeze toothpaste from the end. if i find that someone has used it and squeezed from the middle, i will meticulously squeeze it from the end until it is neat and all up at the front again.
now i think i spam five more people. i'm too lazy to actually go toy our sites, so i'm going to choose people who read my blog fairly often.
red rover red rover, i call herb, irene, ivan, dustin and cam over.
rules of the game: post 5 weird and random facts about yourself, then at the end list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this. also leave a post on their xanga/blogspot to let these people know.
1) i'll put on socks even if i'm not going out. i just like wearing socks. they keep my feet warm and clean.
2) when i was younger, i used to hang out with a bunch of girls. and when i mean a group of girls, i mean i have been to parties where i am literally the only dude. it's a mixed experience at best.
3) i once read an entire book while on the toilet. like, a novel. my legs were pretty numb afterwards.
4) i hate eating with my hands if it will be messy. even things like shellfish or chicken wings, i'll use a fork because i don't like getting my hands dirty.
5) i have to squeeze toothpaste from the end. if i find that someone has used it and squeezed from the middle, i will meticulously squeeze it from the end until it is neat and all up at the front again.
now i think i spam five more people. i'm too lazy to actually go toy our sites, so i'm going to choose people who read my blog fairly often.
red rover red rover, i call herb, irene, ivan, dustin and cam over.
Oct 4, 2005
it's all gonna break
my car is my fortress of solitude.
i prefer sandwiches with the crusts left on (and cut diagonally of course).
autumn is my favourite season.
don't you love when things come in threes?
i prefer sandwiches with the crusts left on (and cut diagonally of course).
autumn is my favourite season.
don't you love when things come in threes?
Oct 1, 2005
in the beginning
The Call of Jeremiah
4 The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew [a] you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
6 "Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child."
7 But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.
9 Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. 10 See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.
no excuses.
just trust.
4 The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew [a] you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
6 "Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child."
7 But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.
9 Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. 10 See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.
no excuses.
just trust.
Sep 27, 2005
powers
so in another idea born of boredom, who would be interested in having people buy them clothes?
here's the pitch:
everyone meets together early afternoon, and we each pull a name out of a hat.
the mission is then to buy an outfit for that person, on a preset reasonable budget. reunite for dinner, enjoy new clothes and have a good laugh. to further make things interesting, maybe guys should shop for girls and vice versa.
anyone wanna do it?
i've been watching way too much TLC.
here's the pitch:
everyone meets together early afternoon, and we each pull a name out of a hat.
the mission is then to buy an outfit for that person, on a preset reasonable budget. reunite for dinner, enjoy new clothes and have a good laugh. to further make things interesting, maybe guys should shop for girls and vice versa.
anyone wanna do it?
i've been watching way too much TLC.
Sep 22, 2005
every time it just gets harder to say i'm sorry
feels like i'm losing all my heartfelt sincerity
these empty apologies are slowly killing me
how much longer must i wait before you take this weight?
i'm on my knees, begging you to save me
can i believe, in love enough to change me?
from highest highs to lowest lows, theres only down to go, it seems,
so far from giving you my all, as if i know i'll fall
i'm just so scared that one more time could be my last
that i'd exhaust your grace, that i would make, finally, my last mistake
and now i find i'm here again, nothing left to try, i'm spent
empty boxes, warring feelings, tears are shed up to the ceiling
played again on constant repeat, songs, and words, i long for your sweet
voice again, to reassure me, you've forgiven me completely
why do you take me back again, and again again again....
feels like i'm losing all my heartfelt sincerity
these empty apologies are slowly killing me
how much longer must i wait before you take this weight?
i'm on my knees, begging you to save me
can i believe, in love enough to change me?
from highest highs to lowest lows, theres only down to go, it seems,
so far from giving you my all, as if i know i'll fall
i'm just so scared that one more time could be my last
that i'd exhaust your grace, that i would make, finally, my last mistake
and now i find i'm here again, nothing left to try, i'm spent
empty boxes, warring feelings, tears are shed up to the ceiling
played again on constant repeat, songs, and words, i long for your sweet
voice again, to reassure me, you've forgiven me completely
why do you take me back again, and again again again....
Sep 21, 2005
you are a runner and i am my father's son
i really enjoyed this article from stylus.com
soulseeking
i can totally relate to it, and i think it makes some excellent observations. things we all recognize but are too busy to stop and question.
true -- the ultimate message in the end may be "stop and smell the roses". but hey, sometimes the best advice is the cliched kind.
soulseeking
i can totally relate to it, and i think it makes some excellent observations. things we all recognize but are too busy to stop and question.
true -- the ultimate message in the end may be "stop and smell the roses". but hey, sometimes the best advice is the cliched kind.
Sep 19, 2005
chromakey dreamcoat
The Perry Bible Fellowship
i haven't laughed this hard at a comic strip in a long...long time. some samples:
i haven't laughed this hard at a comic strip in a long...long time. some samples:
Sep 18, 2005
grounds for divorce
seems like my laundry list of things-to-do is starting to pile up. i always do this.
in particular, i have a lot of emails to catch up on. to anyone who's written me recently, i'm sorry i haven't written back yet. as mechanical and imperfect a means of communication email may be, i realize that in many ways its the only way i'm going to be able to keep in touch with a lot of amazing people. i'm working on it. i wish i was better, but trust me. i'm working on it.
i've been thinking a lot lately about promises. one of my favourite quotes about promises is by that loveable guy jack handy.
It's funny how two simple words, "I promise," will stall people for a while.
why are promises so important to us? is it a cultural thing? or a human thing? certainly it's universal, because as far as i know promises exist in every nation. it's such a simple concept, and yet such a difficult intangible. and although it's a stupid joke, the above quote is so true. those two words really do invoke a sense of hope, of belief in us that belies our cynical and jaded natures. do you find however, that we prioritize our promises according to who we've promised?
doesn't a promise seem less concrete if we're only promising something to ourselves? after all, who knows if you were to break it. only you.
what about promises to god? same thing i guess. sure, god knows too. but god knows everything, when has that ever stopped us?
promises to other people are the big one though. because those have actual consequences. when we don't come through for someone else....there's no running from failure.
what does it say about our character when we change our definitions of a promise depending on the circumstances? when we cut corners when no one's looking?
i'm guilty of making my share of promises that i couildn't keep. and there's no worse feeling in the world. something about letting people down, but not only that. knowing that in breaking a promise, you're letting yourself down too.
but maybe that's all growing up is. learning when to make a promise you can keep, and knowing when to be honest with yourself. saying what you really mean, and meaning what you say.
on the bright side, i randomly grabbed some junk mail for my afternoon toilet break. i don't know what the hymn sounds like, but as with most hymns, i only wish lyrics today spoke a fraction of the volumes those old stiffs could put to paper. simply gorgeous.
Standing on the promises of Christ my King,
Thro' eternal ages let His praises ring;
Glory in the highest, I will shout and sing,
Standing on the promises of God.
Standing on the promises that cannot fail,
When the howling storms of doubt assail,
By the living Word of God I shall prevail,
Standing on the promises of God.
Standing on the promises I cannot fall,
List'ning ev'ry moment to the Spirit's call,
Resting in my Savior as my all in all,
Standing on the promises of God.
~r. kelso carter
in particular, i have a lot of emails to catch up on. to anyone who's written me recently, i'm sorry i haven't written back yet. as mechanical and imperfect a means of communication email may be, i realize that in many ways its the only way i'm going to be able to keep in touch with a lot of amazing people. i'm working on it. i wish i was better, but trust me. i'm working on it.
i've been thinking a lot lately about promises. one of my favourite quotes about promises is by that loveable guy jack handy.
It's funny how two simple words, "I promise," will stall people for a while.
why are promises so important to us? is it a cultural thing? or a human thing? certainly it's universal, because as far as i know promises exist in every nation. it's such a simple concept, and yet such a difficult intangible. and although it's a stupid joke, the above quote is so true. those two words really do invoke a sense of hope, of belief in us that belies our cynical and jaded natures. do you find however, that we prioritize our promises according to who we've promised?
doesn't a promise seem less concrete if we're only promising something to ourselves? after all, who knows if you were to break it. only you.
what about promises to god? same thing i guess. sure, god knows too. but god knows everything, when has that ever stopped us?
promises to other people are the big one though. because those have actual consequences. when we don't come through for someone else....there's no running from failure.
what does it say about our character when we change our definitions of a promise depending on the circumstances? when we cut corners when no one's looking?
i'm guilty of making my share of promises that i couildn't keep. and there's no worse feeling in the world. something about letting people down, but not only that. knowing that in breaking a promise, you're letting yourself down too.
but maybe that's all growing up is. learning when to make a promise you can keep, and knowing when to be honest with yourself. saying what you really mean, and meaning what you say.
on the bright side, i randomly grabbed some junk mail for my afternoon toilet break. i don't know what the hymn sounds like, but as with most hymns, i only wish lyrics today spoke a fraction of the volumes those old stiffs could put to paper. simply gorgeous.
Standing on the promises of Christ my King,
Thro' eternal ages let His praises ring;
Glory in the highest, I will shout and sing,
Standing on the promises of God.
Standing on the promises that cannot fail,
When the howling storms of doubt assail,
By the living Word of God I shall prevail,
Standing on the promises of God.
Standing on the promises I cannot fall,
List'ning ev'ry moment to the Spirit's call,
Resting in my Savior as my all in all,
Standing on the promises of God.
~r. kelso carter
Sep 16, 2005
Sep 13, 2005
perfect speed
back from the bloc party show, and i must say i was impressed.
they sounded a lot tighter than i expected, and didn't lack at all for energy. the venue kind of blew (the docks) due to the horrible acoustics there, but the crowd was into it. asides from some pushing and shoving in good fun, i must say all in all, it was a kickass show. i'd for sure catch them again.
i caved and bought the cd. i'm a sucker for supporting bands, i don't know what it is. i would have bought the k'naan cd at the ryerson frosh concert too if i had any cash on me. goodness i'm broke.
i'm trying to decide what colour to paint my room. i'm leaning towards greys and blues, or maybe even a combination of both. i also kind of want to paint my ceiling, but i don't know if that's a good idea.....we'll see.
my goal for the week is to not spend any money. from now until saturday, i want to do nothing but free stuff (asides from driving). so who's with me?
they sounded a lot tighter than i expected, and didn't lack at all for energy. the venue kind of blew (the docks) due to the horrible acoustics there, but the crowd was into it. asides from some pushing and shoving in good fun, i must say all in all, it was a kickass show. i'd for sure catch them again.
i caved and bought the cd. i'm a sucker for supporting bands, i don't know what it is. i would have bought the k'naan cd at the ryerson frosh concert too if i had any cash on me. goodness i'm broke.
i'm trying to decide what colour to paint my room. i'm leaning towards greys and blues, or maybe even a combination of both. i also kind of want to paint my ceiling, but i don't know if that's a good idea.....we'll see.
my goal for the week is to not spend any money. from now until saturday, i want to do nothing but free stuff (asides from driving). so who's with me?
Sep 11, 2005
the.new.fad
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. [2 Cor 4]
i should be asleep. my sunday morning is as hectic as they come, and starts at an hour where i've normally just slipped into REM sleep.
reading this above verse though, and through the many events and conversations that i have enjoyed today -- i realize that there are so many promises i keep forgetting to hold in my heart.
when i look at myself, i can see that i am wasting away. that much is for certain. life is a series of challenges, and i often find myself falling by the wayside. not to say i'm not getting by ok -- i like to think i am. but many occasions, i pause and really start to think that i'm squandering a glorious chance.....to live.
we're all wasting away. we can't stop it. that's just the nature of things.
but are we be renewed? are we being filled?
i sure want to think i am. because just letting my life waste away is a pretty lonely thing to conclude.
what renews you? what are you living for?
or perhaps more succinctly.....what are you dying for?
i should be asleep. my sunday morning is as hectic as they come, and starts at an hour where i've normally just slipped into REM sleep.
reading this above verse though, and through the many events and conversations that i have enjoyed today -- i realize that there are so many promises i keep forgetting to hold in my heart.
when i look at myself, i can see that i am wasting away. that much is for certain. life is a series of challenges, and i often find myself falling by the wayside. not to say i'm not getting by ok -- i like to think i am. but many occasions, i pause and really start to think that i'm squandering a glorious chance.....to live.
we're all wasting away. we can't stop it. that's just the nature of things.
but are we be renewed? are we being filled?
i sure want to think i am. because just letting my life waste away is a pretty lonely thing to conclude.
what renews you? what are you living for?
or perhaps more succinctly.....what are you dying for?
Sep 8, 2005
pagina dos
i know i said i didn't want an ipod.
apple has changed my mind.
in other news, blake vs. agassi was the best tennis match i've seen.....ever. now i want to play tennis.
after his ridiculous comeback win, agassi was asked "down two sets, did you ever doubt you can pull this thing off"?
he replied
"I question myself every day. That's what I still find motivating about this. I don't have the answers, I don't pretend that I do just because I won the match. Just keep fighting and maybe something good happens."
apple has changed my mind.
in other news, blake vs. agassi was the best tennis match i've seen.....ever. now i want to play tennis.
after his ridiculous comeback win, agassi was asked "down two sets, did you ever doubt you can pull this thing off"?
he replied
"I question myself every day. That's what I still find motivating about this. I don't have the answers, I don't pretend that I do just because I won the match. Just keep fighting and maybe something good happens."
Sep 5, 2005
gold digger
for the vast majority of those who witnessed kanye freestyle his way into national controversy, these were probably the common reactions.
1) AMEN BROTHER
2) sigh. another misguided young black male.
a quote from new orleans may help put things in perspective:
"The guy who runs this building I'm in, emergency management, he's responsible for everything. His mother was trapped in St. Bernard nursing home, and every day she called him and said, 'Are you coming, son? Is somebody coming?' And he said, 'And yeah, Momma, somebody's coming to get you. Somebody's coming to get you on Tuesday. Somebody's coming to get you on Wednesday. Somebody's coming to get you Thursday. Somebody's coming to get you on Friday' — and she drowned Friday night. She drowned on Friday night," Mr. Broussard said.
now, we all know it's not the presidents job to save every granny in the state of louisiana. but it is indisputable that the help that arrived in the big easy was far too little, far too late.
was the cause racial? lets explore...
this whole situation really has been a microcosm of the divisions in american culture. be it racial, or socioeconomic -- the rifts between rich and poor, republican and democratic, the powerful and the powerless -- are growing wider everyday.
how else can you explain this ridiculous media exposure of poor black citizens left to fend for themselves in the middle of mayhem? or the media circus literally buzzing overhead capturing it all for the 24/7 news consortiums?
how is it, that though one of the most historical and treasured cities in the united states has been ravaged, the majority of the united states is watching the news as if there was just a horrible genocide in cambodia?
indeed, for those who've seen the movie "hotel rwanda", don't you find the raction of the general public eerily similar?
lets send some money. poor guys, i feel so bad for them. it's terrible whats going on down there.
so whats for dinner?
yes, this is a study in media and communications.
yes, this is a spectacular tragedy of massive proportions.
but what took so long for the help to arrive? was there a delay on mailing the president his memo? was it sent on a friday therefore requiring several business days to get to him?
michael moore lambasted mr.bush for sitting still after hearing news of the 9/11 terrorist attacks for a good half hour.
one can only wonder what people will say about this almost paid-vacation of foot dragging.
the fact of the matter is, there is no political brownie points to be won by posing heroically with the poor black ghetto in NO, or the white trailor trash in Ole' Miss.
there's no rush to help them. no rush to save them. no rush to acknowledge their plight.
racial accusations are never taken lightly. perhaps mr. west was a bit knee jerk in his reaction, but the truth of the situation is painfully obvious every day as i watch mainstream news channels propgate the same cliche's over and over again:
the chaos, looting and crime should be blamed on no one but the people present. they have no idea how barbaric they really are. silly rednecks with their shirts off, yelling at the camera. silly black gangsters (with their shirts off), stealing booze and food. and everybody...everybody it seems -- is shooting guns off in the air.
how did we get to this point? is it as simple as blaming the fat poor women who had to watch the white kid in his AE blasted jeans and lacoste polo board the first buses for evacuation? doesn't it seem too easy to just think that it must be some sort of civil unrest and complete and utter social breakdown in new orleans?
and so a nation shakes its head. it grieves. but it does not extend as full a helping hand as it should, because frankly -- like a homeless man begging for change -- those in this problem have really made things worse than they really are. this isn't our homeland.
it's bagdhad.
it's rwanda.
it's somolia.
how did we get here? how have we become so vague and irrelevant to each other that as long as the news doesn't affect our daily commute, it can no longer be personal? are we so emotionally devoid? so callous and jaded?
~
perhaps it's futile to say "the president is racist", "the news is biased and sensationalized", and "there is an unwritten caste system" are the roots of all our problems.
but sometimes, it's hard to deny the truth when it slaps you in the face. and what can we do, asides from change the channel, and hope fear factor is on to numb our minds from thinking too much.
as much as kanye jumped the gun on friday, i think deep down we know that he is simply reacting to the truth behind every chris rock and dave chappelle joke you've ever heard.
besides, maybe the college dropout knows a bit more about character judgment then we give him credit for.
"Now I ain't saying she a gold digger
But she ain't messing with no broke niggaz"
~kanye west
ain't that the truth.
1) AMEN BROTHER
2) sigh. another misguided young black male.
a quote from new orleans may help put things in perspective:
"The guy who runs this building I'm in, emergency management, he's responsible for everything. His mother was trapped in St. Bernard nursing home, and every day she called him and said, 'Are you coming, son? Is somebody coming?' And he said, 'And yeah, Momma, somebody's coming to get you. Somebody's coming to get you on Tuesday. Somebody's coming to get you on Wednesday. Somebody's coming to get you Thursday. Somebody's coming to get you on Friday' — and she drowned Friday night. She drowned on Friday night," Mr. Broussard said.
now, we all know it's not the presidents job to save every granny in the state of louisiana. but it is indisputable that the help that arrived in the big easy was far too little, far too late.
was the cause racial? lets explore...
this whole situation really has been a microcosm of the divisions in american culture. be it racial, or socioeconomic -- the rifts between rich and poor, republican and democratic, the powerful and the powerless -- are growing wider everyday.
how else can you explain this ridiculous media exposure of poor black citizens left to fend for themselves in the middle of mayhem? or the media circus literally buzzing overhead capturing it all for the 24/7 news consortiums?
how is it, that though one of the most historical and treasured cities in the united states has been ravaged, the majority of the united states is watching the news as if there was just a horrible genocide in cambodia?
indeed, for those who've seen the movie "hotel rwanda", don't you find the raction of the general public eerily similar?
lets send some money. poor guys, i feel so bad for them. it's terrible whats going on down there.
so whats for dinner?
yes, this is a study in media and communications.
yes, this is a spectacular tragedy of massive proportions.
but what took so long for the help to arrive? was there a delay on mailing the president his memo? was it sent on a friday therefore requiring several business days to get to him?
michael moore lambasted mr.bush for sitting still after hearing news of the 9/11 terrorist attacks for a good half hour.
one can only wonder what people will say about this almost paid-vacation of foot dragging.
the fact of the matter is, there is no political brownie points to be won by posing heroically with the poor black ghetto in NO, or the white trailor trash in Ole' Miss.
there's no rush to help them. no rush to save them. no rush to acknowledge their plight.
racial accusations are never taken lightly. perhaps mr. west was a bit knee jerk in his reaction, but the truth of the situation is painfully obvious every day as i watch mainstream news channels propgate the same cliche's over and over again:
the chaos, looting and crime should be blamed on no one but the people present. they have no idea how barbaric they really are. silly rednecks with their shirts off, yelling at the camera. silly black gangsters (with their shirts off), stealing booze and food. and everybody...everybody it seems -- is shooting guns off in the air.
how did we get to this point? is it as simple as blaming the fat poor women who had to watch the white kid in his AE blasted jeans and lacoste polo board the first buses for evacuation? doesn't it seem too easy to just think that it must be some sort of civil unrest and complete and utter social breakdown in new orleans?
and so a nation shakes its head. it grieves. but it does not extend as full a helping hand as it should, because frankly -- like a homeless man begging for change -- those in this problem have really made things worse than they really are. this isn't our homeland.
it's bagdhad.
it's rwanda.
it's somolia.
how did we get here? how have we become so vague and irrelevant to each other that as long as the news doesn't affect our daily commute, it can no longer be personal? are we so emotionally devoid? so callous and jaded?
~
perhaps it's futile to say "the president is racist", "the news is biased and sensationalized", and "there is an unwritten caste system" are the roots of all our problems.
but sometimes, it's hard to deny the truth when it slaps you in the face. and what can we do, asides from change the channel, and hope fear factor is on to numb our minds from thinking too much.
as much as kanye jumped the gun on friday, i think deep down we know that he is simply reacting to the truth behind every chris rock and dave chappelle joke you've ever heard.
besides, maybe the college dropout knows a bit more about character judgment then we give him credit for.
"Now I ain't saying she a gold digger
But she ain't messing with no broke niggaz"
~kanye west
ain't that the truth.
Aug 29, 2005
summer skin
games won: 0
run differential: -182
players lost to injury: 2
double plays turned: 0
ice creams owed: 1
players i have yet to meet: 1
percentage of team playing for the first time: 90%
games that we had fun: 10
regrets: 0
thanks ravens for an awesome season. we had a blast, learned that softball is fun, and can look forward to more fellowship and good times in summers to come. i hope everyone enjoyed it as much as i did.
way to be a team, and play the game how it's meant to be played.
thanks for the bear, he's the coolest!
run differential: -182
players lost to injury: 2
double plays turned: 0
ice creams owed: 1
players i have yet to meet: 1
percentage of team playing for the first time: 90%
games that we had fun: 10
regrets: 0
thanks ravens for an awesome season. we had a blast, learned that softball is fun, and can look forward to more fellowship and good times in summers to come. i hope everyone enjoyed it as much as i did.
way to be a team, and play the game how it's meant to be played.
thanks for the bear, he's the coolest!
Aug 23, 2005
for me this is heaven
why is it that so often, the greatest ideas are wasted on the apathetic?
what a cruel and terrible trick for life to play.
what a cruel and terrible trick for life to play.
Aug 16, 2005
TheStar.com - Sports/Index
'Target' black youth, councillor urges
once again, the star has gone out of their way to take a story and play it up by focusing on volatile words like "target".
i loathe this paper more and more. but it has a good sports section, so whats a guy to do? except that dave feshuk guy. i want to punch him in the nads.
but i digress.
i think this is the funniest story ever. i mean....is this councillor OUT OF HIS MIND? if this dude was white, we'd be breaking out the pillowcases, pitchforks, and burning crosses.
i also think it's funny how people think racial profiling in the justice system is somehow related to "political correctness".
are....you kidding me?
the minority in your office with the corner cubicle who doesn't speak english and had sub-average grades in university may be an affirmitive action hire. that's political correctness.
pulling over black kids because some punks might have guns is just retarded.
just....unbelievable.
i particularly like reading the "voice your own opinion" pieces at the star.
"Discrimination based on race, ethnicity, religion, nationality or on any other identity undermines the basic human rights and freedoms to which every person is entitled to. However, when innocent lives are being taken and statistics show that the majority of these gun crimes are committed by members of the "young black" community how can we be against the suggestion. If this so- called "discrimination" will save one innocent life or more then why not?
Jennifer Vivian, Brampton, Aug. 16"
i suppose that also, muslims should no longer be allowed to board airplanes without a thorough cavity and luggage check.
you know, cuz all terrorists are islamic.
detaining every muslim at the airport for a few hours of interrogation may actually save a life some day.
but oh well! guess it just sucks to be islamic eh?
i also don't get why she put quotes around "young black" community. what does that even mean? they're just pretending to be young but are actually old? so you got like 30-year old gangsta's running around telling people they're 18?
or does she mean they're not REALLY black? i'm so confused.
oh well. i'm sure jennifer vivian from brampton knows whats best for us all. nobody with two first names could possibly be wrong.
once again, the star has gone out of their way to take a story and play it up by focusing on volatile words like "target".
i loathe this paper more and more. but it has a good sports section, so whats a guy to do? except that dave feshuk guy. i want to punch him in the nads.
but i digress.
i think this is the funniest story ever. i mean....is this councillor OUT OF HIS MIND? if this dude was white, we'd be breaking out the pillowcases, pitchforks, and burning crosses.
i also think it's funny how people think racial profiling in the justice system is somehow related to "political correctness".
are....you kidding me?
the minority in your office with the corner cubicle who doesn't speak english and had sub-average grades in university may be an affirmitive action hire. that's political correctness.
pulling over black kids because some punks might have guns is just retarded.
just....unbelievable.
i particularly like reading the "voice your own opinion" pieces at the star.
"Discrimination based on race, ethnicity, religion, nationality or on any other identity undermines the basic human rights and freedoms to which every person is entitled to. However, when innocent lives are being taken and statistics show that the majority of these gun crimes are committed by members of the "young black" community how can we be against the suggestion. If this so- called "discrimination" will save one innocent life or more then why not?
Jennifer Vivian, Brampton, Aug. 16"
i suppose that also, muslims should no longer be allowed to board airplanes without a thorough cavity and luggage check.
you know, cuz all terrorists are islamic.
detaining every muslim at the airport for a few hours of interrogation may actually save a life some day.
but oh well! guess it just sucks to be islamic eh?
i also don't get why she put quotes around "young black" community. what does that even mean? they're just pretending to be young but are actually old? so you got like 30-year old gangsta's running around telling people they're 18?
or does she mean they're not REALLY black? i'm so confused.
oh well. i'm sure jennifer vivian from brampton knows whats best for us all. nobody with two first names could possibly be wrong.
come out tonight
operation "go to bed earlier" has commenced.
first order is to break the cycle of death by forcing myself to wake up early even though i slept at my normal 4am.
done.
next order of business is to somehow stay awake until a reasonable time tonight without sleep. ooohhhh....i wish i had something planned to do this afternoon, i sense a nap.
was suppose to go work out at the gym this morning, but seeing as how i got all of 2 hours or so of sleep, i decided just to stick around and go for a quick jog instead. man i'm out of shape.
i ran a little circuit that i had mapped out in my head, but upon getting home, i discovered that i had only run for about 12 minutes. but boy, was i tired....hahaha
so it takes me about 12 minutes to run roughly 3k...and i am pretty much done for the morning. i used to run 6k in 21 minutes......must work myself into shape before basketball season....
i blame it on my lack of sleep. yawn.
someone help keep me awake.....
first order is to break the cycle of death by forcing myself to wake up early even though i slept at my normal 4am.
done.
next order of business is to somehow stay awake until a reasonable time tonight without sleep. ooohhhh....i wish i had something planned to do this afternoon, i sense a nap.
was suppose to go work out at the gym this morning, but seeing as how i got all of 2 hours or so of sleep, i decided just to stick around and go for a quick jog instead. man i'm out of shape.
i ran a little circuit that i had mapped out in my head, but upon getting home, i discovered that i had only run for about 12 minutes. but boy, was i tired....hahaha
so it takes me about 12 minutes to run roughly 3k...and i am pretty much done for the morning. i used to run 6k in 21 minutes......must work myself into shape before basketball season....
i blame it on my lack of sleep. yawn.
someone help keep me awake.....
Aug 13, 2005
in this home on ice
- oxyclean really works
- i've lost my watch
- crutches make you look funny
- everyone has an inner fob*
now, as an appendum to my earlier post, here are some upcoming shows i would like to check out. feel free to join me!
//sat.sept.03//
clap your hands say yeah! ][the horseshoe $12
//thurs.sept.08//
xiu xiu, frog eyes and das yellow swans ][X-Space $10-$12
//sat.sept.10//
sufjan stevens and laura veirs ][ Trinity St. Paul's Centre $20
//mon.sept.12//
Bloc Party, the kills and noisettes ][ Docks $21.50
//thurs.sept.15//
13 and god featuring the notwist and themselves ][ Lee's Palace, $15
//fri.sept.16,17,18//
rjd2, kid koala, holy fuck, a northern chorus, as the poets affirm, in support of living, the no luck club, Death from above 1979, tricky woo, the zoobombs, saul williams, k'naan, lal, final fantasy, meligrove band, vermicious knid, jon-rae & the river and elliott brood, sleater-kinney, the organ, republic of safety, the hidden cameras, joel plaskett, julie doiron, the high dials, frontier index and the Old soul as part of the Ear To The Ground Festival ][ Exhibition Place, $25-$60
//tues.sept.20//
royksopp ][ Opera House, $18.50
//fri.sept.23//
four tet and hot chip ][ Horseshoe, $15
//thurs.sept.29//
ted leo/pharmacists ][ Mod Club, $15
//thurs.oct.13//
the decemberists and cass mccombs ][ Phoenix, $17.50
- i've lost my watch
- crutches make you look funny
- everyone has an inner fob*
now, as an appendum to my earlier post, here are some upcoming shows i would like to check out. feel free to join me!
//sat.sept.03//
clap your hands say yeah! ][the horseshoe $12
//thurs.sept.08//
xiu xiu, frog eyes and das yellow swans ][X-Space $10-$12
//sat.sept.10//
sufjan stevens and laura veirs ][ Trinity St. Paul's Centre $20
//mon.sept.12//
Bloc Party, the kills and noisettes ][ Docks $21.50
//thurs.sept.15//
13 and god featuring the notwist and themselves ][ Lee's Palace, $15
//fri.sept.16,17,18//
rjd2, kid koala, holy fuck, a northern chorus, as the poets affirm, in support of living, the no luck club, Death from above 1979, tricky woo, the zoobombs, saul williams, k'naan, lal, final fantasy, meligrove band, vermicious knid, jon-rae & the river and elliott brood, sleater-kinney, the organ, republic of safety, the hidden cameras, joel plaskett, julie doiron, the high dials, frontier index and the Old soul as part of the Ear To The Ground Festival ][ Exhibition Place, $25-$60
//tues.sept.20//
royksopp ][ Opera House, $18.50
//fri.sept.23//
four tet and hot chip ][ Horseshoe, $15
//thurs.sept.29//
ted leo/pharmacists ][ Mod Club, $15
//thurs.oct.13//
the decemberists and cass mccombs ][ Phoenix, $17.50
do it again
finally, a web community application i can get behind.
music, meet world. world, my music. audioscrobbler is basically AA, friendster, blogger, and your personal musical tastes put together. once you join, it will display all the songs you've been listening to recently, including at the very moment. moreover, it charts them in order of how often you listen to them so that people can see what you've been digging and what you haven't.
the best part is that by doing this, you can find people with similar musical tastes as you, and find new music through other peoples charts, lists and even journal entries.
also, there's a variety of streaming radio stations available to suit whatever tastes you may have, including customizable ones to keep you satisfied all day long.
this may sound like an ad, but i really just think its an awesome idea. check out what i've been listening to lately at my audioscrobbler page
i'm going to link to it permenantly on the right there, and eventually i will have a nice little history and compilation of charted music. cooooooool!
music, meet world. world, my music. audioscrobbler is basically AA, friendster, blogger, and your personal musical tastes put together. once you join, it will display all the songs you've been listening to recently, including at the very moment. moreover, it charts them in order of how often you listen to them so that people can see what you've been digging and what you haven't.
the best part is that by doing this, you can find people with similar musical tastes as you, and find new music through other peoples charts, lists and even journal entries.
also, there's a variety of streaming radio stations available to suit whatever tastes you may have, including customizable ones to keep you satisfied all day long.
this may sound like an ad, but i really just think its an awesome idea. check out what i've been listening to lately at my audioscrobbler page
i'm going to link to it permenantly on the right there, and eventually i will have a nice little history and compilation of charted music. cooooooool!
Aug 11, 2005
what sarah said
the dog days of summer continue to pass us by.
a lot of times i think about everything i want, and i know that i need to start taking instead of waiting. life is like that -- you generally are better off being an active participant rather than an observer.
what do we really want out of our days anyways? where is it we really want to end up? when we put our doubts aside, put all our fears aside and be honest with ourselves -- where do we want to go, and who do we want to be?
i can't help but think i'm playing catch up. but forward i go.
a lot of times i think about everything i want, and i know that i need to start taking instead of waiting. life is like that -- you generally are better off being an active participant rather than an observer.
what do we really want out of our days anyways? where is it we really want to end up? when we put our doubts aside, put all our fears aside and be honest with ourselves -- where do we want to go, and who do we want to be?
i can't help but think i'm playing catch up. but forward i go.
Jul 30, 2005
let the cool goddess rust away
the funny thing with looking forward, is that you can't look back at the same time.
it's hard. it's difficult not to look back in fondness and nostalgia at all that has come to pass. to think about all we've seen along the way, all we've experienced, all that has led us to the here and now. everyone loves a good stroll down memory lane. strolls down future uncertainty are generally a less requested adventure.
and its true that life throws us curveballs here and there. we can't always see them coming, but you sometimes anticipate where they're going to be. and you know what they say -- you can't hit the ball if you don't swing.
the phrase "you can't go back" has so much depth to it. we can't go back to simpler times. we can't go back to correct our mistakes. we can't go back to relive our joys. whats done is done. so many things in life are reversible, while life itself is an immutabe and constant forward progression. time just marches on, whether you're ready or not.
learning to appreciate the past instead of dwelling on it is something that comes with time. it's with seemingly cruel irony that lifes plays on us this reality -- the more memories we make, the more time we spend experiencing life, the more we must learn to live in the present.
not to say we can't always shoot the shit about the good ole' days, or laugh it up about "that time when". but we can't cling on to those memories anymore. the past defines who we are today, but we cannot expect it to define who we will be tomorrow. that's our choice, no one elses.
even if we can't stay in one moment, we can watch the trail we blaze behind us. sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. looking back, we can pause and see just where things changed us, made us, and where we changed those around us. we can gain an understanding and appreciation for what we have seen and heard so far. but instead of longing for what we have tasted, we can desire something greater -- something beyond our wildest expectations.
"you can't go back"
psh.
who wants to?
i'd say make me proud -- but i already am.
here's to you.
take care of yourself.
it's hard. it's difficult not to look back in fondness and nostalgia at all that has come to pass. to think about all we've seen along the way, all we've experienced, all that has led us to the here and now. everyone loves a good stroll down memory lane. strolls down future uncertainty are generally a less requested adventure.
and its true that life throws us curveballs here and there. we can't always see them coming, but you sometimes anticipate where they're going to be. and you know what they say -- you can't hit the ball if you don't swing.
the phrase "you can't go back" has so much depth to it. we can't go back to simpler times. we can't go back to correct our mistakes. we can't go back to relive our joys. whats done is done. so many things in life are reversible, while life itself is an immutabe and constant forward progression. time just marches on, whether you're ready or not.
learning to appreciate the past instead of dwelling on it is something that comes with time. it's with seemingly cruel irony that lifes plays on us this reality -- the more memories we make, the more time we spend experiencing life, the more we must learn to live in the present.
not to say we can't always shoot the shit about the good ole' days, or laugh it up about "that time when". but we can't cling on to those memories anymore. the past defines who we are today, but we cannot expect it to define who we will be tomorrow. that's our choice, no one elses.
even if we can't stay in one moment, we can watch the trail we blaze behind us. sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. looking back, we can pause and see just where things changed us, made us, and where we changed those around us. we can gain an understanding and appreciation for what we have seen and heard so far. but instead of longing for what we have tasted, we can desire something greater -- something beyond our wildest expectations.
"you can't go back"
psh.
who wants to?
i'd say make me proud -- but i already am.
here's to you.
take care of yourself.
Jul 29, 2005
wintermitts
why does a beautiful august morning feel like the darkest winter day?
i wish so many things......
so many things.
i wish i could sleep.
i wish i could make dreams come true.
i wish so many things......
so many things.
i wish i could sleep.
i wish i could make dreams come true.
Jul 28, 2005
Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
*****
thank you for everything. for more than you know.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
*****
thank you for everything. for more than you know.
Jul 27, 2005
drowned men
one of those lazy summer days.
goodness i've waited a long time for one of these.
i find we all have our means of cutting loose. of expressing ourselves.
it's nice to know what keeps you going. then have time to do it.
goodness i've waited a long time for one of these.
i find we all have our means of cutting loose. of expressing ourselves.
it's nice to know what keeps you going. then have time to do it.
Jul 16, 2005
the lemon of pink
surprises i discovered while packing that i found amusing:
- an OAC calculus test. final mark, %20
- baritone music from grade school band
- a VHS tape of irene and myself doing hockey play-by-play
- the only political science essay i ever enjoyed writing (i was rewarded with a good mark)
- a little plastic gun that shoots suction darts, circa high school montreal trip
- a photograph of my st. tims W5H championship team
- one lobster shaped bottle holder apparently bought by my parents from the east coast.
- a business card for cammie cheng, "korean seductress"
and perhaps one of my favourites, the 1997 didomi directory.
some excerpts:
if i were a box, i'd be....
"a small, easy to lose box, because i want to isolate myself from society" - beverly ng
"a coleman cooler" - lincoln troi
one thing the world should know about me...
"i like airplane food" - dora yiu
"i don't look like gabe sr." - ernest chan
"i laugh by myself" - grace lee sr.
"i shampoor my hair" - kevin lim
"when i was a young kid, my parents found me by the shores of a shaolin temple. being monks themselves, they taught me the deadly art of the caterpillar. now, i protect innocents from the evil dark forces of...." - graham chung
ambitions...
"raise 4 kids and own a recording studio on the side" - emily ng
"to become like steve" - gabe chan sr.
"to be a candycane striper" - gabe chan jr.
"to grow taller" - gloria cheung
advice for the youth of tomorrow
"squeeze paper towels into a ball before throwing in basket, to prevent from flowing over!!!" - ryan ming
classic moments from youth.
remember, if it ain't dido.....
- an OAC calculus test. final mark, %20
- baritone music from grade school band
- a VHS tape of irene and myself doing hockey play-by-play
- the only political science essay i ever enjoyed writing (i was rewarded with a good mark)
- a little plastic gun that shoots suction darts, circa high school montreal trip
- a photograph of my st. tims W5H championship team
- one lobster shaped bottle holder apparently bought by my parents from the east coast.
- a business card for cammie cheng, "korean seductress"
and perhaps one of my favourites, the 1997 didomi directory.
some excerpts:
if i were a box, i'd be....
"a small, easy to lose box, because i want to isolate myself from society" - beverly ng
"a coleman cooler" - lincoln troi
one thing the world should know about me...
"i like airplane food" - dora yiu
"i don't look like gabe sr." - ernest chan
"i laugh by myself" - grace lee sr.
"i shampoor my hair" - kevin lim
"when i was a young kid, my parents found me by the shores of a shaolin temple. being monks themselves, they taught me the deadly art of the caterpillar. now, i protect innocents from the evil dark forces of...." - graham chung
ambitions...
"raise 4 kids and own a recording studio on the side" - emily ng
"to become like steve" - gabe chan sr.
"to be a candycane striper" - gabe chan jr.
"to grow taller" - gloria cheung
advice for the youth of tomorrow
"squeeze paper towels into a ball before throwing in basket, to prevent from flowing over!!!" - ryan ming
classic moments from youth.
remember, if it ain't dido.....
Jul 15, 2005
The Chapter In Your Life Entitled San Francisco
you can tell i'm busy because i've blogged twice today. that increases my weekly blogging quota by......i dunno. a lot.
there's this scene in the movie finding forrester (or as i like to call it, black will hunting,) where sean "the rapist for $400" connery insightfully says
"we always sound better in writing than we do out loud"
in the context of blogs, i think this is certainly the case. being an avid blog stalker, i find that often i feel like i can sort of create a mental projection of what somebody is like from reading their blog. then when or if i actually meet them in real life, they are often nothing like i expected.
maybe its just me, but do lots of people flat out talk and think differently on their blogs? i realize it has a lot to do with the medium itself; blogs are often used for specific purposes, such as when people are in good moods, procrastinating moods, depressed ranting moods....etc. they aren't meant to paint broad and accurate strokes of ones personality.
talking to ivan the other day, he said "when people say i'm not what they expected, i wonder....what did they expect?"
i wonder....do most people blog about who they are.....or rather who they want people to think they are? or inversely....do blogs represent who we really are, while in reality we often hide our true personalities and quirks in order to project a more status quo image.....?
there's this scene in the movie finding forrester (or as i like to call it, black will hunting,) where sean "the rapist for $400" connery insightfully says
"we always sound better in writing than we do out loud"
in the context of blogs, i think this is certainly the case. being an avid blog stalker, i find that often i feel like i can sort of create a mental projection of what somebody is like from reading their blog. then when or if i actually meet them in real life, they are often nothing like i expected.
maybe its just me, but do lots of people flat out talk and think differently on their blogs? i realize it has a lot to do with the medium itself; blogs are often used for specific purposes, such as when people are in good moods, procrastinating moods, depressed ranting moods....etc. they aren't meant to paint broad and accurate strokes of ones personality.
talking to ivan the other day, he said "when people say i'm not what they expected, i wonder....what did they expect?"
i wonder....do most people blog about who they are.....or rather who they want people to think they are? or inversely....do blogs represent who we really are, while in reality we often hide our true personalities and quirks in order to project a more status quo image.....?
mikado
boy i've been neglecting this thing.
moving is such a whirlwind of activity. leave it to the yau's to have everything to do at the last minute.
north york, here we come. back to....er...ryan's neighbourhood.
moving is such a whirlwind of activity. leave it to the yau's to have everything to do at the last minute.
north york, here we come. back to....er...ryan's neighbourhood.
Jun 27, 2005
John Wayne Gacy, Jr.
i can't tell if i haven't updated yet because i have too much to say, or because i'm scared that i have nothing to say at all.
you know that feeling where you just know you learned something, but you haven't figured out what yet?
yea. that's how i feel about the trip.
i'm actually pretty sick of hearing myself talk about the trip.
but it won't be the last time, i'm sure.
you know that feeling where you just know you learned something, but you haven't figured out what yet?
yea. that's how i feel about the trip.
i'm actually pretty sick of hearing myself talk about the trip.
but it won't be the last time, i'm sure.
Jun 13, 2005
Continued movement in A minor
i know that technically xanga is my trip journal (outside of my actual trip journal). but i don't really feel much like talking about where i've been as much as how i've been i guess. besides, the xanga is pretty up to date. lots of people seem to use both services, i'll join the party i suppose.
it's humid here in singapore. there is a sheen of sweat over my body despite my lack of movement. but it's a comfortable warmth, and it's relaxing here with free internet. this hostel is quite chill, with some downtempo beats in the background, and a nice setup of moodlighting. this place seems like it was furnished by ikea, with darkstained wood furniture and colourful oriental style cushions and mats adorning the floors and walls everywhere. it's chic. almost too chic. in fact, i would venture its the first hostel computer i've encountered that has itunes installed on it. blech.
some things that have been feeding the little hamster in my head lately, include friends, and purpose. not mutually exclusive topics, to be sure.
sometimes i wonder why i'm friends with....well, my friends. what is it that has brought us all together, and what is it that keeps us from simply not caring anymore?
i've been thinking a lot about church. about fellowship. about the meaning of friendships in the context of those who follow Jesus and those who chose not to. about the meanings of witnessing, evangalism, and about the dichotomoy of faith and works.
the bible says that faith without works is dead, but works without faith lead to death.
mcluhan says that the medium is the message.
i'm really starting to think that as christians, we're settling far to often and easily for living our lives around the message, while ignoring the medium.
so often i see us fall by the wayside; victims of our own poisoned rationale.
it was just one time.
things aren't so literal.
it's not a big deal.
who are we kidding ourselves?
i would rather be called out on my mistakes than try to pretend i'm something i'm not. i don't want to act like everything is good enough. settling is what leads to death, not sin. sin can be fought. sin can be defeated.
complacency is a far deadlier disease. apathy. denial.
what is a christian life? what differentiates a christian from a non-christian? should such differentiations even be made? do they really mean anything? or are they just semantics and dogmatic linearities that we are used to because we've heard them over and over again?
christians who aren't christians but say there are. too often this is me.
this is the problem with christianity today. not the forces combatting it externally. not politics, not issues, not other religions.
the problem with christianity is christians.
live it. if you don't know how to, or what that means, then i think its time you thought about it. asked about it. figured out your own definition and confirmed it with others. explore your faith.
just....please. don't stop caring.
it's humid here in singapore. there is a sheen of sweat over my body despite my lack of movement. but it's a comfortable warmth, and it's relaxing here with free internet. this hostel is quite chill, with some downtempo beats in the background, and a nice setup of moodlighting. this place seems like it was furnished by ikea, with darkstained wood furniture and colourful oriental style cushions and mats adorning the floors and walls everywhere. it's chic. almost too chic. in fact, i would venture its the first hostel computer i've encountered that has itunes installed on it. blech.
some things that have been feeding the little hamster in my head lately, include friends, and purpose. not mutually exclusive topics, to be sure.
sometimes i wonder why i'm friends with....well, my friends. what is it that has brought us all together, and what is it that keeps us from simply not caring anymore?
i've been thinking a lot about church. about fellowship. about the meaning of friendships in the context of those who follow Jesus and those who chose not to. about the meanings of witnessing, evangalism, and about the dichotomoy of faith and works.
the bible says that faith without works is dead, but works without faith lead to death.
mcluhan says that the medium is the message.
i'm really starting to think that as christians, we're settling far to often and easily for living our lives around the message, while ignoring the medium.
so often i see us fall by the wayside; victims of our own poisoned rationale.
it was just one time.
things aren't so literal.
it's not a big deal.
who are we kidding ourselves?
i would rather be called out on my mistakes than try to pretend i'm something i'm not. i don't want to act like everything is good enough. settling is what leads to death, not sin. sin can be fought. sin can be defeated.
complacency is a far deadlier disease. apathy. denial.
what is a christian life? what differentiates a christian from a non-christian? should such differentiations even be made? do they really mean anything? or are they just semantics and dogmatic linearities that we are used to because we've heard them over and over again?
christians who aren't christians but say there are. too often this is me.
this is the problem with christianity today. not the forces combatting it externally. not politics, not issues, not other religions.
the problem with christianity is christians.
live it. if you don't know how to, or what that means, then i think its time you thought about it. asked about it. figured out your own definition and confirmed it with others. explore your faith.
just....please. don't stop caring.
May 15, 2005
i'm the gingerbread man!
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=mr_oizo
check the xanga for trip updates. blogger is a nono in china.
check the xanga for trip updates. blogger is a nono in china.
May 13, 2005
i suppose there, it's just food
there sure are a lot of chinese people in Beijing. i can't believe how large and sprawling this city is. it's crowded, but because it's also so spacious you don't really get a sense of the population. you do however, get a sense of space, and how much of it this city takes up. insane.
saw the forbidden city and tianamen square today. walking hurts my feet.
and food. goodness, food is cheap here. i almost feel guilty. we're paying literally pennies for food.
more to come as further updates warrant. i'm having a blast, and i'm safe and sound.
farewell from peking.
saw the forbidden city and tianamen square today. walking hurts my feet.
and food. goodness, food is cheap here. i almost feel guilty. we're paying literally pennies for food.
more to come as further updates warrant. i'm having a blast, and i'm safe and sound.
farewell from peking.
May 6, 2005
perfect situation
Nash beats out Shaq as league MVP
congrats stevie nash! he's deserved it all this year.
if pheonix can go all the way this year, steve nash is officially my hero, hahaha
congrats stevie nash! he's deserved it all this year.
if pheonix can go all the way this year, steve nash is officially my hero, hahaha
Apr 29, 2005
how great is our god
ok, so i'm not actually listening to 'how great is our god'. i'm playing it on guitar.
bumming around my brothers place at the moment waiting to meet people downtown. took care of all the chinese visa stuff finally today, i hope it all goes smoothly.
currently blogging on my brothers new 15" powerbook g4. it's so nice! it's totally quiet, i can't hear a thing, and it doesn't seem to suffer from the memory spikes that my IBM has been having as of late whenever i start typing stuff. strange.....i wonder whats causing it. also, i wish i had ilife.....such a fun little suite of software. this one button mouse thing is really stupid though. in all my experience with macs, i just don't get it. it's like the j-gate in jaguars. signature isn't always a good thing.
so i got into toronto around 2am last night, finally having left london for the last time as a resident. hence forth, all trips will be visits, and not returns. what is it they say? there's no going back? good times. many thoughts swirl around my little head as i think of my time at UWO, but i doubt they would fit in one blog.
it's such a nice day today. after a really wet and grey week, it's nice to see the sun make a cameo. despite the franticness and fatigue of moving out and the busyness of prepping for the trip, i'm reminded of how blessed i really am. its no coincidence this tomlin song has sooo been stuck in my head as of late.
was listening to the radio today and the dj quoted a study saying that 90% of people fake a cell phone conversation at least once a month. can that possibly be right?? i don't think i've ever faked a cell phone conversation in my life -- although i can think of times i wish i had.....
bumming around my brothers place at the moment waiting to meet people downtown. took care of all the chinese visa stuff finally today, i hope it all goes smoothly.
currently blogging on my brothers new 15" powerbook g4. it's so nice! it's totally quiet, i can't hear a thing, and it doesn't seem to suffer from the memory spikes that my IBM has been having as of late whenever i start typing stuff. strange.....i wonder whats causing it. also, i wish i had ilife.....such a fun little suite of software. this one button mouse thing is really stupid though. in all my experience with macs, i just don't get it. it's like the j-gate in jaguars. signature isn't always a good thing.
so i got into toronto around 2am last night, finally having left london for the last time as a resident. hence forth, all trips will be visits, and not returns. what is it they say? there's no going back? good times. many thoughts swirl around my little head as i think of my time at UWO, but i doubt they would fit in one blog.
it's such a nice day today. after a really wet and grey week, it's nice to see the sun make a cameo. despite the franticness and fatigue of moving out and the busyness of prepping for the trip, i'm reminded of how blessed i really am. its no coincidence this tomlin song has sooo been stuck in my head as of late.
was listening to the radio today and the dj quoted a study saying that 90% of people fake a cell phone conversation at least once a month. can that possibly be right?? i don't think i've ever faked a cell phone conversation in my life -- although i can think of times i wish i had.....
Apr 22, 2005
close
i wrote this earlier today, but blogger was down this afternoon.
stripping your room bare brings to the surface a very distinct type of nostalgia.
sitting down and looking after each step, with every piece of sentiment and every memory packed into a box or bag, one can't help but wonder what's next, and fondly look back at what has been.
this room has been mine for two years, but it feels like so much longer. even further seem the two years prior, with first year but a mere echo in the recess of my mind -- discernable, but wispy.
i feel.....sad. as i reflect on the reality of the situation, this moment that i've been striving towards for so long, i'm reminded of the importance of the journey.
maybe i'm odd, but i'm one of those people that save every little thing that is ever given to me. every card, every note, every little scrap paper that someone writes to me, i save for some reason. i can't describe why i hold on to these things , but every so often i just look through these symbols of love and caring and am reminded of how lucky i am.
as much as i sometimes wonder and worry about the future, just looking at how bursting at the seams my grab-bag of thoughtfulness is, i know that God will continue to bless me well beyond my feeble expectations and cynicism. i'm reminded of my favourite bible verse in this poignant moment.
23Another time, Elisha was on his way to Bethel and some little kids came out from the town and taunted him, "What's up, old baldhead! Out of our way, skinhead!"
24 Elisha turned, took one look at them, and cursed them in the name of GOD. Two bears charged out of the underbrush and knocked them about, ripping them limb from limb--forty-two children in all!
25Elisha went on to Mount Carmel, and then returned to Samaria.
- 2 Kings 2:23-25 (The Message)
i already wrote one of these sappy end of year blogs last week when i ended class. i forsee yet another one when i move out my furniture next week.
the roller coaster of emotions continues. don't you just love that bible verse? who says God doesn't have a sense of humour? (and don't just look at the platypus)
and now, for hot pot!
stripping your room bare brings to the surface a very distinct type of nostalgia.
sitting down and looking after each step, with every piece of sentiment and every memory packed into a box or bag, one can't help but wonder what's next, and fondly look back at what has been.
this room has been mine for two years, but it feels like so much longer. even further seem the two years prior, with first year but a mere echo in the recess of my mind -- discernable, but wispy.
i feel.....sad. as i reflect on the reality of the situation, this moment that i've been striving towards for so long, i'm reminded of the importance of the journey.
maybe i'm odd, but i'm one of those people that save every little thing that is ever given to me. every card, every note, every little scrap paper that someone writes to me, i save for some reason. i can't describe why i hold on to these things , but every so often i just look through these symbols of love and caring and am reminded of how lucky i am.
as much as i sometimes wonder and worry about the future, just looking at how bursting at the seams my grab-bag of thoughtfulness is, i know that God will continue to bless me well beyond my feeble expectations and cynicism. i'm reminded of my favourite bible verse in this poignant moment.
23Another time, Elisha was on his way to Bethel and some little kids came out from the town and taunted him, "What's up, old baldhead! Out of our way, skinhead!"
24 Elisha turned, took one look at them, and cursed them in the name of GOD. Two bears charged out of the underbrush and knocked them about, ripping them limb from limb--forty-two children in all!
25Elisha went on to Mount Carmel, and then returned to Samaria.
- 2 Kings 2:23-25 (The Message)
i already wrote one of these sappy end of year blogs last week when i ended class. i forsee yet another one when i move out my furniture next week.
the roller coaster of emotions continues. don't you just love that bible verse? who says God doesn't have a sense of humour? (and don't just look at the platypus)
and now, for hot pot!
Apr 15, 2005
all the trees of the field will clap their hands
i want to learn to play the banjo.
in other news, the process of slowly moving out of london has begun. it feels funny thinking i'll never live there again. i think. but at the same time there's a nostalgic sense of closure that i'm moving on to other things.
who wants some furniture? i have a bookshelf, some shelving units, plastic drawers, all that kind of neat stuff. i haven't started sifting through the piles of misc. collected items stashed in the various corners of my room, but i'm sure i'll unearth some gems.
the next few weeks will be split between london and toronto, kicking it in the forrest city, and getting errands accomplished in toronto. busy busy i guess, but all with an air of satisfaction and anticipation about it.
now....who wants trucker hats?
in other news, the process of slowly moving out of london has begun. it feels funny thinking i'll never live there again. i think. but at the same time there's a nostalgic sense of closure that i'm moving on to other things.
who wants some furniture? i have a bookshelf, some shelving units, plastic drawers, all that kind of neat stuff. i haven't started sifting through the piles of misc. collected items stashed in the various corners of my room, but i'm sure i'll unearth some gems.
the next few weeks will be split between london and toronto, kicking it in the forrest city, and getting errands accomplished in toronto. busy busy i guess, but all with an air of satisfaction and anticipation about it.
now....who wants trucker hats?
Apr 6, 2005
sentiments vs syllables
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
~ Groucho Marx
and so it ends. i just finished my last class here at the university of western ontario. what a bittersweet experience this graduation business is proving to be.
for so long i have wanted out. no more classes, no more books....no more teachers dirty looks.
and yet here i am, almost wishing i could start all over again from square one. that i could redo my mistakes, and relive my elation. so much has happened in my four years here. i can't say i'm nearly the same person walking away from here as i was walking in.
God has blessed me so much, and given me such great friends and a wonderful fellowship. I feel like my eyes have been opened to life, and where i fit into things. That assurance is so invaluable. I know that i'll be moving on, but i recognize that i might not ever have the luxury this situation affords....for the rest of my life. absolute freedom, learning on my own, forcing myself to grow, great friends who are around all day every day and accessible 24/7.
so to all who've put up with me, and all who've helped me through the tougher times, and everyone i've met here -- thanks.
man, i'm writing a grad comment for my imaginary yearbook. i'm such a loser.
Apr 5, 2005
i want to know your plans
i've waited so long for this day.
our first steps towards building a gundam
mmm....side mounted gattling guns...
now everyone knows what i want for christmas:
a land walker.
our first steps towards building a gundam
mmm....side mounted gattling guns...
now everyone knows what i want for christmas:
a land walker.
the heavens
wouldn't life be more fun if everything had a live studio audience?
"i slept in for class"
"well, at least it wasn't MONEY class!"
*audience laughs*
wait...that's not funny.
dammit, i'm gonna go eat hotdogs.
*audience laughs*
"i slept in for class"
"well, at least it wasn't MONEY class!"
*audience laughs*
wait...that's not funny.
dammit, i'm gonna go eat hotdogs.
*audience laughs*
Mar 31, 2005
two dedications
as cammie has pointed out, there is an abundance of good music rolling through town over the next few months. she has a helpful list on her blog.
i thought just for sharing, i'd list a few of the smaller (and cheaper) shows that are gonna be visiting toronto (many of which while i'm gone....dammmmmmiiiitttt.....) so those of you on a shoe-string budget like myself can catch some great gigs too.
april
7//damon & naomi, raising the fawn and a northern chorus//Drake Hotel, //$10
7//the kills//Horseshoe//$12.50
7//kathleen edwards and jason collett //Mod Club // $15
10//outhud //Horseshoe // $10
14//angels of light w/ m. gira, akron/family and picastro //Music Gallery //$13-$15
17//the shins //Kool Haus, //$21
18//m ward //Lee's Palace, //$12.50
19//m83 and ulrich schnauss //Lee's Palace, //$15
26//arcade fire //Danforth Music Hall // $20
may
9//prefuse 73 //Lee's Palace, //$15
11//the mountain goats //Lee's Palace, //$11
21//the decemberists //Lee's Palace, //$15
28//Sam prekop //Horseshoe, //$12
21//LCD Soundsystem & M.I.A //Opera House//prices unannounced
and although it's too expensive, i think it's important to list:
may 16//doves and mercury rev //Kool Haus, //$25.75
not to mention of course the Bloc Party this saturday. tickets still available if i'm not mistaken.
i'd kill to see the arcade fire and sam prekop. i'd also like to see the shins, but that's a bit pricey for me. i'm not even here for sam prekop, and LCD SOUNDSYSTEM AND MIA. that's going to be the funnest show of the year. dammmmmiiiiiitttttt.....
but ok. arcade fire -- i wanna go to that for sure. maybe out hud, and maybe m ward, and maybe the shins. why...why am i so poor....
so there you go. cheap but great music. enjoy folks!
i thought just for sharing, i'd list a few of the smaller (and cheaper) shows that are gonna be visiting toronto (many of which while i'm gone....dammmmmmiiiitttt.....) so those of you on a shoe-string budget like myself can catch some great gigs too.
april
7//damon & naomi, raising the fawn and a northern chorus//Drake Hotel, //$10
7//the kills//Horseshoe//$12.50
7//kathleen edwards and jason collett //Mod Club // $15
10//outhud //Horseshoe // $10
14//angels of light w/ m. gira, akron/family and picastro //Music Gallery //$13-$15
17//the shins //Kool Haus, //$21
18//m ward //Lee's Palace, //$12.50
19//m83 and ulrich schnauss //Lee's Palace, //$15
26//arcade fire //Danforth Music Hall // $20
may
9//prefuse 73 //Lee's Palace, //$15
11//the mountain goats //Lee's Palace, //$11
21//the decemberists //Lee's Palace, //$15
28//Sam prekop //Horseshoe, //$12
21//LCD Soundsystem & M.I.A //Opera House//prices unannounced
and although it's too expensive, i think it's important to list:
may 16//doves and mercury rev //Kool Haus, //$25.75
not to mention of course the Bloc Party this saturday. tickets still available if i'm not mistaken.
i'd kill to see the arcade fire and sam prekop. i'd also like to see the shins, but that's a bit pricey for me. i'm not even here for sam prekop, and LCD SOUNDSYSTEM AND MIA. that's going to be the funnest show of the year. dammmmmiiiiiitttttt.....
but ok. arcade fire -- i wanna go to that for sure. maybe out hud, and maybe m ward, and maybe the shins. why...why am i so poor....
so there you go. cheap but great music. enjoy folks!
marvelous things
goodness i'm hungry. i just realized upon waking up that it's been almost 16 hours since my last meal. i've gotta get used to those early dinner and no breakfast. oops.
it's another beautiful day outside. i wonder what it is about the sun that makes us so happy, so energized. if someone could bottle that feeling, they would have the worlds most popular drug on their hands.
an an unrelated note, the girls here at ACF have been doing a book for women's cell this term, and i'm not sure if i heard it talking to one of them, or perhaps from a speaker or something...but someone once mentioned that guys tend to compartmentalize their lives, while women's lives are more like spider webs -- one thing can affect every facet of their lives.
i wonder some days if that's true or not?
if we're suppose to have God in every facet of our lives then, does that almost mean the ladies have an advantage since they already are naturally inclined to paint their lives with one big brush? does that mean it's more natural for guys to put God in a box and harder for us to break out of that?
it sometimes feels that way i suppose. but i recognize that life being a "spider web" means it can also be harder to walk with God everyday because things can throw you off so much easier.
how much can we learn about ourselves before we start looking for things that aren't there?
to summarize, photoshop is fun. i saw billy use this effect on some photos he took, and i was like....i wanna learn how to do that, hahaha
it's another beautiful day outside. i wonder what it is about the sun that makes us so happy, so energized. if someone could bottle that feeling, they would have the worlds most popular drug on their hands.
an an unrelated note, the girls here at ACF have been doing a book for women's cell this term, and i'm not sure if i heard it talking to one of them, or perhaps from a speaker or something...but someone once mentioned that guys tend to compartmentalize their lives, while women's lives are more like spider webs -- one thing can affect every facet of their lives.
i wonder some days if that's true or not?
if we're suppose to have God in every facet of our lives then, does that almost mean the ladies have an advantage since they already are naturally inclined to paint their lives with one big brush? does that mean it's more natural for guys to put God in a box and harder for us to break out of that?
it sometimes feels that way i suppose. but i recognize that life being a "spider web" means it can also be harder to walk with God everyday because things can throw you off so much easier.
how much can we learn about ourselves before we start looking for things that aren't there?
to summarize, photoshop is fun. i saw billy use this effect on some photos he took, and i was like....i wanna learn how to do that, hahaha
Mar 29, 2005
caught halo
one of the downsides of being a musical fiend are that you spend a lot of energy trying to find specific artists. case in point, i've been looking for the entire jen wood discography in a high quality for at least the last 4 years.
and now.....now i finally have them all in glorious 192 quality. every last album and ep.
thank you...thank you. i couldn't have done it without bittorrent.
and now.....now i finally have them all in glorious 192 quality. every last album and ep.
thank you...thank you. i couldn't have done it without bittorrent.
Mar 28, 2005
my mathematical mind
i figured since my move to blogspot seems pretty set, i'd spruce the place up a bit.
anyways, 3 weeks until freedom. 2 days until an assignment is due. 2 weeks until exams. i hope my time here is more than a mere countdown.
i can't believe how messed up this page looks on IE. stop using IE people. if you haven't jumped on the firefox bandwagon, hurry up.
grad night this friday at acf.....what to say....what to say....
i read an article in ad-busters that said the great irony of the modern cultural rift is that christianity is at the heart of the seperation between european and american culture.
because americans are predominantly a christian culture, europeans are alienated because modern europe is done with religion. centuries of the catholic church and two wars later, europe has -- amazingly -- become the first major culture of social conciousness.
the twist being naturally, that in the course of doing so, european culture may actually be more "christian" than american.
an interesting observation, though not full of questions.
however, maybe this explains why canada is so confused. in the schism of american conservatism and european socialism, perhaps we're trying to find a happy compromise.
that's an encouraging thought.
anyways, 3 weeks until freedom. 2 days until an assignment is due. 2 weeks until exams. i hope my time here is more than a mere countdown.
i can't believe how messed up this page looks on IE. stop using IE people. if you haven't jumped on the firefox bandwagon, hurry up.
grad night this friday at acf.....what to say....what to say....
i read an article in ad-busters that said the great irony of the modern cultural rift is that christianity is at the heart of the seperation between european and american culture.
because americans are predominantly a christian culture, europeans are alienated because modern europe is done with religion. centuries of the catholic church and two wars later, europe has -- amazingly -- become the first major culture of social conciousness.
the twist being naturally, that in the course of doing so, european culture may actually be more "christian" than american.
an interesting observation, though not full of questions.
however, maybe this explains why canada is so confused. in the schism of american conservatism and european socialism, perhaps we're trying to find a happy compromise.
that's an encouraging thought.
Mar 24, 2005
the news
bloc party on april 2.
ok go on april 5.
raising the fawn on april 7.
weezer on may 6.
decisions decisions.
why am i so poor?
right now weezer is pretty much a given, i'll be lining up saturday afternoon. bloc party tickets are cheap too, so i think i can actually afford that one.
who wants to join me?
ok go on april 5.
raising the fawn on april 7.
weezer on may 6.
decisions decisions.
why am i so poor?
right now weezer is pretty much a given, i'll be lining up saturday afternoon. bloc party tickets are cheap too, so i think i can actually afford that one.
who wants to join me?
Mar 22, 2005
hit the switch
i've gotten such good rest over the last two days. something like 24 hours of sleep in the last two nights or something along those lines. so nice....
here's a fun little tidbit: ever wish while roller blading that you could just go FASTER? well now you can. all you have to do is strap an engine and wheel to your ass. yes, someone finally invented it: the rollercycle
i was browsing around and i noticed that everyone is obsessed with pictures. i felt compelled to try and keep up, so i finally got around to uploading some photos. some of which are a few years old already. ah well, better late than never i guess.
it seems that the less i update, the more comments just start to accumulate. is it like a boredom thing? nothing else to do but create your own content? i like it. less work for me.
is it just me, or as each generation graduates from university, they become less and less concerned with finding a job and more and more concerned with seeing the world?
here's a fun little tidbit: ever wish while roller blading that you could just go FASTER? well now you can. all you have to do is strap an engine and wheel to your ass. yes, someone finally invented it: the rollercycle
i was browsing around and i noticed that everyone is obsessed with pictures. i felt compelled to try and keep up, so i finally got around to uploading some photos. some of which are a few years old already. ah well, better late than never i guess.
it seems that the less i update, the more comments just start to accumulate. is it like a boredom thing? nothing else to do but create your own content? i like it. less work for me.
is it just me, or as each generation graduates from university, they become less and less concerned with finding a job and more and more concerned with seeing the world?
Mar 18, 2005
plans
waiting for tomorrow is a waste of today
so i read that quote from my bathroom reader while sitting on the john. i find that many realizations about life tend to come while in the washroom. truly, such a place of solace; a fortress of solitude.
not so much a realization i suppose, as much as a motivation.
it's starting to appear that i indeed will be going to asia right after school ends, and i officially begin the rest of my life.
between ivan, brian, and myself, i think we all have our own reasons for wanting to go on this trip. fun, reflection, excitment, experience, learning, shopping. the reasons are actually more than i can count. but i think personally, one bigh thing is i want to really see the world, and learn to experience god not just in the comfort of north america, but through his presence world wide. to drink in all his creation, and get an idea of how he is moving and working, particularly in poorer nations.
there's so much i want to learn. so much. to grow, to change, to be formed.
it's exciting, challenging, encouraging and daunting all at once.
so i read that quote from my bathroom reader while sitting on the john. i find that many realizations about life tend to come while in the washroom. truly, such a place of solace; a fortress of solitude.
not so much a realization i suppose, as much as a motivation.
it's starting to appear that i indeed will be going to asia right after school ends, and i officially begin the rest of my life.
between ivan, brian, and myself, i think we all have our own reasons for wanting to go on this trip. fun, reflection, excitment, experience, learning, shopping. the reasons are actually more than i can count. but i think personally, one bigh thing is i want to really see the world, and learn to experience god not just in the comfort of north america, but through his presence world wide. to drink in all his creation, and get an idea of how he is moving and working, particularly in poorer nations.
there's so much i want to learn. so much. to grow, to change, to be formed.
it's exciting, challenging, encouraging and daunting all at once.
Mar 16, 2005
show me everything you've got
paranoia runs rampant as i attempt to normalize my school habits. thankfully good news was in the cards today, and a big burden has been lifted off my shoulders. thank you God.
despite the fact that i do in fact have a short assignment due tomorrow morning (basketball at 8:30 anyone?), i'm feeling quite good about things right now.
life.....is better than i deserve, despite my attempts to screw it up.
here's something fun to tide you all over until i have more entertaining things to write about.
make your own superhero!
despite the fact that i do in fact have a short assignment due tomorrow morning (basketball at 8:30 anyone?), i'm feeling quite good about things right now.
life.....is better than i deserve, despite my attempts to screw it up.
here's something fun to tide you all over until i have more entertaining things to write about.
make your own superhero!
Mar 12, 2005
retreat! retreat!
i'm so sorry this slipped my mind, but a happy belated birthday to wendy! i'm really sorry i couldn't make your party, and particularly so because i basically had the date changed to accomodate me. errrr....oops.
either way, hope it was a blast and may you have many blessed years of auditing to come.
that sounded better in my head.
home for a few days! may the battle against procrastination commence.
either way, hope it was a blast and may you have many blessed years of auditing to come.
that sounded better in my head.
home for a few days! may the battle against procrastination commence.
Mar 11, 2005
i trawl the megahertz
i woke up at 4pm this afternoon, and almost assuredly only because connie called to see why she hadn't heard from me all day. whats wrong with me? haven't been able to sleep well altely. or early for that matter. not cool. anyways, quick update on whats been going on 'round these parts i guess
went to the stars/apostle of hustle show yesterday night, good times was had by all. it was alright, although apostle of hustle in my opinion stole the show big time even though they were the opener. stars just sound kind of anemic live i've found from both times i've seen them, although this show it was particularly evident that without a full stage of backing musicians they lose a lot of their punch. the viscerality of their songs are really defined by the textures and subtle layers that they create. stripping that away makes their live show seem kind of like....a cover band trying to play stars songs. it's odd. but all and all, it was still a fun show. the moment of the night however.....
me and joel are laughing about a bowel movement he had that he seemed strangely proud of. upon looking down, he asks me "simon. is that what i think it is?"
i particularly like the look on his face in this photo. it's like he just found an endangered species or something as he proudly poses with it. it was just classic. moreover, i just noticed that the random stranger is also posing and pointing along with joel, even though he's barely in the picture. way to be buddy! way to get in with that condom!
are these london teens that desperate to get it on that they can't even make it to the washrooms for their exhibitionist kicks? were they just filming a porno before they let the crowd in? was it "free condom night" the night before?
along with cricket and pop-tart filling, i guess it'll remain a mystery.
in other news, who wants to expand their musical library for free, and without the hassle of those pesky p2p programs?
the SXSW festival this year has compiled an archive of samples of EVERY artist participating in the festival this year. that's right! full songs! they're encrypted at a very decent 160kbs and available for free download at their site here
it's free, it's legally sponsored, and it's a great way to hear some great new music. the files are torrent files, so if you don't know what bittorrent is, the sxsw site has a quick primer on that too.
one note of warning, the main file is a 2.6 gig file, so it will take a while to download. there's an update file with about 25 songs that's around 85 megs as well, so enjoy all you can folks!
went to the stars/apostle of hustle show yesterday night, good times was had by all. it was alright, although apostle of hustle in my opinion stole the show big time even though they were the opener. stars just sound kind of anemic live i've found from both times i've seen them, although this show it was particularly evident that without a full stage of backing musicians they lose a lot of their punch. the viscerality of their songs are really defined by the textures and subtle layers that they create. stripping that away makes their live show seem kind of like....a cover band trying to play stars songs. it's odd. but all and all, it was still a fun show. the moment of the night however.....
me and joel are laughing about a bowel movement he had that he seemed strangely proud of. upon looking down, he asks me "simon. is that what i think it is?"
i particularly like the look on his face in this photo. it's like he just found an endangered species or something as he proudly poses with it. it was just classic. moreover, i just noticed that the random stranger is also posing and pointing along with joel, even though he's barely in the picture. way to be buddy! way to get in with that condom!
are these london teens that desperate to get it on that they can't even make it to the washrooms for their exhibitionist kicks? were they just filming a porno before they let the crowd in? was it "free condom night" the night before?
along with cricket and pop-tart filling, i guess it'll remain a mystery.
in other news, who wants to expand their musical library for free, and without the hassle of those pesky p2p programs?
the SXSW festival this year has compiled an archive of samples of EVERY artist participating in the festival this year. that's right! full songs! they're encrypted at a very decent 160kbs and available for free download at their site here
it's free, it's legally sponsored, and it's a great way to hear some great new music. the files are torrent files, so if you don't know what bittorrent is, the sxsw site has a quick primer on that too.
one note of warning, the main file is a 2.6 gig file, so it will take a while to download. there's an update file with about 25 songs that's around 85 megs as well, so enjoy all you can folks!
Mar 8, 2005
when they really get to know you they will run
so here's the new game: every post title will be a song title. guess the artist and win a cookie! the last two posts are actually song titles too. three cookies! what more could you ask for? and no, the song and artist are in no relation to what the post is about, but they ARE usually the song i'm listening to at the time of posting.
i'm...basically done this essay. but i must sleep now, for i want to make it to 9am class for a change. the corner must be turned before i crash and burn....ed. look at me go. i'm a rap master.
as i was disrobing for the shower (there's a mental image) i decided to flex my arm just to take a gander at how far i've fallen since i was sort of in better shape than i am at this exact current moment. am i an egomanic? or is that pretty normal? i'm sure other people do it. stop lying to me. anyways, long story short, i think i hurt my bicep.
have you ever tried so hard to focus on a task that your mind just shuts down? i think i've pretty much hit that wall tonight.
i think it's crazy how old we're all getting. i was just thinking about my own time here at western, hearing news of old aquaintances getting engaged, seeing my brother married, realizing that even my own life is pretty far out at the moment -- it's all pretty wild when you put it into perspective and step back. i mean, we're far from being old, but i remember a time when i used to think that i was also far from being grown up, more mature, all that crap. there was a time not long ago when i clearly felt i was still just a kid, and i didn't want to grow up, and i felt like i wasn't ready for the real world.
but here we are. on the cusp of...life. sure, there may be more school. sure, there may be more of the same routine down the line. but i mean, our whole lives are ahead of us. we don't have any more road maps to direct us where to go. it's in our own hands now, and thats something i'm starting to realize is as exciting as it gets.
the possibilities are endless. and i refuse to be pigeonholed. i refuse to let myself limit my own future, limit my own potential, by assuming i know whats best for myself. because i realize that the older i get, the more i learn about how little i know. that as brazen and sure as i was in high school, i must now make up for it with humbleness towards reality and life, acknowledging how fleeting and fragile everything we have really is.
and i'm thankful for that. for everything. and thats all i guess i really wanted to say. i meant this to be a short post, but my mind numbing fatigue has caused quite the ramble.
today, i was peeling an orange, and i threw a piece of rind all the way across the room. i find i eat a lot of stuff i wouldn't normally eat when i'm procrastinating or taking "breaks" from work. which just tells me that i'm not meant to write essays about politics for a living. or else i'd become terribly obese, and probably rather unattractive, and i'd fall down some stairs and discover that i'd become so round, i was actually capable of rolling down the stairs like a giant soccer ball.
but then the tragic would happen, and i would crush the old lady at the bottom of the fire exit who collected bottlecaps from the mid 50's in her single bedroom apartment that often smelled like gingersnaps and earl grey tea.
and it would be seared into my mind, as my revolutions down the stairs brought my head around and around, with every orbit her imminent doom drawing nearer, and i, unable to stop myself due to the inertia of my giant hamster-ball shaped body. the horror.
what couldn't it have been me dammit? why??
she had so much life to live....
i'm...basically done this essay. but i must sleep now, for i want to make it to 9am class for a change. the corner must be turned before i crash and burn....ed. look at me go. i'm a rap master.
as i was disrobing for the shower (there's a mental image) i decided to flex my arm just to take a gander at how far i've fallen since i was sort of in better shape than i am at this exact current moment. am i an egomanic? or is that pretty normal? i'm sure other people do it. stop lying to me. anyways, long story short, i think i hurt my bicep.
have you ever tried so hard to focus on a task that your mind just shuts down? i think i've pretty much hit that wall tonight.
i think it's crazy how old we're all getting. i was just thinking about my own time here at western, hearing news of old aquaintances getting engaged, seeing my brother married, realizing that even my own life is pretty far out at the moment -- it's all pretty wild when you put it into perspective and step back. i mean, we're far from being old, but i remember a time when i used to think that i was also far from being grown up, more mature, all that crap. there was a time not long ago when i clearly felt i was still just a kid, and i didn't want to grow up, and i felt like i wasn't ready for the real world.
but here we are. on the cusp of...life. sure, there may be more school. sure, there may be more of the same routine down the line. but i mean, our whole lives are ahead of us. we don't have any more road maps to direct us where to go. it's in our own hands now, and thats something i'm starting to realize is as exciting as it gets.
the possibilities are endless. and i refuse to be pigeonholed. i refuse to let myself limit my own future, limit my own potential, by assuming i know whats best for myself. because i realize that the older i get, the more i learn about how little i know. that as brazen and sure as i was in high school, i must now make up for it with humbleness towards reality and life, acknowledging how fleeting and fragile everything we have really is.
and i'm thankful for that. for everything. and thats all i guess i really wanted to say. i meant this to be a short post, but my mind numbing fatigue has caused quite the ramble.
today, i was peeling an orange, and i threw a piece of rind all the way across the room. i find i eat a lot of stuff i wouldn't normally eat when i'm procrastinating or taking "breaks" from work. which just tells me that i'm not meant to write essays about politics for a living. or else i'd become terribly obese, and probably rather unattractive, and i'd fall down some stairs and discover that i'd become so round, i was actually capable of rolling down the stairs like a giant soccer ball.
but then the tragic would happen, and i would crush the old lady at the bottom of the fire exit who collected bottlecaps from the mid 50's in her single bedroom apartment that often smelled like gingersnaps and earl grey tea.
and it would be seared into my mind, as my revolutions down the stairs brought my head around and around, with every orbit her imminent doom drawing nearer, and i, unable to stop myself due to the inertia of my giant hamster-ball shaped body. the horror.
what couldn't it have been me dammit? why??
she had so much life to live....
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