self-imposed censorship

the tragic consequences of an overly exposed web journal -- everyone reads it. is "everyone" really the audience we want? even if it limits our outlet for creative and emotional catharsis?

christmas time is upon us once again, and i must say i don't feel particularly festive at the moment. i just feel....tired. i have things i have to do, errands to run, people to see. but all i want to do is sleep. and that's saying a lot considering i slept 9 hours already last night.

yet, there's nothing more depressing then having nothing going on.

i can honestly say that's my biggest fear in life -- to have nothing of significance in my life, to not have anything to live for, no reason to wake up in the morning (afternoon).

ok, time to run some errands. the days are too short, the nights are too long. that's what happens when you wake up at 2 in the afteroon.

the new......yau

i have no idea what kind of dog s/he is. but my brother says the name is bailey. soooo, i assume it's a boy. i want to play with him, but i'm too lazy to visit them. oh the dillema.

i wonder if they named him or got him with a name already, apparently they drove all the way down to the states to pick him up. he looks like this little porcelain dog my mom used to have in the basement of our house.

the "evil" dog from the old didomi kung-fu movie we made, hahahaha

moon river, wider than a mile

describing lebron james' performance so far this season:

"'It's like he is playing ahead of everyone else,' says Cavaliers point guard Jeff McInnis. 'He sees everything and knows what to do. It's like, you play PlayStation against him on the plane, and he is the same way. He knows what is coming, and he beats you.'"

that's HILLARIOUS, hahahaha

anyways, i'm free, and i'm going to play some ball to start the day.

mmmmm....christmas....

t-minus: 1 day....

i don't actually know what i'll do when i get home.

but boy am i going to enjoy it.

2 down, 1 to go

in one week i'll be back in toronto.

one.....more......week.....

in other news, i wonder if thinking of and giving gift ideas is a skill?

are there GOOD gift givers and BAD gift givers?

i wonder what people consider me.

don't answer that.

1 down, 2 to go

whoever invented the term paper should be shot.

internal dialogues: part duex

welcome to another episode of identity crisis simon. full of memorable moments like:

- the time he forgot he taped his glasses up
- the time his parents dressed him up as a girl
- the time he said he'd be a good student

in today's installment, the plot thicken as simon weighs the pros and cons of taking a nap in the midst of his heavy end of term work load.

i want to take a nap...but i shouldn't, because i know when i wake up it's going to be friday morning.

i guess i could set my alarm...

ah, who am i kidding, that never works. stay awake and work it is. but boy, i sure don't wanna work. i'm not even all that sure what it is i'm suppose to do, except i know it's already late. hmmmm....maybe it's time to drop out and start that band i've always wanted to start.....

maybe i'll eat something. or maybe i'll play some games. maybe i'll watch a bit of tv.....i did four pages of reading, i deserve a break.

i wonder how my basketball pool's doing....hm....

i wonder if other people spend as much time online as me. people need to update their blogs more often. i'm getting bored of reading the same thing hour after hour waiting for comments so i can show how clever and witty i am with my little quirky jabs.

i wonder why no one has commented on my new picture.

i wonder how often people actually visit my site. wouldn't it be strange if someone read my site as often as i read everyone elses?

man, i should get back to work. but there's so many gift ideas to share my input about. but i'm too lazy to post in all the forums. man. this gift thing is hard. we should all give each other a nice slap on the behind and be done with it.

why aren't i working? if i work for the next 4 hours, i'll be able to space it out pretty well after my dinner break and hopefully get this thing done by tomorrow afternoon. hm...or i might fall asleep. i bet i'm gonna fall asleep.

crap, i better not fall asleep.

man, i'm sleepy.

i should blog, i haven't blogged in a while.

la da di, la da da, la da di di da da da

there are some things where you see it, and you think

"this....is what the internet was invented for"

come clean

blissfully ignorant

so to continue dustin's blog chain....

(A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.

(C) Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything.

go banana!

ESPN.com - NBA - Fists, objects fly near end of Pacers-Pistons

clearly, the hi-lite of the still young 04/05 NBA season. simply...AWESOME.

as for the ramifications. well.....i have none of these players in my pool, but -- suspensions = big minutes for jamal tinsley! woohoo!

eau de source

Project Foil

this. is. hillarious.

dolphins and peas both travel in pods

Nurture your mind with great thoughts; to believe in the heroic makes heroes.
Benjamin Disraeli

sometimes i wonder if we don't sell ourselves short with pre-concieved notions of who we are to be -- ignoring all the way, who we really are, and who we could be if we let ourselves.

achoo.

so...i'm sniffling and coughing and sneezing and stuffed up.

but hey -- today's a good day. why? because....i got the penny out of my steering wheel!

stupid things to do: play with coins near the gaps in your steering wheel.

consequences: penny falls between airbag and steering column

result: embaressing jingly noise every time the wheel is turned, as well as as unfortunate side effect of coin-initiated horn activation.

everywhere i drive my horn spontaneously goes off. for no reason. and i can't turn it off.

but yes. this afternoon i managed to pull the blasted penny out of my steering wheel with a little help from a pen, and some resourcefulness from my inner macguyver.

score: simon 1, sherman's passat 0

weeeeeekend

i've decided to just suggest an album for people to look into. why? because i think we all need to expand our musical horizons.

so if you want me to suggest something i think you might like, just post a comment and i'll reply with my personalized suggestions for you.

also, i swear my cd is done. i just need to burn them. it's constantly evolving as well.....so if i give people a cd two weeks apart, they'll probably be a bit different.

here's a sample of what's been on my playlist the past few days:
(not that anyone cares)

[artist] - [album]

\ And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead - Worlds Apart
\ Brian Wilson - Smile
\ Radio Dept - Lesser Matters
\ Ella Fitzgerald - First Lady Of Song
\ Ghost - Hypnotic Underworld
\ Owen - I Do Perceive
\ The Go! Team - Thunder Lightning Strike
\ The Appleseed Cast - Two Conversations

so who wants to play "suggest me a cd"? it's tons of fun!

do you agree with....CCfC?

well, i have two midterms to study for, so it seems appropriate that i take the time now to throw my hat in the ring regarding this whole "do you agree..." campaign that campus crusades for Christ is running at various schools in ontario (and possibly beyond?).

be forewarned. this is going to be a long one.

exhibits A, B, and C.

Mac
Guelph
Waterloo

the sites are (as you can clearly see) standardized in format. furthermore, they all use preproduced templates for their informational and educational sections concerning christianity. it's obviously an organized and concerted campaign by CCfC.

so, how are these campaigns doing? well, pretty much as you would expect.

stirring up debate? check.
invoking controversy? check.
promoting Christianity in a positive light? eeeeennnnh.

some would say yes. some would say no.

there is obvious resistance to the invasive guerilla tactics used in this campaign. poster blitzes, chalk writing, t-shirts. the whole nine yards. the forums of each site are awash with discussion both intellectual and respectful, as well as immature and ignorant.

first off, i'll be the first to say that i think if CCfC tried this here at Western...they would fail. miserably. UWO seems to me undoubtedly one of -- if not the -- most liberal leaning major university in all ontario. the amount of backlash a campaign like this would recieve is simply not worth the trouble. not because opposition should be acquiesced to, but simply because the problem with a lot of liberals are that they're empty headed lemmings.

disagree with my ideas? nazi!
you voted for bush? nazi!
you hate michael moore? nazi!
you're jewish and support Israel's actions? na.....oh wait....

a lot of people would protest such a campaign here (and are doing so on other campuses) simply because they don't want to take the time to understand. to them, religion is archaic and -- particularly Christianity -- is exactly the kind of institutionalized structure that is repressing social equality because of its intrinsic exclusivity. these thinkers are the kind who wish to abolish all organized religion and therefore would rally against a christian advertising campaign so quickly they'd sprain their arms raising their middle fingers.

i have a name for people who think like this. facists.

not to say narrow minded, frankfurt school loving socialists aren't "worthy" of being christian. far from it. we're all equal, despite my derogatory insulting language. hell, i'm in media studies, i'm practically a communist. but the fact is, the UWO body has a definite attitude, and a campaign like this would just be totally non-effective here i think.

but moving on....

i have to say that -- as much as i respect and admire the courage and enthusiastic zeal to share your faith unabashedly -- there is in my mind, no question that CCfC needs to rephrase the question.

"do you agree with [us]"
(for all intents and purposes)

is simply too divisive a phrase. in fact, it doesn't even sound like a question. it sounds like a threat.

now, i'm not at any of these campuses to witness first hand the level of promotion going on, but i have to say i disagree with this....campaigning idea, on a variety of levels.

the fact is, jesus never campaigned. he never wore a robe that said "do you think i'm God?"

and this is exactly what these campaigns are doing. if they had asked "is jesus god?", it would be entirely different from "do YOU think jesus is god"?.

the onus of responsiblity changes this from a discourse into a challenge. i understand the desire from a christian standpoint to challenge people to explore their faith and ideas of faith.

the big sticking point, is the assumption of knowledge and truth. the problem with these campaigns is the inevitable argument (merited often, unmerited just as often) that Christians come off as elitest, high-and-mighty, and smug.

it is EXACTLY this kind of language and thinking that gives general Christians this cultural persona.

"do you agree with me?"

personally, i find this an annoying question because the person asking it already thinks that they're right. they're not asking to discuss a truth through a mutual process of discovery. they're asking whether or not you want to argue with them over who's right. it simply doesn't invite dialogue.

i believe this is the biggest problem with many evangelical Christians. they hate it when people don't understand why they believe. the typical answer is "because the bible says so" or "because God made it so".

Christians can't pretend to have all the answers. they can't assume that they're right, even if they believe it, because the fact is, it can't be proven. nothing can.

this is where we have to start as Christians. not from assuming we have it all taken care of and we just have to convince people why we're right. we have to admit that hey -- it's confusing, and difficult. but what i can offer is simply that i believe for a reason

it's my personal experience that leads me to believe in god. not because the bible is true, not because jesus died for my sins. if a christian ever tells you they believe in god without proof, they're lying. there is proof. it's in each of our own lives. it's personal proof. others can interpret it as they choose, and i'm not going to assume that my personal proof applies to everybody.

i don't question for one second the intentions of CCfC, nor the brave christians who've decided to step out in faith and -- i'm sure in their hearts -- obey what they feel God has led them to do.

i do question however, some of the manner in which they have gone about it.

advertising is to sell things to people.
telling is to inform people.
sharing is to care about people.

in journalism, there's a classic and fundamental philosophy to all effective writing: "show, don't tell"

no one wants to be sold or told about God. but people all around us are crying out to be shown God.

we have to know the difference.

the dog turned out to have rabies

another monday rears its ugly head. honestly -- all this school stuff just gets in the way of an otherwise great time out here.

got a pretty busy week ahead. but i'm most excited about the fact that this morning, i decided this is the week i start regulating my health a bit. i've decided to sleep earlier, do more work, work out more, and eat healthier.

i went to play ball this morning, and after an hour of 1 on 1, i felt like i was gonna heave. i was just so out of shape i couldn't even run two steps without feeling winded.

not excercising much for 2 weeks will tend to do that to me. particularly when i wasn't in great shape to begin with.

so i've been trying (well, while i was showering at least) to plan my eating habits, but i'm not sure exactly what i should buy when i go grocery shopping this week. i'm aiming to live mainly off pasta/pasta salads and stuff, with the occasionally chinese rice and stirfry meal thrown in here or there.

side dishes i'm thinking mostly salads, and about 100x's more fruit than my current intake of.....none.

lunches are going to be mostly sandwhiches and pasta salad i think. i'm getting tired of this whole "hot food" business. all that fried rice my mom brought me as a kid has come full circle, hahaha

i wish i had like, a personal trainer. or a nutritionist or something, just someone to plan my meals so that my working out doesn't just go to waste and i actually start to get into better shape.

no more fast food! i'm drawing the line at subs occasionally, and thats it.

who is this guy? you're wondering.

don't ask. i don't know either.

clarification of section 4, bylaw zoning standard 38

had problems sleeping. now i'm awake, and it's 8:40am. goodness. i haven't been awake at 8:40 am in a long time. there's something eerie about the silence of a saturday morning. it's bright out, but i don't hear the cars or buses whizzing by.

strange.

there's so much hidden underneath the sheen of the day. not to get all american-beauty on you, but it's true what they say. stop and smell the roses.

i spent some time last night thinking about my friendships. analyzing what they mean to me, and what i mean to them. i think it's hard when you realize your friendships are starting to change. i've always been the type to consider someone a close friends, despite lack of communication or distance.

to me, intimacy in a friendship never goes away -- only people do. intimacy can always be captured again on contact, and the level of understanding, respect and bonding, never dissaptes. catching up is a formality to instant comfort. to me, you should always be able to think of a good friend and know that the more things change, the more things stay the same.

it's hard i think. what i've been realizing lately, is that you can have a lot of close friends. you can meet someone and in the course of a week -- if you mesh, and you spend enough time together -- you can be great friends. conversely, you can spend your whole life with somebody, and learn to be great friends.

but as close as somebody is to you, there's always going to be a litmus test that determines your relationship: do you get each other?

i'm learning everyday how important that question is. do they really get you?

i have lots of friends. lots of great, amazing, wonderful friends. i've been blessed beyond measure, as i've grown up with, and met honestly more people than i could ever ask for to help carry me through life.

but even of my closest friends, i'm realizing that only a few really "get" me. who share and understand who i am. who know why i say what i say, and do what i do, without me having to explain everything.

i've had conversations with friends where they were close, and well intentioned...but they just simply couldn't understand where i was coming from.

maybe i'm just neurotic. or melodramatic.

but there's nothing more comforting...more rewarding...more assuring and amazing, then knowing when someone just....really gets you. and not in the superficial faking-it way. i mean, there are times you can just tell.

and this isn't to say you shouldn't care about friends who you don't think get you as easily, or conventionally as others. what i'm saying is really cherish the ones who do. because they're truly a blessing.

so. you all know who you are.

thanks.

Hyphen Magazine: Asian America Unabridged

although from the website, i'm initially not very impressed by this magazine, you gotta give them love for trying. there's more to being asian than fast cars, hoochies, and fried rice. i think our generation of asians living in western society continue to search for identity, and along the way are creating something unique.

with that said, i found this concert review actually pretty darn well written. it's witty, honesty, and right to the point. what can i say? it's funny.

so out of further morbid curiosity, i downloaded jin's album. it's.....not bad. it's not great, but it grows on you. there's potential. it's not terribly mainstream, but man. it's funny.

the first single (learn chinese) almost reminds of that chinese bad-boy stuff that was floating around a few years back. he actually does his shoutouts in chinese. it's hillarious.

wan-yuen la!

words are so unecessary.

so the pope, madonna, and a bear walk into a bar...

gay marriage

do i think it's cool to be a gay christian? sure. why not. it happens. you're gay, you're born that way, but you understand the biblical principles of living a christian life and how they relate to your situation. all well and dandy.

can you be gay and a minister? yes! certainly! there's no difference between being gay and beings straight in terms of how you walk with god, just as long as you're aware of your situation.

can you be gay, and a minister, and a christian, who is actively and openly involved in a gay relationship? there's a grey area if i've ever seen one.

at first, i'm inclined to say "only if you never have sex". why? because if the relationship is based purely on love and doesn't include sex, how is that different from straight love? it's not like a gay dude can control who he loves -- and who's to say just because he's born gay he's not allowed to fall in love?

however...upon closer inspection, one realizes the complete and utter irrationality in both the biblical and logical sense of being in an openly gay relationship as a christian.

the fact is -- and feel free to disagree -- marriage in the bible is a man and a woman becoming one body. that involves sex. sex isn't a dirty thing, it's the ultimate expression of love between two individuals -- god's gift to us.

so i have to wonder...why be in a relationship? it's never going to end up in marriage. you can't marry. you can love as a homosexual, but you simply. cannot. marry.

so....what's the point of having a relationship? why not just be friends and let that be the end of it. what is the point of romance when there is absolutely nowhere for it to go? to me it seems like a case of simply refusing to concede to God. trying to have ti both ways, and denying what's blatently in front of you.

obviously these ministers would disagree with me because they're ordaining gay marriages. and you know what? that's just messed up. the bible clearly defines what marriage is, and what the requirements are concerning homosexuality.

i'm all for not imposing christian morality on secular politics. but, i'm alllllll for keep accountable other christians. it's times like these i wish i actually had some gay christian friends to weigh in and shoot the sh!t about stuff like this.

damn my sheltered-surburban-chinese-christian-upper-middle-class upbringing....

fall classic

you would have to be heartless (or a yanks fan) to not be rooting for the red sox, as they simply refuse to go quietly into the night.

way to make it a series. there's nothing quite like playoff baseball. for all the ridiculous looks i get from people when i say i enjoy sitting down and watching a full game of baseball, i dare you to say the NLCS and ALCS haven't been edge-of-your-seat-drama every single game, full of heroes, heart, and great sportsmanship.

yay baseball.

on a sidenote, intramural softball record sits at 3-0. we might finish the regular season in first! that's........a first, haha

no left turns. no parking between 6am-9am.

i think the funniest thing in the world is when people argue about who's a "noob" during a game of warcraft.

"i'm not helping you noob, you stole my kill"
"you're a noob, you suxor you whiny bitch"
"shutup fag"
"oh look, you died. go cry about it noob, LOLOLOLOL"

etc....etc....

i sit there....and i think: don't these people have lives? aren't they playing this game to have fun? is this fun for them? they must be sad people.... i mean, it's one thing if they were actually insulting each other's like, ability to play warcraft or something. at least that's RELEVANT. what does being a fag have anything to do with being a noob? and most of all, what does either have to do with stealing a kill or getting killed?

i think it's pretty sad that although it would be hard enough for a black lesbian woman to find acceptance in normal society, it would be nay IMPOSSIBLE for her to play any sort of online game.

"DIE FAG!"
"i'm a lesbian"
"oh..."

or:

"DIE BITCH"
"i'm a girl...."
"oh...."

and finally:

"DIE NOOB"
"....i just did....."
"i know...but i'm just rubbing it in you fag bitch"
"i......forget it...."

in other less pathetic-display-of-society news, you know what show i've been watching a lot lately? totally spies

it's funny. it's simple, and the characters are valley girls who kick the butt of a new evil character every day.

what more could you ask for? it's charlies angels for the 21st century!

educational beatings

DenverPost.com - LOCAL NEWS

so reading this news article, i'm reminded of why kids today are sliding down the discipline scale, and why suburban american society feels like as a country they are privillaged over the rest of the world.

because they're spoiled brats, reaping the benefits of bad childhoods due to political correctness.

i mean c'mon. the teacher grabbed the kid by the neck and shoulder and sat him down harsly in a chair. you call that child abuse? the fact is, some kids need to be treated with sternly. if i were the parents i'd be beating the kid myself if my teacher had to resort to those kinds of tactics. unless the teacher was a consistant repeat offender with cases like this (it doesn't say he is) i suspect the kid was just being a brat.

now, i'm no teacher -- but sometimes i think it's alright to slap a kid around. it's the only thing they'll understand. what's wrong with it? will a hard slap on the hand ruin a child for life? it doesn't even bruise, it just stings.

what a load of crock. schools today are ridiculous.

where did september go?

wow. they say time flies when you're having fun, but apparently time flies when you're slacking off in school too.

not to say it hasn't been a fun month. sure, there have been times of questionable productivity, but i'm working on it.

so, i'm seriously debating going trick or treating this year. who's with me? i think that the next cutest thing to a bunch of little children in costume is a bunch of grown university students in even better and more elaborate costums. i think i'd like to go as a terrorist this year. i think that would be funny enough yet vaguely political enough and still offensive enough to score me some fine lewt.

it's free candy, who are people to judge us as too old to get in on it?

give me skittles, or give me death!

strangely addictive

popoint

this game is amusing. personal best: 4.272 seconds.

ebay bastards

i lost a bid with 5 seconds left. FIVE SECONDS.

i placed my bid with 7 seconds left and i lost.

that is....supremely frustrating.

check label for details!

sometimes i forget why i'm even here. i think it takes a lot for me to concede things to god, and just worship. not live waiting for my next path to be laid out in front of me, but just wake up everyday with praise and have that be enough for me to get through the day -- without having to do something for god.

i like to think i'm not an anxious type of guy, but i suppose in the little ways i still have problems letting go of things. don't we all.....don't we all....

i managed to pick up two used cd's from those random guys at UCC today. couple of old get up kids albums that generally are tough to find. i was considering getting the new guided by voices and some classic gorkys zygotic mynci (probably a better deal since that stuff is both rarer and more expensive), but i went with TGUK's simply to indulge during my driving. what can i say? i've wanted those cd's for a long long time. it's pretty amazing what some people will throw away. there was some pavement there, some pixies, really a lot of classic stuff that people just apparently decided to sell.

i don't think i could ever do that.....the only cd's i'd ever part with are the crap ones i bought when i was a kid. i know you all have at least one cd you're not proud to own.

i just happen to have more than one.....haha

highlights of my musical tastes circa the late 80's/early 90's include:

- debbie gibson
- the original batman soundtrack (featuring prince's "batdance")
- the original ghostbusters soundtrack
- rick astley
- bobby brown

and -- yes -- new kids on the block.

i shall now hide my face in shame......

where there's a will...

WILLIAM SHATNER - HAS BEEN

i don't know whether to laugh or cry. the sad part is, it's not bad. but it's so stupid.

join me or be crushed.

Wed, 10/13/04 - Interpol
Sat, 10/23/04 - And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead
Thu, 11/25-24/04 - Pixies
Fri, 11/05/04 - Clinic

and to your left.....

- the future of video games?

- on an unrelated note, i wish i had this one-off toilet made by trick anything.
it has a security system. mmm......private pooping.....

shave and a haircut

3:16am - my sleeping patterns continue to resemble those of a nocturnal animal, falling somewhere between a racoon and a sloth.

so the western world is all a flutter today about the first of three debates between bush and kerry. personally, i think this is a shame, because the real news of the day is that ichiro is one hit away from setting the most american of records on the most american of fields: the most hits in a professional baseball season.

let's see, what am i pondering at this ridiculous hour:

first off, i'd hate to be one of those musicians where everybody thinks your debut album is an instant classic, then have all my subsequent albums measured up to (and falling short) of my initial genious work. that must like....suck.

it's like ladder theory -- where a man lands a chick unfathomably out of his league with a huge ladder disparity. it's all downhill from there.

secondly, do you ever just want to throw all of socities laws and conventions out the window? i do. here's a list of things i'd love to do but would probably get in trouble for doing.

- randomly destroying goods in a retail establishment. ideally, a place that sells lots of glass and crystal ware.
- driving on the shoulder of the highway
- breakdance in brooklyn
- sleep nonstop for a week
- become a boxcar child, riding the rails across canada

and in other news, apparently south korea is thinking of moving their capital out of seoul.

can they do that? it'd be like us moving capitals from ottawa to thunderbay. sure, it'll be more central, but am i really going to care anymore about thunderbay? no....no i am not.

internal dialogues: part une

1) by now, you're surely wondering "why has he posted 3 times already today?". followed closely by "why is he awake before noon?", whereby your keen observation will lead you to then wonder "why was he not asleep at 3:05am?"

ah grasshopper, but they are all related. i decided last night that the only way i would make it to my 9am class would be to not sleep at all (call me pragmatic). i can't say my theory was 100% correct, but at the very least i did attend class this morning, so mission accomplished.

2) the scene: walking home from school tired, and more than a little bit spacey from my lack of sleep, empty stomache, and giant cups of coffee.

man. that guy walks funny. look at the way his head doesn't move but his arms swing unnaturally. he looks like a robot.

hm....i wonder what i look like when i walk. do people think *i* walk funny?? oh gosh...

hey! look at that guy! he looks cool when he walks. he kind of has a relaxed swagger. and he kind of bobs and has good shoulder dipping movement when he walks. yea -- thats the key. the rhythm of movement. so all i gotta do is kinda sway like so...and relax a little bit.....

oh man, i wonder if i look like i'm trying too hard to saunter. i'm really going for more of an ambling vibe. crap, do i look like a retarded bobble-head walking down the road?

unnnnhhhhhhhhhh oh man i'm so self-concious......are my hips moving too much? how's my shoulder movement? i'm swinging my arms weird, i know i am. they feel like they're swinging wrong i swear! whats wrong! WHATS WRONG WITH MY ARMS?!?!!

dammit, stop thinking so hard about the way you walk! just walk! you're walking for goodness sake, who needs to think so much? aw CRAP people probably think you're trying too hard to walk cool. you probably look like a total loser. stop it. stop thinking. stopitstopitstopit...stooop iiiiiiiittttttttt

oh look! there's my house! i'm almost home!....walk faster....wait wait, not too fast, you don't wanna look like you're in a rush, that's not cool.....yeaaa...home sweet home....


oh c'mon. who isn't thinking this when they walk down the street.....

plenty of vitamin z

i don't think a living human being can say the word "boobies" and maintain a straight face.

someone -- please, anyone -- prove me wrong. i know *i* can't do it.

teeheeheeheehee......boobies.

all of the above

how often do we wake up and think hey -- today is going to be a day that shapes the rest of my life.

i dunno, i guess when you're at school you so often see every day as the same, and every week as a reset of the week that happened just prior.

but i'm learning that everyday IS a day that can change the rest of your life. if you let it.

through the looking glass

we really know nothing. nothing at all.

even my faith which i hold fast to and keeps me grounded -- i do not claim to know it as truth. i believe it is true. there is such a poignant difference between the two.

and it's no coincidence. i could never fully believe in what i do if i were seeking to know it -- to know anything. all i have is faith. that's all any of us really have i think.

tadaa

enjoy.

i still can't sleep, so i made some minor aesthetic changes.

we'll see how long this webcam thing sticks -- it stops when i forget it's on and start changing...it's not one of those webcams feeds....

transitional phrases -- to connect one idea to another

so much has been going on in my life lately, with me and with those around me.

part of me is too lazy to update, part of me is too overwhelmed with what i'd have to write to fully bring things up to speed.

so what i will say for now is this:

1) i think it's time for a change of flavour. look for a new page i'll throw up sometimes soon.

2) i can't remember my own imagestation account password

3) no hockey and no girlfriend make simon bored

over and out.

rent is due at the first of each month

"I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgement's on the brink
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
Albums back as your lying there drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zippedstraight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold"

.......

"Oh, you're almost home.
I've been waiting for you to come in.
Dancing around in your old suits going crazy in your room again.
I think I'll go out an embarrass myself by getting drunk and falling down in the street.
You say I choose sadness
that it never once has chosen me.
Maybe you're right..."

.......

"It's early morning
No-one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off
I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes 'til they crash
I imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks
And when it lands
Will my eyes be closed or open?"

......

"thirteen years old in the suburbs of denver
Standing in line for Thanksgiving dinner at the catholic chuch. the servers wore crosses
To shield from the sufferance plauging the others. styrofoam plates, cafateria tables charity reeks of cheap wine and pity
And i'm thinking of you. i do every year
When we count all our blessings
And wonder what we're doing here."

......

"This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable,
yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time."

......

" I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away"

......

" Now and then it seems worse than it is,
but mostly the view is accurate. You see your breath in
the air while you climb up the stairs to that
coffin you call your apartment. And you sink in your
chair, brush the snow from your hair and drink
the cold away. You are not really sure what you
are doing this for but you need something to fill
up the days. A few more hours."

......

canada's leading cuba in olympic baseball into the 6th....

on any note, i was wondering about the subjectivity of maturity.

yea, it's a slow day at work.

regardless, i wonder sometimes: what exactly is mature? what does it mean to be mature? act mature? look mature?

i mean this pertaining to people of course, not say -- a stock or a bond.

the definition would be...

1. 1. Having reached full natural growth or development: a mature cell.
   2. Having reached a desired or final condition; ripe: a mature cheese.
2. Of, relating to, or characteristic of full development, either mental or physical: mature for her age.
3. 1. Suitable or intended for adults: mature subject matter.
   2. Composed of adults: a mature audience.

so, basically...is it saying maturity in a person is when they become fully adult? what does that even mean?

sometimes, i think it's obvious when someone acts mature, or conversely, acts very immature. but sometimes, i think we don't even notice our own nuances. calling someone immature can be such a contrived and hypcritical judgment, yet at the same time it can simply be an observation that's clear as day.

i guess we're sorta treading back into that whole judging thing, but this is more just along the lines of what the heck it means to be mature?

do you consider yourself mature? if not, who do you consider mature? if you do consider yourself mature, by what basis are you drawing your opinion and conclusion?

personally, i think i'm starting to veer on the more grown up side of the line. when i was young, i had no idea what i should be doing, why, and how.

right now, i'm at the point where i know what i should be doing, but often i fail to live up to the standards i set or that have been set for me.

i think true maturity for me -- and others as well, in my opinion -- is when you know what you should/have to do, and you just do it.

that's my definition of maturity. regardless of it involving making a sacrifice, sucking up your pride, hurting your selfish desires -- if you know deep down it's what you should do, or whats best for you or those you care for -- then you do it. no whining, no questions, no procrastination.

i'm not there yet. but i'm truckin'

now back to watching the olympics.

sometimes, work can be no different from home, haha

like sands through an hour glass.....

first things first:

1) episodes of call for help are being made available as they air via bittorrent.
2) search www.suprnova.org for "cfh" and you should find the first few epsiodes that have aired
3) watch and be amused.

moving on to the actual post....

you know, there was actually a period of time (about 5 summers ago) where i actually watched "days" pretty much every day. why? because on the show, some girl was possessed by the devil or something and i started watching out of of morbid curiosity.

then....for some reason, i couldn't stop.

well, i could, but whenever i had nothing better to do, i would settle down in front of the tv in the afternoons......

anyways, i guess sometimes i wonder if despite all the wailing about how life imitates art and the cultural connotations of this within our post-modern society, part of me still likes to think that soap operas are nothing more than a microcosm of the human psyche.

maybe not even the psyche, maybe just part of it -- the id maybe? or the superego? i don't remember this crap.

so often life seems like nothing but a charade. we have our drama, we have our characters in our lives who leave, who come through. who are important to certain story lines but only marginally so later on.

then there are characters which you would consider the stars, and the co-stars.

the star -- naturally -- is yourself. i mean, it's your own life for goodness sake. but....who are your co-stars? who are the characters in your life that make or break the success of the series? who define the show just as much as the star, creating an aura of energy, dynamic, and excitement?

so many people have moved away this summer. some of them back home, some of them for a temporary time, and some for a more indefinate sort of situation. i can't say i've ever experienced anything like this before. but rest assured my fellow co-stars -- you know who you are -- the series will continue to skyrocket in popularity, reaching new heights only because of the dilligence and value of your individual contributions to this pastiche i call....me.

you guys are all awesome.

of course finally and specifically, to my childhood friend, my st.tims buddy, and mad hook up for contacts and eye exams -- you're going to have an amazing year. write often, pray hard, play hard, and remember that you -- you! -- are fearfully and wonderfully made. praise the Lord, because you're a blessing, and immeasurably blessed. thanks for everything, and i hope you make memories that only exceed our own as you venture out on this new phase of your life.

but of course.....you'll bring stories of those memories back for us. eventually.

bye.

why can't i sleep?

have you ever noticed that when you have lots to rant and ramble about, you never have the time to do it?

then when you finally have some free time, you don't feel like going off anymore?

so much to say....so much to say. people leaving, people moving on. friends, summer, phases, God, love, everything.....just, so much to say.

and yet.....i need to sleep. maybe i'll blog at work....



on an unrelated note: just a reminder, call for help premiers tomorrow night (tonight actually!) on G4techTV!

we won!! we actually won!!

2-7 baby.

and the best two wins i've ever had the opportunity to be part of.

thanks guys!!

one more game to go.....who wants ice cream??

water cooler talk

so i'm at work right now and i'm starting to see how people could go mad doing the same thing everyday. i mean heck -- i have a fun job and even this gets tedious every once in a while. i just sit here surfing the net. it sounds fun, but i'd much rather be spending my time elsewhere since i'm only really working like, every other hour. we're basically on-demand helpers, haha

just realising that some people work from 9-5 without fail, doing something much more stressfull, with less obvious results, no gratitude and absolutely no appreciation for their work.....i dunno. i think i'd go nuts. i don't know how anyone could ever sit in a cubicle day after day hammering away at their keyboard crunching numbers or writing pages of crap they could care less about.

why? why woud you damn yourself to doing something you hate?

i enjoy coming in -- especially cuz i get to come in at 11am -- but also because it's fun around here, and i get to learn new things and have cool job perks that i can take home.

but man. i've decided there's NO way i could do a job i didn't enjoy or care about. a job that's just going through motions. i'd much rather be doing something i want for free then getting paid a crapload of money to let my soul whither away and die.

i believe this is called a "teaser"

so work let me snag and install a copy of photoshop elements today. i'm SOOOOOO HAPPY. i've missed having photoshop so much, and it's really limited my creative juices and ability to jazz up the site.

so rest assured that now i have ps back, i will be updating the site. slowly but surely, prepare yourselves for.........

um. stuff.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CONNIE!!

um. that title is self-explanatory.

hope you have lots of fun today and eat lots of food and get lots of gifts and laugh lots of.....laughs, haha

call for help 2.0 cameo appearance

so while shooting one of today's episodes, i happened to help solve one of the viewer questions at the laaast possible minute of the show that leo, andy, and the rest of us had been feverishly trying to figure out. it wasn't a difficult query, but simply one that had a convoluted and roundabout solution that was difficult to pinpoint. (thats windows for you huh?).

anyways, just saying that on top of getting to see me in the credits, for one episode at least, you'll get to see.....ME at the end during the closing segment. they're thanking and cheering me for finding the answer, and i'm....well....scared of cameras. so yea, that was fun, and kind of exciting. one more day of shooting, and my experience with television studios will be over. it's been a total learning experience.

anyways, now that the frivolousness is done, lets get on to today's (tonights) rant shall we?

lets travel for a second to....hypothetical land....where anything can and will happen.

say in hypoland, someone walks up to you and randomly says "you know, you're an excellent judge of character".

about five minutes later, a different random person walks up and then says to you "hey -- you have a tendency to make assumptions about people. you're judgmental".

nooooow.....my question is: why is one different from the other? why is judging character a skill, and being judgmental a weakness?

what's the difference really? judging character is based on observing somebody's behaviour, actions, words, mannerisms, past history -- then forming your personal conclusion about them. now...to me at least, that sounds absolutely no different from simply being judgmental. the only difference seems to be that when your assumed conclusion is positive (i.e. that billy sure is a good kid), you're judging character. when you reach a negative conclusion however (i.e. that billy is just a straight up punk), you're suddenly being judgmental.

so basically, it's good to judge someone as good, but bad to judge someone as bad.

MEANING, we can only have positive conclusions and opinions about people if we're going to be civil and polite people? apparently ettiquite and rational thinking don't go hand in hand.

is it wrong to judge? i mean....we all do it, lets not kid ourselves. but is it "bad"? is judging a book by its cover ever applied when you have a "good feeling" about someone? or do we only break out that cliched phrase when we're trying to not hurt someones feelings?

i personally think we have our critical and analytical instincts for a reason. to ignore them and choose naiveity instead of observation and reason makes no sense to me. hell -- forget observation, i think sometimes you just have to go with your gut no matter what people say or frown upon your thought process.

the bible says its bad to judge. i think it'd be stupid NOT to judge, because we can't avoid it, so we might as well not beat around the bush and simply be honest about it.

i dunno. is there a conflict of interest? am i looking at a splinter when there's a plank in my eye?

or am i simply confusing the biblical definition of "judging" with my personal idea of reality?

a thousand words

put up some long overdue pictures:

- Charity Ball (waaaaay late)
- Old Mill
- Dora's farewell party

if anyone actually GETS G4TechTV, let me know. i might ask you to record some episodes of the show for me when they air.

till then, shooting all this week. i wish i had more hours to sleep....

bittersweet

adj 1: tinged with sadness

bittersweet is one of my favourite phrases. there is a certain emotional, and even aesthetic beauty to the word. i personally find it to be the greatest artistic juxtaposition in the english language.

the definition describes it as tinged with sadness. just take a moment to think about that.

tinged with sadness

could there be anything more real -- more appropriate -- to put into words so much of our lives as we grow, learn, and love? for every action there is a reaction. for every decision there is a consequence. for every joy, there is pain.

bittersweet. let the word roll off your tongue, and rest on your heart. say it aloud, and let the weight of the phrase purse your lips and make heavy the air around you, like a dark and lonely memory that you will never ever forget, yet sometimes wish you could.

friendship and love are the bonds that knit our lives together. they define us, they tell our story. there is a certain comfort in having good friends, and having a loving group to support, encourage, and challenge you. learning to move on, learning to let go -- these are staples of our independent journey's, though they may be intertwined.

there is joy in seeing those you care for happy, and to know that they are in a good place. to be able to dwell in the melancholy moment and wax nostalgic, all the while looking towards the future. soak it all in while you can, because you can see things changing beneath your very feet.

it's scary. it's scary to think that all we hold dear right now could tomorrow dissapear. but it's exciting, and amazing to know that replacing it will be something greater. we often take for granted the constants in life -- forgetting that there are no constants except in Him.

as i often have said, joy and happiness are two different things. one can be unhappy -- yet be full of joy inside, with a hope and faith that is real.

refusing to admit someone is leaving replaces closure with apathy. i'd rather see off and someday reunite with my friends than fizzle and fade away from lack of effort and time.

so i will retract what i wrote to you previously, and indeed i will say goodbye after all -- not simply "see you later". take with you what you need, but don't hang on. you're building something new, and we won't be there for it -- as surreal as it is to concede. remember, but don't dwell. keep in touch, but make new friends. this is it -- this is life finally nudging its way in.

what word could there be but...bittersweet?

so be sure when you step
you step with great tact
and remember that life's
a great balancing act

and will you suceed?
yes! you will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

- Dr. Seuss, Oh the Places You'll Go!

have a good one d.
and remember: jesus loves you


cheers.

save the best for last

just when i was about to give up on this summer, i find out that for the last month i have the opportunity to work at RBCI television, volunteering on a new show.

suddenly, i find myself a tech production assistant for g4tech tv on the soon to air show "call for help" -- featuring a returning leo laporte.

i can almost assure myself that none of you have heard of this show, or of leo, haha

regardless, it's been an awesome two days so far of learning all the ins and outs not only of being an I.T monkey (don't tell them i'm not qualified....shhhhhhh) as well as a P.A.

it's been cool enough brainstorming the show segments with the hosts, prepping the sets and computers, getting to know all the staff down at RBCI and networking like mad with everybody i see. and, to top it all off, shooting hasn't even started yet!

so....productive after all. who knew?

bored much?

going away for the weekend. so i leave you all with this:

castlevania

the internet at it's greatest potential, haha

c'est la vie...

Life must be understood backward. But it must be lived forward.
- Kierkegaard

when i think about these words of wisdom, i am struck by the fact that Kierkegaard was himself a Christian existentialist. a seemingly oxymoronic place to be, and yet he validated himself through God, with a faith that was built on a philosophy of life.

after all, he reasoned. what was life but a series of choices? and these choices rested cleary in our own hands. our faith was ultimately based on our own decisions in life, regardless of how much help we could get from above.

the pressure seems rather large. evangelical christianity today is often misleading, perhaps inclined to think that everything we do can be done only by God (or converesely, blamed on God).

so often, i think we forget about the part where God works with us -- and focus too much on the idea that God can only work in us. God as an external factor, as opposed to a living God, transforming us through our own decisions and guiding us on our paths, instead of merely shoving us down a waterslide.

life is full of regrets, missed opportunities, and life altering decisions. one fork in the road is enough to alter your entire course.

to live forward than -- to recognize all these regrets and mistakes and not dwell on them...to have the courage to make your next choice without fearing another mistake -- that's life. that's living forward.

what's more, living forward is simply another word for faith. believing your decisions -- discernment included -- are the right ones, even if they initially feel impossible. believing you can overcome even when you think you can't. believing God is real based on your past, even when it doesn't seem like it right now.

sometimes you just have to stop moping, and just grind it out.

sometimes you just gotta have a little bit of faith.

here comes the airport scene. do they make it?

i am not an artist.

well, i suppose that's not entirely true. in our post-modern world, everyone's an artist, and everyone's a critic.

what i mean is -- in the classical sense -- i'm not an artist. i don't take art. i don't study art. i can't fully appreciate all the subtle nuances of a painters strokes, or the careful shaping of marble under a master sculpters chisel.

granted, i know a bit. i've been around, i have my opinions. but when it comes to expertise and art i'm pretty much an everyday shmuck.

strangely though, deep down -- all us non artists -- we all seem to derive a great deal of vitality from art regardless of our ignorance. we're not artists. but we love to pretend we are.

we love to write songs, write poems, write stories. we take pictures, draw sketches, frame landscapes. we all like to create art.
it's been said that great art can only come through the process of suffering.

i can't say i'd disagree with that. but why?

why does art always seem to best come from our darkest moments? when we're dying instead of living? lost instead of found? what element of humanity do we so appreciate, so empathize with in others, that we consider "great". why are artists always better when they're dead? why are their lives always greatest when filled with tragedy?

why aren't there any happy go lucky, sunshine and lollipops artists who have gone down in history as equals to the solemn, brooding and reclusive enigmatics?

i think it's no one likes to relate to happy people. we're all too self-absorbed when we're happy ourselves to care about whether or not other people are happy.

when we feel like crap though, all we care about is making everyone else feel like crap too. we're aiming to take down those smiling bastards with our arrows of jaded cynicism.

so what is art?

art, i believe in the interpretation our society has thusfar historically practised, is nothing more than an excuse to make other people feel bad.

if you're happy, you're rubbing it in with art.
if you're crappy, you're dragging others down with art.

so i guess that leaves us with two options:
a. art is evil.
b. humans are masochists.

personally, i'm going to go with option b.
we all SAY we like to be happy. but deep...deep down.....i think we all sort of get a sense of pleasure from being down. it's easy, it's thoughtless, and it's less work than staying happy.

we apparently love being depressed. as a society, it's the cool thing to do.

how odd.

more please.

saw before sunset tonight, the (anticipated?) sequel to before sunrise. i must say that, truly, this movie is just as good as the first. although it isn't quite as lovey-dovey, it still manages to capture the essence of their situation -- particularly in context as a sequel -- in a dramatic, realistic, and beautiful fashion. simply amazing piece of work.

one of the trailers shown before the film was for zach braff's upcoming film Garden State. most of us will recognize him as Dr. JD of scrubs fame. the film is his his first stab at both writing and directing, and it opens in limited release here in toronto i think at the end of july.

even more exciting than watching braff make us laugh for 2 hours straight, is that it also looks like a pretty darn good movie, with some interesting characters. on top of everything this film has a KILLLLLLLER soundtrack, which is going to be released i think by sony.

for those of you wondering, the song on the official site is called "let go" , by frou frou.

and to you-know-who.....thats one year and counting. thank you.

i liked your memo.

SI.com - Cavaliers, Paxson pay price for doing right

it's enough to bring a guy to the brink of a jerry maguire breakdown.

shut up......just....shut up....
you had me at UNGRATEFUL BASTARD.

boozer may have been one of my proudest sleeper gems from my fantasy pool last year -- and he had earned my respect as a hard worker and up-and-coming star. but this.....this is just wrong.

if i were on the cavs, i would circle the first game we have against utah, and work towards it for the next few hundred days.

and if i were a utah player? honestly, i'd be disgusted to have this kind of character in my locker room. and i'd make sure he knew it.

what a scum bag, yeesh.

i for one welcome our new liberal overlords...

CBC - Canada Votes 2004

and in the end, canada once again shows that we our a nation that strives to make forward steps towards life. embracing our role as a modern and caring society, suited to adapt in order to best serve our people and our global community.

naturally, we decided the best way to do this is to change absolutely nothing.

how delightfully canadian.

hm....

not to steal the thunder from my last post 10 minutes ago (which is still hurting my head), but was talkin while a round of golf today and something brought a thought to my head.

is parental stamp of approval a sort of sub-concious scarlet letter for most people?

when your parents say "so-and-so would be great for you", do you actually consider it? or without even knowing who "so-and-so" is, just automatically dismiss them by proxy of your parents approving them?

i'm particularly curious about the female perspective, since it seems many a gal prefers the rebel-without-a-cause type of guy instead of the bring-home-to-mom kind of guy.

i dunno, just a thought. i suppose it depends on your relationship to your parents. for some, i'm positive that parental approval is a huge necessity, and highly regarded as a priority.

but is that out of obligation? or actually out of your own feelings?

i got bored.

surely most of you have seen these before, but just for fun....


1) Suppose you're on a game show and you're given the choice of three doors: Behind one door is a car; behind the others, goats. You pick a door, say No. 1, and the host, who knows what's behind the doors, and always opens a losing door after you make a pick, opens another door, say No. 3, which has a goat. He then says to you, "Do you want to pick door No. 2?" Is it to your advantage to switch your choice?

2) take all families with two children, at least one of which is a boy. If you pick one of these at random, what's the chance that BOTH children will be male. (assuming of course the genetic odds of having either a girl or boy are an even 50/50)

3) Suppose we have a lottery with 10,000 "scratch-off-the-dot" tickets. The prize: a car. Ten thousand people buy the tickets, including you. 9,998 scratch off the dots on their tickets and find the message YOU LOSE. Should you offer big money to the remaining ticketholder to exchange tickets with you?


annnnnnd now i'm officially just trying to get comments.
i'm so sad......

blog stalking

whoa. trippy.

it's Rivers Cuomo's blog.

here we go again.....

TheStar.com - Bertuzzi charged with assault

i suppose we all saw this coming, but is it really necessary?

not to drag up an old dead cat, but how come when someone gets slashed and has their leg or hand broken, it's a suspension, but not ever considered legally as criminal assault?

is there some sort of law that says hockey injuries to the head or neck area must be criminal, while body and limb injuries are just part of the game?

what about crosschecks that cause concussions? how come that isn't criminal assault? aren't the ramifications of concussion injuries equal to -- or possibly even greater than -- steve moore's current health status?

personally, my view is......this is retarded, and entirely overkill.

lets see some consistancy here.

an early movie preview

Unfairenheit 9/11 - The lies of Michael Moore. By Christopher Hitchens

i'm still going to watch this film -- but the article above is simply a wonderfully written and articulated piece. i will draw my own conclusion and interpretations. however, it's nice to see someone rail on michael moore for intelligent and worthy reasons, instead of someone calling him a fat-ass, followed by a hippie retalliating at that dude for being a baby killing nazi.

intellectual discourse -- what a concept.

anti-terrorism terrorism

so....the theme of the day over in iraq seems to be: beheadings!

not to seem callous or insensitive to the families and victims of these murders, does anyone else seem a little perplexed by the logic of these terrorist acts?

i mean....ok. fly a plane into the WTC. we get your point -- you're mad as hell and you're not gonna take it anymore. [you know you're in MIT wheeeen.....]

at least bombings and attacks have an effect. i mean, simply mention the word "terrorist" or "brown foreign guy" in front of a group of americans and half of them wet their pants and run. to be honest, i think the terrorists did a pretty good job of....uh....terrorising.

but this beheading thing.....wha? do they really....really think that a country is going to pull all their troops out of iraq to save one persons life? especially when basically every government in the world has strict policies to not appease terrorist demands?

they can't be that naive can they? ignorant, idealistic terrorists -- fresh out of terrorist school and yet to be crushed by the reality of their underdog situation. hoping against hope for an islamic utopia that they can help kickstart.

well, sorry boys. welcome to r-e-a-l. l-i-f-e.

it seems all this chopping off heads does is get people from countries that were originally lukewarm about trying to bomb you to smithereens, and unite them in their seething hatred towards you and your cause.

so....really.....you're terrorists who succeed only in bringing terror attacks on....yourself. because really....no one's listening to what you have to say, but even the most leftist liberal is probably liable to kick your ass without even thinking about a civil conversation first.

conspiricy theorists would go so far as to think these beheading are staged just to unite divided opinions into a coherent front for this war.

but me? naaaah.

i just think they're idiots.

a ah ah ah ah, you know this, love is true....

so i was wondering about the meaning behind some of the psalms in the bible.

there are some psalms where the general theme seems to be: "God will smite my enemies"

but at the same time in the old testament, there's the book of Job, where we learn that loving God simply doesn't hinge on what he does for us, but on the fact that he's worthy of worship -- that he is God.

then finally, we get to the new testament, and jesus shows us that a lot of the stuff from the old testament about smiting our enemies is old and busted -- loving and praying for those who persecute you is the new hotness.

soo.....i wonder.....jesus says that the laws are still important, and that makes sense. the 10 commandments are an absolute for staying fresh with God. but, where does the relevence of all the passages in the old testament about smiting enemies go?

are they obsolete? what's the use of them now that jesus says cool kids don't smite?

hm.....interesting questions all.

so, the nun says to the barkeeper.....

Detroit Pistons - 2004 NBA Champions

before the playoff's started, i reaaaaally didn't see this actually happening.
it's kind of amazing for the owner, because he also owns the tampa bay lightning. pro sports championship sweep for that guys teams. pretty sweet.

in other news, yahoo mail has upgraded all it's accounts to 100 megs of space and 10 meg sending limit. the premium members now get 2GIGS of space and no ads.

wow.

100 megs, weeheehee.

i have my beta gmail account which i have yet to use at all, but it doesn't let you send mp3s. i wonder if yahoo does...

mornings -- why they suck,

was talking to v about some skanky girls at the club last night, and she was mentioning how disturbing it was that there were just a bunch of guys just standing around watching them.

what i find even more disturbing is the fact they weren't even attractive.

where do most guys draw the line between slutty amusement and their standards for decency? and by decency, i mean not oggling scary looking hoochie mammas.

it's so funny the power of lesbianism.

if two ugly guys were dancing together, i don't think anyone in the world would give a crap. hell, they'd probably be asked to stop.

but.....ohhhh, two ugly girls. something about two girls being slutty gives them a free pass to be unattractive apparently.

well, not in my book ladies.

$50 bucks, ivan. not a penny less.

life's simple pleasures.

so, i've heard it said that the key to enjoying life is to appreciate the little things -- to stop and smells the roses.

although i personally could care less about roses and the surely thousands of possible allergens that exist within them, i do still have my own personal little wrinkles in my daily adventures that never fail to bring a smile to my face.

one of my favourite, is when i walk into any establishments public washroom and anxiously peek at the urinals to see what they contain. usually, it's urinals cakes in their various forms -- disc, balls, cubes, etc.

but sometimes....ohhh, once in a happy blue moon, there will be the bestest type of urinal of all. the ones filled with.....

ice cubes.

yes, i think most men will agree, there is nothing that makes a trip to the trough any more enjoyable than being able to turn your bodily functions into a competitive sport.

how many cubes can you melt before you're spent?

yes, life's little pleasures.

Tontie

this game....is so....addictive....

adventures with seniors.

so, part of my new job involves me standing around in front of supermarkets.

ok, i lied. standing in front of supermarkets is actually all my job requires. but anyways, it provides an interesting opportunity to meet all sorts of different people, and i'm usually in parts of town i never have a reason to visit.

so i was standing at my little booth today, and an old lady walked up to me and we got to chatting. seems she was a school teacher back in her youth, and she left me with some words of wisdom:

"before you can be old and wise, you have to be young and stupid"

interesting.....interesting indeed.....

old people are cool.

in other news, yay for tax returns and having some pocket money with which to feed myself once in a while. double yay for actually making decent money at this job, even though it's really boring and pointless. triple yay for having awesome hours, hehheh....

and on that note, farewell.

this is kind of neat.....and it might be useful!

MilkandCookies - Shirt Folding Technique

for those of you who want an edge on those retail positions i guess, hahaha

increase in male breast cancer linked to obesity

TheStar.com

that could be the most obvious headline i've ever seen.....

so i finished watching scrubs....

"you always want what you can't have"

is this true about men?

yes.

do women actually know this?

god i hope not.....

large bags, knapsacks and or coolers will not be permitted

i've heard it said that there are two things friends should never talk about: religion, and politics.

for those who don't quite get it, the implied meaning is that nobody can ever discuss those topics without getting into a disagreement.

obviously, i think this isn't true. it's merely a saying, and should be taken with about as much a grain of salt as anything that starts with "confucious says....."

however, i can't deny that religion and politics are also inherently difficult to address when civil discussion is not a given. at any given moment, and perhaps now more than ever, the two have become an undeniable schism in society.

isreal palestine is perhaps the problem incarnate.

liberals vs. conservatives. has the divide ever been greater, and filled with such hatred? there's no longer such thing as middle political ground, and i don't think there's ever been such unwillingness to compromise. ever hear two people arguing about george bush and the war in iraq? it isn't pretty. i've never seen a president or political issue cause such heated and emotional divisions among people -- not to mention irrationale stupidity on both sides.

so.....obviously, religion and politics are both loaded subjects, often broached only with a great deal of tact. why is that?

what is it about these things that strike such a chord?

why don't we argue this much about....say....pepsi or coke? which basketball team is going to win it all? the greatest baseball player of all time? the funniest tv show ever? which country has the greatest artistic history? which era of architecture was the most influential?

all interesting conversations.

but religion or politics? those so easily degrade into editorial rantings.

why? i don't know. but it's something to ponder i guess.

the leafs suck.

GO CALGARY GO!

age is a mindset

guess peoples age

i'm like, not very good at this.

be it ever so humble.....

ah, home at last. as much as it was nice to spend 7 straight days in the sun, it's nice to come home to some real weather, where you can actually tell it's another day because they sky looks a little different. that sun and fun stuff may be nice for some people, but i'll take four seasons in my year every time.

cruise was....fun. i don't think i gained any weight to be perfectly honest. goal accomplished. i am however, burned to kingdom come. i look like someone tried to microwave me for dinner.

oh well. i'm also a bit stuffed up, and even though i'm home, i still sort of feel dizzy -- as if i'm still walking on a boat. i suppose this might be what they mean when they talk about getting back your land legs after getting used to sea legs.

in OTHER news, it's official.

Gwyneth Paltrow is actually a fob.

in the bahamas

goodness it's hot.

once we have money, i definitely need to come back with friends. i can imagine it being like, just as fun. except like, 100 times moreso.

it's pretty good right now, and i'm with my family. so it MUST be good.

one fish two fish red fish blue fish

...Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo...

so, i will be spending most of next week floating around HERE, in a giant white symbol of western imperialism and capitalist glut.

not that i'm complaining.

my goal is simply to avoid boredom at all costs. i don't care what i have to do -- play shuffleboard with the old folks or scare the little children by being suspiciously friendly. also, i plan not to gain any weight on this cruise, as i've been told that what awaits me is essentially a hugenormous buffet that just so happens to be sea worthy.

tempting as it may be to eat and sleep all week, i refuse to let it happen. it'll be nice to catch up on reading though, so all in all, it'll be good times. hopefully they have free gym facilities open....i don't know, i'm too lazy to read about my ship.

it's called "the navigator of the sea"

what's up with that eh? here are some of the other ships in the royal caribbean fleet:

- the radiance of the sea
- the majesty of the sea
- the jewel of the sea
- the legend of the sea
- the empress of the sea

hmmmm.....ok.....

and so, instead of these things, we're on a ship called...."the navigator". that's cool. i guess.

i can't help but feel a little like perceptor from transformers.

everyone else was like, a helicopter, or a truck, or a race car, or a space ship, or a dinosaur.

what was perceptor? he turned into a microscope.

can you imagine when they drew lots and he got....microscope?

i imagine it went something like this:

"oook, perceptor....you're.....a microscope. next!"

"whoa whoa, wait a sec....a microscope? why would i be a microscope? what good would it possibly be for me to transform into a giant microscope? i suppose the irony of me being larger than a car isn't lost on you"

"everything else is taken"

"everything?!"

"well....i guess you could be the can opener"

"an electric can opener?"

"lemme check.....um....no,no...just a normal can opener."

"oh.....well in that case, i guess i'll stick with the microscope"

"sounds like a plan"

"..."

".....soo....you going to the bar later"

"yea, i hear it's ultra magnus' birthday"

"ohhhh yea.....damn. you wanna go halvsies on a gift?"

"i dunno....i think blur mentioned something about an ice cream maker....."

"did you say you'd chip in"

"yeaa....but i'm not sure if he actually bought it..."

"you could always ask him"

"yea, i could.....do you have his number?"

"here, wait....it's on my cell phone..."






aaaaaaand i'll spare you rest of the tedious details.

kris kros'll make ya, jump jump....

i am officially unshackled from the chains of educational conformation yet again for the summer.

may the fun begin.

sufjan stevens - for the windows in paradise

i have called you children
i have called you son
what is there to answer
if i'm the only one

morning comes in paradise
morning comes in light
still i must obey, still i must invite

if theres anything to say
if theres anything to do
if theres any other way
i'll do anything for you

i was dressed embarrassment
i was dressed in white
if you had a part of me
will you take your time

even if i come back
even if i die
is there some idea
to replace my life

like a father to impress
like a mother's morning dress
if i ever make a mess
i'll do anything for you

i have called you creature,
i have called you son
if you have a father, or if,
you haven't one

i'll do anything for you
i'll do anything for you
i did everything for you
i did everything for you

this song consists of only a banjo, a piano, and an organ, accompanying one of the best songwriters i've heard in a long long time.

it's so good it makes me want to start a band.

oh wait....

stupid sozzled....

container may explode if heated

so, although i have two exams remaining, i feel as though i'm already done.

one of them consists of 40 MC questions. it's going to be tricky, but at the same time i know i'll be done in about half an hour.

the other one is a polisci exam consisting of two essay questions. these polisci exams are starting to become old-hat, and i feel like i could get a mid 60 without even studying.

knock on wood.

regardless, i can't help but daydream instead of study as i look forward to that moment on thursday night.....at around 9pm, when i can truely say that i'm free of school work for the next 4 months +

i'm sure going to be playing a lot of sports this summer. and i also hope to find employment of some sort or another. mmm.....yes....this will be a good summer....

allez cuisine!

ahhh, dinner break. time to stop studying and watch another episode of the food network special that aired this past weekend, Iron Chef America.

i've watched the first two battles now, and i can't wait to download the third one, as well as the final tag team battle -- whatever it is, it sounds fun.

i haven't watched the puck vs. morimoto battle yet, so no one ruin it for me if you've seen it!

my thoughts thusfar are that i feel the iron chefs are at a disadvantage because they're being judged by american judges.

not to say that american's aren't as cultured in terms of their food knowledge....but.....ok, i take that back. that's exactly what i'm saying actually.

the lady from the OC was one of the judges for goodness sake, and she clearly had no idea how to appreciate traditional japanese cooking techniques. the iron chefs are getting killed in the "taste" catagory, which indicates to me a predilection for the judges towards the more familiar flavours, not necessarly the better ones. perhaps if they had judges that were equally knowledgeable of both both abroad and in north american, it would make for a better show.

however, i do think that morimoto had a subpar performance against the malto mario guy, so i can live with that outcome.

the sakai vs flay battle however......

all i can say is, the judges gave bobby flay better presentation marks than sakai.

unbelievable! that right there tells me the judges are on CRACK.

as it is, the fact that the judging is so obviously incompetent and biased, i am rather disapointed by this special -- although i do think that mr. brown makes an excellent iron chef commentator.

the second major thing i noticed?

morimoto's glasses look EXACTLY like mine, hehheh.

oob-la-di-oob-la-da - life goes on....

you know what really sucks? trying to re-adjust your sleeping patterns back to normal in the middle of exam period.

but i won't complain about being unable to sleep at 6:30 in the morning. no, instead i'm going to remain productive at this time by entertaining and amusing the masses.

so here's what's been floating around in my head while i lay in bed trying to fall asleep.

the family circus.

yes yes, i know, it's a horse already beaten to death. everybody hates it, everybody curses it as the bane of comic existence. it's the strip everyone loves to hate.

with that in mind, it suddenly dawned on me the obvious parallel:

the family circus is the nickelback of the sunday funnies.

enh? enh?

think about it.

darkwing duck was a great cartoon.

how to become a ninja

"as a ninja, you obtain certain responsibilities such as kicking asses and looking cool and tough"

bring on philly.

woohoo!

not to be redundant...

they added extra footage to the dodgeball trailor!

more hitting of the crotch! woohoo!

i can't wait to see this movie......i die laughing everytime i watch this thing.

i'll procrastinate later.....

.....so are the words of a wise cat, hanging in a goose's bathroom.

heading down the home stretch of my last assignment for the year. once this is done, no exams until the 27th! an entire week of exam studying, which as i've explained in the past, is a-ok by me.

hm....so surfing around blogs just now (i seem to have made the circuit just after steph, if comments indicate anything) it seems everyone's thoughts are beginning to waft towards summer. particularly with the weather being so warm recently.

who am i to argue? i've been preoccupied myself with thoughts wandering to how i'm going to fill the next four months.

one thing i wanna do this summer? make a short film.

here are a few concepts that have been floating around in my head for a while...

- follow the lives of several people who take the same bus every day. focus narrative from the POV of a young-male protagonist who everyday observes the same people around him, trying to guess where they're going and where they're coming from. camera follows a different person every day of the week, so each person is a short story in and of itself. they'll be chapters, sort of like in a guy richie film. at the very end, you're lead to think the stories are all intertwined, but ultimately they are not. this is in order to attempt to create an antithesis to the "how small and coincidental the world is" kind of endings that are so popular nowadays. it will instead be a "how unrelated and huge the world is" ending. details to be worked out later, but suffice to day every chapter begins with the same scene of the protagonist waking up and boarding the bus, but every chapter we follow a different character getting off at a different stop.

OR

- a parody of chinese pop movies. difficult to pull off i would think, because chinese pop movies are largely parodies themselves, but perhaps with a more cbc twist. i believe this is the concept originally bandied around in high school, where my friends all named each other after various dim sum dishes. if i recall, steph was "chicken feet".....but if she really wants, she can be "miss hong kong china number one" or whatever it is she calls herself.

and FINALLY

- "fat woman trying to fit into toilet stall". ultimately, i would like this work to be my final (and first. and only.) legacy to cinema. the one piece that establishes me as not only a director and writer, but truly an auteur. i am unsure if my friends are up to the rigours of filming such a demanding work of art. time will tell.

avoid installing or leaving the unit near subject to high temperatures.

soooo......i should be sleeping, and i have literally 2 hours to sleep. spent the night working on my paper, but took some time to procrastinate when i found out the canucks/flames game was in O.T.......then double O.T.......then finally triple O.T.

thankfully it ended there, and i got back to work, but now i'm all tired and sleepy. anyways, while flipping channels during the game, i came across a documentary on life network about strippers.

ok, i know what you're thinking, so let me set it straight first....i stopped on the channel because i saw some huge-bossomed (some might say....buxom?) woman wearing a snow-white costume and was admitedly curious. can you fault me? s.n.o.w. w.h.i.t.e, dammit -- it was one helluva costume.....

but anyhow, to be specific, it was about ONE stripper, and it followed her around as she tried to hide her job from her family and friends. she literally had to work outside the province on secret road trips because her family had found out once that she danced, and forgave her, but she decided to go back into it for the money. the whole "not-being-able-to-leave-the-money-and-lifestyle" thing, but she's also young, so she was saying the normal "it's only temporary" thing as well.

anyways, it was really about her life outside of her job, and provided context for a world we have so many presumptions about. there was one scene where she finally broke down after months of hiding her dancing and she told her brother the truth, and instead of berating her, he simply said....."oh....well.....interesting......" then moved on.

when pressed for an elaboration, his reply was simple:

"well, you know. unconditional love. you're my sister, y'know? we're all different. whatever you do, you're still my sister"

and at that, the main character of the documentary just started to cry.

and i thought.....wow. it's pretty nuts how powerful honesty can be. it just brought a realization of, first of all, how dangerous lying is. this girl had built a MOUNTAIN of lies, piled up upon each other, and it took so much for her to finally tell the truth. but when she did, there was so much relief. so often we carry around these lies, and why do we do it? small lies turn into big lies, and we start to depend on them, we start to assume the worst about the truth, imagining it to be so much greater an evil than the lies we cling near to. but why? lies only breed fear, and self-loathing. honesty is an increasingly missing attribute in society it seems, as lying becomes just another skill to get ahead.

but equally important was the brother's reaction. all the main girl wanted to hear was that she was loved. accepted. regardless of her mistakes, her choices. and when she knew her brother loved her, she was absolutely freed from her dillema. she was able to go on and tell her parents, an even more difficult step she probably would never have done had her brother disowned her.

i dunno. i don't even know if i have a point, it might just be late night rambling. but i guess i just thought if we could think about the things we keep inside us. the lies we build, the ideas we fabricate to placate and rationalize our fears.....if we examine ourselves and why we do the things we do, well, i dunno what happens for you.

but i know we should each do it. or we're just lying to ourselves some more.

what are you afraid of?

we're the chipmunks, we ain't going out like punks....

the chipmunks: behind the music

so amusing. yet so very wrong.

the rock gods are smiling.....

Jay-Zeezer

funny. but also actually pretty catchy.

and i finally got around to downloading the video clips from the recent rivers/matt reunion acoustic mini-gig....they mention the idea of recording a new album together.

be still my beating heart.

How Deep the Father’s Love for Us

How deep the Father’s Love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross
My guilt upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no powr's, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

- s.t.

i'm sure this weekend everyone will be reading a lot of stuff about easter. stories about Jesus. the stations of the cross. the movie about his death. bible verses. song lyrics. poems. hymns. i think it's wierd how when you mention easter to someone, the first thought is generally "easter bunny". then quickly after that, is "Jesus' death". which is all well and good.

but easter, much like Jesus' death itself, is not about dying.

i think i wouldn't be a Christian if i was called to die (metaphorically, in this case) for God. and as much as people talk of sacrificing their lives for God, and dying to sin, and all this stuff, it all seems like negative language to me. it's fine, it's dandy. but Jesus didn't save me so i could die. he saved me so i could live. at first some might think it's the same thing. but it's not. it's entirely different.

if i've learned anything, you can try all you want to die for God. it's not a bad thing, dying to sin, giving up our lives for God. but that isn't the purpose. so often we try so hard to overcome sin, to overcome ourselves, to win our battles, we're so swept up with humbling ourselves and submitting our lives that we lose the end within our own means.

we are called to live -- and in doing so, we die to sin.

if we're trying too hard to die, we aren't really living at all, are we?

here comes the home stretch....

it's that time of year where you're running purely on thoughts of summer, and getting by studying 20 hours a day just on the thought of sleeping 24 hours the next day. i love exam time.

i think i live for this kind of chaotic scheduling. the rigours of a predictable daily schedule often gets tedious really quickly. when i can determine what time i wake up, what time i do work, what time i eat, play, sleep. i think i'm much more suited to that kind of day. structure does not mix well with me.

anyways, some more things i enjoy about exams:

- ice cream is considered a decent meal.

- i have more reasons to buy timbits.

- the gym is open for basketball until 12am.

- no guilt about skipping class

- studying makes me feel productive. as if i'm actually learning!

- there's no procrastinating like EXAM procrastinating. some of the best downloads, blog posts, stupid memories, and spontaneous events, all take place during exams. and because everyone is in it at the same time, my amusement is multiplied by sharing in other peoples procrastination. does it get any better?

- it means school is almost over.

- i get to take naps.

and the absolute number one reason i love exams...

- playoffs! first term its baseball and football, both classic diversions. but summer term sees us saying hello to a new baseball season, and the winding down of the hockey and basketball seasons. my personal favourite sports to watch.

yup. NHL/NBA all week, interspersed with naps, leisurely studying, basketball and eating cereal.

yay exams!

timbits snack pack - 20 per pack

Dear [insert your name],

Right now, there is a sense of urgency among health workers and the Canadian Blood Services concerning the increasing demand for blood in Canada. Simply put, we do not have enough blood.

Despite 94% of Canadians surveyed agreeing that donating blood is a great thing, only 3.5% of the population has taken the time to donate blood. Why this discrepancy? Numbers show a spike in donations immediately following a major disaster (such as the tragedy of 9/11), but the public does not seem to have the same urgency about the need for blood in Canada on a regular basis. Here are the facts:

- In Canada, roughly 137,000 people are diagnosed with cancer every year.
- The number of transplants has increased steadily from 16 per one million Canadians in 1981 to 59 per one million Canadians in 2000
- The number of total hip replacements done in Canada during the same period increased by just under 20 per cent.

Each and every one of these individuals requires blood to ensure their health and well-being. These numbers represent your fellow Canadians. They are the people around you every single day, and the odds are likely that you, or someone you know, will need blood in the future. You have the ability to save a life now.

Canadian Bloods Services has assumed the responsibility of supplying blood to Canadians who need it, but we cannot do it without you! If the number of regular donations does not increase immediately, we project that by 2005 there will be a critical shortage of blood. One person can make a difference, and that person could be you.

It only takes several minutes to donate blood. Simply visit your local Canadian Blood Services clinic. To find out more information about why a fellow Canadian needs your blood right now, or how to help, please visit www.bloodservices.ca.

Please, donate blood today. For those who need it, there may be no tomorrow.