Apr 22, 2009

Toaster Origins


I just watched the two-hour Caprica movie, a pilot/new spin-off series from the makers of Battlestar Galactica.

Not wanting to spoil anything, I will simply say that although it is much more drama than sci-fi, it certainly retains the pathos of BSG, down to the grittiness (sometimes a forced grittiness. I mean, it's filmed in Vancouver.) as well as heaps of spiritual and moral ambiguity. Also, there are some robots and science and yadda yadda, but these shows have never really been about that.

Suffice to say, it was entertaining, particularly because it really does delve deeply into the BSG backstory, and provides revealing and intriguing complexities to fans about the show's mythology. I know that somewhere the makers said it wasn't directly tied to BSG, and I suppose technically it isn't; but I am almost certain that the mere shared idiosyncrasies that go into making it an authentic prequel will attract many, many BSG fans. I'll probably end up watching it for mainly those reasons -- it's fairly interesting.

On an unrelated note, at one point in the movie, a question is asked in the middle of a conversation and the reply is preceded with a long-winded contextual story. I know this is a common narrative tool, but I am trying to figure out when (if?) any human being ever actually talks like this in real life.

For example, if somebody asked you "If you could have any super power, which would you choose?" I'd imagine the majority surveyed would pause, think, then simply say "[insert power] because [insert rationale]". This is how normal people think right?

But not in entertainment land.

In a script, that same question is answered like this:

Person 1: "What super power would you have?"
Person 2: "You know, once when I was eight years old, my parents used to have this old shotgun that they kept at the top of their closet -- you know, for protection and such. They must have figured that I couldn't reach that high, or didn't know about it, or hell, they might have even forgot they had it.

I was climbing up their bookshelf one day when they were outside gardening, and I saw the barrel just peeking out from across the room. I pushed a chair over and managed to get it down from the rack... it was the first time I ever held a gun. I could barely hold the thing straight... somehow, I managed to sneak it outside, and I started to just pretend shoot things, like I was the coolest kid in the world you know? Just pointing it at birds and... thinking bang. bang. bang. Cars flying by on the road. Eventually I couldn't help myself. The curiosity was killing me. I aimed straight at this bird perched on one of the fence posts near our house, it couldn't have been more than 10 feet away. And I pulled the trigger -- I remember it being so hard to pull.

That bird just exploded. It went up in a ball of feathers, and the blast kicked back and almost took my shoulder off. I remember my parents running around the corner of the house, their eyes so wide open screaming what was going on... I could see them, and their mouths were moving, but my ears were just ringing from the blast. It was so loud, I didn't even know where I was for a little bit... and I remember looking at the pile of feathers... in shock... I mean, I didn't know it was loaded. I mean, I might have. But I guess I didn't really think about what was going to happen. All I could think was... that I killed that bird. That something so gentle, that was just flying around minutes ago... and I turned it into nothing but a pile of blood and feathers. I did that. I took it off this earth forever.

Ever since then, I've wanted the ability to turn back time. Just... for the chance to make up for our sins. I know it's not logical, or rational but... that's just what I've always wanted.

Yea, I've never answered a question like that.

But think about it. In entertainment world, this type of answer occurs all the time. And for some reason, in Caprica, I noticed it very distinctly. And if you can't tell, it kind of annoyed me.

Man, that was a lot of writing to make a simple point. IRONY!

Apr 21, 2009

Perez Hilton thinks Miss California is... uncool



It's disappointing that in something as innocuous as a beauty pageant, an issue like this had to come up.

In this interview, Hilton states that the contestant isn't a politician, and as such shouldn't have answered according to her political beliefs. This confuses me. Did the dude ask a question (in competition) fully expecting her to lie, even if she didn't agree? In front of the nation? On television?

It's his own fault for asking a loaded question, and to be honest I kind of feel sorry for this chick. I mean, she's clearly not the sharpest knife in the drawer (although she might be the hottest. damn.)

But if you listen to her answer, she actually does agrees. She implies that GLB's should have the right to marry (since she thinks they have that choice already, apparently). She simply doesn't believe that those unions fit her personal definition of marriage.

If you believe in equal rights regardless, what's wrong with having an opinion on a topic that is still so openly debated and controversial in today's society?

This topic is not analogous to racism in my book. It's not even close. It's a rights issue, not a hate issue. And although those two are often intertwined, they can also be examined impartially if you take a step back.

It's unfortunate that not everyone agrees.

Really, my entire thought process on the issue can be summed up pretty tidily I suppose:

Leave the hot girl alone, angry gay man.

Apr 16, 2009

NBA thoughts


Raptors first
  • I'll admit, I'm curious what a team with Marion could do for a full season. He impressed me in this stretch run, and at the right price I'd not be disagreeable to his return.
  • Bargnani might one day be a superstar. His potential is tantalizing, but he's still a huge defensive liability. The team, on average, is outscored by 6.4 points when he's on the floor. Hopefully he does develop more acute defensive instincts somehow this summer. Oh, and some more body definition. Professional athletes should never, ever look less in shape than the average dude at the gym.
  • Bosh, in my mind, is still overrated. He's really really good. But to put him in the same class as Chris Paul and Dwight Howard (and Al Jefferson. What, do injuries discount a half season of work to Raptors TV staff?) is a little disingenuous, no? I mean, Bosh is good. But he's not special. He's penultimate tier talent in the NBA, which is nothing to sneeze at. But it's not the top.
  • This team could be in the playoffs as early as next year if they get a real bench. Like, even just three guys to play the 1-3 spots for 15 minutes a night serviceably. That's really all it'll take. Simple. Honestly, did you watch Cleveland vs Philly tonight? The Cavs played with only bench guys and still almost won. Remember how Sasha Pavlovic used to START for that team? The dude barely plays now, he's like 10 on the depth chart. That is a team with depth. Instead, we started guys named Patrick O'Bryant, Jake Voshkul, Will Solomon, and Joey Graham this year. Ouch.
  • With that in mind, I'm more excited for this off-season than I was about the entire second half of the year.

Playoff Predictions

Cleveland over Orlando in the Eastern finals.
LA over Dallas in the Western finals.

LA over Cleveland in the Finals.

Upsets

Miami over Atlanta (EC round 1)
NO over Denver (WC round 1)
Dallas over San Antonio (WC round 2)

Asides from that, I see the upper seeds wining all their matchups the rest of the way. I can barely contain myself. This is by far my favourite time of year for sports.

Apr 15, 2009

Cnet must have run out of news. I'm still amused though.

The 4:44am news update.

  • Stratford Festival puts 30 performances 'on hold'. That kind of sucks. Does anybody want to go? I'm sad they cancelled West Side Story though, that's the one I'd most like to see. Yea, I said it -- I like West Side Story. What? What?
  • Obama unveils presidential pooch. For some reason, at first I didn't feel this was newsworthy. Apparently, the BBC, the Guardian, The CBC, The Star, The Globe and the Times all did. Clearly I missed something.
  • 'Twitter revolution' Moldovan activist goes into hiding after using tweets and text messages to organize a 20,000 strong government protest that eventually over ran the Moldovan Parliament building.
  • Taliban execute eloping young lovers in Afghanistan. Well this is just depressing. Terrorists might bomb our buildings, and behead our journalists. But capping folks for being in love, well, you gotta be one coldheartedmuthfuckaifyaknowhwatimsayin.
  • Education Standards Likely to See Toughening. You know, this might be the first Obama policy I fundamentally disagree with. Essentially he's just throwing more money at the problem, but personally I'm not a big proponent of standardized testing. It just doesn't seem to provide any inherent learning skills, if that makes any sense. Then again, I don't remember anything I learned in university, so maybe it's just me.
  • Pirates attack second US vessel. Does nobody else find it kind of awesome that pirates are suddenly relevant news items again? Sure, they've upgraded from cannons and swords to RPG's and AK's, and instead of "Blue Beard", dudes is probably named !Xobli and all. But still. Also, why has nobody thought of sending in ninjas to free these ships and crews yet? It's so natural. Like, if I was fighting Cowboy Pirates, I'd send in a elite team of Native Indians. Easy. You just have to know your opponents weakness, y'know?
  • Home births 'as safe as hospital'. This one's interesting. Apparently a huge study in the UK reveals low-risk mothers are essentially just as safe giving birth at home with a trained mid-wife as at a hospital. The reason it's kind of neat to me is because I didn't even realize being a midwife was still a proper and viable career choice. I mean, I noticed it when browsing McMaster's undergraduate programs, but I had to webcrawler (pre-google-era!) it just to figure out what the hell a midwife was. For some reason, it doesn't seem like a very happy job. I'd imagine it's a lot of yelling, crying and I guess some baby delivering. But, really, if you're the husband, do you ever want to sleep in that bed again after seeing child birth? I wouldn't. Ew.

Apr 14, 2009

Not functioning.

You know how if you have a laptop, and you leave it for a while, it falls into "Sleep mode" or "Energy Saver" mode or whatever? Then you have to jiggle the mouse, or press a key, and it'll take a few minutes for everything to blink back onto the screen?

I currently feel like I am stuck in a perpetual sleep mode. Unable to wake up, but unwilling to fully shut it down.

I blame Ivan. After telling him two sleeping pills and a double of bourbon put me out like a light, he said it was ok to take three really. And I suppose, in this regard, he was correct. I am alive.

But last night, in an attempt to fall asleep quickly at an already late hour, I popped three Life Brand sleeping pills, and when my alarm clock went off 8 hours later I was groggier than a date rape victim. Not that I would know.

Anyways, I had extreme difficulty getting out of bed, and even more of a difficult time getting the work done that I needed to for a client. And now that's it's 6pm, it's too late to nap since there's basketball later anyways.

Suffice to say, I think I'm going to stay away from taking multiple sleeping pills at a time from now on. When the box suggests one per day, I am now inclined to believe it.

Apr 10, 2009

The long weekend post

Running on fumes. In the midst of another attempt at sleep cycle normalization. Didn't sleep last night, and am about to take my quick nap, which will have to tide me over until hopefully whatever time normal folks sleep.

Last night was predictably amusing as I went to a random house party my friend threw. My conclusion is that I officially am way too old for house parties.

Today, took my parents for dim sum at Yang's up in Tha Rill (That's Richmond Hill, by the way. I just invented that phrase, and I will be demanding credit when inevitably you begin to use it). I just had to see what everybody is fawning over with this place.

Overall, was quite pleased. It's straight up modern HK, and the most distinguishing feature of the food I would say is that everything just reeks of FRESH. Freshly made to order, using fresh ingredients. Not mind blowing, but considering 8 dishes came to only $40 (tax and tip included), no complaints from me.

They had some special dim sum options as well, such as "Jumbo Shrimp with Grade A Foie Gras" for $8. I assume they mean Grade A pâté? There's no way it'd be that cheap otherwise. Something about duck paste and shrimp didn't sound appetizing to me, but I give them kudos for having unique choices...

All in all, we were impressed. Definitely going into the regular dim sum rotation from now on.

Perhaps my only caveat? The place is tiny. We went at almost 2pm and it was still pretty busy. I'd hate to imagine the joint between 11:30am and 1pm on a weekend. My head hurts just thinking about it.

Apr 9, 2009

White Castle or bust


You know how often, actors who take certain roles become pigeonholed for the rest of their careers? Say, for example, Shannon Elizabeth, or Chris Klein?

At first, it seemed that the main characters from Harold & Kumar were destined for the slapstick comedy hall-of-fame. More teen movies. More silly dick jokes. And good grief, they were both minorities! Surely these roles were not going to lead to real acting careers.

Except... somehow, for some reason, White Castle managed to launch (or in one case, re-launch) three careers into pretty much unheard of trajectories since Jon Stewart went from Half-Baked to Fake News Cultural Icon.

Let's run things down.

Neil Patrick Harris began the comeback with White Castle, and turned it into a successful and regular gig on one of TV's most popular sitcoms. He also was part of a cult-hit Josh Whedon smash musical, and has gone from obscure, retro-pop-culture reference to one of the few celebrities who are famous essentially for being themselves.

John Cho is probably the least famous, and asides from small movies did mainly guest-spot tv work since the last Harold and Kumar gig. However, this summer he managed to snag an almost assuredly recurring role in the most popular franchise reboot in movie history. Star Trek is going to be a monster. Mark my words. He's going to be rolling in cash from this one role alone (he's Sulu). Pretty good for a dude who didn't even really want a hamburger in the first place.

Finally, Mr. Kal Penn. Yea, he did some TV. And of course, he landed a regular gig on House. But the dude just left the show (with a bang!) to accept a position in the Obama Administration. His official title is Associate Director in the White House Office of Public Liaison. I almost feel like this is on par with making the leap from Porn Star to legitimate actor. Has that ever truly been done? And I mean hardcore porn, not that Red Shoe David Duchovny softie stuff.

It's just strange how these things work out. Did anybody see this coming after watching White Castle? I mean, the tagline on the movie poster is "FROM THE DIRECTOR OF DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR?"

Crazy.

Apr 8, 2009

Gentle reminders

Today is my mom's birthday.

I have a curious relationship with my parents. On the one hand, people are shocked at how I treat them. Which is, essentially, as equals.

What this means is that I will often make fun of them, mock them, or talk to them like I would talk to any other friend. If my dad says something dumb, I will rain down my sarcastic barbs on him just like I would anybody reading this blog (this happens a lot when watching the news). This behavior apparently is shocking to some.

This friendly relationship discounts however, any sort of "deeper" conversation, unless I'm really in need of advice about taxes or how to invest my money, or if we have any relatives who can find me a job in Asia.

Outside of these few circumstances, our day-to-day interactions mainly revolve around whether I will be home for a meal, whether they will be home for a meal, whether I am dating a certain girl, or if there's anything good on sale at Best Buy. In that order.

Today being another birthday, I am forced to yet again face the depressing mortality of my parents. They're getting up there, and it's not nice to think about, but I can't avoid the scenario in my mind I'm living in a basement by myself, instead of with parents above me. It's kind of frightening.

I guess it's moreso the fact that my parents are clearly beginning to act their age. They eat more canned soup because they're lazy. They drink instant coffee. They take long naps. Complain about crowds. Are blatantly racist.

Actually, now that I type it out, I suppose they haven't changed much. But I guess it's one of those subtle things you'd have to live with to notice.

Anyways, thinking about all this depressing stuff has spurred me to hit the job search hard again. I feel like before they shuffle off this mortal coil, they should see me... you know. Not living in the basement.

Apr 6, 2009

Covering your ass

When I got my latest issue of ESPN the Magazine in the mail last week, the first thing I noticed was that half of it was blank. It was folded over, with an adhesive material keeping a tab closed that said, on white background "you wouldn't settle for an incomplete cover".

Upon unfolding the tab, it was revealed to be a Powerade advertisement, which continued into the inside cover and first page, for a new Pepsi Powerade product.

I am aware of the recent trend of advertising on magazine covers, creeping slowly into the range of ubiquity due to financial constraints in these economic times. Closer to home, the latest issue of Macleans even pulled an Esquire, and features a large peel-back tab in the very centre of the cover.

Wittingly or unwittingly, the Macleans cover also seems to imply that by revealing the flap, more of the cover story (an article about teenage behaviour) will be revealed. Instead? The reader is treated to an ad for the Audi Q7. Tricky tricky.

A recent article on adage.com about the ESPN cover did manage to get quotes from the Mag: "In retrospect, we may have pushed the envelope in this case," [the ESPN spokeswoman] said, "but we continue to innovate and experiment, both editorially and in our advertising, to deliver one of the most compelling magazines on the market."

I am not willing, off hand, to simply throw stones at these publications. I understand the industry is being rocked. I know this because for the life of me, I cannot get a new job, and many, many colleagues have lost theirs. It hits close to home, and if these ads are the only thing keeping people employed, it becomes a matter that's not so black and white.

Yet still.

The cover of a magazine is the heart of a publication. It's what connects readers to a familiar brand. It conveys the spirit of a staff. It has historically been sacred ground.

I'm not averse to the idea of advertising on covers. But in both cases above, a shoddy job was done in drawing a line in the editorial sand.

If you're going to hawk wares on your face, make it apparent it is a cash grab. Do not insult readers and blur the line, insinuating that the editorial and advertising sides worked together to sell this product.

In other words, if ESPN wants to let Pepsi sell drinks on their cover, fine. But please, ESPN. Don't you try and sell me Powerade too. That editorial distinction is why readers buy your magazine. Because we trust what you're writing, we believe what you have to say and that your opinions are important, relevant, and most importantly, written with journalistic integrity.

Blurring that line might save a few jobs today. But in the long run, the reputation of your publication is worth more than a few zeros on a cheque. Sometimes, losing a limb is better than eventually losing your soul.

This is one case where some long, hard decisions are going to have to be made. I do not envy those who are in position to make these calls.

Apr 4, 2009

Let's nerd it up

(I think I had this exact poster. In scroll form...)

When I was in high school, I watched a fair bit of anime. I even went to the comic convention once and bought wall-scrolls, which I then adorned the walls of my bedroom with.

I never said it was a proud time.

Kitschy decor aside, I have recently kind of rediscovered a bunch of the old anime that I used to enjoy, and been pleasantly surprised to find that some of them are not only still relevant and entertaining, but are in the process of being completely redone and remastered. It's good to know that classics never really die.

Now, I realize I am not an anime connoisseur. To be honest, I haven't even seen that much, but of what I have enjoyed in my brief experiences, here are my top five favourite anime:

5) Macross

Space fighting, lasers, robots that transformed into airplanes. What more could you ask for? A classic.

4) Voices of a Distant Star

Admittedly, this 25-minute movie is kind of emo. It's about high-school kids in love, separated by time and space due to an intergalactic alien battle. The animation is even kind of simple. But take into account it was made entirely by one dude, on a G4 Mac computer, and everything becomes much more impressive. The story is also told in a very unique way, making use of text messaging to convey time, and a great theme song makes this a particularly unique, emotional and entertaining piece of work.

3) Dragonball Z

Another classic. Yea, it eventually ran kind of long, and there are episodes where nothing happened except angry staring contests. But those lulls where easy to overlook. When this was good, it was really, really good. It's an iconic franchise, even here in the western world. Debatably, it's the most popular serialized anime of all time. It was also blatantly racist, arguing that we'd all be more powerful if we could unlock our latent Aryan powers. Hmmm....

2) Princess Mononoke

Probably the most riveting cartoon movie I've ever seen. Well, it's up there, right up alongside the Lion King, at least. Also, it was environmentally friendly before being environmentally friendly was cool, yo.

1) Neon Genesis Evangelion

I just re-watched this series from beginning to end. I distinctly recall being a huge fan when I was younger, but being thoroughly and utterly confused by the existentialist ending at the time. Actually, I wasn't just confused. I was disappointed. I wanted giant robots fighting. And that was absolutely not what happens at the end.

I won't ruin it, but suffice to say that on my recent reacquaintance with the series, I had a much more nuanced and reflective experience. I was more aware of the philosophical queries and moral quagmires posed by the creators. I was challenged by the complex and patently dysfunctional characters as human beings, and not just pilots of giant fighting robots.

Basically, I really, really enjoyed watching this. Much moreso than even when I was younger, and I feel there was a deeper appreciation for it this go around.

The plot is confusing, convoluted and complex. There is no arguing this. But in terms of character development and arc, cinematography and artistic endeavor, Neon Genesis is right up there not just as anime, but one of the best pieces of television I have ever had the pleasure of watching. I'm glad I watched it again.

I know lots of people love Naruto, but I've never really gotten into that. Should I? It seems like Dragonball in that there's just too much ground to cover at this point. I also always wanted to watch Love Hina and Cowboy Bebop. Anyone watched those? Are they good?

Just as an aside, Neon Genesis is currently being redone as a movie quadrilogy, with each two-hour movie basically retelling 6 episodes of the original series. I just watched the first one (the only one out right now, the second releases this summer) and although some scenes are shot-for-shot reproductions, there is also a fair amount of tonal change that helps makes the plot much more accessible.

The drawing is redone really well, and apparently the final movie is going to completely redo the ending to appeal to a more mainstream audience. I'm excited.

ALSO, apparently DBZ is in the process of being remastered in HD as well. I wonder if I'd consider buying that. I have fond childhood memories of watching that show at my cousin's house every week, and renting each movie on laserdisc (!) as soon as it came out.

Pure nostalgia.

Apr 2, 2009

You're not staying for Japanther?

(Los Campesinos)

Been on a bit of a concert tear lately, March was just too good to pass up with Cut Copy, CMW and the Junior Boys all bunched up. I wanted to get out to a few more as well, but never made it. It would have been nice to have gotten into the Born Ruffians, but luckily I've seen them before so it wasn't a complete loss.

Saw Los Campesinos tonight, which was a pretty amazing show despite the fact they only played for maybe 50 minutes. This is not their fault however, as they only have 50 minutes worth of music to their name right now. But I loved their energy and overall quirkiness -- they're going to go places quickly, especially after being critically lauded in so many top-whatever lists at the end of last year.

Coming up, I'm finally going to stay for Japanther! Or rather, I am seeing Meligrove again, who are once more accompanied by Japanther. Last time I saw them, we all left before Japanther came on and the ticket person by the door basically cried when we walked out.

"You're not staying for Japanther??" he said to us, looking genuinely completely crushed.

Consider this a make up, mysterious ticket selling hipster guy.

Patrick Watson will be playing Trinity St. Paul's later this Spring, but before that Metric is playing the Mod Club with Holy Fuck, April 14. I don't know if tickets are gone yet, but I. Must. See. That. Show.

After that, I think I need to take a breather. And by breather, I mean stop spending so much money.

I bought my Los Campesinos t-shirt tonight though, my little splurge.

I have a strange affection for band shirts, even though I try not to buy too many.

Consider it love in moderation.

Random albums I am currently excited about:

1) Mirah - (a)spera
2) Fever Ray - Fever Ray
3) Metric - Fantasies
4) Yeah Yeah Yeah's - It's Blitz
5) Cymbals Eat Guitars - Why There Are Mountains

It is, it seems, a pretty darn good month for fans of indie-music females both intro and extroverted. And fans of Built to Spill. Gooood times.



Apr 1, 2009

ahhhh

I feel like I've been hit with a tranquilizer dart. Awesome.

I feel like a certain medical student

In that, I find myself quite attracted to the unfortunately underage Yuna Kim after she won the World Figure Skating Championships last week. I didn't bother watching the women's since there were no Canadians in contention, but I did manage to catch the full long-program on Youtube HD, and I must say she really put on a show.

Of course, I assume she did, since I don't actually know anything about figure skating. But the NBC announcers sure seemed to say she did. And she set a world record, shattering 200 points in the new scoring system by SEVEN. (This is apparently a big deal, like running a three-minute mile for figure skaters. I have no clue either way; the judging rules all seem arbitrary to me.)

What I do know is she's 18. And she's a World Champion. And she trains with Brian Orser right here in Toronto (I assume because it's essentially Korea with lots of ice). She's also quite cute. This, all wrapped together, is an appealing total package.

Does getting older make me more open to dating girls below my half-age-plus-seven threshold? I used to be super opposed and completely unattracted to anyone more than one year younger than me. Am I starting to just care less, or am I turning into some sort of lecherous old man?

The real question however:

Do you think she's had any work done? I'm skeptical of those weak looking double eyelids...



Mar 27, 2009

The operation was a success

You know how everybody seems to be a doctor nowadays, I felt it my obligation to repair Ryan's broken Rock Band pedal. If I must say, I think it was a resounding success.

Rock Pedal, bass drum. A pedal barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's (probably 15,000th) bionic pedal. Rock Pedal will be that bass drum. Better than he was before.

Better, stronger, faster.

Mar 26, 2009

I am not good at planning meals

Nightcap

I'm totally ripping off Truehoop's bullets here, but I think it's unique in applying that approach to news. I'm probably just bored. And nobody is really ever going to read this. But it's for my own amusement, so bear with me and this way we can all have common conversation topics the next time I see you in person.

  • An absolutely thought provoking article in the Times about the subjects of what define art and photojournalism, and perhaps where those two are beginning to overlap. Particularly it looks at the infamous Obama red-white-blue graphic. Also, some fascinating insight into the ongoing discourse concerning art-as-appropriation. "Copyright lawyers have been arguing over Fairey’s appropriation of a news photograph of for his “Hope” campaign poster and whether it constitutes “fair use.” But no one has disputed that it is a work of art. But what about the photograph on which the poster is based?"
  • UConn was caught violating NCAA recruiting rules. I know this goes on everyday. Only a few days ago, there was a great article (also in the Times) about the seedy underworld of elite-amateur basketball all the way down to middle school. Am I the only one still waiting for a Nick-Nolte-from-Blue-Chips moment to actually go down any one of these days? I can absolutely see Tim Floyd walking out and retiring after USC wins a big game because he'd rather coach street ball kids on West Long Beach.
  • More talk from Waterfront Toronto this week, this time about renovating Queens Quay with at $192-million boobjob. Are these guys ever going to actually do anything? What happened to that Harbourfront plan? Oh, it turned into a condo. What about the Cherry St. project? On the back burner you say. East Don Lands? What? Ok, let's pour imaginary money into Queens Quay then. I like David Miller, he's got some great ideas. But please. Follow them up with action. I'll even pay taxes for it, I swear.
  • Oh the French. Can you imagine if, in Toronto, laid off workers of 3M barricaded the national manger in his office for a day, holding him hostage until he signed a deal to renegotiate with said-economic casualties? It'd be front page news. On the BBC website, this story barely made a squeak on the RSS feed. I kind of respect their proletariat-perseverance I suppose. Or as some may call it, "the crazy".
  • The CBC is letting go of 800 employees Canada wide. The Ceebs has never been a shining example of fiscal responsibility. It's a company that loses money, but is paid for by the people, for the people. Therefore, it is owned by, the people. To see it have to start selling off properties is painful, particularly when this affects a few of my personal colleagues. Hopefully the industry is going to bounce back eventually, or I'll be writing these blogs to nowhere for a very very long time.
  • North Korea is apparently going ahead with plans to test a long-range missile, says the Times in breaking news. Oh KJI. You whine about sanctions, run your country on hay, your people sleep in the dark because you don't have enough power, and yet you're building weapons... why? Even if you can get a single working nuke, do you honestly think you'd have the wherewithal to actually harm anybody but yourself with it? You're being watched by the world like Michael Jackson at a daycare centre. For pure entertainment though, you can never go wrong with a good North Korea story.
  • The Raptors won last night, but really, there is no winning with this team. Ever. Just look at the talent on our bench. We're horrible. Even our starters are suspect at this point, when they're not out ducking alimony payments and such. For the rest of this season, I'll be rooting for the Suns, who are keeping the hope alive with a tense win over Utah last night. Grant Hill turned back the clock big time. That's the difference between the Suns and the Raptors. Their glue guy is a former NBA MVP. Ours is a former Euroleague MVP. Oh well.
And finally, something to really get excited about.



Mar 25, 2009

Self-awareness

I came home tonight and was all ready to settle down with a glass of bourbon, when I sadly realized I actually polished the last of it off... uh... right before I left the house.

I was filled with a tinge of panic.

Luckily, I realized I have both juice and gin on hand.

Problem resolved.

After some deliberation, I've decided to try and turn this little corner of the internet from personal blog to a news blog. Essentially, I want to just post stories and thoughts on current events, linking to all the interesting news that I come across from my many trips around the internet.

I calculate I spend roughly 4 hours a day, on average, surfing the internet. I figure the least I can do is provide informative, conversational news, in a somewhat entertaining format. We will see how this turns out.


Mar 23, 2009

Keitha? That's a man's name!

No thanks to a little help from my fellow Battlestar Galactica fans, I must go buy myself another bottle of bourbon tomorrow. I must say my ruminations on the finale cannot be shared for fear of revealing spoilers (basically, just for Cammie), but rest assured I was not blown away in a good way.

I also watched the series finale of Flight of the Conchords this weekend. Not exactly a complex show, but it was quaint, unpretentious and incredibly funny television. It will be missed, and I'm hoping that both Bret and Jemaine go on to do more incredible, unique projects.

My recent days have been full of sleeping, eating out, and doing things with friends. This is wonderful. However (there doesn't always have to be a but!) I feel some balance is starting to be called for, and today I felt those darn pangs of productivity pulling at me again. Unfortunately, I was limited in my capacity to satiate those desires. You know, outside of reading a book. At least it makes me feel smarter.

Anyways, to make this a mostly television related post, I must say that for the past six weeks, I've been following Dollhouse with casual interest, not wanting to commit myself to the show due to its somewhat vapid acting, so-so debut episode and decidedly un-Whedonlike writing.

Well, this last weeks episode was some what of a breakthrough. It really was an excellent episode, probably a more solid chunk of television than anything else that was on TV Friday (damn you Battlestar...). My expectations are now raised. Please don't disappoint me.

Also, on an unrelated note, I am again watching Korea and Japan slug it out in the WBC Championship game. If Asians are so great at baseball, why aren't I more of a pro-star at softball? Clearly I should dedicate myself to it and drop this silly basketball business....

Mar 20, 2009

Flap-gate

Is it actually an issue that people are getting upset about some Ontario flags being made in China?

It's understandable you might want "patriotic" items to stay local, but saying that its national pride is so completely hypocritical that one can't really take that argument seriously.

A Flag costs $18, and you're upset about outsourcing that while you have no problem wearing $120 sneakers, not to mention typing on a keyboard connected to a computer all probably made in China as well?

Seems pretty weak to me.

Simple pleasures

It's funny how temperamental we are. The smallest things can brighten my day.

For example, I found two dollars when buying subway tokens today. I suppose somebody forgot to collect their change? Either way, finding money is always a bonus. My highlight found money moments are probably:

1) When I went to the ATM to get $60 and it gave me $160 for no reason
2) When I got cash back from those Loblaws self-checkout machines and it gave me $60 when I only asked for $40

Everything else is just loose change. Has that ATM thing ever happened to anybody else?

Anyways, settling in with the laptop to do some light work while soaking in another solid 4-5 hours of March Madness today. I am disappointed Minnesota lost yesterday, but my bracket is still in somewhat decent shape.

Syracuse kicking off the day. Life is good.

Mar 18, 2009

What I'm drinking


Bulleit Bourbon. 90 proof, smoky but silky. I'm normally sipping on plain old Johnnie Black, but I read about this on Uncrate and saw it at the LCBO. It also helps that the bottle and packaging have won product design awards. You could definitely mug somebody with this corked, solid glass bad boy.

*It's currently 4:17am, and let me tell you -- Bulleit and Life Brand sleeping pills do not a happy experience make. Feels... like... brain dead...

Presidential Matters



I also picked UNC to win it all, although I have them facing UCONN in the championship game.

Also, I love this little bit at the end:

"UNC, I picked you last year, but I'm picking you again. Don't embarrass me in front of the nation."

Talk about pressure, yikes.

Who are these people?

$43M divorce settlement not enough, Swedish countess says

I actually don't think I can imagine a world where you require $54,000 a week to maintain your standard of living. How do you spend $8000 on travel a week? Are you flying around the world every other day?!

That's just nuts man.

Mar 17, 2009

television goodness


After watching the first season of True Blood, I've been seeing a lot of Anna Paquin. All I can say is... enh.

With that in mind, here are the top five shows you probably haven't watched, but should:

5) Undeclared

Judd Apatow before Judd Apatow was cool. This was only around for I think two seasons, but it's hilarious. Think of a mash-up between Superbad and the O.C. and you have a rough idea of what this is like.

4) Mad Men

Drinking, smoking and impeccable men's tailoring have never looked so good. Also, an entire cast of well-written, well acted, believable characters. The most important facet of any good tv in my books.

3) Friday Night Lights

I've spent enough words praising this show in the past. Watch from the start. It takes time to get to know the characters, but you'll eventually grow so close to them even the simplest life experiences will draw your empathy to wondrous heights. Watching a show about normal life is boring, unless you feel like you care about the people involved. And if you stick with this show, trust me; you will care.

2) Spaced

This was the BBC show that made Simon Pegg (the guy from Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead) famous. It's a sitcom, and I would describe it as a mix of Seinfeld, Friends and Family Guy all rolled into one. Wildly entertaining, and although it may not be as perfectly crafted or timeless as the shows that sandwich it, it's probably less well known and so deserves some extra props.

1) The Wire

Actually, many people have already seen parts of this show, but to understand and appreciate it fully you really have to watch it through from beginning to end, completely. It's a masterstroke and fulfills all the potential for storytelling that television offers as a medium. It's a novel told one hour at a time, and one that speaks on everything from social commentary to the dark nuanced humour of our daily lives. It's informative, educational, argumentative and incredibly captivating. It also has lots of scenes of people shooting other people, which is like, totally awesome. This is the greatest television show ever made. ever.

Mar 16, 2009

One year later

Interesting.

Apparently I am the recipient of a 2009 Collegiate Circle award, presented by the Columbia Scholastic Press Association. The awards were for Sweat magazine, which I was art director for during my final year at Humber. Apparently because of the timing of Humber's publishing cycle, it was entered in the 2009 awards instead of 2008.

Still, surprising and welcome news.

For those wondering, it's the magazine with the chick showering on it, if you've ever seen that lying around my room. I will hence refer to that as my "award winning cover."

And for those who haven't seen it... uh, it's not what you think.

Mar 15, 2009

The best of Craigslist: January


Here are my personal favorites, from the early going's of 2009. These are all from the US, unfortunately, and mostly from the West Coast. Apparently either Craigslist just hasn't caught on quite as much here in the East (except NYC, naturally) or Toronto just isn't as witty and swarmy as we'd like it to be. But I refuse to believe that.

girl who dumped me over the phone at 1:30am - m4w

You called me at 1:30 AM to tell me over and over that you don't want to be with me any more. The problem is, I don't know who you are, and I tried to explain that.

In retrospect, it would have been more fun to play along, but I was a bit too groggy to think fast. Oh well, next time a wrong number breaks up with me, I'll be ready.

Give me a call if you want to practice dumping guys, I guess my number's probably in your phone now. Try to call before 10 though.


Dear Mr Scammer, I am sorry

Dear Mr. Scammer

I owe you a few apologies:

• I am sorry for responding and saying sure I am happy to engage in a bizarre business deal with you knowing full well it isn’t real.
• I am sorry you wasted time to print a horrible fake check.
• I am sorry you spent $4.90 UPS’ing it to me overnight.
• I am sorry for taking a few days to get back to you after I got the check and ask you for your phone number which you can’t give me. I knew that and still I emailed you for the phone number.
• I am sorry that I lied to you and said I could not find a western union office near me, making you look them up, emailing me a list and me telling you those two liquor stores are shut down.
• I am sorry that I lied to you about getting pissed at the western union office because they wanted $1.75 to cut a check and that I said that’s robbery and left in a huff. The truth is I never went there in the first place. Sorry for wasting your time that day.
• I’m sorry I lied the next day after you threaten to call the FBI and local police on me because I cashed your check and would not pay you. I knew you would not, but I wrote you an email begging you not to call the police and that I would pay you tomorrow after I cashed the check.
• I’m sorry that I lied the next day and said the western union office girl was rude to me so I left in anger, again delaying your money by another day.
• Im sorry I lied about sending the money to western union in your name vs the shipper so you could not pick it up. I realize this cost you a day or so.
• I am really sorry that I lied and said that the money order was at your western union, but off by 1 zip code making you drive 30 minutes to find out I am a liar.
• Your last email to me was justified. Obviously from your language you were pissed. The fact that as you "YELLED” and your grasp of the English language seemed to fade away like my Mom’s when she is livid showed me what a bad person I am.
• Your phone call from Africa? was upsetting because as you were trying to explain to me how to go down to western union and pay the $1.75 and you would pick up the fee, I realized how frustrated you were getting. I also lied about being hard of hearing and asking you to yell. Sorry.
All in all, I am sorry for sucking up your bandwidth. I realize that my actions probably sucked up 6-10 hours of your time and kept you from fleecing some gullible person in America.
Please forgive me. Go ahead and send me another forged check and I will send you my cash to your shipper. Please try me again. Even though I lied you to about 15 times I won’t do it again.
Your friendly computer person.
MHF

Wanted: time machine DESPARATE!!!

Desperately need a time machine to take me back 6 weeks in time, plus or minus a day. If you have a time machine and are willing to let me borrow it, or know of someone with an impending trip back in time, please let me know ASAP!

I will pay big bucks to have myself warned to NOT sleep with that tramp at the One and Only Bar on the Boulevard.

Tell me that she is very, VERY fertile that night in question, and has a whopping 3 STDs that I will get if I copulate with her.

VERY VERY IMPORTANT THAT I GET THIS MESSAGE!!!

I WILL WRITE YOU A BLANK CHECK IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES!

Key things that will let the me in the past know you are for real:

*Tell me that you know about the rubber ducky incident

*Tell me that you know that I pissed in my friends pool last week, when he was in it.

*Tell me that no matter how hard I try, the lesbian at Barnes and Noble will NEVER go for it, no matter how many sex books I ask her opinions on.

If I still doubt you- use this one-----

*Mention that you know I made out with my cousin when we were drunk at a kegger last summer- NO ONE KNOWS THIS BUT US TWO!!

VERY VERY IMPORTANT THAT I GET THIS MESSAGE!!!


To the Asian Girl Whom I offended with my Asian-ness - m4w

You: Asian, young(ish), cute, petite, left-of-center, cosmopolitan.

Me: The Asian guy you would never dream of giving a second glance.

Hi! I’m so sad that you were offended by my very presence at your favorite boutique coffee shop. Seriously, I was just there to do some work and maybe a bit of reading – I didn’t mean to draw attention to the fact that you too, are also Asian. I was just looking for a quiet place to sit, and the seat by you just happened to be open. It’s not like peed all over you, put my arm around your shoulder, and screamed to all the other patrons in a heavy Chinese accent, “She mine! You all stay away!”

After I sat down and pulled out Said’s Orientalism (no joke), you, in all of your ignorant glory, proceeded to loudly flirt with the nearest non-Asian man with a pulse to dissuade any romantic overtures from me. Lady, I already know you only date white guys; you don’t even have to open your mouth.

Ever since Chad took you out back in high school and made you the envy of all homecoming, you’ve understood the magical power of white boys. Your parents balked until they saw how well Chet treated you and made you so so so happy. You tell yourself you don’t see color lines, and that you’re ending racism by only dating white guys – and you give yourself a little pat on the back every night before dreaming of waking up with beautiful blonde hair. You’ve even thrown in a black guy or two, just to get back at daddy. Asian guys? Like, gag me with a spoon!

Hey, I applaud you. You’re totally progressive. Never mind all that bukakke stuff Jeremy keeps wanting to do (I wonder where he gets these ideas?). No need to worry about Scotty’s browser history pointing to asianteensluts.com. Totally normal! What red-blooded American man doesn’t want to bang a Japanese high school girl?

Honestly, if I were in your stilettos, I’d do the same thing. If white girls were all over me ‘cause of my nice, smooth skin, my mad computer skills and wispy peach fuzz, I’d ride that white stallion to all glory.

But since I’m 6’2”, 200 lbs. with 4% body fat and a PhD, I guess I’ll have to settle for one of our more racist Asian sistahs.

Mar 12, 2009

Sunshine lollipops



This ad is hilarious. Dave Perkins wrote an article in The Star about it just this morning actually articulating exactly my thoughts when I first saw it though:

Why the hell would the other guys agree to be in this commercial?

Isn't it bad for your ego to admit you're scared of a direct competitor? Even though he's been out of action for almost a year and coming off arthroscopic knee surgery?

I understand Nike sponsorship has some sway, but if I'm not sure I'd have agreed to this. It's a psychological advantage, and in the micro-sliced world that is professional sports, every little bit of an edge could be the difference between winning and losing.

Nonetheless.

Instant classic Nike ad. Right up there with Bo Knows, The Federov, and of course my all-time favourite, the Jordan 21 spot.

That's two out of the three original Pro-Stars! Sadly, Wayne's didn't make the cut. You gotta love that intro to the cartoon though.

"Pro Stars! It's all about helping kids!"

Yes I am that bored

It's a little tough to tell, but yes, that is a cookie.

Recipe courtesy Irene (via the New York Times)

I don't think I have it in me to enjoy baking. Every once in a while perhaps, but for the time, effort and patience involved, I'd much rather cook an actual meal.

More than likely, I'd feel different if I actually liked sweets.

Mar 10, 2009

When degradation works in our favour


There are perks to being a man.

You know how, as a society, we do this thing where something evil eventually becomes part of mainstream culture? I'm talking about the cycle where something starts off as an underground signifier, gathers counter-cultural momentum (usually with a young generation), becomes established and eventually is accepted as a societal norm. Some examples might include: Galileo's theory of the universe, electric guitars, dancing, smoking pot and Ellen DeGeneres.

Well, currently we are witnessing the gradual acceptance of a previously taboo activity. And it really, really snuck up on us.

Pole Dancing.

Think about this. Consider your reaction when you read the above statement. It was probably something along the lines of "Pole Dancing? That's not so bad. It's a good workout. I wonder if that place is free for stagettes?"

It's remarkable. There's pole dancing videos on YouTube, many of which are tutorials. Women appreciate the athletic coordination required and want to take lessons. There is a national championship for many countries, and some women are lobbying for it to become an Olympic sport.

Essentially, as a man, you fall into two camps on this one: you have a daughter, or you do not.

If you do not, this is a golden age for humanity.

If you do, this is the equivalent of growing up in the cold war era of whoredom.

The pole is proving an even crueler double edged sword than ever we could have imagined.

Say your daughter takes pole dancing lessons recreationally. Say she then falls on hard times. Well, she has all these skills already, what might a natural stop-gap employment option become? The greatest fear of every father -- nay, the sole purpose -- is keeping your girl off the pole.

Yes, I am aware having a skill set does not preclude a conscious decision. However, this is like sending your child to meth-cooking class for summer camp and saying the skills will prove useful in AP chemistry. Just don't use that knowledge for anything bad kids!

The YouTube factor (a very accurate gauge of day-to-day society I find) is even more amusing. Sights that we once had to pay money to sit in a sticky club for are now available at the click of a mouse for pre-pubescent teens worldwide. The bonus? It's legal and culturally justified! No content warning! No secrecy! No stigma! (OK, less stigma.)

Being in the no daughter camp, I'm not going to lie; I am greatly pleased by the fact that I can watch Miss Pole Dance Australia on a whim, or some chick who calls herself a "vertical ballerina", or a talent show that places pole-dancing right there alongside break dancing and stand up comics.

And for proponents who think it can be carried by it's technical merits solely? Please, go ahead. Take all the eroticism out of it. Make it as kosher as you'd like. But you'll sell me a bridge before I believe that if Nastia Liukin hoped onto a pole in her Team USA uniform, males wouldn't flock from the five continents to judge her technical score.

You can put an ugly sweater on Natalie Portman and call her dowdy, but sometimes there's just no hiding the truth.

It's a great time to be a man.

I hope I never have a daughter.

Speaking of black and white


If only one of Charles Chaplin's films could be preserved, "City Lights'' (1931) would come the closest to representing all the different notes of his genius. It contains the slapstick, the pathos, the pantomime, the effortless physical coordination, the melodrama, the bawdiness, the grace, and, of course, the Little Tramp--the character said, at one time, to be the most famous image on earth.

Roger Ebert
Allow me to perch upon my ever precarious soapbox por uno momento, in order to discuss a topic near and dear to my heart.

Times critic A.O. Scott just yesterday posted a video review of Charlie Chaplin's immortal classic 'City Lights'. If you have not seen this movie, I implore you not to watch the review. For some inexplicable reason he shows the entire last minute of the movie in it. Do not do yourself this disservice.

For those of you who are thinking "Charlie Chaplin?" and have now gone back to looking at your spreadsheets, please, I beg you, return.

'City Lights' is probably right up there with my favourite all time movies, and in a sea of three hour comic book spectaculars, Chaplin's greatest artistic achievement is 80 pure minutes of cinematic perfection.

No talking. No colour. No fancy effects or complicated plot.

Man falls in love. Man goes on adventures. Man woos girl. Hilarity ensues throughout.

Could there be a more distilled form of on-screen entertainment?

I mention this movie only because I dug it up from the bottom of a drawer a few days ago, and it is by sheer coincidence that I noticed the feature on the Times front page tonight. So I feel like spreading the silent film gospel a bit.

In regards to the Times, it's not that there is any special surprise ending. It's just that the final scenes of 'City Lights' are such a perfect, indelible memory in the context of a fantastic film, and watching it out of that context is like playing a single note in order to express the greatness of an entire symphony.

Anyways, if you haven't already done so, go watch 'City Lights'. Great things always deserve to be shared.

Mar 9, 2009

This was surprisingly fun to make


And so, I gave birth to my first semi-professional sports team logo. They want old school Charlotte Hornets colours (Upon hearing that, I told them all the players should wear Grape Jordon V's).

I figure it's a little sleeker in black, but since none of that's set in stone, I'll just say it took me forever to get that cityline right. I have to say illustrator is painfully complicated at times, compared to photoshop. Drawing things like, a basketball, or an equilateral triangle, require a little more effort than I'd care to exert.

Next up, more corporate newsletters. Huzzah.

Mar 6, 2009

Tending to my lawn

I'm starting to get that strange antsy feeling when you haven't had anything particularly important to do for a while. Part of me wants to go back to school. I'd do graphic design, or culinary school I think. Then afterwards, I could make a food magazine entirely by myself; cook, write, layout.

That would be so awesome...

Is this normal? Is it bad that I haven't been doing any wistful thinking about finding a job in my own field lately, but rather have been spending all my time doing freelance design gigs and cooking/baking random random recipes I find on food blogs? (including Irene's!)

No matter what you do, you always end up feeling like you wish you were something else I suppose. I guess until I actually find a job that I hold down for more than a year, I don't have all that much context to compare with. Still.

All I want is to enjoy what I do as much as I do what I enjoy.

Mar 5, 2009

Moving on up

Thought it was time for some new digs. I was getting a little cramped on the sidebar with the last layout, so I figured I'd upgrade and make room for a twitter feed. You know, because otherwise you wouldn't know what I'm thinking in between blog posts.

Baking cookies, watching Watchmen, playing basketball and meeting friends for drinks. Also, my moonwalk is coming along very nicely.




Mar 4, 2009

Don't get the wrong idea

I have been watching several of those makeup tutorial videos on youtube.

What began as an innocent foray into looking for attractive girls has taken a decidedly frightening turn.

I noticed recently that these makeup videos are increasing in both popularity and volume. Many of the most viewed videos every day are titled things like "Perfect lashes!", "Makeup for glasses!" or the ever popular and direct "Fresh 5 minute makeup routine".

One of these chicks in particular (Ricebunny, if you must make me say it) is particularly adept at video production, meaning although I have no idea what the hell she's doing or saying, I still find these clips somewhat interesting to watch.

Now, a reminder per today's theme: don't get me wrong.

The first, most important, and last reason I watched this video was because the thumbnail image for this video features this Ricebunny girl, and she is looking stab-my-friends-in-the-heart slamming.

She does this thing where she shows the final "look" first, then takes you through all the steps it took to get there.

Here is where things get weird.

Chalk it up to naivety and male ignorance, but I was absurdly disappointed (and impressed) to find that, without makeup, this girl is utterly, completely, absolutely average looking. She is a six, on her best of best days.

With makeup?

Nine. Perhaps a nine point one, depending on the tutorial (Personally, I am fond of "Romantic Valentine").

I didn't realize makeup could do this.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I understood the powers of makeup. I clearly just underestimated it. I thought at best, it could turn a 6 into a solid 8. But into a nine plus?

What can I trust in this world?? My life is topsy turvy.

Also, I now know more than I ever wished to know about applying mascara. Perhaps one day this will be useful. I am skeptical.

*****

I do not watch the Bachelor.

However, after seeing it completely dominate my RSS feeds today, I grudgingly clicked to see what all the kerfufle was about.

I must say, fake or not, if I was a fan of that show it would automatically be possibly the greatest reality television moment in history. I realize this is like saying I am the best mathematician in a prenatal ward, but it still was pretty awesome.

Whether or not this was actually real or completely scripted (or just 98 per-cent-scripted-real, like the Hills) watching the Bachelor dump his fiancee for the runner up was one of the most engrossing things I have ever seen. If it wasn't real, those actors should definitely be up for daytime Emmys -- I have never seen male awkwardness captured on film so accurately.

So Kudos to the producers of the Bachelor. You don't produce reality, but for one shining night, you crafted a show that presented the most recognizable of romantic train wrecks; one every man everywhere can empathize with.

Hats off.

Mar 2, 2009

Like and Basketball

As an avid basketball fan, I consider the sport to be more than merely athletic recreation. Like many armchair athletes who moonlight as professional stars at the gym, I definitely feel that running around with a bouncing ball has the ability to teach us more about life and our own personalities than we often care to admit.

You probably don't remember this, but a while back I made an analogy between dating and the NBA Draft. In many ways it was an imperfect metaphor because it applied for women only. The idea that women pick men in the same way NBA GM's scout talent is -- I think -- still a wonderful notion and often times painfully accurate in both theory and practice.

For the fellas however, I more recently have observed that our love lives are far simpler than the nuances of talent evaluation and drafting in terms of long-term potential.

Basically, dating for guys is scoring -- our goal is to put the ball in the bucket. If this seems oversimplified, pause to consider the many ways that this can be done.

The easiest way to score is a layup. You're close to the net, it's a high percentage shot and even if you miss, there's a good chance you'll be able to follow up with a rebound and put back, or at least create an offensive opportunity for your teammate.

Then there is the mid-range jump shot or baby hook, probably the most under appreciated but most difficult to master aspect of the game. Considering the majority of scoring occurs in this area, it is woefully disregarded in conversations about scoring in basketball.

Finally, there is the three-point shot. It is a niche skill, requiring both natural talent and a tireless work ethic to become accomplished from this range. With this one skill however, an athlete can easily be a professional basketball player for many many years, regardless of any other abilities. An excellent and consistent long range shooter is a valuable commodity for all NBA teams.

Now, parallel the above with how you approach women.

Layups are girls you can have easily. They're high percentage, easy to make and a comfortable place to spend the entire game. In the long run however, it can be difficult and unsatisfying to just make layups. I mean, sure, the easy score is always our ultimate goal. But in order to be a fully rounded player, these forays to the net have to be supplemented by a jump shot, otherwise defenders will simply sag off you and stifle your sole offensive option. It's just not feasible to be a basketball player and only know how to make a layup.

In short, chippies are great. But slashers are dime-a-dozen in the league (see: Gerald Green). We all know this. So you got to work on your game.

Three-pointers are girls you have a decent shot at getting, but frankly so much has to go right -- be it the setup from your teammates, the way the defense is playing, or how you're feeling that particular night -- that to consistently take nothing but three-point attempts is both foolhardy and unrewarding. Hitting a game winning three happens to all of us at one time or another, and it always feels great. But veterans know when to take that shot and when not to. They also know that percentages are what they are, so even if you take a good shot and miss from deep, there's nothing to hang your head about. Good shooters always keep shooting. Still, there is inherent danger. Even shooters need to have a sense of movement without the ball. Somebody who can shoot but can't get open or create their own shot will find themselves a liability in a game, easily guarded and ineffective against active teams (see: Jason Kapono).

Coincidentally, young players almost always become over-dependent on these last two skills. They are labelled as shooters, or slashers. So what separates the inexperienced from the real players?

The mid-range game.

There is no glory in this. Which is why it's a perfectly analogy for life.

Ever watch a sports highlight package full of mid-range jumpers? Of course not. They're boring. Everyone wants to talk about the dunks and the contested, fade away three's. This is exactly like women. When dudes get together, they talk about the time they went home with Swedish twins, or the party they got drunk and did three girls they can't remember in one night. Nobody gets up and yells about the chick who emotionally understood you through tough times, then thoughtfully bought you your favourite cold cut to pack for your work lunch the next day.

But where is the game won? Pure area-wise, and as follows, pure shot volume wise, more attempts are made in the mid-range than any other part of the court. Basketball is, ultimately, a midrange game.

So is life. Much like Jordan or Kobe, often guys learn that it's not about the flash, but instead it's about efficiently settling for what the defense gives you. And almost always, settling means pulling up for the 12-foot J.

It's not glamorous. But it's smart. You avoid incurring charging fouls. The defense stays off balance giving you better opportunities to get to the rim. And much like finding a woman, it's the stable, consistent mid-range jumper that's going to eventually butter the bread of the average man.

We live in in a world where everyone practices their threes and fancy circus shot layups. And naturally there are exceptions to every rule. Shaq doesn't need a jump-hook, and Reggie Miller didn't need to dunk on people.

But in the long run, for the other 96 per cent of us who aren't phenomenally gifted in one of those areas, it's the mid-range jumper that's going to keep us loving basketball. Our quickness may go one day, or our legs to shoot from range. But a guy who can make an open mid-range jumper consistently? He's going to be useful in any basketball game for the rest of his active life.

One day, I will learn to settle for that pull-up, as I would hope most men would. In real basketball, it is probably the skill I am working hardest at to improve, so that I can continue playing effectively into my older age. As far as this analogy goes however, I would definitely consider myself too dependent on my outside shot.

I predict maybe two people in the world will truly appreciate this post. But I had to get it out there.

The game is beautiful... what can I say?

Feb 27, 2009

How to not sound like a robot

I'm not a fan of voice mail.

Or answering machines.

Or any sort of voice messaging system, frankly, and I mean this both in terms of dialing in and having one myself.

Whenever I get somebody's voicemail, nine out of ten times I will simply hang up and call back later instead of leaving a message. I hate leaving a message. It's not that I am incapable of thinking fast enough to leave the most rudimentary of details (i.e. why I am calling). Rather, I find that more often than not, my ability to convey that basic information manifests itself in a way that makes me sounds like a babbling child.

My biggest flaw in this regard is not knowing when to simply hang up. I often say what I need to say, then proceed to follow with 30 seconds of 'um' and 'ah' noises, before I finally conclude with an epiphanus "...soooo yea! call me!"

There is a reason I did not enter broadcast journalism.

Conversely, in my attempts to be professional sounding, I have received myriad suggestions that my personal voicemail message sounds like I am applying for an annunciation quality assurance position.

In my defense, I purposely formalized this greeting for the sole purpose of job searching. I would rather seem like an over-organized freak then one of those dudes that just plays an R&B song for two minutes then the machine beeps.

Or was that pagers? Actually I think I did used to do that. Awkward.

Feb 26, 2009

Poladroidoscopy

I completely made that word up. It doesn't even remotely make sense, I just like the sound of it.

I must preface this somewhat long post by saying there is no real moral to this tale. The short form is I just read an email and was thoroughly, utterly and completely flabbergasted that it could have come from me.

If anyone has Yahoo mail, you might have noticed for the last year and a half they've been soft-selling their "new" version of mail, which is essentially a java Outlook clone instead of the typical Yahoo template (which is a lot more like gmail).

I finally clicked on it today out of curiosity (read: boredom) and was fiddling around when I realized I had over 15,000 emails in that account. And I have two email accounts! Gradually I'm finding myself phasing out the Yahoo one and simply using Gmail for everything. Ironically, of course, Gmail has a theoretical storage limit while Yahoo does not, which was my original rationale for getting a Gmail account for online registrations and all the resulting spam.

Without getting too nerdy, I will just say that it's not often we can tangibly demarcate how our communication and human interactions have shifted from an off to online paradigm. Reading emails from three years ago is one of them. And I even recall deleting thousands of emails from that account some time ago, so I could have had more... but for some reason I got rid of them. I honestly cannot remember why, but it was vaguely practical. Faster loading times perhaps? But I digress.

My point being how silly the notion would have been 25 years ago that we could click a button and bring back a conversation from a completely forgotten era. And reliving a single conversation is like being able to essentially relive a moment in time. The same feelings come back, except now we have hindsight, which in some cases is not so much 20/20, but rather the difference between having eyes and not.

"Did I really say that?" Was a thought I often found myself uttering mentally. Sometimes, but thankfully rarely, punctuated with a "Damn. That's embarrassing."

I've sent many emails I regret. This is the real point of this post.

One would hope as one grows older and wiser, these unfortunate emails become increasingly rare.

I feel ashamed, really, still, from some of those emails. I can't even describe it.

I need to shower.

Feb 23, 2009

Budgeting

I have no money.

But March is a veritable musical orgy in this city.

What to do...

I like how I'm feigning guilt, but in reality if I can find people, I'm totally going to at least a show a week.

At least.

Feb 20, 2009

OBAMAOBAMAOBAMA. Canadiana?

A little overkill on the media coverage today (or yesterday I suppose, for you normal sleeping folks).

There's this clip where a teenager is screaming because she touched the president. Like, literally screaming, as if this were a Backstreet Boys concert circa 1999. Incredible.

The fact that this guy has something like an 87 per cent approval rating amongst Canadians is even more interesting to me. What is it about this country that loves him so much? Is it his charisma, which we are so completely unused to seeing from politicians? Are we simply pining for a Trudeau redux? Is it the fact that Jay-Z and Beyonce had front row seats to his inauguration, and that's just how Canada rolls?

It's crazy. Granted, our own guys are about as endearing as sacks of potatoes wearing Sears suits. But still... wow. And why? Well... isn't it obvious? Because Obama reminds us of... us. And that makes us feel good about ourselves.

I guess it's important to understand in all this how different we, as a country, still really are from our lovely neighbors to the south. To truly understand how amazing it is that Obama was elected president, just take a gander at stories like this one, from the Times.

Can you even imagine this ever occurring anywhere in Canada? I don't care if you're in the most wheat-covered corner of Saskatchewan, or the middle of an Albertan oil patch. Nobody is going to shoot down a high school edition of Rent because of questionable content. It just isn't going to happen. I mean, parents might oppose, but a high school of Canadian students would never stand for that kind of censorship. The play would go on. Guaranteed.

I think we forget that, unlike Canada, where the general populous is so often a diverse-yet-heterogenous cultural tapestry that just suffixes our ethnicity's after the word 'Canadian', there are still a whole whack-load of people in the states who think George W. Bush was a great president, and that Iraq is still going to nuke us.

We like to think we're liberal up here, but often we don't understand just how far we've evolved as a country in so little relative time. Even compared to a lot of Europe, where smokes, sex and booze are as common as Tim Horton's coffee, our standard cultural deviation on things like social welfare, rehab, immigration, gender and racial equality... we're right there, arguably tops in the world.

So yes, I love Obama. But I would never want to have to live in a country that NEEDS Obama.

Canadians love Obama basically because he wants to turn the US into Canada. He's the embodiment or our intrinsic inferiority complex, and we think he's amazing. This is the same reason nerds love him. And minorities in general now that I think about it.

So yes. I like the dude.

But if anything, he's just a reminder of how much I like living in Canada.

Maybe if people expressed as much enthusiasm about our own country as we do about the one below us, instead of living our lives being self-deprecating, we wouldn't be so star struck by guys like Barack.

Feb 19, 2009

When chopsticks themselves are a novelty

Strangely enough, I have had several conversations regarding the Chowhound forums over the past few weeks, and eventually we always end up laughing at good old Charles Yu, this dude who posts intensely detailed reviews in a very helpful and knowledgeable manner. Perhaps not so coincidentally, all these conversations occur between the same three people, so maybe we're just huge nerds.

Anyways, for those who don't frequent Chowhound, Charles Yu would be the equivalent of Mahjongmaniac (aka The Pochacco guy) on RedFlagDeals.

And if none of these references make sense to you, then you have already judged me. So let's move on.

Anyways, I always find it surreal when people on Chowhound swoon over common restaurants in the suburbs. Places along the Hwy.7 strip that I would go for family meals every week or so, sometimes get all this fancy praise heaped on them, with flocks of foodies making treks from downtown just to get a taste.

This blows my mind. I mean, I feel like being Chinese has so spoiled my perception of the food I consume daily that my standards have been skewed. I'm like a guy who's been dating Minka Kelly and now is no longer impressed by the likes of a Kristen Kreuk. It's madness.

It takes a lot more for a Chinese meal to impress me than any other cuisine, and I can probably only list on one hand the number of times I had Chinese food and was completely blown away.

I have never had this conversation with any non-Chinese people before, so I am curious if this ungrateful phenomenon applies to all cultures. I would imagine the appeal and novelty of different ethnic flavours always carries some clout in a dining experience, so to some extent this is not an uncommon thing.

But still. When people are making a ruckus about restaurants you've already filed under "good on an average scale", it makes you reconsider your edible world, y'know?

And great. Now I'm hungry. If I ever became a food critic, I can already tell I'd be one of the fat ones.

Feb 18, 2009

Snow!

That last week of temperate weather really lulled me into a false sense of spring. I was quite surprised to see snow out my window today. Not that I'm angry, I guess I had just taken for granted that there's probably another several weeks of bitter winter goodness to come. Tobogganing anyone?

I'm starting to run low on essentials. I'm all out of Johnnie Black (both bottles!). Half my Bacardi Black is gone. I still have an unopened Beefeater on my desk, but I'm not going to bother making GT's to drink by myself. People need to come over for that kind of effort.

Also, still unemployed and bleeding funds. But I don't so much mind that part. I'd rather go out enjoying myself till the very end than saving up scratch and being miserable every day about it, y'know? I'm pretty optimistic things will turn up fine. They always seem to, although my parents are starting to worry a little bit about my unwavering self-assurance. I don't blame them. I do drink all their orange juice and probably account for half their monthly utilities bill.

I think if I did have more money to burn, I'd probably spend it on classes. I am currently aiming to improve my graphic design and guitar playing abilities. Part of me still believes I am somehow a prodigy at some instrument that I have never played before.

Every time I sit down in front of a piano, I think maybe now I'll be miraculously amazing at it.

In hindsight, this may be a rudimentary form of insanity. Rather, I like to think of it as harnessing my latent superpowers bit by bit...

Feb 11, 2009

The love post

You know what I've never understood about Valentines day? Hearts.

Hearts to me represent emotion, desire, passion, life.

These are all important facets of our romantic relationships. But in the end, the most important part of being in love is the brain. It's the ability to make logical choices in a process that celebrates insanity.

Without our brains, we'd all go crazy chasing our own tails in endless circles.

So be a trend setter. Give out little candied brains this weekend instead, with phrases written on them like "I know you're an asshole, but at least I can admit I am too".

It may not make your significant other swoon, at first.

But it will.

Once they've had some time to think about it.

Feb 5, 2009

frack

It took me almost a week, but I am now completely caught up with Battlestar Galactica, minus only those web episodes and that bonus movie with the half-asian chick in it. I'm too lazy to download a two hour movie at this point.

Anyways, if I have learned one thing from this show, it is this:

I want to marry Grace Park.

A quick IMDB search reveals that she was on Edgemont (She was? So that show gave us Grace Park and Kristen Kreuk? In retrospect it's the english-speaking Asian males wet dream.)

She was also a dancer in Romeo Must Die.

From humble beginnings indeed.

Feb 3, 2009

I officially hate the Raptors

*Apparently I am not the only one who feels this way. Globe and Mail reporter Michael Grange, who's job it is to cover the Raptors for a national newspaper, has decided to stop watching Raptors games.

Against my better judgment, I tuned into the game tonight to watch us get massacred by the Cleveland LeBrons.

I only watched the first three minutes then turned off the television in disgust.

- Wally Szczerbiak three (made)
- Missed layup by Chris Bosh
- Wally Szczerbiak three (made)
- Anthony Parker jumper (missed)
- Wally Szczerbiak three (missed)
- Jermaine O'neal travelling (TO)
- Mo Williams jumper (made)
- Chris Bosh jumper (made)
- Wally Szczerbiak three (missed)
- Offensive rebound Ben Wallace
- LeBron James, alley-oop dunk

CLE: 10, TOR: 2
The Raptors gave up a back-to-back-to-back three's to Cleveland's shooting guard to start the game. That's three times, on the first three offensive possessions. Another open jumper to Mo Williams on the fourth possession, then another open three to Wally Sczerbiak.

To compound the matters of this absolute futility that we call a basketball team, Ben Wallace gathered the offensive rebound off this fourth miss, in the middle of four Raptor players.

Also of note, the layup Chris Bosh missed on his first touch was a wide open lane, with Zydrunas Ilgauskas standing directly under the net in the restricted area.

Any number of NBA player would have dunked on Z and gotten the 'And one' call. Instead, Chris Bosh purposely avoided contact, and missed the layup instead.

For a team to give up the same open three point shot for the other team's best shooter four times in the first three minutes is absolutely unacceptable. I've given up on this team before, but after watching the first three minutes of this game, I knew they no longer even deserved a shred of my attention.

They're dogging it out there. And if they've given up on the court, why should I bother caring?

I hope the rest of the city and Raptors fans do what's right, and stop supporting them until they show something worth being supported.

To my own dismay, I couldn't help but check in on the score at the end of the first quarter.

Cleveland 37
Toronto 15

Long distance secret lovers

I have a problem.

In the past four days I have watched roughly 40 hours of Battlestar Galactica. My eyes hurt and my body feels like what I imagine a bowl of soft butter must be like.

Anyways.

Sometimes I get calls on my cell phone from numbers that I do not recognize. The most recent, after a quick google search, have been one caller from North Bay, and earlier today, somebody from Orange County, California called me (the O.C.!).

I know these are just wrong numbers, but sometimes it's nice to imagine someone completely out of the blue might happen onto your cell phone.

Like "Hello, this is the Anaheim Angels. We'd like to sign you as a relief mascot."

Yeaaa... that's the dream.